Calling Mr. Jones

The news for the Phreaks just went from bad to worse. RB Brian Westbrook, originally diagnosed with a bruised rib, is reported to instead have a broken rib and is now expected to miss up to two weeks. With stud RB Jamal Lewis in the middle of a two-game suspension, the injury leaves the Phreaks paper-thin at RB heading into this week’s game against the Chunky Monkeys. Injury-plagued rookie Kevin Jones and 37 year-old Dorsey Levens, just signed to a 7-day contract, are the only two healthy RBs on the roster. It’s safe to say that neither Jones nor Levens, whomever ends up starting on Sunday, will keep defensive coordinators up at night.

“I’m sorry to see Brian get hurt,” said Phreaks GM Ping Shen, “He’ll be back quickly for us, but in the meantime we are a little bit short at RB since Jamal is still out one more game. Dorsey is our veteran security blanket, but we’re going to give Kevin a long, hard look in practice this week to see if he’s ready to crack the starting lineup.”

“B-West was an engine for our team,” said Phreaks captain and resident superstar Donovan McNabb, “But we have some other weapons here who can get the job done in his absence. None of us can lose heart or lose focus right now. We’re too good a team for that. We know we have a job to do and we’re going to go out there and do it. If I have to suck it up and log 15 carries on Sunday I will.”

One CTDB scout summed up the Phreaks options for this coming Sunday like this, “Let’s just say that choosing between a guy who’s nearly eligible for the AARP and a rookie who looks like he’s forgotten how to run at times isn’t going to be fun for the Phreaks. The Monkeys have been somewhat susceptible to the run in past weeks, but heck, I could probably tackle Dorsey Levens. The Phreaks really, really need Portis to step up with a monster game this week.”

One league GM, when asked for comment, replied, “You know what? It might be time to start talking about the Phreak Curse again – you know, guys like Marcus Robinson (season ending), Michael Bennett, DeShaun Foster (season ending), Jerry Porter (season ending), Deion Branch (season ending?), David Boston (season ending) – all these guys having serious or season ending injuries anywhere from a day to a week after being drafted by the Phreaks. Let’s not even talk about their basketball franchise. Something’s up with that.”