1. Battle Angel (5-8)With Drew Brees and four receivers as his keepers, Vu was rightfully in the market for running backs. Picking third overall, Vu jumped on Joseph Randle, who inherits the plum position behind Dallas’ fantastic O-Line. If Randle can even be 60% of what DeMarco Murray was, he’ll be a quality starter. Four of Vu’s first five picks were RBs — Ameer Abdullah, CJ Spiller, Chris Johnson — and of the remaining non-Randall three, Abdullah clearly has the most upside, even if he could prove more change of pace than Barry Sanders. Still, getting him in RD2 has to be pretty exciting for Battle Angels.
Brees won’t need much more than TY Hilton, Andre Johnson, Golden Tate, and Martavis Bryant to throw to, but Anquan Boldin, Brett Perriman, and Malcolm Floyd could be useful bye week players, although none look like to crack the regular starting location. As the worst team in the league last year, Vu will be happy to just just find some RB keepers in the mix, and it looks like he could have gotten some.
Grade: B+. Abdullah should be an exciting addition!
2. Fat Jubas (5-8)
After coming off a 9-4 season, Jubas collapsed to 5-8 last year and the bottom of the heap. Our 2012 champion has seen better days and they’ve been haven’t had good running back keepers since the days of Darren McFadden and Chris Johnson, both of whom helped power Jubas to that title. After two years of non-keepering a RB, GM Eric hit big with Jeremy Hill (last year’s draft pick) and CJ Anderson (a FA pickup) as part of their revamped team. This time out, Cam Newton was tossed as a keeper too, while Mike Evans joined Hill as a rising star rookie. With Anderson, Hill, Evans, as well as Emmanuel Sanders (a true breakout last year), and Alshon Jeffery, this team could re-contend right away with a few moves.
Well, Jubas got one of the top rookie running backs in Melvin Gordon at #2 overall (his reward for getting to the Toilet Bowl), an up-and-comer in Allen Robinson, plus two promising rookies in DeVante Parker and Tevin Coleman. Darren McFadden is back too, to lend some veteran savvy on how to work the cold bath in the recovery room. Who will lead this team on its rise back to the top though? The easy money is on Ben Roethlisberger, who was a fantasy monster last year. Ryan Tannehill is on hand too, but it’s hard to see him supplanting Big Ben except for injury or bye related reasons.
Grade: A-. Great mix of rookies, young guys, and a steady veteran hand at QB.
3. Athena Nike (5-8)When Frank re-entered CTDB in 2013 his team was pushing hard at the championship door. Then, through a series of unfortunate circumstances, aka the bad karma from owning Ray Rice, the former Ante Up roster fell completely apart. GM Frank’s been on the rebuild so far, and his keepers this year feature Aaron Rodgers and a completely new cast. There was the trade for Rob Gronkowski and DeAndre Hopkins, huge upgrades for Rodgers to throw the ball to, along with promising sophomore Jarvis Landry. Carlos Hyde, last year’s RD2 pick, could finally pay dividends with Frank Gore out of the way. (The rest of Frank’s 2014 draft was an out-and-out disaster, featuring Cordarrelle Patterson and Josh Gordon and a bust everywhere else.)
With contention probably years away, Anthena Nike went heavy on the young guys, focusing primarily on super young receivers such as Amari Cooper, Charles Johnson, Devin Funchess, and even Kevin White in RD9. That’s three rookie WRs, plus a rookie RB in Duke Johnson. The only veteran Frank drafted was Ryan Mathews to shore up the backfield. Last year’s #1 overall pick, Bishop Sankey, was also brought on-board, to see if he can redeem any value. Overall, Athena Nike is rebuilding, and doing it by giving Rodgers some weapons to go compete in shoot outs. When will Athena Nike rise again? I guess we’ll see!
Grade: B+. All upside picks, as it should be. Demoted a notch for trying to draft Ezekiel Elliot, who is stolen college.
4. Dirty Birds (6-7)
Finally, a non 5-8 team! Dirty Birds narrowly missed the playoffs last year but took out that anger by cruising his way to a Toilet Bowl victory. Having never picked at such lofty heights, GM Jon swung for the fences and grabbed “the new Adrian Peterson,” Todd Gurley, and will try to see if he’ll flash his powers this year — or if he’ll be injury plagued until next season. With AP back, and hopefully a bounce back year from LeSean McCoy, the Birds can afford to wait on Gurley.
For a team on the verge of contention, Dirty Birds curiously traded away Rob Gronkowski pre-draft — electing to keep last year’s first rounder, Sammy Watkins — and grabbed two rookies with his first two 2015 picks: Gurley and Nelson Agholar. Who will be the third WR on this team after Odell Beckham Jr. and Watkins? Well, select from the veteran potpourri of Roddy White, Torrey Smith, or Steve Smith! Or maybe deep threat Kenny Stills will get a shot, who knows! LeGarrette Blount and Gurley handcuff Tre Mason will get to sit on the sidelines, hoping for a shot. In sum, Dirty Birds will look to fly back into the playoffs this year behind Luck and a talented core, but they seem to be trying to contend and build for the future at the same time...
Grade: B. Hard to give the #1 overall pick a lower grade, but maybe a curious decision to go young so early.
5. Gang Green (5-8)
The Greenies made the playoffs with a losing record but that only got them an annihilation by 70+ points in the first round. Of course, that was to another 5-8 team, so its hard to say that the season was a total failure. (Two 5-8 playoff teams?! Welcome to Spunky Misunderstood Geniuses division!) Every year, Gang Green seems to have the same draft. A couple of name guys, a couple of meh young veterans, but nothing to knock your socks off. This whole team is a bit meh actually, with Peyton Manning going for one (or two) last runs alongside Mark Ingram and Alfred Morris in the backfield, with Brandon Marshall and Eric Decker on the outside. Marshall and Decker are on the same Jets team now, so that could hurt both of them, and while Ingram really emerged as a force last season, it’s hard to believe he can duplicate his efforts.
So what did the draft bring us? Well, Lamar Miller as a third back, the re-situated Jimmy Graham as the tight end, and some retreads like Brandon LaFell, Joique Bell, Larry Fitzgerald, and even Michael Crabtree. Any of those guys sound like they have much upside? Exactly. We’re thinking Greg’s best pick was taking Matt Ryan to back up Manning, as Peyton could explode into a pile of dust at any moment. Then again, 5-8 could take a team in SMG to the Super Bowl!
Grade: C. “Meh."
6. Chunky Monkeys (7-6)Last year’s defending champs put up a decent title defense but got steamrolled by Tiiite End Jammers in the conference finals. The Monkeys are going through a bit of a crisis at RB#2 as Giovanni Bernard suddenly wasn’t keeper worthy anymore. (What, no Trent Richardson this year Evan? The 2012 #1 pick was finally allowed to leave Monkey country, and CTBD as a whole.) Pre-draft, GM Evan made a move to bring in Justin Forsett, shoring up the running back situation behind all-world Jamaal Charles. With Calvin Johnson, Julio Jones, and Reggie Cobb, this was already one of the top passing attacks in the land. Oh, but who will toss them the rock? It looks like Philip Rivers again, plus Matt Stafford as backup. Should be just fine.
Chunkys also added the mysterious Latavius Murray for additional backfield support before plucking upside receivers John Brown, Brian Quick, and Kendall Wright. There’s been a lot of buzz around John Brown this pre-season, but he’ll have a tough time cracking that top three WR rotation unless someone gets injured. Last round pick, rookie Matt Jones, isn’t known to anyone outside of the Redskins organization, but Evan has a King Midas-like touch with young running backs. I mean, except for Trent Richardson. And Ryan Mathews. Wait, does Evan have an eye for young RBs, or am I just making that up?
Grade: B-. Nothing too exciting, and all the shoring up work was done pre-draft with the trade for Forsett.
7. Philadelphia Phreaks (7-6)
There was only one team with a winning record in Spunky Misunderstood Geniuses, and so Phreaks were the division winners. That earned them a first round bye, before getting upset by Fobsters in the conference finals. Well, maybe “annihilated” is more accurate, as Phreaks were upended by almost 100+ points. Still, let’s not get too down, getting two back-to-back winning records in SMG is no small feat.
Ping’s RD1 pick was Sam Bradford, who replaces Nick Foles as the Eagles/Phreaks QB du jour. He’ll be throwing to DeSean Jackson, Keenan Allen, last year’s RD1 Brandin Cooks, and Jordan Matthews, who should become the Eagles new top receiver. That’s a nice group, and it’s unlikely they’ll need late round pick Pierre Garcon to contribute much.
On the ground is a different matter. Doug Martin is back (after being un-kept) to run alongside Marshwan Lynch, and Ping took a flier on oft-injured Jonathan Stewart. Devonte Freeman and Darren Sproles each have limited upside, but could also be used for spot duty if needed. Since Sam Bradford is almost certain to get injured, grabbing Tony Romo was a nice insurance plan.
Grade: B. Are we grading Evan or Ping here? Since Ping was on vacation… We like the idea of giving Phreaks a better grade for Monkeys, to show that Evan picked better for Phreaks than his own squad. What a gentleman!
8. LA Buffy (8-5)
After recent back-to-back Super Bowl appearances, and one title, Buffy has flopped a little, taking one step forward at a time. A Toilet Bowl appearance in 2013, a first round playoff exit last season. Buffy could leap forward into true championship contention at any time though, as they’ve shown time and time again. It sure hurt having Arian Foster tear his groin in preseason, and that will mean Matt Forte, Andre Ellington, and maybe 2015 RD3 pick, Isaiah Crowell, will shoulder the load. Or maybe Buffy just goes with a run-and-shoot attack behind AJ Green, and um, AJ Green.
Actually, Buffy reloaded at receiver, picking up Julian Edelman, Mike Wallace, Greg Olsen, James Jones, Eddie Royal, and Victor Cruz, committing 75% of his draft to receivers. Edelman is an excellent WR#2, and Wallace is a still effective deep threat. Jordy Nelson’s preseason injury could make room for old standby James Jones too, so it looks like Buffy should be fine. Leading all these guys — perhaps to another title? — will be Cam Newton, who was summarily dismissed as a keeper by Fat Jubas, only two years removed from a championship season.
Grade: B+. Drafted what he needed, tons of receivers. And since we can’t take off points for keeper-ing a DEF, that won’t affect this draft grade. But seriously, has anyone kept a DEF in a ten team league before?!
9. Fobsters (5-8)Yes, it’s possible to go 4-9 and 5-8 and still be declared “rising high as a franchise.” That’s because 5-8 Fobsters fell into the playoffs due to a four way logjam but then distinguished themselves by blowing everyone else out on his way to the Super Bowl, the franchise’s second showing (the first was in 2010). Now for true title contention… And a winning record? It’s a shame Jordy Nelson and Kelvin Benjamin were lost for the season, within a few days of each other too, because the off-season was looking like a huge win for Fobsters after Tom Brady eradicated Roger Goodell’s attempt to block him. Long Live Brady!
Sure, Brady will still have Dez Bryant to throw to, but Nelson and Benjamin is a huge blow. Davante Adams was the RD1 pick here, but he’ll have some big shoes to fill up in Green Bay. We’re actually looking more at RD4 sleeper Terrance Williams to possibly emerge as a solid option next to Bryant. Or maybe Stevie Johnson or Kenny Britt -- kept when Benjamin was tossed -- can help out. Last round pick Leonard Hankerson is just roster fluff material, and I say this as a Falcons fan.
At least the run game will be in good hands behind Eddie Lacy, rookie TJ Yeldon and even Chris Ivory, a decent-ish starting option. Overall, Fobsters suffered huge off-season blows but have recovered as best they could.
Grade: A-. Nice draft full of young guys and upside. A bonus bump for participating while on vacation, aka honeymoon. Gotta love a wife who can handle that right!?
10. Tiiite End Jammers (12-1)
After not being close to true contention for years, the Jammers came through last season, blew the doors off CTDB and declared “I’m baaaaack!” How did they do it? Well, they had the best two RBs in fantasy with Le'Veon Bell and DeMarco Murray. The best WR in Antonio Brown, plus Russell Wilson as a run/pass threat. Can things get better in 2015? Can Jammers go undefeated or back-to-back? A feat nobody in CTDB has ever accomplished?! How many exclamation marks can we use to describe this team!?!
Last year’s draft basically brought in Jeremy Maclin on a huge bounce back year, and since Lei sold off Justin Forsett and DeAndre Hopkins for extra picks pre-draft, he was able to re-acquire him. Frank Gore will get a shot at starting for Bell until he comes off suspension, but it’s just as likely that RD4 semi-steal Giovanni Bernard, or starting Giants RB Rashad Jennings could do a passable few weeks. This team obviously didn’t need much but Vincent Jackson and emerging Michael Floyd will give Lei some nice options off the bench. This team is deep yeah? Oh, and Eli Manning is on hand to cheer too. As insurance in case Wilson decides to regress, which we don’t feel like is likely.
Grade: A. We’re still in awe of Jammers’ title run last season, and to be honest, stacking up the early round picks this will helped build their lineup depth even more. What’s not to like here?
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