Power Rankings!

Shanghai, China - October 25, 2006

A look at the teams best (and worst entering the second half of the season). Lets start with the bottom shall we?

1. Fobsters (0-7-0) – Rookie GM, Jimmy Wu, has struggled mightily in his initial season. With Art Shell leading his Raiders to a win, its safe to say that the Fobsters are in a class by themselves. Lets just say this class likely takes a different bus to school than the other kids. The Fobsters are loaded with talent in the backfield, but just cannot put together a win. With Chad Johnson struggling to work on his endzone celebration having only scored one TD all year, Tiki Bear announcing his retirement, Hasselbeck suffering a likely more-serious-than-ESPN-is-reporting injury – the team continues to be in disarray. The natives are restless and rumors are whirling regarding management and changes that will likely to be made.

2. Dirty Birds (1-5-1) – Veteran GM, Jon Yang, has struggled mightily in his 5th professional season in CTDB. The team is thoroughly underperforming and has struggled to find any sort of consistency on offense. While Yang has collected 2 Chargers on his team (a smart move on his part), the Birds are losing their feathers quick. After its superbowl season in 2002, the Birds suffered through two years of losing records before breaking out last year. With injuries and underperformers littering the lineup, the Birds recently suffered its 5th straight loss. Dirty Bird fans were temporarily placated with the success of last season but now faced with a 3rd losing season in the last 4 years, the trolls are back. Sources tell us that Andre Rison has been interviewing for the coaching position. Some bad moon wouldn’t be that bad would it?

3. Ante Up (3-4-0) – Standings would tell us that Battle Angels are technically a worse team but we see more issues here. While the team has plenty of firepower with Tatum and Westy in the backfield (along with Edge who is probably averaging less than his height in yards per carry) bolstered with a solid receivers core consisting of Chambers, Driver, and Reggie W – Ante Up has struggled mightily in putting up points. Ante Up has scored a total of 587 points this season or 83 points a week. The rest of the IDK division is averaging 10 more points per week than Ante Up. Edge has been a borderline disaster, Westy is banged up and while Chambers has been decent, Donald Driver and Reggie Wayne have been disappointments. To make things worse, Rex Grossman has transformed into a 4th tier QB that recently recorded the worst carry over in CTDB history: -5.

4. Battle Angels (2-5-0) – After suffering its 5th straight loss, the Angels are probably outsiders looking in for this year’s playoffs. GM Vu Dinh has tinkered with his lineup throughout the season to try and find a winning combination. Star rook, Laurence Maroney, has shown flashes of brilliance. Steve Smith has been all-world. Reggie Brown has proved to be much better than Fred-Ex and has been a star receiver the last three weeks with scores of 15, 23, and 15. However, the top three teams in SMG divisions all have 5-2 records or better. We see good things for the Angels this year but it probably won’t be enough.

5. Tiiiite End Jammers (3-4-0) – The Jammers, long time nemesis of the Monkeys, just isn’t quite what they used to be. With three straight playoff seasons since 2001 culminating in a dominant 2003 season, the Jammers have been a bottom-dwelling team since then. While the team has already matched last year’s win total (3 games), the team is struggling through its first real roster shakeup in a couple of years. Names such as Leon Washington, Joseph Addai, and Jerious Norwood now comprise of the main talent on the Jammers. While the receiver core has been a pleasant surprise from a traditionally run-first team (you run when you have Terrell Davis, Priest Holmes, and Ricky Williams on the same team in 2001) – the team is struggling to find a consistent offense. The upside is that the Jammers will likely make the playoffs this year unless they find a way to tank below Ante Up.

6. Buffy (3-3-1) – No, this is not a makeup call for a brutal win against the Monkeys. Hate mail will undoubtedly flood in after this is posted. How can a team that has won 3 games in a row, a team that demolished the Monkeys by nearly 15 points, a team that set the likely season high score of 163 points in a week – be only the 5th best team? Can this really be a fluke? We say yes. Buffy can flex all they want but we want to see more. If you take away the 163 and the resulting 117 score (mostly from a ridiculous 80+ pt carryover from 3 players), Buffy has averaged a very pedestrian 93 points per week. Take away the crazy carryover, Buffy probably would’ve scored under 70 points this week. The team is fortunate that its playing in an unusually weak IDK division this year and is treading a second place ranking with a .500 record.

7. Green Team (5-2-0) – GM Ng deserves all the credit he can get. He has struck fantasy gold with the acquisitions of Bernie Berrian and Robbie Gould. The guy could have also found a keeper monster in Brandon Jacobs as well. There is a reason why the lean green machine has reached a 5-2 record so far. The roster is solid and deep with a good mix of talent and veteran leadership. The bad thing is that they are in the same division as the Phreaks and Shrapnel. It will be a great winter for football in the SMG.

8. Fat Jubas (5-2-0) – The defending champs are back. The Jubas, outside of the Monkeys, have quietly been a model of success. The Jubas is one of the top two teams in the SMG division each and every year and consistently reach the division championships or the playoffs each year. They put it together finally last year with a huge win over arch-rival Monkeys. (I think the Monkeys are hated by everyone). The team has won 5 games in a row and is nipping at the heels of first place again. Despite the loss of Shaun Alexander, GM Liao has made a number of shrewd moves – including the trade for Gore and Coles, the signing of Colston and playing in more magic tournaments – the team is here to stay folks. Get used to it.

9. Philadelphia Phreaks (6-1-0) – The Anti-Juba. The Phreaks have had only one winning season since 2001. While its 2-11 record of worst season record is being threatened by the likes of the Fobster and Dirty Birds this year, the Phreaks have finally put together a legitimate team. The Phreaks are clearly the class of the SMG division and a solid draft this year has put the team on top. Donnie is all world again and TJ and Roy Roy are breaking out. The running backs are talented if not a tad inconsistent. With the impending return of Donte, there won’t really be a weakness here. Barring injuries, this is a divisional champion in the making. They have best record in the league, second most points, second best breakdown (hypothetical aggregate standing if you played everyone each week) and the most number of Shanghainese cheerleaders in the league.

10. Chunky Monkeys (6-1-0) – Mr. Regular Season. Is this finally it? Is this the season? GM Shiue made a huge statement by trading for Anquan Boldin. You’re looking at a lineup of Peyton, LJ, LT, TO, Andre2000, and Boldin – I know teams tremble. Lets review some stats (you know I love this stuff – its my team and my article). The team is averaging over 131 pts per week through the first seven weeks. That is more than 20 points more per week than the second highest scorer (Phreaks). 20?! The Monkeys have an ungodly breakdown record of 58-5-0 on the season. That’s a 90% win percentage. They are a hypothetical undefeated team against half the league over 7 games. Using the breakdown standings as a proxy, the Monkeys have reached over 100 wins the last two seasons. This season could be even better and would be the best in history. The team suffered a minor bruise of a loss to Buffy despite scoring nearly 150, and the team came back and scored another 140+ the following week. The Monkeys lowest score all season has been 112. None of this matters in the post season though.