Super Bowl XIIII

There’s foregone conclusions and then there’s what the Tiiite End Jammers accomplished this year: Inarguably the greatest single season in CTDB history. Sure, Chunky Monkeys had a similar one loss season in 2006, but they had to sweat out a tough Super Bowl. The Jammers have also earned the “greatest single season” title because this year basically came out of nowhere.

• Tiiite End Jammers vs Fob Stars, 116.2 - 88.2

Prior to last year’s 8-5 record and first round playoff exit, the Jammers had been in the Toilet Bowl for three straight years, and it would have been four times, if the Toilet Bowl had been around in 2009. Their last playoff appearance before 2013 was way back in 2008. And their last playoff win? 2003, when they won their first championship. That’s a lot of losing before this year’s explosion.

So yeah, this season was extra special because it was a lightning bolt across the sky, with Lei and his fan base re-invigorated by an incredible regular season and then an avalanche of a post-season that culminated in a Super Bowl drubbing. The numbers are impressive.

Thirteen century games, a nine game winning streak to open the season, back-to-back weeks of 170+ points, a season low score of only 94.3 (albeit in their lone loss), and a regular season scoring average of 133.7, almost 30+ points higher than their next closest PF competitor. Pair that high scoring output with the easiest schedule in the league — opponents averaged a paltry 89.1 ppg — and it’s no wonder Jammers went 12-1, with the only smear on their 2014 campaign being a shocking WK10 loss to last place Athena Nike. We haven’t seen a team so consistently smash the competition, ever.

We already covered in the Super Bowl preview how Jammers have outrageous players at running back and receivers, but it was quarterback Russell Wilson who led the way during the championship game with 43.8 points. He almost tripled Tom Brady’s meek 14.1 points. Of course, this team was still ground powered, with Le’Veon Bell and DeMarco Murray leading the way during the regular season. Heck, the third RB on the roster, Lamar Miller, scored more fantasy points on the bench than either Bell or Murray last week. That’s depth.

With Antonio Brown, Demaryius Thomas, and Jeremy Maclin, Jammers also had the best WR corps in the game, and again, that’s not accounting for Mike Wallace, who would have had quite the fantasy playoffs if he had started. I don’t know how many more praises to sing for this team. The bench also featured DeAndre Hopkins, and GM Lei wisely benched Jay Cutler earlier in the season. We have to give ourselves a clap on the back for giving Jammers the highest grade in the 2014 draft. Note that Wilson was a free agent pickup after Cutler and Robert Griffin both flamed out.

In the end, congrats to Jammers, and their terrific storyline for the conclusion of our fourteenth season!

A few words about Fobsters, who ran head on into the impenetrable wall that was the 2014 Jammers. This was Fobsters second Super Bowl appearance in five years and it was a very successful season all around. Jimmy’s team only went 5-8 during the regular season — like most of his division mates — but really kicked his game into overdrive for the last two months of the season. Starting in WK10, they put up 137.9, 102.1, 125.2, 121.3, 123.5, and 131.0 points until a weak showing in the Super Bowl. Still, behind a rejuvenated Tom Brady, a played his way into shape Eddie Lacey, and the super WR duo of Jordy Nelson and Dez Bryant, plus unearthing rookie Kelvin Benjamin,  the future is bright for Fobsters. Maybe next time it’ll be a Super Bowl win for them?

Playoffs: Super Bowl Preview

Tiiite End Jammers (12-1) vs Fobsters (5-8)
Number one overall seed Tiiite End Jammers laid the smack down on defending champ Chunky Monkeys. It was over by early Sunday afternoon, as Lei’s resurgent franchise looked ready to cruise their way to the title game, their first since 2003 — when they won the championship with a team featuring Priest Holmes and Ahman Green. They’ll be facing off against Fobsters, who hit the Super Bowl in 2010, but haven’t found much success since, excluding last year’s Toilet Bowl win. Jimmy’s team upset Philadelphia Phreaks with an impressive performance themselves, as they took eliminated the only team with a winning record from the Spunky Misunderstood Geniuses division.

Even though Fobsters will be facing an uphill battle in this championship game, they conceivably have the chance to pull off a major upset as they’ve consistently been able to reach 120-130+ points recently. Of course, Jammers averaged 133.7 points over the regular season, so it’s going to take an all in effort for Fobsters to win.

• Tiiite End Jammers (12-1) vs Chunky Monkeys (84.5), 122.8 - 84.5
• Fobsters (5-8) vs Philadelphia Phreaks (7-6), 131.0 - 39.4

QB: Tom Brady has regained his championship form recently, posting great efforts for the past three months. Russell Wilson hasn’t been bad himself, and only a point or two separate the two quarterbacks on the season. Wilson is a bit more erratic but he’s just as capable of putting up a 30+ point game as Brady. We’ll give the edge to Brady though, as New England is more than happy to pile on the points. EDGE: Fobsters

RB: Well, Jammers have the #1 and #2 backs in football, so there’s not much to debate here. Le’Veon Bell has been incredible, and DeMarco Murray is right up there with him. Both are basically rampaging monsters and Bell has especially been on a roll recently, posting 35.4 and 44.5 points recently. Fobsters will counter with Eddie Lacy, who is having a good second half of the season, but he’s not Bell and Murray. EDGE: Jammers

WR/TE: Fobsters run a four wide attack featuring a great collection of receivers. Jordy Nelson is #2 in WR points, Dez Bryant is in the top ten, and rookie Kelvin Benjamin has refound his early season success. That fourth receiver is veteran Steve Smith, who has been alternating great weeks with decent ones. That’s not bad right? Well, the problem is that Jammers also feature some stellar receivers. In fact, Antonio Brown and Demaryius Thomas are the #1 and #3 WRs this season, and Jeremy Maclin is ranked #7, one spot ahead of Dez Bryant. So even though Fobsters have more receivers, it’s quality over quantity in this matchup, especially when you consider that Smith is sort of taking the place of one of the running backs. EDGE: Jammers

DEF/K: Usually there’s no need to cover defenses or kickers, but in this case, both teams have very highly ranked defenses. Jammers have Rams defense, who have been stifling folks recently, and have scored TDs in three of their last four weeks. Fobsters counter with a Bills defense that also has three TDs in their last four games, and just took down Peyton Manning and Aaron Rodgers, so there’s no telling what they could do to Derek Carr next week. EDGE: Even

Prediction: Jammers win by fifteen, without hardly breaking a sweat. This just seems like their season, and without an unfortunate (but fortunate) WK10 loss, Lei’s team would have been undefeated and then in the conversation for the greatest season ever!

Toilet Bowl V

Dirty Birds (6-7) vs Fat Jubas (5-8), 126.0 - 69.5
Jubas ended the regular season on a four game tear, narrowly missing the playoffs. They looked to have an easy path to a Toilet Bowl finals and they started off by dispatching Battle Angels pretty easily last week. In contrast, Dirty Birds finished their regular season on a 1-4 slide, landing them right into the consolation bracket. Once there, they took down Inscrutable Drama Kings division bottom dweller Athena Nike with ease, setting up a Birds versus Jubas Toilet Bowl.

Eric’s team had never hit a Toilet Bowl yet, and actually haven’t missed the post-season since 2009, one year before we started the losers tourney. Instead, they found themselves on the wrong end of an offensive explosion as Jon’s team dominated behind rookie Odell Beckham Jr.’s 36.3 points. Jubas had their own stellar rookie performance, 27.7 points by Jeremy Hill, but Hill rode the bench.

Not that it would have been closer, as Jubas couldn’t get much going aside from Ben Roethlisberger’s 17.8 points. In a season where the running game abandoned them — Adrian Peterson and LeSean McCoy — Dirty Birds took to the air behind Andrew Luck, two Patriot missiles in Rob Gronkowski and Julian Edelan, and two promising receiving rookies, Beckham and Sammy Watkins. This is Birds' first Toilet Bowl victory in three appearances.

Playoffs: RD1 Recap

PLAYOFFS, RD1
Chunky Monkeys (7-6) vs Buffy (8-5), 117.8 - 126.4
Last year’s champion Monkeys pull off a big upset as Julio Jones, Calvin Johnson, and Jamaal Charles help fend off Arian Foster and A.J. Green. Recent champion Buffy enjoyed a return to the post-season after last year’s Toilet Bowl showing, but was ultimately upended — with Ryan Fitzpatrick captaining the loss, when Matthew Stafford or Jay Cutler would have earned the win.

Fobsters (5-8) vs Gang Green (5-8), 123.5 - 49.3
With four of their five teams going 5-8, the Spunky Misunderstood Geniuses sent their “best” to the post-season. Fobsters haven’t hit the playoffs since 2010 and Gang Green since 2009 (their co-champion year). Greenies got blasted off the field as only their defense and kicker scored double digits. For Fobsters, they had huge performances from Tom Brady, Eddie Lacy, and Jordy Nelson on their way to an easy win.

BYE: Tiiite End Jammers (12-1), Philadelphia Phreaks (7-5)

TOILET BOWL
Dirty Birds (6-7) vs Athena Nike (5-8), 122.4 - 91.7
Fat Jubas (5-8) vs Battle Angel (5-8), 112.1 - 99.7

Final Standings 2014

Full Standings Breakdown

Note: Gang Green make the post-season due to tie-breakers.