Such Great Heights

Can it be? A winning record for the Fobsters? After nearly being booted by the powers that be, the mighty Fobsters have finally assimilated into our culture by matching their win total for the last two years -- and it's only Week 3. That's right, after a 2006 season spent going 0-13 and a 2005 season at 2-10-1, Jimmy's finally got a winning record and a team that can do something!

Hell, the Fobsters are leading their division in scoring and are sitting at a lofty second place. What in the name of Thor's hammer is going on here? I guess having two consecutive #1 picks will lead your team to something right? Even after a less than stellar supplemental draft, the Fobsters were heading into the season with new hope because a true QB was on the roster, Mr. Tom Brady, acquired for the cheapo price of a mid-round draft pick. While the two Saints running backs, Reggie Bush and Deuce McAllister have yet to pick up their game, Carnell Williams is surging forward with more TDs this year than he had all of last year.

And in even better news, Chad Johnson is again a top tier receiver as his 71 points are a close second to Randy Moss. The other WRs on this roster aren't too shabby either. Ronald Curry had a breakout first week before cooling off...just in time for Vincent Jackson to finally get a serviceable performance. On top of all that, rookie Calvin Johnson hasn't been too bad himself -- despite a recent injury.

It looks like the Fobsters are finally able to pick up a few wins, put up a few points (115 and 129 the past two weeks), and join the big boys. During this week's champage soaked parade through Chinatown, team owner Jimmy was quoted as saying "Wo ai U-S-A!"

Game of the Week

Los Angeles, CA --

After opening the season with two road games, Buffy will host 2006 CTDB Champions Chunky Monkeys in the Game of the Week. Buffy is living up to the bill of being CTDB's version of the Patriots, while the Monkeys are looking more like the Chargers than the Colts. Oh, the irony.

When asked about the game after practice Tuesday morning, GM Roger Cheng said, "we're focused on this weekend. It's our home opener, the guys are glad to be back. It's never easy opening the season with two road games, but we came out 2-0, and focusing on the Monkeys." Buffy was able to squeeze out a nail biter in week 1, and laid the classic Buffy smackdown on the Jammers in week 2.

ESPN's Chris Mortensen is reporting some feuding in the Monkeys' braintrust. Apparently some in the organization feel that GM Evan Shiue has been making some wrong moves prior to the season in making trades and drafting. When asked about this, Shiue calmly replied, "we're staying the course. We're the champions, and until we fail to repeat, we're still the champions. I stand by my personel decisions, not only is our team better this year, I have ensured that we'll continue to be better in the future as well."

During a subsequent call to Shanghai, GM Shiue did not sound very pleased when asked about the game this week against Buffy. "Look, we're the g*****m champions, I don't give a s*** if they've won it twice, we're gonna f****** win it this year, okay ? F***!!!" You can expect the Monkeys GM to be fined for his tirade, but things like this happen when you're a short Chinese guy.

When reached for comment about Shiue's outburst, Buffy GM Cheng had to offer, "I know they'd like to be me, but they can't be me, i'm bigger, I'm stronger, I'm faster...that might not directly mean wins, but who cares ? We have two rings, that means BLING BLING, they (Monkeys) just have BLING.

Without taking the time to analyze individual players, Monkeys by 12, despite home-dome advantage for Buffy.

MonkeyCameraGate II

Shanghai, China --

As NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell, deliberated on the surfacing reports of what is now known as CameraGate, relating to the illegal spy activities supposedly conducted by the Patriots, media reports began surfacing this evening that the investigation has uncovered another team. According to unnamed sources in the CTDB league offices, investigators are looking into mysterious spy cameras that were found planted along the DirtyBirds sidelines during their Week 1 loss to the defending Monkeys.

Reports indicate that league officials have interviewed Monkey coaches as well as players. During the game, there were a number of times where it seemed the Monkey defense knew what players like Larry Fitzgerald and Rudi Johnson were going to run even before the ball was snapped.

A Monkey player, who asked not to be identified, told ESPN that "... those cameras were ours. But we didn't use them to spy on their defense playcalling or anything. I can't tell you what those cameras were used for but in any case, even if we didn't try to steal play calling signals, to be honest, there wasn't much to steal. In regards, to the allegations that we were tapping into their wireless signal ... that is just ludicrous. Coach Yang and his staff still communicate with their quarterback through that system where they use the cups and the strings. How do you tap into that?"

Monkey officials were understandably upset at the admission. "Those statements are just incorrect. We completely deny those allegations regarding the illegal camera placement. Those were not ours. For all we know, those could've belonged to the Birds except that they placed them on the wrong sideline for all we know." Coincidentally, team kicker, Josh Scobee was unceremoniously released earlier this morning.

A Rolling Moss Gathers TDs

What a week the Dirty Birds had! Tom Brady went out and tallied four touchdowns for 33 points. Randy Moss caught a whole bunch of those passes for 183 yards and a highlight reel bomb into the end zone. One of Randy's former teammates, the talented Ronald Curry, ripped up his Sunday for 133 yards and a touchdown. Add it all up and the Birds lose 93-129 versus the defending champion Chunky Monkeys. What gives?!

Oh right, none of these awesome performances were done under the banner of Bird. Brady and Moss were traded away for a third and fourth rounder respectively before the season started. Curry was drafted but then unceremoniously dumped (the injured Greg Jennings was kept instead) to the Fobsters. So basically, the Dirty Birds management made another egregious error by retaining the wrong keepers. In good news, Plaxico Burress had an eyebrow raising 37 points -- but wait, his quarterback is out for a month.

Rival GMs are lining up to trade with the Birds in hopes that one man's trash is another man's treasure. What can Coach Yang do when his other keeper receivers (L.Fitzgerald and B.Edwards) total 6 points combined? Ouch. Oh well, it looks like nobody wants to play hard for a bottom dweller. A change of scenery seems to have done Brady, Moss, and Curry some good.

In related news, the entire scouting staff from the Dirty Birds has been fired in favor of a Magic 8-Ball.

Grading the 07 Draft

Shanghai, China –

As the roster deadline loomed near, the CTDB teams finally completed their 2007 Supplemental Draft. Complete with new email infrastructure and an upgraded Sportsline site (we hope yet again), the league is ready to start its seventh season. Despite what has been six incredible and fun years, many around the league believe this season will be the best ever with a number of story lines to set the backdrop. Will the Monkeys overcome the sophomore slump and capture a second straight title? Will the Shrapnel be able to overcome such a disappointing loss from last year? Will Fobster finally be able to turn around this maligned expansion franchise? Will the teams of yester-year including the great Buffy and Jammer franchises be ready to finally surmount their comebacks. All of these questions will undoubtedly be answered in just a few short weeks.

A look back at the 2007 CTDB Supplemental Draft.

Team: Fobsters.
Coming into the season with some legitimate running talent after the Reggie Bush selection last season, the Fobsters were focused on improving their pass game and to surround newly-acquired Tom Brady with some quality receivers. GM Jimmy decided to go young. With the first two picks, the Fobsters picked up some of the most talented receiving talent in the last 3 years including super-stud rookie, Calvin Johnson and ultra-hyped sleeper, Vincent Jackson. Both receivers are near 6’5 and can flat out run. The Fobsters then proceeded to fill out their bench with Isaac Bruce and Adrian Peterson (not the super rookie but the Chicago backup). Neither Bruce nor Peterson are expected to see time but with some luck, the Fobsters will likely pick up a few more wins than last year (even one will do!).
Best Pick: Calvin Johnson.
Worst Pick: Adrian Peterson
Grade: C+ (upgradeable to a B if Calvin Johnson pans out this year)

Team: Dirty Birds
Following a disappointing season last year, the Birds came in with once again, the best keeper lineup of backs and receivers in the league. Its hard to argue with S-Jax, Rudi, Fitzgerald, Braylon Edwards and Plaxico. So like last year, the Birds were interested in a new quarterback to lead them. However, they didn’t want to waste the 2nd overall pick on a quarterback so they first stopped off with the selection of quite possibly the best runningback of this year’s draft with Viking’s super stud back, Adrian Peterson. The Birds then proceeded to pick up Vince Young, Brandon Jackson (RB), Patriots D, Greg Jennings, Matt Hasselbeck, Ronald Curry, and Adam Vinatieri. Wow. That is all depth and that is pretty solid depth. Peterson and Jackson are likely startable backs this year while Jennings and Curry have enough upside to complement the stable receiving core that the Birds already have. Undoubtedly Young or Hasselbeck are quality starters, the question will be which one management will choose to start the games. There will be many quality keepers here by season end.
Best Pick: Brandon Jackson
Worst Pick: Ronald Curry (good pick but the Birds got too many picks and Curry was immediately released)
Grade: A-

Team: Gang Green
Gang Green (the artist formerly known as the Green Team) started out their ’07 supplemental draft with the selection of Cedric Benson. Benson will be the clear starter in the Midway but with many question marks about his ability. Then the Gang Green GM, Greg Ng, decided to get tricky. In a last minute deal, Ng decided to trade away long time Green Keeper, Antonio Gates, for Jerricho Cotchery (1st round pick of the Monkeys) and also picked up an extra second round pick in the process. Armed with additional picks, Gang Green tabbed Philip Rivers and the Ravens D as their new starting QB and Defense. Without picks in the fourth and fifth, Ng selected sleeper WR, Bernard Berrian in the 3rd before signing Jeff Wilkins, Eli Manning, and Mike Furrey in the bottom two rounds.
Best Pick: Jerricho Cotchery (not technically a Gang Green pick but Cotchery could be huge)
Worst Pick: Eli Manning. (Having Eli and Rivers on the same team must be some sort of mistake)
Grade: B-

Team: Battle Nugget
From Angels to just a Nugget. GM Vu Dinh decided to poach this year – as in poach from the Monkeys and the Phreaks. A team known for its penchance for veteran leadership, the Battle Nuggets went wild for veterans. With the first pick, the Nuggets plucked long time Monkey receiver, Andre Johnson. The Nuggets then selected former Phreaks, Julius Jones, Donte Stallworth and Deshaun Foster. The Nuggets book ended their draft with the selections of Nate Kaeding and Chargers D (both former Monkey players) much to the furor of Monkey GM, Evan Shiue. Devery Henderson also made it onto the active roster though its unlikely he will see any time. After the draft, despite what was widely considered a successful draft, Monkey’s GM, Evan Shiue, gave a brief quote to media regarding Nuggets management. “He’s good at math but I hate that guy this year. Retard.”
Best Pick: Andre Johnson
Worst Pick: Chargers D
Grade: B+

Team: Philadelphia Phreaks
Despite entering his first year of Business School, Philadelphia Phreaks’ GM, Ping Shen adeptly handled his 7th annual draft between blackouts and romantic interludes in the beautiful Ithaca backdrops with Japanese tourists. The Phreaks picked up former Cal Bear, Marshawn Lynch, Santana Moss, Kevin Curtis, Fred Taylor, David Akers and Hank Baskett. The focus was landing Lynch and then as always, as many Philadelphia players as possible.
Best Pick: Fred Taylor
Worst Pick: Fred Taylor
Grade: B- (upgradeable to a B depending on which Fred Taylor shows up)

Team: Ante Up
The key to the 2007 Ante Up draft was to get some youth. With Westbrook, Edge, Reggie Wayne, Driver and Chambers as their keepers, the common denominator was that Ante Up was long on experience but short on youth and healthy bodies. To that end, GM Jae Lee started their draft with the selection of DeAngelo Williams and the proceeded to “young-up” with Santonio Holmes, Matt Leinart, and James Jones. The four picks combine for less experience than Edge. The lone veteran pick-up was Chester Taylor.
Best Pick: Santonio Holmes
Worst Pick: Oakland D
Grade: B-

Team: Tiiiite End Jammers
The Jammers had a relatively good set of keepers entering the draft so best available player seemed to be the strategy here. After nabbing former Phreak, CP in the first and Tony Romo in the second round, the Jammers selected Ladell Betts, Ahman Green, Tatum Bell, Dolphins D and Olindo Mare. Wow. No WRs and a whole lot of RBs.
Best Pick: Tony Romo
Worst Pick: Tatum Bell
Grade: C

Team: Buffy
Buffy GM, Roger, prides himself on being able to draft from memory, without a draft board and an uncanny ability to recite 2006 stats, physical traits while benching 225 in a severe decline position. That said, Cheng selected Laveraneus Coles, Joey Galloway, Marion Barber, Sherry Glenn, Michael “the Burner” Turner, and Jamal Lewis along with Neil Rackers. Buffy, similar to the Battle Angels, emphasize production as opposed to age. As a result, Buffy was able to end up with a 2007 draft class that has experience and also good field production.
Best Pick: Marion Barber
Worst Pick: Michael Turner
Grade: B

Team: Fat Jubas
After a crushing loss to the Monkeys in the Super Bowl, the Jubas started slow with only one pick in the first 3 rounds of this years draft. They started their draft with the selection of sleeper receiver, Mark Clayton, in the second round. The Jubas then went for sheer athleticism while they tabbed Ted Ginn Jr. and Troy Williamson with their second and third picks. Jerry Porter will hopefully be bench fodder while Shayne Graham and Steelers defense round out the lineup.
Best Pick: Mark Clayton
Worst Pick: Ted Ginn
Grade: C

Team: Chunky Monkeys
Coming off their championship high, the Monkeys parlayed one of their two first round picks in Antonio Gates and a future 2008 draft pick. After trading away Jerricho Cotchery to the Green Team, the Monkeys signed Jerious Norwood and LenDale White to serve as backups to the great LT and LJ tandem. Monkeys GM, Evan Shiue, picked up DJ Hackett to the be primary receiver back up while Brandon Marshall will likely be inactive all season. The Broncos D and Josh Scobee were undoubtedly selected grudgingly after the Chargers D and Nate Kaeding were unceremoniously stolen by closet Charger fan, Vu Dinh.
Best Pick: DJ Hackett
Worst Pick: Jerious Norwood
Grade: B-