Super Bowl VII

What is this? A tie in the Super Bowl? 105 - 105?!?

Well, something about having Greg in the Super Bowl tends to make for very exciting games. In 2004, Super Bowl IV, Buffy and the Green Team faced off with Greg narrowly losing a championship by only two points (99-97). His loss made Buffy the only two time champion.

Green Team's roster back then was Brett Favre, Thomas Jones, Reuben Droughns, Eddie Kennison, Hines Ward, and Antonio Gates. While Droughns and Ward are still on the roster, neither were standouts this year. Then again, the now re-named Gang Green has never relied on superstars and instead has always patched together fearsome teams from the waiver wire and through savvy drafting. Quick, name one player that you'd associate with the Greenies. None right? Have they ever had a top five talent on the roster? Hard to say right?

But in the last four seasons, Gang Green has won three divisional titles and advanced to the Super Bowl twice (including this year). It can be said that Greg's team has been the best team from the Spunky Misunderstood Geniuses. Nobody has gotten more out of "no-name" talent than Greg, and we say that in the most respectful way possible. This year, they made two draft day trades -- one for Jerricho Cotchery and another for Randy Moss. The two wide receivers combined for 44 points in Super Bowl VII.

In fact, the top four players for Gang Green this season were all wide receivers. Moss, Cotchery, Bernard Berrian, and Hines Ward were all more consistent than the running backs (Brandon Jacobs, Ronnie Brown, Cedric Benson, Reuben Droughns) and the quarterbacks (Philip Rivers and Eli Manning). Even without researching, I'm sure there's no way that has ever happened before. Going into the big game, Gang Green was severe underdogs but stepped up to the plate to create the greatest game ever in Catch the Damn Ball playoff history. But more on that later. Let's look at where the Dirty Birds have come from.

Since capturing their Super Bowl title in 2002 (Super Bowl II), the Birds have been a wreck. The trade for Ricky Williams the following year -- in exchange for Michael Vick, Marvin Harrison, and Ahman Green -- devastated the team as Ricky started his sojourn into oblivion. The Bird have had three losing seasons since and while they've made the playoffs twice, they've been swiftly eliminated each time. Despite fielding a very deep team in 2002 (Vick, Harrison, Green, Corey Dillon, Plaxico Burress, Jerry Rice, Chad Johnson, Koren Robinson) the franchise has hit upon hard times.

However, this year, everything clicked as a stable of outstanding WRs emerged. Braylon Edwards, Wes Welker, Larry Fitzgerald, Plaxico Burress, and Greg Jennings enabled the Bird to go run-and-shoot every week -- dubbed the "Red Gun" in homage to the Andre Rison / Michael Haynes offense of the 1990s -- even as the running game (Steven Jackson, Rudi Johnson, Adrian Peterson) struggled with injuries. More importantly, Ben Roethlisberger and Matt Hasselbeck provided stability at the quarterback position.

For the last three years, the Birds have had great teams on paper, but have always been hobbled by a bad locker room culture and a hole at quarterback. This year, they ripped off seven wins in a row en route to a 10-3 record and a second place finish in the Inscrutable Drama Kings Division. Even trading away the best QB and WR in the land during the draft didn't stop them from turning in a stellar all-around season.

So what the hell happened this weekend? How did this tie occur? Well, on Thursday night, Big Ben and Steven Jackson started things off swimmingly for the Birds by scoring 32 and 17 points respectively. Meanwhile, Hines Ward only caught six passes for 8 points. Even early Sunday, it looked like the Birds would cruise as Braylon Edwards was on his way to another 20+ point day.

However, by the afternoon games, the tide was shifting. Gang Green's two New York stalwarts started going big. Both Brandon Jacobs (26) and Jerricho Cotchery (25) turned in season high performances. Gang Green's Randy Moss caught two quick TDs in the first half -- but ended up with "only" 19 points. Adrian Peterson, Jon's rookie of the year, turned in a Sunday night stinker and the Birds were left only fifteen points ahead with Philip Rivers to play on Monday night.

Rivers has been mercurial this season, as capable of 30 point explosions as he is of 5 point duds. Still, scoring 16 points didn't seem entirely out of reason. As the Chargers kept on racking up the points against the Broncos and Rivers inched toward 15 points, the Birds were destined for a loss. Then, around the third quarter, Chargers coach Norv Turner pulled Rivers; after he'd accrued exactly 15 points. Similar to the conference championship game versus the defending champion Monkeys (when LDT was pulled after just one explosive first half), the Birds were blessed.

What now? The game was over and both teams had scored 105 points. Fans were confused, the cheerleaders didn't have any "We Tied!" cheers, and ownership wasn't sure what to do. A quick meeting was convened between G-o-d, Allah, John Madden, and Bill Simmons and it was decided that in the spirit of the greatest game ever, and the friendship that exists between the two combatants, the Super Bowl VII trophy would be awarded to both the Dirty Birds and Gang Green. It was a King Solomon-like decision and the peasants rejoiced.

So, here are your 2007 Catch the Damn Ball co-champions, Greg and Jon!

Frenemies

Take a look at this snapshot from Week 11, the first time ever in the history of CTDB that good friends Jon and Greg haev both been in first place. Well, a few weeks later, it's happened again. The DIRTeByRDeeZ and Gang Green are champions of their respective conferences and set for a Super Bowl matchup. Both survived and threw down minor upsets, despite an ugly round of games throughout.

Greg, away on his honeymoon, rode the strong legs of fellow New Yorker Brandon Jacobs (17 pts) on the way to a comeback victory Sunday night. The matchup versus the Fobsters provided few pyrotechnics as Tom Brady and Randy Moss were sleeted out and put up only 5 and 9 points respectively. Still, Jimmy's team had good performances by RB Earnest Graham (19) and WRs Chad Johnson (10) and Jason Witten (15). With such a low scoring matchup, that was almost enough as the Fobsters ended Sunday with 63 points. However, Greg countered with Philip Rivers (13 pts) and Hines Ward (11 pts) and while they didn't have spectacular games, it was enough to make up the difference over the Fobsters, preserving their number one seed and a spot in the big game.

The Dirty Birds might have won by almost twenty points on paper (102 - 84) but the game was much closer than that in reality. At the end of the morning's games, they had only scored 90 points total, with Evan's big three of Peyton Manning, LaDainian Tomlinson, and Terrell Owens still to play. Well, Oakland "shut down" Peyton to the tune of 17 points, Owens alligator-armed his way to 4 points, and LDT was pulled after putting up two touchdowns and 24 points in the first half. The Monkey's kicker Martin Crosby had 16 outstanding points but that was negated by the stiff Patriots Defense of the Dirty Birds, who had 18 points.

For Jon, it was Steven Jackson leading the way with 24 points and QB Matt Hasselbeck contributing 18. The big difference in the game though, was the quality of the receivers. Braylon Edwards, Larry Fitzgerald, Greg Jennings and Wes Welker scored 45 points combined. Evan's Owens, Brandon Marshall, Roddy White, and Antonio Gates combined for 19 points. In fact, White and Gates didn't score at all thsi week.

So what will happen next week? Well, considering the Dirty Birds have scored 90+ in every weeek this season while Gang Green has only eclipsed that plateau six times (with sub 80 point games three weeks running), this should be a cakewalk for the tremendously talented Birds. However, anything can happen and with all the great mojo generated by Greg this year, might a super upset be in order?

In a post-game press conference, Jon was quoted as saying, "Now that we're both here, it doesn't really matter who wins to me. Sure, I deserve (another) ring but I think it might be nice for Greg to finally win something, especially so close to the holidays and right after he got married. Shit. Who am I kidding? I hope I blow him out Patriots style! Go Dirty Birds! Do this for Vick!"

Playoffs: Conference Finals

Chunky Monkeys vs Dirty Birds
There's a lot on the line here, that's obvious. It's two former champs facing off for the chance to secure a second championship. For the Birds, it's been four long years since their Super Bowl win. For the Monkeys, it's just two more victories until they repeat -- something nobody has ever done. Despite a roster simply brimming with talent, the Birds could have easily lost their first playoff game if heavy underdog Buffy had played Marion Barber (33), Kevin Jones (22), or Willie Parker (16) over the combo of Jamal Lewis (25) and Travis Henry (8). GM Yang would like to take it as a bullet he dodged but the truth of the matter is, the Birds deserved this victory, they needed this victory, and they got the victory.

Looking ahead to a huge conference championship, it'll be the three headed monster of Peyton Manning, LaDainian Tomlinson, and Terrell Owens. Even with a first round bye, Evan made his presence known by throwing up 141 points. With the Big Three chipping in 60-70 points a week, it'll take just one more player to step up and give the Monkeys some support. The question is will it be Antonio Gates (great draft day trade), Brandon Marshall (great draft pick), or Roddy White? The one sure thing is that we won't be seeing Monkeys' stalwarts Larry Johnson and Anquan Boldin on the field. Both are injured and in Larry Johnson's case, that's a great thing.

The Dirty Birds are truly taking to the skies this year as they boast a five headed receiving corps of Larry Fitzgerald, Braylon Edwards, Plaxico Burress, Wes Welker, and Greg Jennings. All five are in the top dozen WRs in the league. The biggest question is who to start? Braylon and Wes are no brainers. Larry has been consistent but also injured. Greg Jennings has been a revelation paired up with Brett Favre. Will Plaxico's inconsistency make him the odd man out? This is all assuming of course, that the Birds go run-and-shoot, but they could still pick between Steven Jackson, Adrian Peterson, and Rudi Johnson as their RBs. Did somebody say lineup headache?

The Monkeys have a cake walk of a schedule for all of their major stars and here's hoping Peyton sits out the second half. The Birds have a great chance of knocking off the reigning champs but they'll have to predict the future like Nostradamus in order to do it. We'll call it an even matchup with a coin flip deciding the winner. My heart says (a bit biased) Birds so we'll go with them for a minor upset.

Fobsters vs Gang Green
Do you realize that the first three owners in this year's supplemental draft was Jimmy, Jon, and Greg? And now all three are in the conference finals. Along with Evan, these are the only three teams that had winning records this year too, as the other two playoff participants (Buffy and Fat Jubas) sported losing records. The Fobsters, having a Cinderalla season, wasted no time punishing the Fat Jubas. Sporting the never before seen Three Tight End Attack, Jimmy's team had Jason Witten go for 24 points and Tony Gonzalez pop off for 16. Kellen Winslow was slow with 5 points but he usually does better.

More importantly, Tampa Bay's RB Earnest Graham has 20-16-14-22-25 points in his last five starts, indicating that he's a top five running back over that span. Earnest who? While the loss of Reggie Bush (out for the season) will certainly hurt, he looked better in the lineup than on the scorecard anyway. Behind Graham's 25 and Tom Brady's 45 points, the Fobsters dropped 136 points on the heads of the Fat Jubas. Eric's team could only muster up 94 points behind late season find Ryan Grant (22) and wasn't ever in serious contention anyway.

Who's the Fobsters' opponents this week? How about Greg, just married and out on his honeymoon this week. While he's already the happiest man alive, perhaps a fantasy championship would bring an extra bounce to this step this Christmas season. It'll be tough going though as his team is severly depleted and lacking a running game. Rueben Droughns and Warrick Dunn are Tier 3 running backs at best. Even with the indomitable Randy Moss, flanked by Hines Ward and Bernard Berrian, this team has trouble putting points on the board. It may be time to go run-and-shoot by adding Jerricho Cotchery to the mix. Another area of concern is at QB, as Philip Rivers and Eli Manning are both very average fantasy-wise (and maybe worse real football wise). Who can Greg call upon to drag his team to a championship? Randy Moss can't do it alone; can he?

We're predicting a huge blowout by the Fobsters, not because we want to wish ill will toward Greg but looking at the matchups on paper, who would you rather have as your best player? Tom Brady or Randy Moss? Exactly.

This game should be dubbed the "Thank You Jon for Giving Us These Patriots" game.

Playoffs: Round 1

Shanghai, China

Fobsters (8-5) vs Fat Jubas (6-7)
Who would’ve thunk this. If it weren’t for an unbelievably easy season for Gang Green, Fobsters would’ve likely cruised to a first round bye in what is going to be their first playoff appearance as a franchise (including the former Skool franchise). This is the same Fobster franchise that has NEVER had a winning season. Fast forward to 2007 - the Fobster rolled out to a 8-3 start. Excluding a 2 game slide at the end of the regular season, the Fobsters had a terrific regular season. The franchise was the 3rd highest scoring team this seasons -leading to its best season as a franchise so far.

The Jubas on the other hand, stumbled into their third straight playoff appearance. Remember this is the defending Superbowl Runner Up from 2006. The team averaged less than 85 points per week and enters the playoffs with a sub .500 regular season record.

QB – No contest here. Fobster’s Tom Brady is the MVP this year. The guy is the man. He will be facing Jubas newly minted Derek Anderson. Sure Anderson has a good matchup this week against the Jets. The dude even has legit facial hair in his Sportsline image. But this ain’t even fair son. Make Brady play with his left hand! EDGE: FOBSTERS

RB – Its unknowns versus the even more unknowns. Outside of Reggie Bush, the other scheduled starters are Earnest Graham, Ryan Grant and Kolby Smith. Entering the 2007 draft, my guess is that 0 GMs in this league knew any of the three or even had any of them on their draft boards. Smith is a sleeper. He has looked legit in his recent games. Even Ryan Grant has been very solid. This could be a very underrated backfield for the Jubas. While Fobsters have the name, dig a little deeper and you’ll find that Mr. Bush actually has been quite ordinary. The man hasn’t had any signature long runs and really hasn’t produced like a top pick. EDGE: EVEN.

WR – This is where it gets interesting. The Fobsters have typically trotted out 2-3 tight ends as their featured receivers each week. This week will feature Winslow and Witten to go with CJ. Its worked as Winslow and Witten have been redunkulous this year. Outside of the re-emerging Colston, we like what the Fobsters have – especially against a weaker TE in Cooley and a slot pull in Dwayne Bowe. EDGE: FOBSTERS

Prediction – Jubas will play big this week. They have to. But it won’t be enough. Fobsters by 2 touchdowns.

Dirty Birds (10-3) vs Buffy (6-7)
The Dirty Birds gave up Moss and Brady and are still the second best team in the league (probably the best team at this point). This is a team that currently has Adrian Peterson, Plaxico Burress and Rudi Johnson on its bench. AP will likely start this one but we are talking about probably the most talented and deepest roster in the league this year. We haven’t even talked about the starters – SJAX, Fitz, Braylon, Jennings and Mighty Mouse Wes Welker. Sheesh.

Buffy is no slouch either. Forced to go away from his signature run n’ fun offense, Buffy has had an up and down season as well. Like Jubas, the benefited from a highly bifurcated division and enters the playoffs with a sub .500 regular season record. A 2 game win streak at the game locked up this slot for the Buffy team.

QB – Carson Palmer versus Ben Roth. This is a great great matchup. Carson is playing a terrible STL pass defense while Ben is playing NE. EDGE: BUFFY

RB – We’ll likely see the return of Rook Wonder, Adrian Peterson this week. With AP and SJax in the backfield, this is the best run game in CTDB in 2007. No question. Jamal Lewis and Fast Willie are fine – but they ain’t Peterson and SJax. EDGE: DIRTY BIRDS

WR – The Birds feature a receiver core that includes Braylon Edwards, Wes Welker, Greg Jennings, Larry Fitzgerald and Plax Burress. The Birds already have the best running game in the league – they also have the best passing game in the league. Torry Holt is still great but combined with D. Mason and Joey Galloway – the combined age of this receiving staff is near 100. This could get ugly really fast. EDGE: DIRTY BIRDS

Prediction – Neither game should be that close. There is a fairly big gap in terms of talent level here. Birds by 17 points.

Bye Bye Birdie

Fat Jubas sign M. Clayton WR and release S. Alexander RB

That transaction hit the wire and barely a yawn was heard. Internally, the Jubas recognized this as a momentous shift, but wanted to divert the media attention from their former hero. Of course, noted CTDB historian (and rival owner) Jon Yang wouldn't let this by quietly:

"Hahahahahahha! 2005 MVP kicked to the curb!"

Rumors that Shaun Alexander was rewarded at his locker friday with a subscription to Senior Living Today and a loaf of moldy bread to go with his pink slip were completely unsubstantiated.

With the waiving of Alexander the Great, the last and greatest vestige of the Fat Jubas 2005 championship run is now gone. GM Liao has been ruthless this year, cutting non-producers faster than a baby's foreskin.

GM Liao: "We came in with high hopes this year. Marc Bulger, Shaun Alexander, Frank Gore, Lee Evans, and Marques Colston were high on any pundit's talent list. It just didn't work out, and unfortunately, we've had to say goodbye to both Shaun and Marc. Starting off 2-6 is just completely unacceptable. We're gunning for the championship this year."

Lest you dismiss the previous as the wild rantings of a clearly delusional old man, history has shown the Jubas to be a very resilient team. Despite undergoing numerous changes, the Jubas have made it to the Superbowl 4 out of the last 5 years, including improbable runs in 2003 (regular season record 6-7) and 2002 (regular season 5-8). And the team has shown some spark lately, led by waiver wire pickups Brett Favre, Priest Holmes, Justin Fargas, and Dwayne Bowe, capped with a stunner over the Chunky Monkeys last week.

The Jubas are now neck and neck with the Battle Nuggets for the last playoff spot in the SMG division. Have the Jubas' claws come out too late? Will Shaun's ghost come back to haunt them? Stay tuned.

Switching Gears

Shanghai, China

News around the league have indicated that Monkeys' star runningback, has suffered a setback in his foot injury and is now likely out for the season. Johnson's injury has forced a major shift in the Monkeys' lineup - of which depth becomes a major issue. In the first significant lineup change in years, the Monkeys have revealed that the team will temporarily move to a run 'n gun formation utilizing 4 receivers with LT as the lone back in the backfield. According to Monkeys' GM, Evan Shiue, in his weekly update news conference, "We don't know yet if this is a permanent move but we'd like to give Brandon Marshall a shot. We have some flexibility with moving another runningback up to LJ's old position, particularly with Lendale playing well, but we wanted to try a more pass oriented offense against the Jubas this week"

ESPN fantasy football analyst, Mike Karabell, was concerned about the recent developments. "For the past several years, depth and bench players have never been an issue for the players. It was a given that you start Peyton, LT, LJ, TO and Quan. The only question was who would be the 3rd receiver and with the trade for Gates, that was even supposed to be an easy answer. With LJ out, the draft results of 2007 will be put squarely into the public eye. I like what the Monkeys' have done with Brandon Marshall but I'd like to think that White, Norwood and even Watson give the Monkeys pretty decent depth at the runningback position. We'll see. This isn't good news at any rate."

Record Setter!

After suffering a Week 1 beating at the hands of defending champion Chunky Monkeys (93-129), the Dirty Birds came prepared to play in Week 9. Well, actually, rookie sensation Adrian Peterson came to play. While 47 points isn’t our all time individual high, the way Peterson cut up a Charger Defense for a record setting 296 yards and 3 TDs was impressive and unparalleled. He led to a 117-105 win over the Monkeys.

The Birds have experienced quite a resurgence this year as QBs Matt Hasselbeck and Ben Roethlisberger have averaged over 20+ points apiece. Despite the lack of production from RBs Steven Jackson and Rudi Johnson, the Dirty Birds possess possibly the best receiving corps in the league.

Larry Fitzgerald, Plaxico Burress, Braylon Edwards, Wes Welker, and Greg Jennings represent five of the top 20 WRs in the league. Braylon (141), Wes (132), and Plaxico (120) are all in the top six for unadjusted receiving points. Edwards in particular has emerged in his crucial third season in the league.

With six wins in a row – still 60 points back of first place though, to the Monkeys – the Birds are looking to return to championship contender status. If Peterson can find a running mate in Jackson or Johnson, then Jon could truly field an offensive powerhouse. Here’s to records and another championship!

Mid-Season Review: Part 2

Much like the Spunky Misunderstood Geniuses, the bifurcation of the haves and the have-nots are abundantly clear. Two dominant teams, a waffling .500 team that will likely backdoor into the playoffs and two teams that are just not having very good years. It’s the identity of those teams that are surprising. Lets get right to it.

Gang Green (7-1)
Tied for the top record in the league, Gang Green has gotten off to a fantastic start and is almost a known certainty to make the playoffs this year. The team is on a 3 game winning streak and has clearly been helped with newly acquired Randy Moss which was probably the best acquisition in franchise history. The team remains weak in several areas including quarterbacking and running backs but has gotten over the hump mostly with good matchups. In the teams 7 wins this year, the opposing teams have averaged barely 70 pts per contest. In fact, Green only averages just over 90 pts per week and while that is serviceable, we wonder if that is good enough to get over the likes of the storming Fobsters or even any of the higher ranked IDK teams. For now, 7-1 is pretty good.

Fobsters (6-2)
The Skool/Fobsters franchise has been clearly the worst in history. The franchise has never had a winning season and suffered through a record worst 0-13 season last year. With a .364 win percentage since 2001, this has been a franchise that has been unable to turn the corner … until 2007. Led by the incomparable Tom Brady, who was stolen from the Birds with an 8th round (equivalent) pick, and the first ever receiving core to feature two tight ends (Fobsters even have Kellen Winslow on the bench!), the Fobsters are launching themselves into their first playoff visit in many many years. Unorthodox? Yes. Successful? Yes. The team is third highest scoring team in the league behind the Birds and the Monkeys and its hard to argue with their success. This has got to be comeback franchise of the year or of the last 5 years maybe.

Battle Nugget (4-4)
Our resident waffler. The team has suffered from inconsistent scoring which shows in its 80 point scoring average. Outside of the ever consistent McGahee, the Nuggets have suffered from the injury to Andre Johnson, the terrible play of Brees, Steve Smith, Maroney, Julius Jones and Donte Stallworth. While the Nuggets will likely make the playoffs, its inconceivable for us to see them do much in the playoffs unless these players get it together.

Philadelphia Phreaks (2-6)
This proud franchise is suffering through its worst season since the 2-11 2003 season. While Donovan seems to playing better, its clear he has lost a little something as he battles back from injury. McNabb had a great week 3 but that has been surrounded by very mediocre weeks including a 4 point performance in Week 4. Marshawn Lynch looks to be a successful draft pick which will likely turn into a long term keeper selection. Housh has been great but Roy Williams, Thomas Jones and all the other skill players have been very mediocre. The team is only 2 games back but its got a lot of catching up to do even if it is able to make the playoffs.

Fat Jubas (2-6)
Call them the Saints of CTDB. The Jubas were the team in last year’s superbowl with a narrow defeat to the Monkeys. This is a team that has not had a sub .500 season since 2001. What in the Moses is going on? With extremely disappointing performances from their keepers including a now realized oft-injured Frank Gore, a rapidly declining Shaun Alexander, a pogo-stick performer in Colston and the Jekyll and Hyde Lee Evans, the Jubas have had no success at consistent play. Even impressive rookie, Dwayne Bowe, has hit the rookie wall. Probably most importantly, the team is currently starting Brian Griese at QB. We are talking about the lowest scoring team in the league that isn’t scoring 80 points per week. GM Liao has been defiant and imploring his team to get on track … perhaps a gift of the orange box to each of the players will help.

Mid-Season Review: Part 1

The Inscrutable Drama Kings Division has never seen such, well, division. There are three clear cut playoff teams and it’s only week nine. Can Ante Up or Tiiite End Jammers put up a fight in the second half of the season? Time will tell!

Chunky Monkeys (7-1)
While the Monkeys have already suffered their first loss of the season (WK2, to Gang Green), they are well on their way to another regular season championship. Despite a slow start by last year’s MVP, LaDainian Tomlinson, the Monkeys have scored over 100 points in every game but one. They recorded an outrageous 156 points in WK 7 and easily lead the league in points scored. The draft day trade for Antonio Gates has paid dividends as he’s averaging a cool 15.7 points per game. Peyton Manning has proven to be as consistent as expected and now that LDT is starting to find his stride, the Monkeys might have another gear for the second half of the season. Areas of concern include Larry Johnson’s slow start but Terrell Owens and Anquan Boldin (who’s hurt yet again) are picking up the slack. The Monkeys can pretty much start preparing themselves for the playoffs as they could hit cruise control and still manage home field advantage.

DirteeByrdeez (6-2)
After trading away potential MVPs Tom Brady and Randy Moss, the Dirty Birds find themselves doing better than they have in many years. The receiving corps has really stepped up behind sensation Braylon Edwards (19 pt avg), Plaxico Burress (17 avg), and Larry Fitzgerald (11 avg). Add in recent acquisition Wes Welker and the Birds are flying high. Then again, they have to because the two starting running backs, Steven Jackson and Rudi Johnson, have been terrible. Thank god for first round pick Adrian Peterson, who has given the Birds’ offensive an explosive running game. With the steady Matt Hasselbeck at the helm, the Birds are having the best season they’ve had in quite some time. Can they keep it up with SJax and Rudi hobbling and ineffective?

Buffy (4-4)
After opening the season with a three point win over Ante Up and then a 163 point explosion in WK2, Buffy was looking like a world beater. Then reality set in as they failed to score 100 points again until this week’s victory. Buffy is at an even 0.500 and is certainly not bereft of talent but the simple fact of the matter is that Buffy is less explosive than in years past. Torry Holt, Laveranues Coles, and Joey Galloway are all having steady seasons with a few 20+ games. Running backs Travis Henry and Marion Barber have been sharing time in the backfield with some success. Willie Parker has been steady with the yards but has only scored two touchdowns. Aside from one 53 point explosion, QB Carson Palmer has only been average this season. With a balanced team, Buffy should be able to grind it out and lock up a playoff spot this season.

Ante Up (1-7)
After a winning seven games last season, Ante Up will be hard pressed to match their win total from 2006. With just one win so far, the playoffs might already be out of reach for Jae’s team. While Reggie Wayne has stepped up in Marvin Harrison’s absence with 16 points per game, Donald Driver, Santonio Holmes, and Chris Chambers have been very inconsistent. Jae’s hoping that Roddy White can step in for some quality time but the bigger problem maybe at quarterback where Jon Kitna has hit an extreme cold streak after starting off the season on fire. Early on, it looked like Edgerrin James was back to star status but he’s proven to be up and down again during the last five weeks. Only RB Brian Westbrook has been dependable for Jae but he’s also missed two games already. Can Ante Up pull it together for a much needed winning streak?

Tiiite End Jammers (1-7)
After going 7-6 and making the playoffs last season, Lei’s team has hit rock bottom. Aside from the spectacular play of Tony Romo (27 avg) and Joseph Addai (20 pts per), this team is looking thinner than thin. WRs Marvin Harrison and Javon Walker have been injured and ineffective. Their backups Deion Branch, Darrell Jackson, Bobby Engram, and Patrick Crayton are hardly worth playing. There is no passing game here. While Clinton Portis has been grinding it out, he’s been below double-digits four times in the last five weeks. Making things worse is that Lei has faced the toughest schedule by far this season, as every opponent has passed the century mark against them this season. The one time the Jammers scored 101 points, the Monkeys slapped them down with 123 points. Hopefully Lei’s team will face an easier road the second half of the season as Harrison and Walker add something to the aerial attack.

Such Great Heights

Can it be? A winning record for the Fobsters? After nearly being booted by the powers that be, the mighty Fobsters have finally assimilated into our culture by matching their win total for the last two years -- and it's only Week 3. That's right, after a 2006 season spent going 0-13 and a 2005 season at 2-10-1, Jimmy's finally got a winning record and a team that can do something!

Hell, the Fobsters are leading their division in scoring and are sitting at a lofty second place. What in the name of Thor's hammer is going on here? I guess having two consecutive #1 picks will lead your team to something right? Even after a less than stellar supplemental draft, the Fobsters were heading into the season with new hope because a true QB was on the roster, Mr. Tom Brady, acquired for the cheapo price of a mid-round draft pick. While the two Saints running backs, Reggie Bush and Deuce McAllister have yet to pick up their game, Carnell Williams is surging forward with more TDs this year than he had all of last year.

And in even better news, Chad Johnson is again a top tier receiver as his 71 points are a close second to Randy Moss. The other WRs on this roster aren't too shabby either. Ronald Curry had a breakout first week before cooling off...just in time for Vincent Jackson to finally get a serviceable performance. On top of all that, rookie Calvin Johnson hasn't been too bad himself -- despite a recent injury.

It looks like the Fobsters are finally able to pick up a few wins, put up a few points (115 and 129 the past two weeks), and join the big boys. During this week's champage soaked parade through Chinatown, team owner Jimmy was quoted as saying "Wo ai U-S-A!"

Game of the Week

Los Angeles, CA --

After opening the season with two road games, Buffy will host 2006 CTDB Champions Chunky Monkeys in the Game of the Week. Buffy is living up to the bill of being CTDB's version of the Patriots, while the Monkeys are looking more like the Chargers than the Colts. Oh, the irony.

When asked about the game after practice Tuesday morning, GM Roger Cheng said, "we're focused on this weekend. It's our home opener, the guys are glad to be back. It's never easy opening the season with two road games, but we came out 2-0, and focusing on the Monkeys." Buffy was able to squeeze out a nail biter in week 1, and laid the classic Buffy smackdown on the Jammers in week 2.

ESPN's Chris Mortensen is reporting some feuding in the Monkeys' braintrust. Apparently some in the organization feel that GM Evan Shiue has been making some wrong moves prior to the season in making trades and drafting. When asked about this, Shiue calmly replied, "we're staying the course. We're the champions, and until we fail to repeat, we're still the champions. I stand by my personel decisions, not only is our team better this year, I have ensured that we'll continue to be better in the future as well."

During a subsequent call to Shanghai, GM Shiue did not sound very pleased when asked about the game this week against Buffy. "Look, we're the g*****m champions, I don't give a s*** if they've won it twice, we're gonna f****** win it this year, okay ? F***!!!" You can expect the Monkeys GM to be fined for his tirade, but things like this happen when you're a short Chinese guy.

When reached for comment about Shiue's outburst, Buffy GM Cheng had to offer, "I know they'd like to be me, but they can't be me, i'm bigger, I'm stronger, I'm faster...that might not directly mean wins, but who cares ? We have two rings, that means BLING BLING, they (Monkeys) just have BLING.

Without taking the time to analyze individual players, Monkeys by 12, despite home-dome advantage for Buffy.

MonkeyCameraGate II

Shanghai, China --

As NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell, deliberated on the surfacing reports of what is now known as CameraGate, relating to the illegal spy activities supposedly conducted by the Patriots, media reports began surfacing this evening that the investigation has uncovered another team. According to unnamed sources in the CTDB league offices, investigators are looking into mysterious spy cameras that were found planted along the DirtyBirds sidelines during their Week 1 loss to the defending Monkeys.

Reports indicate that league officials have interviewed Monkey coaches as well as players. During the game, there were a number of times where it seemed the Monkey defense knew what players like Larry Fitzgerald and Rudi Johnson were going to run even before the ball was snapped.

A Monkey player, who asked not to be identified, told ESPN that "... those cameras were ours. But we didn't use them to spy on their defense playcalling or anything. I can't tell you what those cameras were used for but in any case, even if we didn't try to steal play calling signals, to be honest, there wasn't much to steal. In regards, to the allegations that we were tapping into their wireless signal ... that is just ludicrous. Coach Yang and his staff still communicate with their quarterback through that system where they use the cups and the strings. How do you tap into that?"

Monkey officials were understandably upset at the admission. "Those statements are just incorrect. We completely deny those allegations regarding the illegal camera placement. Those were not ours. For all we know, those could've belonged to the Birds except that they placed them on the wrong sideline for all we know." Coincidentally, team kicker, Josh Scobee was unceremoniously released earlier this morning.

A Rolling Moss Gathers TDs

What a week the Dirty Birds had! Tom Brady went out and tallied four touchdowns for 33 points. Randy Moss caught a whole bunch of those passes for 183 yards and a highlight reel bomb into the end zone. One of Randy's former teammates, the talented Ronald Curry, ripped up his Sunday for 133 yards and a touchdown. Add it all up and the Birds lose 93-129 versus the defending champion Chunky Monkeys. What gives?!

Oh right, none of these awesome performances were done under the banner of Bird. Brady and Moss were traded away for a third and fourth rounder respectively before the season started. Curry was drafted but then unceremoniously dumped (the injured Greg Jennings was kept instead) to the Fobsters. So basically, the Dirty Birds management made another egregious error by retaining the wrong keepers. In good news, Plaxico Burress had an eyebrow raising 37 points -- but wait, his quarterback is out for a month.

Rival GMs are lining up to trade with the Birds in hopes that one man's trash is another man's treasure. What can Coach Yang do when his other keeper receivers (L.Fitzgerald and B.Edwards) total 6 points combined? Ouch. Oh well, it looks like nobody wants to play hard for a bottom dweller. A change of scenery seems to have done Brady, Moss, and Curry some good.

In related news, the entire scouting staff from the Dirty Birds has been fired in favor of a Magic 8-Ball.

Grading the 07 Draft

Shanghai, China –

As the roster deadline loomed near, the CTDB teams finally completed their 2007 Supplemental Draft. Complete with new email infrastructure and an upgraded Sportsline site (we hope yet again), the league is ready to start its seventh season. Despite what has been six incredible and fun years, many around the league believe this season will be the best ever with a number of story lines to set the backdrop. Will the Monkeys overcome the sophomore slump and capture a second straight title? Will the Shrapnel be able to overcome such a disappointing loss from last year? Will Fobster finally be able to turn around this maligned expansion franchise? Will the teams of yester-year including the great Buffy and Jammer franchises be ready to finally surmount their comebacks. All of these questions will undoubtedly be answered in just a few short weeks.

A look back at the 2007 CTDB Supplemental Draft.

Team: Fobsters.
Coming into the season with some legitimate running talent after the Reggie Bush selection last season, the Fobsters were focused on improving their pass game and to surround newly-acquired Tom Brady with some quality receivers. GM Jimmy decided to go young. With the first two picks, the Fobsters picked up some of the most talented receiving talent in the last 3 years including super-stud rookie, Calvin Johnson and ultra-hyped sleeper, Vincent Jackson. Both receivers are near 6’5 and can flat out run. The Fobsters then proceeded to fill out their bench with Isaac Bruce and Adrian Peterson (not the super rookie but the Chicago backup). Neither Bruce nor Peterson are expected to see time but with some luck, the Fobsters will likely pick up a few more wins than last year (even one will do!).
Best Pick: Calvin Johnson.
Worst Pick: Adrian Peterson
Grade: C+ (upgradeable to a B if Calvin Johnson pans out this year)

Team: Dirty Birds
Following a disappointing season last year, the Birds came in with once again, the best keeper lineup of backs and receivers in the league. Its hard to argue with S-Jax, Rudi, Fitzgerald, Braylon Edwards and Plaxico. So like last year, the Birds were interested in a new quarterback to lead them. However, they didn’t want to waste the 2nd overall pick on a quarterback so they first stopped off with the selection of quite possibly the best runningback of this year’s draft with Viking’s super stud back, Adrian Peterson. The Birds then proceeded to pick up Vince Young, Brandon Jackson (RB), Patriots D, Greg Jennings, Matt Hasselbeck, Ronald Curry, and Adam Vinatieri. Wow. That is all depth and that is pretty solid depth. Peterson and Jackson are likely startable backs this year while Jennings and Curry have enough upside to complement the stable receiving core that the Birds already have. Undoubtedly Young or Hasselbeck are quality starters, the question will be which one management will choose to start the games. There will be many quality keepers here by season end.
Best Pick: Brandon Jackson
Worst Pick: Ronald Curry (good pick but the Birds got too many picks and Curry was immediately released)
Grade: A-

Team: Gang Green
Gang Green (the artist formerly known as the Green Team) started out their ’07 supplemental draft with the selection of Cedric Benson. Benson will be the clear starter in the Midway but with many question marks about his ability. Then the Gang Green GM, Greg Ng, decided to get tricky. In a last minute deal, Ng decided to trade away long time Green Keeper, Antonio Gates, for Jerricho Cotchery (1st round pick of the Monkeys) and also picked up an extra second round pick in the process. Armed with additional picks, Gang Green tabbed Philip Rivers and the Ravens D as their new starting QB and Defense. Without picks in the fourth and fifth, Ng selected sleeper WR, Bernard Berrian in the 3rd before signing Jeff Wilkins, Eli Manning, and Mike Furrey in the bottom two rounds.
Best Pick: Jerricho Cotchery (not technically a Gang Green pick but Cotchery could be huge)
Worst Pick: Eli Manning. (Having Eli and Rivers on the same team must be some sort of mistake)
Grade: B-

Team: Battle Nugget
From Angels to just a Nugget. GM Vu Dinh decided to poach this year – as in poach from the Monkeys and the Phreaks. A team known for its penchance for veteran leadership, the Battle Nuggets went wild for veterans. With the first pick, the Nuggets plucked long time Monkey receiver, Andre Johnson. The Nuggets then selected former Phreaks, Julius Jones, Donte Stallworth and Deshaun Foster. The Nuggets book ended their draft with the selections of Nate Kaeding and Chargers D (both former Monkey players) much to the furor of Monkey GM, Evan Shiue. Devery Henderson also made it onto the active roster though its unlikely he will see any time. After the draft, despite what was widely considered a successful draft, Monkey’s GM, Evan Shiue, gave a brief quote to media regarding Nuggets management. “He’s good at math but I hate that guy this year. Retard.”
Best Pick: Andre Johnson
Worst Pick: Chargers D
Grade: B+

Team: Philadelphia Phreaks
Despite entering his first year of Business School, Philadelphia Phreaks’ GM, Ping Shen adeptly handled his 7th annual draft between blackouts and romantic interludes in the beautiful Ithaca backdrops with Japanese tourists. The Phreaks picked up former Cal Bear, Marshawn Lynch, Santana Moss, Kevin Curtis, Fred Taylor, David Akers and Hank Baskett. The focus was landing Lynch and then as always, as many Philadelphia players as possible.
Best Pick: Fred Taylor
Worst Pick: Fred Taylor
Grade: B- (upgradeable to a B depending on which Fred Taylor shows up)

Team: Ante Up
The key to the 2007 Ante Up draft was to get some youth. With Westbrook, Edge, Reggie Wayne, Driver and Chambers as their keepers, the common denominator was that Ante Up was long on experience but short on youth and healthy bodies. To that end, GM Jae Lee started their draft with the selection of DeAngelo Williams and the proceeded to “young-up” with Santonio Holmes, Matt Leinart, and James Jones. The four picks combine for less experience than Edge. The lone veteran pick-up was Chester Taylor.
Best Pick: Santonio Holmes
Worst Pick: Oakland D
Grade: B-

Team: Tiiiite End Jammers
The Jammers had a relatively good set of keepers entering the draft so best available player seemed to be the strategy here. After nabbing former Phreak, CP in the first and Tony Romo in the second round, the Jammers selected Ladell Betts, Ahman Green, Tatum Bell, Dolphins D and Olindo Mare. Wow. No WRs and a whole lot of RBs.
Best Pick: Tony Romo
Worst Pick: Tatum Bell
Grade: C

Team: Buffy
Buffy GM, Roger, prides himself on being able to draft from memory, without a draft board and an uncanny ability to recite 2006 stats, physical traits while benching 225 in a severe decline position. That said, Cheng selected Laveraneus Coles, Joey Galloway, Marion Barber, Sherry Glenn, Michael “the Burner” Turner, and Jamal Lewis along with Neil Rackers. Buffy, similar to the Battle Angels, emphasize production as opposed to age. As a result, Buffy was able to end up with a 2007 draft class that has experience and also good field production.
Best Pick: Marion Barber
Worst Pick: Michael Turner
Grade: B

Team: Fat Jubas
After a crushing loss to the Monkeys in the Super Bowl, the Jubas started slow with only one pick in the first 3 rounds of this years draft. They started their draft with the selection of sleeper receiver, Mark Clayton, in the second round. The Jubas then went for sheer athleticism while they tabbed Ted Ginn Jr. and Troy Williamson with their second and third picks. Jerry Porter will hopefully be bench fodder while Shayne Graham and Steelers defense round out the lineup.
Best Pick: Mark Clayton
Worst Pick: Ted Ginn
Grade: C

Team: Chunky Monkeys
Coming off their championship high, the Monkeys parlayed one of their two first round picks in Antonio Gates and a future 2008 draft pick. After trading away Jerricho Cotchery to the Green Team, the Monkeys signed Jerious Norwood and LenDale White to serve as backups to the great LT and LJ tandem. Monkeys GM, Evan Shiue, picked up DJ Hackett to the be primary receiver back up while Brandon Marshall will likely be inactive all season. The Broncos D and Josh Scobee were undoubtedly selected grudgingly after the Chargers D and Nate Kaeding were unceremoniously stolen by closet Charger fan, Vu Dinh.
Best Pick: DJ Hackett
Worst Pick: Jerious Norwood
Grade: B-

Gangrene

With the recent retirement of Curtis Martin (as the NFL's fourth all-time leading rusher and New York Jets' four-time MVP), Green Team owner Greg has decided that his up-and-down franchise needs a new name. After collapsing with a six game losing streak in 2006, the Greenies needed some serious attitude adjustment. Following in the footsteps of recent successful franchise name changes by the Fat Jubas and the Philadelphia Phreaks, Mr. Ng hopes his team will perform to a new level by re-dubbing themselves "Gang Green."

Heading into the 2007 supplemental draft, the Gang is looking for a field general to throw to newly acquired WR Randy Moss, and Hines Ward and Antonio Gates. The backfield looks to be in good shape with youngsters Ronnie Brown and the human bowling ball, Brandon Jacobs. Here's hoping that a name change won't merely be cosmetic as this team of green ascends to the top of the CTDB standings.