Super Bowl IV

In the most exciting CTDB Superbowl EVA, team Buffy was able to pull it out in the end with the narrowest of victories over the Green Team, 99-97. In a game as exciting as advertised, plays were made, fumbles were recovered, and in the end, Buffy was victorious.

In the last few weeks, Buffy GM Roger Cheng has shuffled his lineup a number of times and was truly the team of destiny. We sat down with the GM and had a little Q & A.

Q: How does it feel to win the Superbowl again?
A: It feels great. It's really hard to believe, I'm really proud of my guys, they left everything on the field. It was a rocky season with more downs than ups, but we reached the goal all the teams were going for, and here we are, champs again.

Q: In the beginning of the season, you drafted young, looking to rebuild, why did your philosophy change?
A: Well, we wanted to go young, but we wanted to take a shot. Marshall told me that we could have one more good run at it before we needed to rebuild. This season was for Marshall. It will be his last as part of Buffy and we will be retiring his number after the victory parade.

Q: So you'll be breaking the team up?
A: No, no. You should never break up a championship caliber team. We will keep our big guns and build around them with young exciting players.

Q: Do you anticipate being at the bottom of the league next year due to the CTDB curse?
A: What kind of question is that?? Of course I want to keep the team competitive, but I do have to admit, the curse does scare me. A lot of circumstances revolving around the defending champions each year result in a poor record, but we hope to break the curse. Just to make the playoffs next year would end the curse. I'd like to win back-to-back titles, but that's just wishful thinking at this point. Let me enjoy this one right now. We can talk about next season in a few months.

Q: We know that Marshall Faulk has been your leader on the field and in the locker room the last few seasons, but who was the MVP this year?
A: There is no doubt about it, Corey Dillon was our MVP this year. We drafted him in the first season and traded him because he wasn't happy with his playing time. But we reacquired him this year after he told us how he wanted to do what was best for the team. He didn't complain once, not even during our losing streak. He was a professional all year, and the young guys looked up to him. We look forward to bringing Corey back again next year.

In a cinderella season if you will, Buffy overcame preseason predictions and ended up the CTDB champions. Parity really does exist in this league.

Division Finals

Green Team vs Battle Angels
While Green Team is no stranger to the playoffs, this season has been definitely been one of the strangest in CTDB history. Last years' champion, the Tiiite End Jammers (heavily favored this year to be in CTDB's Fantasy Bowl) couldn't even find his way into the playoffs. The team that broke CTDB's prestigious single week scoring record also couldn't find their way into the playoffs. One of the best team in the league this season didn't have a legitimate household superstar until the acquisition of Jamal Lewis via trade. But we digress ... in what is billed as likely to be one of the closest and hardest fought divisonal championships in recent history, this week's match between Green Team and Battle Angels will surely provide many fireworks.

QB
In any other year, a Drew Brees vs Brett Favre matchup would've been borderline laughable. Brees has a weak arm, can barely see over his lineman and throws to the likes of Eric Parker and Kassim Osgood. But hey, this is football and the year is 2004. Brees is a legit MVP candidate and is a top 5 fantasy quarterback. While he has been slowed in recent weeks, Brees still has 23 TDs to only 6 picks. However, Favre is no slouch. He follows closely at the 6th position and is a legitimate star of his own. Given Brees' matchup against the Browns this week, we expect to see a couple more points from our boy Drew.
EDGE: Battle Angels

RB
Fans meet your starting running backs. CMart, Onterrio, Thomas Jones and Ruben Droughns. Last year, we would've recognized 2 of those names...barely. Flash back 12 months, C-Mart was languishing in fantasy radars and apparently on his way out, Onterrio was squatting behind the rising Michael Bennett, Thomas Jones was probably not on any roster and Ruben Droughns seeing increased carries ... on the practice squad. While none, with the exception of CMart, have been superstars this year, they are bona fide CTDB starters. CMart has resurrected career and is currently the 5th rated runningback behind the likes of Tiki, Shaun, LT, and Edge. Onterrio, while still trying to lock down his spot in Minny, is looking like a real starter in this league. On the flip side, Green Team management has done an awesome job in rotating his players to keep them fresh. Ruben was voted as the top FA signing of the season and has been a stalwart for the Green machine while Thomas Jones has been solid with over 1000 total yards and 5 TDs. EDGE: Green Team

WR
Randy Moss, Moose Muhammad, and Rod Smith vs Eddie K, Hines Ward and Gates ... old fogies versus Hines plus scrubs. However, this group has been solid all season. While Moss has been hindered all season with a gruesome hamstring injury, this could be the week he finally gets everything back. Muhammad has been one of the elite receivers this year and Rod has been rock with almost 1000 yards and 5 tds. On the flip side, Ward has fallen a bit this year with the semi-emergence of Plax. However, with Antonio Gates become a scary TE/WR/PF emerging in the league, Green Team's receiving core has not been a point of weakness. Whether Eddie Kennison can it done this will be huge but the return of Moss really makes all of this moot. EDGE: Battle Angels

DEF/ST
This game will feature the two best defenses this season with Battle Angel's top rated Pitt defense and Green's Ravens. However, the edge lies in the matchup. While the Ravens are slated to play the Indy's powerhouse offense, the Steelers are playing Sheli and his downtrodden GMen. Good luck Sheli.
EDGE: Battle Angels

MOJO
This has been the year of the Battle Angels and Buffy. Once the league's elite powerhouse franchise to the league doormat and now back to the top. I guess thats what makes this league so freakin' awesome. There just seem to be too much goin right for the Angels right now. We say Angels by 10.

Buffy vs Chunky
It's a battle of the titans as former champion Buffy has resurrected themselves, coming off of three huge weeks (152-152-122). But eternal challenger Chunky Monkeys isn't too shabby himself, with 144 points two weeks ago. The Monkeys have managed to beat Buffy in both their meetings this year (WK1 and WK10) but this is a far different Buffy team. But this ain't the regular season folks.

Marred by a "great regular season, terrible post-season" tendency, can the Monkeys finally break through and get into the Fantasy Bowl? Having rested for an entire week (Chunky has never experienced the joys of a playoff bye), the team should be ready to make that final push to the top of the moutain. But will Buffy let him? Stop what you're doing this Sunday, bring your M16s, your uzis, your grenade launchers, your fifty pound cannonballs, this matchup is about to be war.

QB
The matchup here is the record breakin Peyton Manning versus Matt Hasselbeck or Brian Griese. What're you kidding me? Hasselbeck and Griese are having a nice fantasy run but really, it's Peyton. He hasn't been under 30pts in a game until last week's 26pts. Usually PM is tossing four TDs and off the field by the end of the third quarter. Buffy better hope that one of his QBs can have an awesome game to at least blunt some of the damage Peyton could make, even against a fierce Ravens Defense. EDGE: Monkeys

RB
On paper, LaDainian Tomlinson and Shaun Alexander versus Michael Pittman and Corey Dillon is a joke. Sure Dillon is nice but c'mon now, it's LT and Shaun! Together these two are a guaranteed 40pts, even on a bad day. So, can Pittman and Corey score a few TDs to keep pace? They didn't last week and ended up with mediocre stats, 11 and 14 respectively. That's not gonna be enough. EDGE: Monkeys

WR
Luckily for Buffy, this game isn't going to be just a ground war. Buffy's strength every year has been receivers. And this year is no different. The deep and talented quartet of Torry Holt, Isaac Bruce, Joe Horn and emergent Michael Clayton is 200% better than anything else the Monkeys can put on the field. Oh but maybe Darrell Jackson (23 last week) and newly acquired TJ Houshmandzadeh (23-29pts) can keep up their magic. Or maybe not. One thing's for sure, right now Chris Chambers and Andre Johnson aren't looking like #1 WRs. So it's gonna be up to Darrell and TJ to keep this aerial attack flowing. Otherwise it'll be a Buffy air attack, which they'll need to offset the Chunky QB and RB edge. One big problem for Buffy is that it's almost suicidal to play both Rams WRs. Rare has been the game where they've both excelled. Does he sit one and risk having that one blow up? Can Michael Clayton really be sat down after a 28pt game? This GM decision could make or break Buffy's season. EDGE: Buffy

DEF/ST
Usually we don't bother rating DEF/ST but in this case, Buffy has NE, which is a pretty good defense. NE is facing the inept Miami offense while the Chargers face the equally inept Cleveland offense. Look for both defenses to make an impact this game. If this game comes down to a kicker, you know M Vanderjagt (of Buffy) will be the man.

MOJO
I gotta say, Buffy has been a juggernaut of late. If there is a team of destiny, this looks like it. Can Chunky make a convincing case for why they deserve to go to the big game? Sure they can. This is their most complete roster in years. And with Peyton throwing TDs like peanuts, anything can happen. Still, the mojo belongs with Buffy, who is riding a hot streak. The question is, when will it end? In WK15 or WK17?

Phreakin Record!

Shanghai, China,

Even in a losing season, the Philadelphia Phreaks are not going quietly. In dismantling division-leading Green Team, the Phreaks set an all-time CTDB record for most points scored in one game - 174. The 174 points shatters the unofficial record held by the Phreaks, 167, set in week 14 of last year - and easily bests the official record of 155 points, set by Buffy way back in week 16 of the 2001 season.

On their way to 174 points, the Phreaks even found room to leave 57 points on their bench, with Clinton Portis and Kevin Jones combining for 4TDs and nearly 400 total yards. Phreak captain Donovan McNabb led the charge with 51, Brian Westbrook lit it up with 41, and rookie sensation Julius Jones chipped in with a relatively "measly" 39 points. All told, the Phreaks rolled up 1,016 yards of total offense and 12 TDs, dominating the 392 yards and 3 TDs from Green Team.

"All I can say is 'wow'," said McNabb, "What we showed here today is the potential that we have for next year, and the explosiveness that we bring to the table. How many teams do you know that could go off for 174 points in one game? Some teams out there need two weeks to get 174."

Rookies Julius and Kevin Jones (no relation) were simply sensational this weekend, combining for 394 rushing yards and 5 TDs. Clearly the top two running backs in this year's class, the Phreaks will have an interesting dillema on their hands when it comes time to trim the keeper roster down to 5 players. "The Phreak backfield, after struggling for much of the season, has really come on as of late," said ESPN's Ron Jaworski, "the two Jones boys, Westbrook, and even Portis, have been unreal. The Phreaks always have this potential - it's just baffling that through a combination of luck and scheduling, they have been struggling so much in recent seasons. But this is a young, young team, and also a very good one, so the future is very bright for these guys."

Mid-Season Awards

From all over the world, fans, players, owners and media packed themselves into the Moscone Center for the Annual CTDB Mid-Season Awards Ceremony. In what is becoming a yearly tradition for the league, mid-season awards were handed out to top players and GMs for their performances thus far in the season.




I. MVP
1a. Peyton Manning
1b. Tiki Barber

A two way tie this year between Peyton Manning and Tiki Barber. Peyton Manning is leading the Monkeys at a torrid pace. The Monkeys are averaging over 120 points per game (to put that in perspective, the rest of the league is just over 98) and have absolutely dominated their opponents. A win this week against the hated Jammers will potentially be doubly sweet as the Monkeys not only will lock up top seed in the IDK division but will have an opportunity to knock the Jammers down a couple more rungs.

On the other hand, Mr. Barber has been absolutely ridiculous this year. Tiki leads all backs this year in points scored, total yards and most importantly -- NO FUMBLES. His only blemish, being released by Dirty Birds GM, Jon Yang. Rumor is that Yang has a strong dislike for twins.

II. Most Improved Player at the Half
1. Drew Brees
2. Tiki Barber

This one wasn't close. Brees, once a forgotten free agent chillin at the local SD watering hole, is now ranked up their with the elites. Now the starting quarterback for the Angels, Brees seems to have found a home.

III. Bust of the Half
1. Travis Henry
2. Chad Johnson

Travis Henry - the dude flat out sucks now. We understand that McGahee is the future but how can one go from such a first round stud to free agent wire dud so quickly? The important thing is that despite all of Henry's struggles, Green Team has been able to maintain an incredible 8-3 record this year.

The only wrap on CJ is that he talks way too much. Come'on son, back up some of that trash and show me the money!

Free Agent Pick-up at the Half:
1. Ruben Droughns
2. Drew Brees

This seems to happen every year. Some 4th string fullback all of a sudden becomes a horse and a legit first round fantasy pick. We have to admit, never heard of Ruben before this year and had no idea that he was even in the league. But the boy is solid, runs like a horse, looks like an ogre and smells like a fantasy rose to us.

Drew Brees, its hard to be most improved player and not win some votes in this category as well.

General Manager at the Half:
1. Jon
2. Greg

Our Mich boys. JYang has been ridiculous. His ability to bounce back from that Ricky trade will undoubtedly be passed on for CTDB generations. Our sons will tell their sons of GM Yang's ability to reach back into his ass and pull out a bunch of no-name rookies and turn them into a playoff contending team. The Birds are a lock to make the playoffs and will look to make some noise this year.

G**** Ng. Despite the crash of Travis Henry, GM Ng has been crafty on the wire. His free agent signings have been ridiculous (Droughns, Gates, Roethlisberger) and his team sits at 8-3 ... tied for tops in the entire league. This is with Barlow and Henry on his bench (in Henry's case, the unemployment line). Nice job Ng.

Thanks Jamal!

Shanghai, China -

Once billed as a cornerstone of the Phreak franchise, Jamal Lewis now finds himself heading out of town, thanks to a blockbuster deal consummated in the wee hours of the morning between the Phreaks and the DiRTeByRDeeZ. The deal finds the Phreaks sending Jamal Lewis, Tony Gonzalez, and a conditional 2005 3rd round pick to the DIRTeByRDeeZ in exchange for Roy Williams, Lee Suggs, and the DIRTeByRDeeZ's 2005 2nd round pick.

"I want to first thank Jamal for giving his all to this franchise. He embodied the true spirit of what it means to be a Philadelphia Phreak. Coming back from injury the way he has, battling through all of the adversity, I have nothing but the deepest respect and admiration for Jamal. I wish him all the best in his efforts for the DB's. However today is also an incredibly exciting day for us here in Phreakland as we are welcoming a guy who we think will be a top-flight wide receiver for years to come in Roy Williams. Roy is a high-character guy with boundless energy who we see as a great fit for our rebuilding franchise," said Phreaks GM Ping Shen in what could be perceived as a concession speech for the 2004 season.

DIRTeByRDeeZ GM Jon spoke briefly after emerging from the negotiation room just before sunrise Wednesday, "I just want to say that I'm tremendously excited to be able to bring in a guy like Jamal Lewis. He reminds me a lot of the true DIRTeByRD, Jamal Anderson. Jamal is incredibly excited to come in here and lead our young and explosive team. With a proven guy like Jamal in the fold, the sky is the limit for this organization."

While a true analysis of this trade probably won't be possible for at least another year, one league GM weighed in, saying, "You gotta believe the Phreaks are giving up a lot here - a stud running back for an unproven rookie receiver, with, admittedly, loads of potential. Going into next season, the Phreaks will have only one proven back in Portis, and a bunch of "potential" guys. The ByRDeeZ, now, with Jamal leading the way for McGahee, have an incredibly explosive RB core. For a team left for dead earlier in the year, Yang has really done a great job remaking his club - if not a contender this year, they certainly will be in the near future."

Getting Spunky

As the season marches forward, surprises have been plenty and often. What the heck are the Birds doing up in the standings, tied for best record in the league? The Jammers under .500 but the Angels over .500? Say what? So here are we go, a run down of the SMG division and who's hot and who's not.

Green Team (6-3)
Green Team GM, Greg Ng, must be one of the top candidates for GM of the year at this point. Shrewd pickups including Antonio Gates, David Givens, Ruben Droughns, and Ben Roethlisberger have catapulted Green to the top of the division. The team as a whole is gelling well and scoring at a solid clip. A top 3 offense (until the Jammers overtook them last week), Green Team has plenty of young talent on its starting roster and has a deep bench to boot. Thomas Jones and Ruben Droughns have been a solid duo out of the backfield while Hines Ward again leads his receiver pack with 109 pts on the season (good for 5th best WR). The SMG division has traditionally been an easy one to win and if the Green Team can hold on to its production consistency, we see no reason for the team to enter the playoffs as the top rated team in the division.

Battle Angels (5-4)
Outside of the Birds, this is another surprise team that has taken the league by surprise. C-Mart has been lights out while Drew Brees is a solid MVP candidate this year. The receiving core is suspect at best with Moss out but the bottom line, the Angels are 5-4. GM Dinh has done a good job of plugging holes as necessary but a major concern is Moss' leg injury. That is one hole that management will be unable to plug if the injury lingers. In the meantime, Drew and C-Mart are expected to hold down the fort for the team

Flaming Shrapnels (5-4)
While its not surprising that the Shrapnels are once again a solid playoff contender, it is surprising that the team is scoring as such a high rate. 935 total points is good for second overall behind the Monkeys and is proving once again that the passing game should not be taken for granted. While DD and Chris Brown are no slouches, they aren't exactly LT and Shaun Alexander either. However, its the Shrapnel passing game led by Marc Bulger and TO that have taken the Shrapnel offense to new heights. With the return of Anquan Boldin, things only look better for the Shrapnel.

Skool (4-5)
I'm not sure how a team with Daunte Culpepper can be below .500. I know Moss is hurt but when Daunte easily accounts for half of most weekly scores on regular basis, you should be winning on a regular basis as well. However, Skool has been roped with constant injury and disappointing performances. Chad Johnson has not lived up to his motormouth, Deuce has been struggling again with that bad ankle, and Koren just can't seem to overtake DJax out in Seattle. If any of these three decides to step it up and play even up to half of their capabilities on a weekly basis, this would be a team to be reckoned with. Until then, GM Chen and his team might be following the playoffs from the team's clubhouse TV.

Phreaks (3-6)
A 3-1 start followed by a 5 game losing streak. Next week against Bree's 36 point performance carryover isn't gonna help either. What can we say? Curse. The Phreaks, no matter how they try, are simply cursed. The Red Sox took 86 years. Current projections indicate that GM Shen will be 109 before the streak is going to be broken. Joke. But despite the presence of two consensus pre-draft top 5 backs, the Phreaks have managed to turn the season into another debaucherous result. Jamal gets suspended, Clinton, despite being in a run oriented offense, decides to show up every 4th game, and the passing game outside of Donovan and Javon simply doesn't exist on a consistent basis. Rumors are circulating that GM Shen will be looking to completely rebuild this offseason so it'll be interesting to see what the team does in the coming months.

The Drama Kings

CHUNKY MONKEYS (6-3)
Being at the top of the regular season standings is nothing new for the Monkeys. They are constantly a team on in the mix, but like their NFL counterparts, the Eagles, they are always choking in the playoffs. Could this finally be the Monkeys year? With the most points scored in the league (by almost 10pts per game) and the best record, the Monkeys are hoping they can finally reach the promised land. With 6 century games and a week low of 90 pts, this team comes to play.

Armed with the tremendous trio of Peyton Manning (league leading 269 pts), Shaun Alexander (161) and LT (145), the Monkeys feature the best QB and two of the top five RBs. Did we mention Andre Johnson? An emerging stud and the fourth best WR in the game? It's a wonder that the Monkeys ever lose. If Darrell Jackson (89 pts) can keep on improving on his recent hot surge, the Monkeys might finally have the WRs to go with a traditionally strong ground game. Of course, any contender still has holes and it's at the third WR spot that the Monkeys fail to find consistency out of Chris Chambers or Amani Toomer.

DIRTY BIRDS (6-3)
The only team in this division to beat the Monkeys? That's right, the Dirty Birds, who squeaked out a 6pt win against them in WK2. In what has to be the surprise of the year, the Birds are right up there, neck and neck, with the league leaders. Despite being the 2nd lowest scoring team in the league, the Birds have managed to claw and scratch their way to six wins. Maybe it's the league leading PA schedule? Just maybe. But still, this team can be dangerous when it needs to be (two century games, two 99 pt games)and it never lays a goose egg (scoring only under 90pts twice). One of the Bird's losses was a forfeit and one was a loss by one point, so it could be argued that the Birds could be the best team in the league right now, but we won't argue that.

The question is, can these guys keep it up? This team has been devoid of stars, and solid producers (especially since Tiki was cut), but somehow the team manages to keep churning. Aaron Brooks has been top ten QB and he's anchored a rotating backfield of young guns like Rudi Johnson, DeShaun Foster (2 big games before being injured), Lee Suggs and now, mid-season revelation, Willis McGahee. With an up and coming WR corps (Roy Williams, Larry Fitzgerald, Ashely Lelie, Keary Colbert), the Birds can do some high flying too.

From a rebuilding season to a contending season, have the Birds run out of magic or can they keep a flapping?

TIIIIITE END JAMMERS (4-5)
Last year's champion seems destined for a trip to the playoffs, which is more than the previous two champions have been able to accomplish. What started out as a 1-5 record for the Jammers has nicely turned into a 4-5 record with three straight wins. The Jammers are back everybody and they're mad as hell. As evidenced by their back to back 141 and 151 points (season record) in WK7 and WK8.

Sporting the top two RBs in the league (Priest and Tiki, along with Ahman at 7th), the Jammers are primed for a true defense of their title. While QB Michael Vick has been more than sporadic, he remains the piece that could make the Jammers unbeatable. And it's not like Tom Brady or Steve McNair aren't serviceable backups.

Last year's weak (in relation to the QB and RBs) receiving corps is now bursting with weapons. Marvin Harrison (top 3 WR), Jimmy Smith (top 10 WR) and the newly invigorated Plaxico Burress (top 25 and moving up) are looking like the strongest WR duo in the league. Combine the best WR trio with the best RB duo along with Vick and what do you get? The entire Dirty Bird championship roster from two years ago? No. You get a scary looking championship team ready to avenge early season losses.

The Jammers could go undefeated the rest of the way and pull out home field advantage through the playoffs (again) if the players play up to even 75% of their potential.

BUFFY (4-5)
The Jammers have won three, the Buffyians have lost three. Elevator action as the two teams pass each other in the standings. Buffy has been wildly inconsistent, bursting out of the gates with some huge games and then playing down to the level of their competition; as evidenced by their weekly scores: 98-114-131-97-80-110-73-65-108. Why the wild swings of success? It doesn't take a genius to figure out that Buffy's fate is directly tied into the fate of the St Louis Rams.

Stalwarts like Marshall Faulk (108 pts), Torry Holt (107) and Isaac Bruce (100) have had their explosive games this year but they've also been erratic, just like the Rams. Even with another top ten WR in Joe Horn (104 pts) -- giving Buffy three of the top dozen receivers -- Buffy has been hard pressed for consistency. Some of this blame has to be spread to Travis Henry, who was a colossal bust. QB Matt Hasselbeck was looking like a bust until recently and even though he leads this team with 145 pts, he will have to really up his game to match his pre-season expectations.

Intriguing Patriot Corey Dillon has had his hot flashes but he's dinged up and hurt so now the onus is on Michael Pittman to match his stellar past few week's of performances. Can he do it? Can the ground game of Faulk, Dillon and Pittman give the Buffy aerial attack some legs? They'll have to otherwise the losing streak will just keep on going.

Strangely, Buffy is 3-1 within their division, with their only loss coming against the Chunky Monkeys in WK1. That means Buffy has been able to dominate the Drama Kings but has been the stomp pad for those Spunky Misunderstood Geniuses.

ANTE UP (2-7)
Ante Up has traditionally been a first half team, but they started off with a 56 point effort in WK1 and it's been only slightly uphill from there. This is one first half of the season that Ante Up fans would certainly rather forget. Four century games and nine weeks into the season, Ante Up only has two wins to show for all of their hard work. In fact, Ante Up hasn't been a true contender since season one, when they started off undefeated in five games but somehow managed to slip to a final record of 5-8. After back to back 5-8 records in 2001 and 2002, last year's 8-7 mark was a spark of hope, but now Ante Up is looking like it'll set a new franchise low for wins.

Can Ante Up ownership turn this franchise around and finally get on track? The roster on hand certainly looks like its got some weapons, but can you really live forever on potential?

RBs Edgerrin James (139 pts, 6th best RB) has become a dependable feature back and looks fully recovered from his ACL tear of two years ago, but the rest of this team has been disappointing. Greater things were expected out of QB Trent Green than 164 pts and only ranking as the eighth best signal caller in the game. The Chiefs have not been the offensive juggernauts they were supposed to be and Green's numbers have suffered.

WRs Derrick Mason, Donte' Stallworth and Laveranous Coles have been unable to duplicate the success they had last year and only the emergence of Reggie Wayne has kept this aerial unit passable. Even the balls busting defense of the Buccanneers have taken a quick slide to mediocrity this year (ranked 16th) and without that bone crushing defensive prescence, it looks like Ante Up is having difficulty winning games.

On the bright side, Ante Up is only two games out of a playoff berth but they're going to really need Trent Green to step up, a weaker schedule (Ante has faced the hardest opponents this year by far), or for old war horse Jerome Bettis to get a whole more carries and TDs. Otherwise it'll be "Ante Suck" for another year.

Calling Mr. Jones

The news for the Phreaks just went from bad to worse. RB Brian Westbrook, originally diagnosed with a bruised rib, is reported to instead have a broken rib and is now expected to miss up to two weeks. With stud RB Jamal Lewis in the middle of a two-game suspension, the injury leaves the Phreaks paper-thin at RB heading into this week’s game against the Chunky Monkeys. Injury-plagued rookie Kevin Jones and 37 year-old Dorsey Levens, just signed to a 7-day contract, are the only two healthy RBs on the roster. It’s safe to say that neither Jones nor Levens, whomever ends up starting on Sunday, will keep defensive coordinators up at night.

“I’m sorry to see Brian get hurt,” said Phreaks GM Ping Shen, “He’ll be back quickly for us, but in the meantime we are a little bit short at RB since Jamal is still out one more game. Dorsey is our veteran security blanket, but we’re going to give Kevin a long, hard look in practice this week to see if he’s ready to crack the starting lineup.”

“B-West was an engine for our team,” said Phreaks captain and resident superstar Donovan McNabb, “But we have some other weapons here who can get the job done in his absence. None of us can lose heart or lose focus right now. We’re too good a team for that. We know we have a job to do and we’re going to go out there and do it. If I have to suck it up and log 15 carries on Sunday I will.”

One CTDB scout summed up the Phreaks options for this coming Sunday like this, “Let’s just say that choosing between a guy who’s nearly eligible for the AARP and a rookie who looks like he’s forgotten how to run at times isn’t going to be fun for the Phreaks. The Monkeys have been somewhat susceptible to the run in past weeks, but heck, I could probably tackle Dorsey Levens. The Phreaks really, really need Portis to step up with a monster game this week.”

One league GM, when asked for comment, replied, “You know what? It might be time to start talking about the Phreak Curse again – you know, guys like Marcus Robinson (season ending), Michael Bennett, DeShaun Foster (season ending), Jerry Porter (season ending), Deion Branch (season ending?), David Boston (season ending) – all these guys having serious or season ending injuries anywhere from a day to a week after being drafted by the Phreaks. Let’s not even talk about their basketball franchise. Something’s up with that.”

Carriage House Rules!

Two of the hottest teams in the league right now both hail from the same apartment in Michigan. Now we know what you're thinking... shenanigans! But no. This duo was just holed up together for no other reason than to study football and play Madden -- and they're sticking with that story. Now, five years after they parted, they are together again, atop the Catch The Damn Ball League standings.

The Green Team proved that it was for real this week, beating the favored Chunky Monkey and dropping them to second behind the Dirty Birds. The Birds returned the favor by beating early season favorite Battle Angels, moving the Green Team up to first.

Both the Green and the Bird's defenses were instrumental in their victories. The Bird's stifled the Curtis Martin / Randy Moss attack (8 combined points) that had been so potent this year. The Baltimore D of the Green Team had 25 points, setting the tone for the rest of the Green Team. These two teams may not be filled with bonafide stars but they're winning with balance. Each week, almost every player is getting 10+ points for these two owneres and Ws have been rolling in.

The Birds are on a season high 4 game winning streak and there looks to be no end in sight, as their young players get better and better. No comments lamenting the loss of Tiki will be said here, since he is too old to be bothered with (but we'll take him back if you want to return him Lei, who has my ENTIRE team from last year). The Green Team has been hurt by the lackluster season turned in by Kevan Barlow, Santana Moss and Chad Pennington but they continue to win behind Brett Favre, Thomas Jones and new find Ruben Droughns.

Critics and jealous team owners are quick to point to the Birds and the Green Men's weak schedules as the reasons for their success. But owners Yang and Ng laugh it off as they swig the bubbly and enjoy the leggy fruits of their labor. "When you're at the top of the world, everyone hates you, but we know we're a good team(s), it's not because our opponents suck. And even if that were true, that would mean that YOU guys suck, since you guys are the opponents and the haters! Woo hoo! Off to Chuck E Cheese!"

The Birds and the Green Team are slated to meet in WK10, and the winner of that game will be crowned "King of the World."

In other Michigan related news, Skool defeated Ante Up this past weekend, extending their winning streak to three. While Green and the Dirties sit atop the football pyramid, Skool and Ante are hanging around at the bottom. But it looks like they're making moves, as Skool is just two games out of first in a very competitive division and Ante Up has a great roster on paper. Ante Up has been hit with a brutal schedule, with opponents averaging over 110 a game against them, but things have to get better, right?

Go Blue!

The CTDB Curse

After another stunning loss for the Jammers. GM Lei can only ask himself, "why me? why me?" This always seems to happen in CTDB. The year after you win a championship, you are destined to be one of the bottom teams the following year, regardless of how great your team is on paper.

With a team that has fantasy superstars Priest Holmes, Ahman Green, Michael Vick, Marvin Harrison, and the ever reliable Plaxico Burress, any fantasy GM would LOVE to have such a great core to build around. But unfortunately, the Jammers 1-5 slide continues. Will they even win another game this year? Or will they do the unthinkable and be worse than last year's Phreaks team? Only time will tell.

It might be too early, but perhaps it is time to rebuild. The Jammers have plenty of assets and could easily turn them into younger stars and draft picks. When asked if any changes would be made, GM Pan replied, "we're just hitting our stride. We're looking to win out and repeat as champions." An unnamed GM responded to this by saying, "doesn't he know about the curse? DAMN THAT CURSE!!!"

Parity in this league does exist, and what could be the greatest team one year, is just another bottom dweller the next. With the various salary cap restraints and what not, it is difficult to keep so many superstars. However great GM Pan's team is on paper, in the end, this game is played on the field.

Spunky Division

Might it be? A changing of the guard? A shift in the balance of power in the league? The last three seasons have produced an Inscrutable Drama Kings' champion. Can one of the Spunky Misunderstood Geniuses finally break the streak and win the big one? So far so good, with three of the Spunky Geniuses sporting gaudy 3-1 records.

Battle Angels (3-1)
It's the Curtis Martin show! Now acknowledged as "the most underrated back ever," Martin recently passed Thurman Thomas for 10th on the all time rushing list. Curtis who? Curtis of the combined 500 yards and 5 TDs, that's who. The Angels are flying high in the early going, with a stellar trio of Tom Brady, Randy Moss and Curtis Martin. The Angels have never experienced an early season surge like this (with three century games and one loss by only ten points) and they are hoping it doesn't stop. Even the early season injuries to Steve Smith and Julius Jones couldn't stop the Angels from jumping out to a division lead, as Warrick Dunn and Rod Smith have picked up the slack. With Warrick dinged up, could the Angels be crashing back to Earth soon? Let's hope not because team owner Vu Dinh is already reserving his Super Bowl tickets.

Philadelphia Phreaks (3-1)
Oh what a difference a year makes. Last year the Phreaks managed two wins, despite the prescence of superstar RBs Clinton Portis and Jamal Lewis. This year? The Phreaks already have three wins in a row and are chopping at the bit for more. While some of the wins haven't been pretty (both coming with the Phreaks scoring sub-80 for the week), a win is a win is a win. The early season success for the Phreaks can be attributed to one man, super QB Donovan McNabb, who has outscored the Phreaks second and third most productive players combined. While Portis and Lewis have been slow to get on the gravy train, third back Brian Westbrook has been a yardage sensation -- now if only he could get a few TDs. Young backs Tatum Bell and Kevin Jones have so far been non-factors, but they both have boatloads of promise. Now if only the same could be said of the receiving unit. The WR core has always been weak but at least Javon Walker has flashes of promise. With a re-surgent Terry Glenn and the flashy Deion Branch in tow, the Phreaks are 100% better on the edges than they were last year. The Phreak nation finally has something to cheer for: a winning record.

Green Team (3-1)
A team perpetually on the rise, is this finally Green Team's year? A 3-1 record might indicate that this team is finally learning how to win together, after a roster that has experienced little to no upheaval. The Jet connection of Chad Pennington and Santana Moss have been a little slow to catch on so the heavy lifting has been left up to new dual threat RB, Thomas Jones. Installed in the perfect offense for him, Jones looks like he's ready to be a top back this year. And the Green Team will need him because Travis Henry has been a bust so far, and Kevan Barlow hasn't quite become "the Bay Area's LT." In fact, the only player playing to his potential right now (outside of Jones) is Hines Ward, who is quietly going about another stellar season. TE Tony Gonzalez is having a decent season, even as the Chiefs' offense sputters. The continued success of this team will be dependent on Kevan Barlow or Travis Henry rounding out to mid-season form, otherwise the Green Team's early season success could dribble away.

Flaming Shrapnel (2-2)
Every year, one team suffers from having a horrific schedule, stumbling to an uneven season despite putting up all kinds of points. It looks like this might be the Shrapnel's lucky season. With 429 points scored (fourth best in the league), and never a game below 90, the Shrap should be winning a few games. Instead they have faced a schedule that has presented four straight 100+ opponents. But never fear, because GM Liao is positioning his team for a late season surge. Or he better be, since his entire bench is hurt (M Bennett, D Davis, A Boldin, B Lloyd). The Shrapnel have a good team on paper, blending a productive veteran WR corps (T Owens, E Moulds) with up and coming RB stars (C Brown, D Davis). But the dropoff after these four guys (and QB Marc Bulger) is huge. Do the names J Morton, T Carter or T Wheatley scare you? Didn't think so. It looks like the Flaming will just have to wait to ignite later in the season when stars like M Bennett and A Boldin can return to the field.

Skool (0-4)
When you have the hottest QB in the league, Daunte Culpepper, is there any reason you aren't winning games? Oh yeah, football is a team game. And Skool doesn't have much of a team right now. Stephen Davis, hurt. Deuce McAllister, hurt. Charlie Garner, out for the season. Skool's big name WRs haven't done much this season either, as Chad Johnson, Koren Robinson, Keyshawn Johnson and Peerless Price have combined for a whopping 88 pts on the season. That's 20 pts a week from the WR unit, not gonna cut it. Waiver wire addition Duce Staley will have to keep up his yardage numbers to give Daunte some support. However, this team is in big trouble unless star RBs Davis and Deuce can return to form very quickly.

Showdown

It has been an unusually quiet week here at Chunky Monkey headquarters as the Monkeys get set to take on their hated rival TE Jammers in CTDB's week three Game of the Week [GOTW].

When the Monkey and Jammers meet, the preceeding week is usually filled with an assortment of trash talk and verbal barbs between the players, coaches, and even the general managers. Recent references to the sexual orientation of Jammer members and to the weight issues inside the Monkey locker room have only heightened the tension between these bitter division rivals. Now that each sit at 1-1 and are both in need of this key victory, the stage is set for the biggest showdown thus far in the young 2004 season.

Monkey GM Shiue was unusually understated Monday, issuing only a short statement proclaiming that "this week is no different than any other" and that he "holds the Jammer organization in high regard." One anonymous CTDB GM, when told of Shiue's public comments, burst out laughing, saying, "That's just Shiue being Shiue and not wanting to give the Jammers and added motivation. Everyone in CTDB and their grandma knows how badly the Monkeys want this win - this is definitely not just any game. When you see them on Sunday, you'll see the real animosity between these two squads. Expect some fireworks."

Jammer GM Lei Pan was unavailable for comment for this story, but a source close to the Jammer team told Sportsline that "yeah, we wanna smash those guys [Chunky Monkeys] in the mouth, beat em up real good. I didn't tell you this, but the rumor in the locker room is that management is offering $50,000 to whoever puts a season ending hit on Peyton." Monkey phenom Ladanian Tomlinson commented on the remarks by saying, "They're a dirty team, so I'm not surprised at all. But me and Shaun will be ready to protect Peyton at all costs, so nobody here is worried. Tell 'em to bring it on, leave the talking to the reporters and come Sunday we'll see who's the best."

Of critical importance to both teams this week is the health of their RBs. Holmes for the Jammers and the Monkeys' Shaun Alexander are both coming off moderate injuries. While both are expected to play, it is unclear how much they will be able to contribute. In what can only be a positive for the Jammers, Alcorn State product Air McNair is reportedly dealing with a mildly sprained ankle. It is widely known that McNair does his best work when hurt - so the Monkey defense will definitely be tested by McNair and the Jammers' all-world WR Marvin Harrison. Look for a high scoring game, likely decided by a late touchdown from either Jerry Porter or Chris Chambers.

It's only Wednesday, folks, so stay tuned - the trash talking will undoubtedly only get worse before Sunday.

Tiki Leaves Town

The last starting member of the Dirty Birds craptastic team from last year has been cut. Yes fanboys and superfans, versatile RB Tiki Barber has been waived from the team that he joined late last season. With his departure from the team, all vestiges of the Dirty Birds dirty season has been cut, save for inconsistent WR Ashley Lelie.

To follow the convoluted path of how the Birds acquired Mr Barber, here is our trade tracker expert, Mel Kiper Sr. "It began with the innocent trade of M Vick, A Green and M Harrison for D Bledsoe, R Williams, J Horn and C Rogers. Soon after that trade, C Rogers was moved for M Bennett. Bennet was moved, along with A Boldin, for T Barber and I Hilliard. And now, Tiki is unceremoniously dumped by the Birds youth minded management."

So how does the "worst trade ever" stack up for the Birds? Almost a full year after the "huge mistake," Bledsoe was cut and Ricky Williams retired. J Horn was moved for young backs S Jackson, W McGahee and WR J McCareins earlier these season. C Rogers turned into M Bennett who turned into Tiki, who just got cut. So, less than two years past a championship core, the Birds have Jackson, McGahee and McCareins instead of Vick, Ahman and Marvin. Sounds fair doesn't it?

Just one week removed from an outstanding WK1 performance, Tiki was understandably upset about his lack of a job heading into WK2. "Last week I ran up and down the field, I broke big runs, I scored a TD, how can they cut me?" Vowing to never set foot in Deion Sanders Stadium ever again, Tiki stormed out from a meeting with GM Jon Yang. "Bastard, see what I do for an opposing team, this move just goes to prove how idiotic management has been for the past year. Retards!"

Asked by reporters why a trade wasn't pursued, GM Yang could only shrug and say, "There was no interest in Tiki, he's kind of washed up you know? And confidence around the league in him is not as high as it once was." This was a business decision, nothing more. We have a stable of young backs and receivers and as much as we needed veteran leadership, we couldn't part with any of our emerging talent. So, we wish Mr Barber the best of luck on his next team."

In other news, Donald Driver was also cut from the Birds roster. Not much uproar was caused. Driver left the building mumbling "They cut me for a defense? What? Who even needs a defense?" When informed that Tiki Barber was cut for a kicker, Driver smiled and said "Oh really? Well, i feel better now!"

In other other news, the Dirty Birds signed Natalie Portman, Kristin Kreuk, Scarlett Johannson and for good measure, Jennifer Connelly and Monica Belluci to be sideline reporters and personal assistants for the team president. "If we can't win a game this year, at least we'll have hot chicks on the field."

8 Questions

Shanghai, China - June 8, 2004

With the 2004 CTDB season just around the corner, we here in the commissioner's office thought we'd take a look at 8 burning preseason questions for the upcoming season -

1) Are the Battle Angels planning on going with the empty backfield approach?
We feel this is pertinent when the best running back on the roster is one Eddie George - yeah, the same guy who was supposed to be released on June 1, and the guy who is now engaged in discussions with management about a pay cut. Even if he plays, let's not forget it's the same guy who has struggled to average 3 yards a carry for the past few years. After Eddie? There's the 55 year old Curtis Martin who looks like he's a better fit for the AARP than for the end zone. Moe Williams and Warrick Dunn round out the RB core, two injury-prone guys who are currently slated to be on the short end of a runningback-by-committe platoon. For the Angels, there's always the draft, where stud rookies and quality #2 RBs await.

2) Are the Chunky Monkeys just CTDB's version of the NBA's Sacramento Kings?
That is, an extremely talented team that always seems ready to go the distance but ends up being a bigger tease than that underclassman you took to the senior prom. Let's face it, with a roster sporting the likes of Ladanian Tomlinson, Shaun Alexander, Peyton Manning, Darrell Jackson and David Boston, our sights were set high. But again, the Monkeys succeeded in convincing everyone that they were ready to go the distance - LT routinely ripped off 75 yard screen passes for TDs, Shaun Alexander figured out how to not score all of his TDs in one half and to spread them around, David Boston actually played, Darrell Jackson caught fire, and Peyton Manning was, well, Peyton Manning. Maybe it's something in the water at Monkey Headquarters, maybe it's the management. We just don't know. But we figure that like the King's Maloof brothers, it's only a matter of time before Monkey management realizes something needs to be done and shakes things up.

3) Is Shrapnel GM Eric-L really planning on stepping in and playing QB himself?
We were reluctant at first to give credence to these rumors flying around about Mr. Liao taking snaps behind center, but when we looked at the Shrapnel roster, we realized he might not be kidding. A late season trade for Steve "I finally missed a game because of injury" McNair looks to be a stop-gap measure for last year's playoffs instead of the long term answer, and Tommy Maddox's bumpy 2003 campaign leaves us wondering if Shrapnel will once again be the only team to enter the draft without a signal caller. With 5 solid keepers to be had in the Shrapnel RB and WR ranks, it's not hard to envision. However, heading into the season with Joey Harrington at the helm might be even harder to envision.

4) What's the over-under on the Phreaks' win total at the end of 2004? 1? 2?
Seriously, after a sterling 2-11 2003 campaign, do the Phreak players even believe they can win a game anymore? Sure, there was the credible explanation of the league's toughest schedule, but 2-11 has to be damaging to anyone's psyche - anyone not named "robocop" anyways. It would be beating a dead horse to say that the Phreaks need help at WR - with top 5 talent at the QB, RB1, and RB2 positions, it's difficult to see how this team struggled so mightily last season. Then you realize that the Phreaks last year lost games by scores like 109 - 106, 123 - 102, 108 - 95, and 115 - 91, and you see how it's possible. We've been over this before, but it bears repeating - during the 2003 regular season, Phreak opponents averaged 11 points more against them than against Flaming Shrapnel. 11 points - that's like playing 10 on 11 every week. No wonder. Compared to the Monkeys, who faced the league's second toughest schedule, Phreak opponents averaged 5.2 more points - that's like playing against an extra kicker every week. So, with a little help from lady luck, and perhaps a wide receiver or two, the Phreaks could be poised for a dramatic reversal of fortune in 2004.

5) How many games will Michael Vick last in 2004?
The guess here is less than or equal to 10. Don't get us wrong, we love the guy and the world of athleticism he brings to the QB position. But let's face facts, the guy's not yet a refined quarterback - and who doesn't cringe when Vick gets blindsided by an enraged, 250-pound 'backer as he gallops down the field. Hey Michael - one word of advice: "SLIDE!" Unless he settles down in the pocket and/or learns how to slide to avoid some of those nasty hits he takes, Vick's career is going to be a short one.

6) Who's got the best keeper core of RBs heading into 2004?
[Notice we said "keeper core," so yes, age is a factor]
Several teams immediately come to mind - there's the aforementioned combo of Portis and Lewis in Philadelphia, the Monkey's pairing of Tomlinson and Alexander, Ahman Green and Priest Holmes in Jammer land, Fragile Freddy and Edge for Ante Up. For age and injury concerns, however, we eliminate TE Jammers (Holmes) and Ante Up (Fred Taylor). Which leaves us with the Phreaks and the Monkeys. To us, choosing between Portis and Lewis and Tomlinson and Alexander is like choosing between Eva Mendes and Salma Hayek - while you have arguments for or against either one, at the end of the day, you'd be pretty damned happy to be going home with either one of them. So let's look at depth - the 3rd RB on the Monkey roster is Marcel Shipp. Shipp is penciled in as the starter this year in Arizona, though we note that he is playing with an unproven QB and that he did not score a TD last season despite rushing for over 800 yards. The Phreaks sport Brian Westbrook at RB3. Westbrook, the versatile speedster from Villanova posted 945 combined yards last year and 11 TDs - now sharing time with only Correll Buckhalter instead of Buckhalter and Staley, we see only upside to Westbrook's numbers. However, in total, due to slight questions about Westbrook's durability (he missed one game last year due to a triceps injury), and due to Jamal Lewis' ongoing struggles with the law, we call this one a draw between the Phreaks and Monkeys.

7) Who's going to be the surprise team of 2004?
We'd say that the Phreaks have the best chance of posting a last-to-first type story this season, but we wouldn't really be surprised at that. So, we give this one to the DIRTeByRDeez. The DBs finished last season last in their division with a 5-8 record. While the trade of M. Vick leaves them with an apparent hole at QB, we are extremely high on the young Byron Leftwich. Leftwich has reportedly worked very hard this offseason to learn the playbook and develop timing and chemistry with his wide receivers. Corey Dillon, finishing last season on the bench for the Bengals (that one's gotta hurt), finds himself in New England with a chance for a clean slate and with a chance to play for a winning team for the first time in his professional life. Dillon, who has plenty of life left in his legs, figures to receive the vast majority of the carries in Foxboro, and we feel that he has at least 2-3 more double-digit TD years in him. And while there's no Marvin Harrison or Terrell Owens in the WR core, Joe "on the" Horn and Plaxico "don't spike a live ball" Burress form a solid enough core to carry this team a long ways.

8) Who's going to be the [worst] surprise team of 2004?
That is, who's going from first-to-worst? The bet here is Flaming Shrapnel, with or without Eric Liao at quarterback. That Flaming finished first in its division at 8-8, is more a testament to luck and a kind schedule than it was to the scorching play of anyone not named Anquan. Heading into 2004, the Shrapnel [aside from the above QB issues] have several question marks at RB. Thomas Jones has received a lot of attention now that he is once again a starter in Chicago. But can Rex Grossman really do enough to take the pressure off a guy who's been labeled as a "bust" for three straight years? Domanick Davis appears relatively solid, but was only the best rookie from a very weak 2003 rookie RB class. Michael Bennett has yet to prove that he is much other than an injury prone track star, and William Green may never be able to run without looking over his shoulder again [certainly a rather unfortunate affliction for a running back] after being tragically [some might say comically] stabbed in the back by his finacee. While we admit that Terrell Owens, Anquan Boldin and Eric Moulds is a beastly combo of receivers, counting on WRs in fantasy football is like counting on Smarty Jones in the Belmont Stakes.

So there you have it - 8 questions and 8 answers to tide you over and through the preseason workouts and prognistications. Here's to football!

Nigerian Nightmare Keeps It Dirty

With the foresight of Rasputin and the voice of Jennifer Love, GM Yang today announced his keeper list....nine months early. Incredible!!! Not one returning player from last year will be kept. Ricky Williams? Trash. Tiki Barber? Trash identical. Joe Horn? Who you calling daddy? Plaxico? Michigan State, you ain't shit, please. The new keeper five for the Dirty Birds will be, in no particular order: Jamal Anderson, Andre Rison, Deion Sanders, MC Hammer and Christian Okoye.

The question most people might ask is, "Isn't this a keeper league for future and current stars? These guys sound kind of old don't they? And isn't MC Hammer now know only as Hammer?" To prove the doubters wrong, The Home Depot store on Atlanta's Main Street was opened to the public as a workout/concert was underway to showcase the talents of these five venerable veterans. In explaining the philosophy behind this sure to be wildly successful move, GM Yang had this to say.

"What we needed in here was some fans in seats. After the worst trade ever in the galaxial universe and beyond, we felt we needed to move for some big names. Some exciting stars of the past, you can never go wrong with hindsight right?. In Madden '94, we exclusively threw to Andre Rison and Michael Haynes on slants and deep posts and we never lost a game. We had to get Bad Moon, especially after Left Eye left his physical universe, he's been kinda down lately. Jamal Anderson was the big thighed inspiration for our name and the secret father of Beyonce Knowles-Anderson. Plus we think he dances better than her anyway. We needed to get him up in this. And what can you say about Deion? He's the best two way player there ever was (yes guys, that means he likes you too!). And now that he's an almost coach and a semi-believable preacher, we will have god, the x's, and the o's on our side. Unbelievable. The addition of Hammer was purely for pity's sake. He was always stalking the sidelines in the mid-90s and we feel like those big pants of his are really going to come back. He's always been 2 legit 2 quit and we want to show our city that we too are "too legit." Hammer will be our new triple threat quarterback. He will dance, sing and make popcorn. Get ready.

But really, the real genius behind this deal is the signing of Christian Okoye. Many of you may not remember him but he was a super back for much of the late 80s and the early 90s. He made the Bus look like a Bug, check out the pads. While Mr Okoye has been admittedly out of shape for much of the past decade, his English has improved remarkably. He's up to two syllable words and his conversations sometimes last past three seconds. Anyone with the nickname "The Nigerian Nightmare" deserves to be given a second chance in the league. We at Dirty Bird Co are all about second chances (hi Corey Dillon). We had the soft running depression ridden Ricky Williams last year and the fumble often Tiki so we figured we might as well get the Nightmare and the Dirty Bird in here to cause some ruckus."

Trev Alberts of ESPN fame had this to say about this stunning turn of events. "Well, it looks like this could soon be a dynasty in the making. Like Isiah with a prayer, GM Yang has moved to ensure his spot in the GM hall of fame. With championships sewn up from here till the next century, this solid nucleus of five will dominate like Death and never give up like Taxes. How're you gonna defend this? Deion speeding down the sideline on a go route, Andre on a quituple cut post route, Jamal dancing out of the backfield, Christian blowing up linebackers like Nigerians blow up food lines. All this with Hammer slanging the rock. Yeah Hammer, don't hurt'em."

Michael Vick was contacted to be a keeper but so far the Birds have been unable to snatch him away from the newly crowned champions of the world, the Tite End Jammers. And to that we say "Michael Vick and Lei Pan, watch out for Tonya Harding and Jeff Gillooly (join his "Free Jeff in 2006" campaign). We know where you live."

Seasons 2004-2100?, it's already in the history books. Go home to your mommy.