Super Bowl XV

As we mentioned last week, we had two #3 seeds facing for the 2015 championship. Fat Jubas entered the playoffs on the strength of a 5-8 record and then promptly dispatched two higher seeds behind two stellar weeks, barely breaking a yawn in the process. Dirty Birds snuck into the playoffs with a respectable a 7-6 record and then used big weeks to dispatch their division’s top two seeds, with only a scare from defending champ Chunky Monkeys.

For our Super Bowl XV showdown, it was last year's Toilet Bowl matchup all over again, but this time for bigger stakes! Both Jubas and Birds had a lot on the line. Namely, one of them was going to join the list of three-time champions -- along with Chunky Monkeys and Buffy -- but who was it going to be? Well, after a huge 43.9 point effort from Kirk Cousins on Saturday night, in his first start this season no less, the Birds held on for a victory. Jubas had a shot, with Emmanuel Sanders putting some pressure on MNF, but that effort ultimately fell short. So there we are, DIRTeByRDeeZ take the 2015 title, their first since 2007 -- their first ring was in 2002!

• Dirty Birds vs Fat Jubas, 115.1 - 103.7

Startlingly, there’s still a player left over from that roster eight years ago: Adrian Peterson. After almost getting traded this offseason, AP bounced back from a season of suspension and turmoil to become the #2 ranked running back. And it was his 18.4 point performance in the waning stages of Super Bowl XV that gave Dirty Birds the necessary buffer to win out. Dirty Bird started the season 1-5 before embarking on a six game win streak to get into the playoffs, and basically going 9-1 from WK7 and on, all the way toward a title.

Despite this, they were hardly one of the top teams for most of the season. They averaged 105.4 PF, good for only fourth in the Inscrutable Drama Kings division — and only edging out fifth place by +7.3 total PF. They did take out powerhouse Chunky Monkeys twice this season, but also lost both matchups against defending champs Tiiite End Jammers, who finished the year 4-8-1. This was not at all a wire-to-wire dominant season, like those Jammers had in 2014.

And let’s not forget that Andrew Luck, top keeper and last year’s #1 QB, was shelved by WK7 and replaced by Eli Manning. Manning did acquit himself quite well, ending the season as #8 on the quarterback charts, but he was benched in the big game for Kirk Cousins, who basically caught fire for the fantasy playoffs and probably could have been inserted into the lineup sooner. The offseason saw GM Jon trade away Rob Gronkowski and cut Larry Fitzgerald, who only turned in top ten WR/TE seasons. Whoops.

Odell Beckham Jr. was spectacular again in his sophomore season but his untimely suspension really hurt the Birds during the title game, forcing Tyler Lockett and Ted Ginn Jr. into the lineup. That duo put up a measly 6.2 points combined. But at least Sammy Watkins put in a good year, coming in with a huge second half of the season to soften the blow of keeping him over Gronk. And Tyler Eifert was a key contributor this year, although he was unavailable for most of the playoff run.

LeSean McCoy was supposed to start next to Adrian Peterson but he found himself in a semi-timeshare with Karlos Williams and while McCoy had a respectable season overall, he gave way to likely Rookie of the Year, Todd Gurley, for most of the season. As for Gurley, after starting off his career with legendary numbers, he slowed down a little before picking it up just in time for the playoffs, putting up 27.2 - 14.9 - 15.7 points in successive weeks.

In retrospect you could say that the Birds lucked into a Super Bowl win, or maybe they made all the right moves in shifting pieces around to adjust for roster instability and disappointment. At the end of the day, a team that has always been quite good on paper finally broke through and took their third championship. Greatest franchise ever? Nah, but not too bad!

As for Fat Jubas, their thrilling run into the Super Bowl marked the second straight year a 5-8 team from Spunky Misunderstood Geniuses made the championship game. Eric declared that his 5-8 team was the better squad heading into Super Bowl XV and with 128.7 - 100.1 - 127.8 points scored in the past three weeks, he had a strong argument. However, despite great games from rookies Jameis Winston and David Johnson, 25.8 and 20.2 pts respectively, Jubas fell just short.

The roster moving forward for Jubas is very interesting, as Eric will have lots of keeper decisions to make in the backfield. The mid-season trade for Marshawn Lynch didn’t work out as Allen Robinson emerged as a huge game changer right as Lynch headed to IR. And CJ Anderson and Jeremy Hill both regressed, with one or both likely on the keeper chopping block. And then there's 2014’s #2 overall pick, Melvin Gordon... Is a guy who had only three double digit games all season worth keeping? The shiny silver lining among the running back corps is David Johnson, who exploded over the past three weeks and should be keeper worthy.

Jubas was led by receivers in points scored all season, and those top three — Mike Evans, Emmanuel Sanders, Alshon Jeffery — should return as an area of strength. Two runner-up seasons for Fat Jubas in consecutive years, what will happen next? A Toilet Bowl win? Another Super Bowl title? Maybe both?!

Road to the Super Bowl XV

How did we get here? Let’s do a quick recap since we missed all the action from rounds one and two. With Chunky Monkeys and Gang Green taking a well deserved break from the action, Athena Nike and Dirty Birds faced off for the right to face off against #1 seed Evan. Frank and Jon had been on friendly terms all season, discussing trades and pickups, but all that niceness was put on hold as Eli Manning and Odell Beckham teamed up to throw up 30+ points each and blow out Nike, who only had Aaron Rodgers and Panthers defense show up to the battle.

During the next round, Dirty Birds faced a much tougher challenge versus the slumping Chunky Monkeys. By the end of Sunday night, it looked like Jon would be down for the count after leaving Kirk Cousins and Ted Ginn Jr. on the bench, but somehow Eli and Odell had a brief (and controversy filled) comeback and then when Calvin Johnson and Tim Hightower could only muster a combined 12.4 pts on MNF, that sealed Evan’s collapse.

For Fat Jubas, the path was much easier as they found themselves peaking at just the right time and dispatched the higher ranked Philadelphia Phreaks and then Gang Green in easy fashion. David Johnson exploded for 42.9 pts in the conference finals and Johnson’s one of the only sure things in a lineup that GM Eric has been juggling in recent weeks to get the best production. If he can strike for magic once again Jubas could pull off a tremendous Super Bowl win as a losing team, and on a four game winning streak to boot.

Both the Birds and Jubas are looking for their third titles, with Jubas’ two coming in 2005 and 2012 and the Birds’ coming in 2002 and 2007. On paper, Jon’s team has the bigger names, and are 8-1 heading into the Super Bowl, but they’ve also been very mercurial, with a defense that has scored zero and negative two points in recent weeks. Plus, Odell Beckham is facing a one game suspension at the worst possible time, so Jubas is going to be in prime position to have his WR heavy team — Mike Evans, Alshon Jeffery, Emmanuel Sanders, and Allen Robinson are the top four scorers — bomb their way to an upset victory. Which coach will pilot their team to history? Let’s find out!

ROUND ONE

• Dirty Birds (7-6) def Athena Nike (9-4), 128.6 - 84.4
• Fat Jubas (5-8) def Philadelphia Phreaks (8-5), 100.1 - 76.1
• Byes: Chunky Monkeys, Gang Green

CONFERENCE FINALS

• Dirty Birds (7-6) def Chunky Monkeys (10-3), 101.4 - 94.8
• Fat Jubas (5-8) def Gang Green (9-4), 127.8 - 95.4

Toilet Bowl VI

#1 LA Buffy (6-6-1) def #3 Fobsters (4-9), 110.9 - 89.3
The first time Buffy was in the Toilet Bowl was 2013 (up to then their only showing), they suffered a five point loss to Fobsters in the first round. This time, the two teams met in the Toilet Bowl finals, with Buffy coming off a 0.500 season and poised to win the whole right to 2016’s #1 draft pick.

With Cam Newton benched for the first round of the Toilet Bowl, coach Roger got a stellar 50.0 point performance from Carson Palmer and AJ Green combined, giving them a tight win versus Battle Angel, who threatened an upset behind Drew Brees and TY Hilton.

On the other side of the bracket, Fobsters handled Tiiite End Jammers with ease, ending Lei’s difficult championship defense -- although technically it wasn't a "defense" anymore. Fobsters rode Doug Baldin to the win, and it shouldn’t be overlooked that over the past month, Baldwin has averaged an astounding 23.3 ppg, and has scored ten TDs in the process. That set up a potentially great Toilet Bowl Finals against Buffy, as both teams were pumped for big performances.

However, despite Baldwin’s 18.5 pts, Delanie Walker’s 19.4 pts (!), and Tom Brady’s 25.4 pts, Fobsters didn’t put up much of a fight against Buffy. Roger’s team had Palmer, Matt Forte, Greg Olsen, and James Jones all score in the high teens and then Stephen Gostkowski’s 15 pts helped seal the deal in the easy win. And let’s not overlook that Roger had Cam Newton with 55 pts sitting on the bench. When has a potential NFL MVP been sat for the stretch fantasy run before? Right now, that’s when!

Who will Roger take in next year’s draft? Will it be Ezekiel Elliot? Could it be someone else? Despite an injury plagued season that saw injuries to most of Buffy major’s assets, they fought through and turned their season around with a Toilet Bowl victory, their first. Congratulations!

Toilet Bowl Semis

• #1 LA Buffy (6-6-1) def #4 Battle Angel, 102.4 - 100.2
• #3 Fobsters (4-9) def #2 Tiiite End Jammers (4-8-1), 91.5 - 59.4

Playoff Matchups

PLAYOFFS
Athena Nike (9-4) vs Dirty Birds (7-6)
During a so-called “rebuilding year,” Frank’s team went 8-1 down the stretch and almost stole an Inscrutable Drama Kings title from Monkeys. Instead, they’ll have to be happy being the hottest team in the division heading into the playoffs, and then try to knock off Evan in the division title game. A long playoff run could be hard with Rob Gronkowski out and basically the entire team dinged up but the path is clear for Nike!

After a 1-5 start to the season, it looked like Dirty Birds were headed straight to the Toilet Bowl, especially with Andrew Luck having a totally lost season. However, six straight wins later and Jon was headed to the playoffs, despite losing their last matchup. With the Eli Manning and Odell Beckham combo leading the way, Birds hope to pull off an improbable first round upset.

Philadelphia Phreaks (8-5) vs Fat Jubas (5-8)
Phreaks won the Spunky Misunderstood Geniuses division last year with a 7-6 record, but will have to battle in the first round despite one more win. After starting off the season 3-4, Ping righted the ship and cranked out five wins in six tries to lock up a playoff spot. With new superstar Allen Robinson on the rise, can they pick up their first post-season win since 2006?

The annual “this team doesn’t really deserve to be in the playoffs do they?” team, Fat Jubas. Two straight wins qualifies Jubas as “hot” however, in this division, and Eric’s team will be looking to make noise, as history has shown us that a team with a losing record can still advance far in the post-season. With Marshawn Lynch lost for the season, David Johnson, Jeremy Hill, and Darren McFadden will have to step up together.

BYES
Chunky Monkeys (10-3), Gang Green (9-4)
Evan’s team started off the season on a seven win streak before being upended by the defending champs, Tiiite End Jammers, in WK9. Including that loss, Monkeys have been only 2-3 and have lost to both Athena Nike and Dirty Birds in recent weeks. Still, there may be nothing to fear here as this team is the highest PF in the league at 116.9 ppg and only had one week below the century mark. That’s consistency!

Similarly, Gang Green started off 6-1 before going only 3-3 the rest of the way. With injured players left and right — Jimmy Graham and Mark Ingram are both out of the season -- Greg must be happy for this much needed bye. That’lll give Blake Bortles an extra week to show us that he could possibly be a (fantasy) championship quarterback!

TOILET BOWL
#1 LA Buffy (6-6-1) vs #4 Battle Angel (2-11)
It’s tough to get into a winning rhythm when you're facing the toughest PA in the league. Buffy was respectable the whole year but despite two wins to close out the season, they missed the playoffs by one game. Buffy has had to deal with losing Arian Foster and Julian Edelman for the year, also Matt Forte missed some extended game time. But with Carson Palmer and AJ Green blowing up, they are the favorites to win the Toilet Bowl.

I guess when you start 2-4 with a four game losing streak and then finish off the season with seven straight losses you’re the worst team in the league. With a last place PF that averaged 86.9 ppg, Vu’s squad didn’t even need a tough schedule to bury them. Martavis Bryant has been brilliant since his return from injury but we’re thinking this might be Drew Brees last year leading Battle Angel...

#2 Tiiite End Jammers (4-8-1) vs #3 Fobsters (4-9)
Our defending champs had a limp title defense, starting off with just one win in their first eight matchups. But at least they gave Monkeys their first loss of the season. Strangely, Jammers had a good 3-4-1 division record but went 1-4 against the other (weaker) side, which does not load well for their cross division matchup versus Fobsters. Oh yeah, last year this was our Super Bowl XIIII matchup, can you believe that?

Jimmy’s team crapped the bed with one win in their last eight tries, and basically rode Tom Brady the whole season while the rest of the roster fluctuated due to a startling amount of injuries. At least some nice finds happened, with Chris Ivory, Travis Benjamin, TJ Yeldon, and TE sensation Gary Barnidge contributing around Brady. Can they pull off a Toilet Bowl upset or two like their “magical” run to the Super Bowl last year? We’ll see!

Final Standings 2015

Full Standings Breakdown

Mid-Season: Inscrutable Drama Kings

Is it mid-season already? Six weeks in and we’re almost done? What gives! Well, the good news is that there are still a lot of post-season berths to be handed out, and the bad news is, well, I won’t be getting one of them. Let’s take a short look at each team. [SMG Mid-Season]

Chunky Monkeys (6-0)
When you’re scoring tops in the league at 128 points per week, plus facing off against the easiest schedule (89.8 pts), it’s not hard to be undefeated. Nobody’s come close to touching Evan so far and it doesn’t look like anyone will impede his way to another playoffs. The question at this point is if he can go undefeated. 5-1 Gang Green will get a shot in WK8, so mark that huge game on your calendar. Philip Rivers and Julio Jones have been incredible, while Randall Cobb and Calvin Johnson have been a bit erratic.

The big question at the moment though, is who will replace the injured Jamaal Charles in the backfield?! Last week Coach Evan was forced to start Danny Woodhead, and that’s likely not sustainable. Rumors swirl that GM Evan is looking to make a big deal to stay on top. Stay by your Batphones gentlemen, Monkeys could be calling!

LA Buffy (3-2-1)
Despite facing the second toughest schedule in the league, Buffy has more than held its own this season, including a crazy 141.3 - 141.3 tie in WK3 against defending champ Tiiite End Jammers. The schedule is very soft for the next three weeks, until a matchup against the Monkeys. Carson Palmer has transformed into a top five quarterback, while Matt Forte continues to quietly dominate, putting up 16.4 ppg, good for #2 RB in the land. Julian Edelman, AJ Green, and James Jones are a superb receiving trio and don’t look now but Arian Foster is back! We can see Buffy kicking it up another notch behind his excellent passing game and Foster.  But is Roger's team ready to challenge Monkeys for a Super Bowl appearance? We'll find out...

Athena Nike (3-3)
We thought this would be a total rebuilding year for Athena but as it turns out, Frank’s team is already back to playoff contention. The pre-draft trades for Rob Gronkowski and DeAndre Hopkins couldn’t have worked out better — they are the #7 and #1 ranked receivers respectively. Plus Jarvis Landry and rookie Amari Cooper are both trending up. This is the best young receiving corps in the league, and with Aaron Rodgers at the helm, the only thing missing for this squad is a running attack.

Carlos Hyde looks great on occasion but he’s stuck on a bad offensive team. The Johnson brothers, Duke and David, just aren’t ready to contribute yet, but maybe one of them will come on soon. After a couple of erratic weeks and three straight losses, Nike seems to have righted the ship and will likely head to the playoffs.

Tiiite End Jammers (1-4-1)
Part of the reason the playoff situations looks pretty set in this conference is that the defending champs are a mess. After dominating from wire to wire last season, Jammers have collapsed. They’ve still got an amazing team on paper — DeMarco Murray, Antonio Brown, LeVeon Bell, Demaryius Thomas, Jeremy Maclin, Vincent Jackson, and a juvenated Giovani Bernard — but they’ve taken some big losses so far this season. Also, Andy Dalton has been averaging 30.6 ppg and is the #2 ranked QB but hasn’t seen the field because of Coach Lei’s insistence on sticking with Russell Wilson, who is averaging almost ten points less per game. There is still too much talent to count this team out but Jammers needs to put it together soon to make a proper playoff push.

Dirty Birds (1-5)
As for another pre-season championship contender, the Dirty Birds, they’re completely out of the post-season picture. They’re averaging a respectable 94.5 ppg (which would rank #3 in the other conference) but facing the league’s toughest schedule has reduced them to rubble in the standings — four opponents have gone 125+ points on them. Despite the presence of Odell Beckam Jr., an ageless Steve Smith (recently cut for some reason), and a surprising Tyler Eifert, Jon’s team can’t seem to get it together.

Oh right, and then there’s arguably the best backfield in the game, Adrian Peterson and #1 rookie Todd Gurley, who has yet to score an NFL touchdown but is showing that he’s going to be great. (Where art though LeSean McCoy? Oh right, getting outplayed by rookie Karlos Williams...) Maybe the problem is at the top with Andrew Luck, who hasn’t been as bad at fantasy as he is in real life, but Coach Jon has recently promoted Eli Manning to the starting position. Eli Manning!?! This team is looking forward to another Toilet Bowl win… Come to me Ezekiel Elliott!

Mid-Season: Spunky Misunderstood Geniuses

An owner texted me this past week to ask why SMG was so weak. I answered back: "tradition." SMG have always had "inferior" teams to IDK, and this season is no different. You would think in about a dozen years a power balance swap would happen. But nope! This year, SMG teams are averaging 92.8 ppg versus IDK's 109.8 ppg. Oh, and the PA for the conferences are 97.1 and 105.5 respectively. So who will be the Leastern Conference's representative in Super Bowl XV? [IDK Mid-Season]

Gang Green (5-1)
Greg’s doing it again! Despite an almost comically star-less roster, Gang Green is headed toward a division title. Their only loss was a 48.3 point blip in WK5, but otherwise this team has been averaging 107.1 ppg. Larry Fitzgerald and Brandon Marshall are responsible for 36.9 of those points per week, and Mark Ingram is the #7 RB, ahead of a slew of big names. Oldies but goodies!

Keeper quarterback Peyton Manning has been cut, in favor of Matt Ryan. (Also, don’t look now but Blake Bortles is the #6 ranked QB in the game, and is averaging an incredible 26.7 pts, meaning he should probably start soon.) Sure there’s a pretty big hole at RB#2 — Lamar Miller and Alfred Morris aren’t cutting it — but it’s not like the Greenies have powerhouses chasing after them in the standings. We see Gang Green easily cruising to the playoffs as they magically show us that it’s effort on the field, not the sexy names on your roster, that give you wins.

Fobsters (3-3)
Jimmy’s team made the Super Bowl with a losing record so this 0.500 record must seem like a set back. More losses Jimmy, you need more losses! Actually, those losses could be coming soon, as both top ranked receivers are out for most of the season — Jordy Nelson of the year and Dez Bryant for who knows how long. Travis Benjamin has stepped up nicely but it’s coleslaw after that, with Stevie Johnson, Terrance Williams, Tavon Austin, Jason Witten and others alternating starts. (Also, WTF is a recent waiver wire pickup Gary Barnidge and will he continue his madness?!)

It’s high time for Eddie Lacy to get out of his early season slump, and meanwhile Chris Ivory is alternating big games and lame efforts, albeit enough to get him to #3 RB on the charts. Mostly Fobsters can hang their treading water success on Tom Brady, the best fantasy player in the land, averaging 34.3 points per outing. Tom Terrific could pilot this team to the playoffs, and then Bryant could return and who knows what kind of magic Jimmy could pull together then… Just like last year!

Philadelphia Phreaks (3-3)
The Phreaks are 1-3 at home but 2-0 away, and are 0.500 despite a slightly lower PF than PA. Those three wins have all come when Phreaks eclipsed the century mark, but the other losses have fallen short. The story of the season though, is Devonta Freeman, who has come out of nowhere to lead the all non-QBs in scoring, and is putting up an incredible 9.6+ more points than the second ranked running back.

And while Marshawn Lynch has sputtered in the starting lineup all year, Doug Martin is quietly ripping off 22.8 and 35.3 back-to-back weeks.  Phreaks have started six running backs this year, in an effort to find the right two, and they need to find an answer because Sam Bradford has been pretty awful despite having a rejuvenated Keenan Allen on-board. Ping is hoping Brandin Cooks or Jordan Matthews starts doing something but in the event that nothing clicks, Devonta Have It All will be counted on to drag this team to the playoffs.

Fat Jubas (2-4)
Despite being crushed by 103.8 ppg, Jubas has maintained a semblance of respectability. Aka meaning they are still in the playoff hunt because it’s early in the season. Their next three games are against opponents with a combined 11-5-1 record so it could mark the end of their post-season dreams if they can’t pick up a win. First off, the quarterback situation has been a mess as Ben Roethlisberger is injured, Peyton Manning was nabbed just as he was declining, and now all hopes rest on rookie Tyrod Taylor.

The running game has disappeared too, as CJ Anderson is now almost waiver wire fodder, Jeremy Hill has ceded way to a true time share with Giovani Bernard, and 2015 #2 overall pick Melvin Gordon is fumbling his season away. But hey! Alton Jeffery and Antonio Gates both returned with big games last week and maybe they can team up with Allen Robinson (leading Jubas in points) and Emmanuel Sanders to run-and-shoot their way to a post-season berth?

Battle Angel (2-4)
Welcome to the lowest scoring team in the league. Vu’s squad has put up 83.7 ppg and that’s just not gonna cut it. It’s actually impressive they’ve put up two wins, but both of those were against one-win teams, and the four straight losses from WK2-WK5 are probably more indicative of where Angel is at right now. Drew Brees is still plugging away fantasy-wise but his 18.9 average is only good for #23 ranked QB. Ouch.

There aren’t a lot of other positives here either. Um, TY Hilton has been okay as the #29 ranked WR? Golden Tate proved he’s a one year wonder, Joseph Randle has one good game, rookie Ameer Abdullah isn’t ready yet, and Andre Johnson collapsed fast didn’t he? The only bright spot moving forward is Martavis Bryant, who returned to action with 137 yards and two touchdowns. Can Vu move his team toward a post-season appearance, or will a lack of production and a tough schedule sink them into the Toilet Bowl?

Draft Review 2015

A little lot late but we gotta do a draft review! So let’s take a look back at what happened during our 2015 draft. [2014 Draft Review]

1. Battle Angel (5-8)
With Drew Brees and four receivers as his keepers, Vu was rightfully in the market for running backs. Picking third overall, Vu jumped on Joseph Randle, who inherits the plum position behind Dallas’ fantastic O-Line. If Randle can even be 60% of what DeMarco Murray was, he’ll be a quality starter. Four of Vu’s first five picks were RBs — Ameer Abdullah, CJ Spiller, Chris Johnson — and of the remaining non-Randall three, Abdullah clearly has the most upside, even if he could prove more change of pace than Barry Sanders. Still, getting him in RD2 has to be pretty exciting for Battle Angels.

Brees won’t need much more than TY Hilton, Andre Johnson, Golden Tate, and Martavis Bryant to throw to, but Anquan Boldin, Brett Perriman, and Malcolm Floyd could be useful bye week players, although none look like to crack the regular starting location. As the worst team in the league last year, Vu will be happy to just just find some RB keepers in the mix, and it looks like he could have gotten some.
Grade: B+. Abdullah should be an exciting addition!

2. Fat Jubas (5-8)
After coming off a 9-4 season, Jubas collapsed to 5-8 last year and the bottom of the heap. Our 2012 champion has seen better days and they’ve been haven’t had good running back keepers since the days of Darren McFadden and Chris Johnson, both of whom helped power Jubas to that title. After two years of non-keepering a RB, GM Eric hit big with Jeremy Hill (last year’s draft pick) and CJ Anderson (a FA pickup) as part of their revamped team. This time out, Cam Newton was tossed as a keeper too, while Mike Evans joined Hill as a rising star rookie. With Anderson, Hill, Evans, as well as Emmanuel Sanders (a true breakout last year), and Alshon Jeffery, this team could re-contend right away with a few moves.

Well, Jubas got one of the top rookie running backs in Melvin Gordon at #2 overall (his reward for getting to the Toilet Bowl), an up-and-comer in Allen Robinson, plus two promising rookies in DeVante Parker and Tevin Coleman. Darren McFadden is back too, to lend some veteran savvy on how to work the cold bath in the recovery room. Who will lead this team on its rise back to the top though? The easy money is on Ben Roethlisberger, who was a fantasy monster last year. Ryan Tannehill is on hand too, but it’s hard to see him supplanting Big Ben except for injury or bye related reasons.
Grade: A-. Great mix of rookies, young guys, and a steady veteran hand at QB.

3. Athena Nike (5-8)
When Frank re-entered CTDB in 2013 his team was pushing hard at the championship door. Then, through a series of unfortunate circumstances, aka the bad karma from owning Ray Rice, the former Ante Up roster fell completely apart. GM Frank’s been on the rebuild so far, and his keepers this year feature Aaron Rodgers and a completely new cast. There was the trade for Rob Gronkowski and DeAndre Hopkins, huge upgrades for Rodgers to throw the ball to, along with promising sophomore Jarvis Landry. Carlos Hyde, last year’s RD2 pick, could finally pay dividends with Frank Gore out of the way. (The rest of Frank’s 2014 draft was an out-and-out disaster, featuring Cordarrelle Patterson and Josh Gordon and a bust everywhere else.)

With contention probably years away, Anthena Nike went heavy on the young guys, focusing primarily on super young receivers such as Amari Cooper, Charles Johnson, Devin Funchess, and even Kevin White in RD9. That’s three rookie WRs, plus a rookie RB in Duke Johnson. The only veteran Frank drafted was Ryan Mathews to shore up the backfield. Last year’s #1 overall pick, Bishop Sankey, was also brought on-board, to see if he can redeem any value. Overall, Athena Nike is rebuilding, and doing it by giving Rodgers some weapons to go compete in shoot outs. When will Athena Nike rise again? I guess we’ll see!
Grade: B+. All upside picks, as it should be. Demoted a notch for trying to draft Ezekiel Elliot, who is stolen college.

4. Dirty Birds (6-7)
Finally, a non 5-8 team! Dirty Birds narrowly missed the playoffs last year but took out that anger by cruising his way to a Toilet Bowl victory. Having never picked at such lofty heights, GM Jon swung for the fences and grabbed “the new Adrian Peterson,” Todd Gurley, and will try to see if he’ll flash his powers this year — or if he’ll be injury plagued until next season. With AP back, and hopefully a bounce back year from LeSean McCoy, the Birds can afford to wait on Gurley.

For a team on the verge of contention, Dirty Birds curiously traded away Rob Gronkowski pre-draft — electing to keep last year’s first rounder, Sammy Watkins — and grabbed two rookies with his first two 2015 picks: Gurley and Nelson Agholar. Who will be the third WR on this team after Odell Beckham Jr. and Watkins? Well, select from the veteran potpourri of Roddy White, Torrey Smith, or Steve Smith! Or maybe deep threat Kenny Stills will get a shot, who knows! LeGarrette Blount and Gurley handcuff Tre Mason will get to sit on the sidelines, hoping for a shot. In sum, Dirty Birds will look to fly back into the playoffs this year behind Luck and a talented core, but they seem to be trying to contend and build for the future at the same time...
Grade: B. Hard to give the #1 overall pick a lower grade, but maybe a curious decision to go young so early.

5. Gang Green (5-8)
The Greenies made the playoffs with a losing record but that only got them an annihilation by 70+ points in the first round. Of course, that was to another 5-8 team, so its hard to say that the season was a total failure. (Two 5-8 playoff teams?! Welcome to Spunky Misunderstood Geniuses division!) Every year, Gang Green seems to have the same draft. A couple of name guys, a couple of meh young veterans, but nothing to knock your socks off. This whole team is a bit meh actually, with Peyton Manning going for one (or two) last runs alongside Mark Ingram and Alfred Morris in the backfield, with Brandon Marshall and Eric Decker on the outside. Marshall and Decker are on the same Jets team now, so that could hurt both of them, and while Ingram really emerged as a force last season, it’s hard to believe he can duplicate his efforts.

So what did the draft bring us? Well, Lamar Miller as a third back, the re-situated Jimmy Graham as the tight end, and some retreads like Brandon LaFell, Joique Bell, Larry Fitzgerald, and even Michael Crabtree. Any of those guys sound like they have much upside? Exactly. We’re thinking Greg’s best pick was taking Matt Ryan to back up Manning, as Peyton could explode into a pile of dust at any moment. Then again, 5-8 could take a team in SMG to the Super Bowl!
Grade: C. “Meh."

6. Chunky Monkeys (7-6)
Last year’s defending champs put up a decent title defense but got steamrolled by Tiiite End Jammers in the conference finals. The Monkeys are going through a bit of a crisis at RB#2 as Giovanni Bernard suddenly wasn’t keeper worthy anymore. (What, no Trent Richardson this year Evan? The 2012 #1 pick was finally allowed to leave Monkey country, and CTBD as a whole.) Pre-draft, GM Evan made a move to bring in Justin Forsett, shoring up the running back situation behind all-world Jamaal Charles. With Calvin Johnson, Julio Jones, and Reggie Cobb, this was already one of the top passing attacks in the land. Oh, but who will toss them the rock? It looks like Philip Rivers again, plus Matt Stafford as backup. Should be just fine.

Chunkys also added the mysterious Latavius Murray for additional backfield support before plucking upside receivers John Brown, Brian Quick, and Kendall Wright. There’s been a lot of buzz around John Brown this pre-season, but he’ll have a tough time cracking that top three WR rotation unless someone gets injured. Last round pick, rookie Matt Jones, isn’t known to anyone outside of the Redskins organization, but Evan has a King Midas-like touch with young running backs. I mean, except for Trent Richardson. And Ryan Mathews. Wait, does Evan have an eye for young RBs, or am I just making that up?
Grade: B-. Nothing too exciting, and all the shoring up work was done pre-draft with the trade for Forsett.

7. Philadelphia Phreaks (7-6)
There was only one team with a winning record in Spunky Misunderstood Geniuses, and so Phreaks were the division winners. That earned them a first round bye, before getting upset by Fobsters in the conference finals. Well, maybe “annihilated” is more accurate, as Phreaks were upended by almost 100+ points. Still, let’s not get too down, getting two back-to-back winning records in SMG is no small feat.

Ping’s RD1 pick was Sam Bradford, who replaces Nick Foles as the Eagles/Phreaks QB du jour. He’ll be throwing to DeSean Jackson, Keenan Allen, last year’s RD1 Brandin Cooks, and Jordan Matthews, who should become the Eagles new top receiver. That’s a nice group, and it’s unlikely they’ll need late round pick Pierre Garcon to contribute much.

On the ground is a different matter. Doug Martin is back (after being un-kept) to run alongside Marshwan Lynch, and Ping took a flier on oft-injured Jonathan Stewart. Devonte Freeman and Darren Sproles each have limited upside, but could also be used for spot duty if needed. Since Sam Bradford is almost certain to get injured, grabbing Tony Romo was a nice insurance plan.
Grade: B. Are we grading Evan or Ping here? Since Ping was on vacation… We like the idea of giving Phreaks a better grade for Monkeys, to show that Evan picked better for Phreaks than his own squad. What a gentleman!

8. LA Buffy (8-5)
After recent back-to-back Super Bowl appearances, and one title, Buffy has flopped a little, taking one step forward at a time. A Toilet Bowl appearance in 2013, a first round playoff exit last season. Buffy could leap forward into true championship contention at any time though, as they’ve shown time and time again. It sure hurt having Arian Foster tear his groin in preseason, and that will mean Matt Forte, Andre Ellington, and maybe 2015 RD3 pick, Isaiah Crowell, will shoulder the load. Or maybe Buffy just goes with a run-and-shoot attack behind AJ Green, and um, AJ Green.

Actually, Buffy reloaded at receiver, picking up Julian Edelman, Mike Wallace, Greg Olsen, James Jones, Eddie Royal, and Victor Cruz, committing 75% of his draft to receivers. Edelman is an excellent WR#2, and Wallace is a still effective deep threat. Jordy Nelson’s preseason injury could make room for old standby James Jones too, so it looks like Buffy should be fine. Leading all these guys — perhaps to another title? — will be Cam Newton, who was summarily dismissed as a keeper by Fat Jubas, only two years removed from a championship season.
Grade: B+. Drafted what he needed, tons of receivers. And since we can’t take off points for keeper-ing a DEF, that won’t affect this draft grade. But seriously, has anyone kept a DEF in a ten team league before?!

9. Fobsters (5-8)
Yes, it’s possible to go 4-9 and 5-8 and still be declared “rising high as a franchise.” That’s because 5-8 Fobsters fell into the playoffs due to a four way logjam but then distinguished themselves by blowing everyone else out on his way to the Super Bowl, the franchise’s second showing (the first was in 2010). Now for true title contention… And a winning record? It’s a shame Jordy Nelson and Kelvin Benjamin were lost for the season, within a few days of each other too, because the off-season was looking like a huge win for Fobsters after Tom Brady eradicated Roger Goodell’s attempt to block him. Long Live Brady!

Sure, Brady will still have Dez Bryant to throw to, but Nelson and Benjamin is a huge blow. Davante Adams was the RD1 pick here, but he’ll have some big shoes to fill up in Green Bay. We’re actually looking more at RD4 sleeper Terrance Williams to possibly emerge as a solid option next to Bryant. Or maybe Stevie Johnson or Kenny Britt -- kept when Benjamin was tossed -- can help out. Last round pick Leonard Hankerson is just roster fluff material, and I say this as a Falcons fan.

At least the run game will be in good hands behind Eddie Lacy, rookie TJ Yeldon and even Chris Ivory, a decent-ish starting option. Overall, Fobsters suffered huge off-season blows but have recovered as best they could.
Grade: A-. Nice draft full of young guys and upside. A bonus bump for participating while on vacation, aka honeymoon. Gotta love a wife who can handle that right!?

10. Tiiite End Jammers (12-1)
After not being close to true contention for years, the Jammers came through last season, blew the doors off CTDB and declared “I’m baaaaack!” How did they do it? Well, they had the best two RBs in fantasy with Le'Veon Bell and DeMarco Murray. The best WR in Antonio Brown, plus Russell Wilson as a run/pass threat. Can things get better in 2015? Can Jammers go undefeated or back-to-back? A feat nobody in CTDB has ever accomplished?! How many exclamation marks can we use to describe this team!?!

Last year’s draft basically brought in Jeremy Maclin on a huge bounce back year, and since Lei sold off Justin Forsett and DeAndre Hopkins for extra picks pre-draft, he was able to re-acquire him. Frank Gore will get a shot at starting for Bell until he comes off suspension, but it’s just as likely that RD4 semi-steal Giovanni Bernard, or starting Giants RB Rashad Jennings could do a passable few weeks. This team obviously didn’t need much but Vincent Jackson and emerging Michael Floyd will give Lei some nice options off the bench. This team is deep yeah? Oh, and Eli Manning is on hand to cheer too. As insurance in case Wilson decides to regress, which we don’t feel like is likely.
Grade: A. We’re still in awe of Jammers’ title run last season, and to be honest, stacking up the early round picks this will helped build their lineup depth even more. What’s not to like here?

2015 Draft Order

1. Battle Angel (5-8)
2. Fat Jubas (5-8)
3. Athena Nike (5-8)
4. Dirty Birds (6-7)
5. Gang Green (5-8)
6. Chunky Monkeys (7-6)
7. Philadelphia Phreaks (7-6)
8. LA Buffy (8-5)
9. Fobsters (5-8) *Runner Up
10. Tiiite End Jammers (12-1) *Champion

Toilet Bowl Win: Dirty Birds
TB Loss: Fat Jubas

Tie-Breakers
1) Battle Angel, Fat Jubas, Athena Nike (5-8): Three way H2H, Battle Angels have worst cumulative H2H record.

Battle Angel (5-8): 0-2 vs Jubas, 1-0 vs Nike, 0.333 overall
Athena Nike (5-8): 0-1 vs Angels, 1-0 vs Jubas, 0.500 overall
Fat Jubas (5-8): 2-0 vs Angels, 0-1 vs Nike, 0.667 overall

2) Athena Nike and Fat Jubas (5-8): Athena Nike beat Jubas H2H in WK8
3) Phreaks and Monkeys (7-6): Phreaks beat Monkeys H2H in WK12

Notes: This year was tricky as we had five 5-8 teams and two of those losing teams made the playoffs. And since our rules don't cover that, I asked the commissioners for clarification and then we made an add-on to the rules. Please see the new rules.