Super Bowl III

Playa Del Rey, CA --

Well, there was suspense but as jubilant Jammers fans celebrated their home team's CTDB Super Bowl victory on Tuesday, it was pretty apparent that the suspense wasn't really all that great. T-shirts were printed before the game had even started, victory mugs were being handed out on the streets. After all this was the same Jammer team that steamrolled its way to a 11-2 regular season, tops in the league. This was the same Jammer team that scored almost 1700 points this season in 15 games or 113 points per game, also good for first in the league. Fast forward to last week's championship game.

The cinderella Shrapnel, starting a team that was almost worse than the Bad News Bears, really stood no chance. The game was over before it started. Despite a lack of true passing attack, it really didn't matter - the Jammer backfield of Priest Holmes and Ahman Green combined for almost 700 total points this season. Marvelous Harrison also did his part by chipping in 217 points, good for the 5th best receiver so far this season. But thats all the team needed to dominate this league ... a little bit of passing and a whole LOT of running.

Jammer President, Lei Pan, in his first interview since his team's victory spoke to ESPN's Chris Berman. "This has been a great season for our fans and for our team. A whole lot of credit goes out to Ahman and PH. Those guys were unbelievable this season. Its certainly taken awhile but I must say it was worth the wait. We've been a good team for 3 straight years now but it takes a lot of good fortune as well to make it all work. We finally did it."

Former Charger quarterback, Sean Salisbury, broke down the Jammers' season: "The Jammer's unbelievable season can be directly attributed to two things: 1. Ahman Green and Priest Holmes and 2. Management and Coaching. There is no question that runningbacks are crucial to this league and the Jammers proved just that. The Jammers really had no viable passing game outside of Marvin Harrison and they absolutely dominated on the offensive side of the football. Outside of a handful of runningbacks including the Monkeys' Ladainian Tomlinson, Ahman and Priest are truly in a league of their own.

However, even more importantly, I believe the Jammers' success can be attributed even more to the team's management this season. The team made some great acquisitions, engineered some of the lopsided trades in the league's history and employed terrific play-calling this seasons. Weekly pickups of the various defenses have proved to be invaluable. The trade for Ahman, Mike Vick and Marvin will probably go down as one of the ridiculous trades in league history. And if you think about it, the Jammers did all this with Vick on the bench. How scary is that? Next season can be even worse for the rest of the league."

Tight Ends:
Sources close to the team told CTDB Insider that Pan was so jubilant about his team's victory that he invited his entire staff including his personal entourage of mathematicians, statisticians and financial analysts to his mansion on the California coast, otherwise known as the Palace of Pan. Heavily guarded in secrecy by numerous security gates, rumors indicate that the Palace of Pan dwarfs the neighboring Hearst Castle in both size and luxury. Filled with computers, computer games, dlp technologies, wall scrolls, magic cards, luxury vehicles, and nerdy chinese boys ... the place is heaven for geeks. Some of us are obviously more blessed than others.

Good win to the Jammers.

The Road to the Superbowl

Jammer CEO, Lei, rarely steps onto the field during practice but given that its SuperBowl week, the young executive couldn't resist. Pan was seen on the sideline going through the final playbook with his star runningbacks, Priest Holmes and Ahman Green. Holmes and Green are expected to be the feature weapons in this weekend's game against the Flaming Shrapnel. "Oh yeah, stakes are high. Our team has been awesome the past three years but this is still our first time to the big dance. AG and I, we've been doing drills and working on some new plays ... there will be some surprises this weekend and they ain't stupid sh*t like cell phone celebrations. Even the main man, LP (Pan), has come down from his office a couple times this week to watch us practice. He told me that if we're to win it all, we're winning it as a team...." said Holmes.

In anticipation of this week's game, we've gathered some of our thoughts as we preview this weekend's big game:

Quarterback: Word out of the Jammer camp is that Vick is questionable with a strained buttock. Inside sources indicate that Marc Bulger will be the likely starter this weekend and the fact that Bulger has taken the large majority of snaps with the first team offense this week during practice all but ensures his starter status. However, the news of the week here is the health of Shrapnel QB, Steve McNair. Team doctors are pessimistic and sources close to the team concede that it is highly unlikely that McNair will be able to play. If McNair sits out, the Shrapnel starter would then be Jake Delhomme. No offense to Jake, but he kinda sucks.
Advantage: Jammers

Runningback: Priest and AG. They're the first and third rated runningbacks this season. Its no secret that the key to the Jammer offense belongs in the hands of these two runners. According to ESPN's Chris Berman, "This team lives and dies by the running attack. If a defense is one day able to figure out a way to nullify these guys, then maybe ... maybe ... the Jammers can be stopped. But I doubt it. The only back better in the league is the Monkeys' LaDainian Tomlinson, aka SuperStud." The Shrapnels on the otherhand will be featuring Domanick Davis aka "Double D" and Thomas Jones aka "Bust". If it were Davis and Jones against Green, maybe that'd be fair but against both AG AND Priest? I doubt it.
Advantage: Jammers

Receivers: Well, this is the staple offense for the Shrapnels. Their offensive attack is run primarily through the hands of their star-studded receiver lineup which includes Terrell Owens, Quan Boldin the super rook, and J-Smitty. For the Jammers, the passing crew is handled by Marvelous Harrison and scrubs. M-Rob and Kevin Johnson combined are about as talented as Reche Caldwell. Future Hall-of-Fame receiver, Jerry Rice, in his pre-game interview was high on the Jammer receiving core though. "Its all about Marvin. He's the best receiver in the game today outside of a guy named Moss. I mean I like TO but he's a nut case. Quan is just a super long flash in the pan and it won't be long before the IRS discovers that J-Smitty is committing a felony by also collecting social security every month. Like I said, its all about Starvin' Marvin."
Advantage: Jammers

Special Teams: The Jammers didn't have the best record this season for nothing.
Advantage: Jammers

So who do we think will win the game? I mean we know the matchups but there are other factors including weather conditions, turf conditions, coin toss, ball boy capabilities, playbook depth that will all figure heavily into the final decision of this match and this is where the Shrapnel truly shines. The Shrapnel management team have done an excellent job in exploiting all the league loopholes, capitalizing on other teams' weaknesses, and scrutinizing matchups deficiencies. So given that, we say ....Shrapnel by 5.

Notes:
This year's game figures to be a big one. Pan will be flying his team of statisticians on a private jet for their entertainment and plans of a post-victory celebration have already begun. According to Pan, "Oh this won't be close. We'll dominate them. Our guys are just stronger, faster, and definitely smarter than their guys. Get ready to place your bets."

"Damn, some of the best backs in the league outside of LT and SA are gonna be here. Everyone will be watching." - Barry Sanders.

"Hell yeah, this is better than that Paris Hilton show or video or whatever." - Jon Yang, GM of the Dirty Birds.

"Well, the Heat and Pacers game will be on but I'll definitely Tivo this thing." - Evan Shiue, GM of the Monkeys.

"We don't get reception here in Shanghai but I fully exect Donovan to give me live updates via satellite phone." - Ping Shen, GM of the Phreaks.

Upsetville

Bang. That's it. The Monkeys left for dead. The Green Team on the brink of extinction. This game is glorious in some ways and lethal in others. For the Monkeys, its lethal only when it counts. Masters of the regular season, the Monkeys are making quite a name for themselves for their ability to wilt under pressure in every way possible. Monkey owner, Evan Shiue, in his weekly Monday morning press conference, told the media group, "Extremely extremely disappointed. Our team folded under pressure. We did not execute offensively and unfortunately, nearly 95% of this league is gonna be won on offense. This ain't the damn NFL." The departure marked the 3rd straight first round exit for the Monkeys. According to team captain, running back, LaDainian Tomlinson (the only Monkey player to remotely do anything positive), "I am totally disgusted with our performance. I saw some guys out there who looked like they didn't want to play period. I don't want to call out any names but guys like SA, Dbo, and Djax have got to step it up. Our passing game just wasn't there. Peyton struggled and AJ struggled in his second straight game. This is unacceptable."

On the other side of the river, another heavily favored team, the Green Team, is also on the cusp of being exterminated by the Flaming Shrapnel. They did all this despite a big fat 0 from starting running back, Domanick Davis. The Shrapnel only need 5 points by team kicker, Wilkins to tie and 6 to win. Considering the other 3 kickers that played this week averaged 11, this shouldn't be difficult. "Well the game isn't over quite yet but I wouldn't say we played well enought to win. I hope we win." said Green Team GM Ng.

Stanford upsets Kansas, USC getting shafted in all directions by the BCS, the Monkeys get upset, the Shrapnel on the brink of coming back from the depths of hell and the Chargers win!. What a weekend.

The Playoff Picture

As the final games of the regular season wrapped up on Monday, the players on the Shrapnel squad breathed a huge sigh of relief. Despite suffering through a devastating 25-point loss to divisional rivals, Green Team, the Shrapnels still found themselves in the playoff picture even with a sub .500 record. Here's a look at the upcoming playoff battles and who to bet on in the coming weeks.

Byes: Tiiiite End Jammers and Skool.
There was little suspense in the IDK division as the top playoff spots were basically wrapped up before the week began. The Jammers, not surprisingly, are the heavy favorites to take the crown this year. With the top two backs in the league with Ahman Green and Priest Holmes, the Jammers are rock solid. The return of Vick will make the Jammer team even more dangerous. In the SMG crowd, the picture was murkier. Skool knew it could lock up the top position with a first round bye by merely beating the lowly Phreaks in Week 13. They lost. However, Skool scored enough points to win the tie-breaker over Green Team. The team's leading receiver/psychic, Chad Johnson, told reporters, "The seeding is huge for us. A week's rest will be good for the team. I'm gonna play a lot of Madden and hang out with Coach Chen. Big D (McAllister) and Stevie (Davis) have been rock and I'm looking forward to the playoffs. We are the team to beat in this division and I promise you this .... we'll see you in the CTDB championships."

Ante Up at Chunky Monkeys
Unless you've been in Ethiopia the past two weeks, its wasn't hard to figure out this matchup. The high-powered Monkeys, coming off of a huge upset over the Jammers, are clearly the favorites in this one. Along with the Jammers, the Monkeys were one of only two teams to average over 100 points per contest this year while scoring nearly 110 points a week this season. Considering that the next best offense, Skool, only averaged 97 points per week, or 13 points less a week, there's a pretty big disparity between the Jammer/Monkey offenses and the rest of the league. However, Ante Up, won't just fold in this one. Ante Up features one of the most explosive starting lineups with Taylor and James in the backfield. The receiving corp features young gunners including Coles, Mason and K. Robinson and Trent Green as the signal caller. ESPN's Chris Berman broke down the matchup for the fans last night. "While Ante Up has an incredibly solid starting lineup, its hard to envision a Monkey loss at this point.

This year, the Monkeys have averaged an incredible 117 points a week when playing at home. Considering that Ante Up averages just over 95 points on the road, Ante Up is looking at a 22 average point differential this week. Couple that with the fact that the Monkeys have been peaking offensively the last two weeks (135 points per week the last two games), things could get ugly this week. The Monkeys traditionally have been a running team. While LT and Shaun have been solid this year (#3 and #6 respectively), the play of Manning and the Monkey receivers have been a big boost to this offense in recent week. The Monkeys also have the second best quarterback in the league on its bench. Oh, if only the Monkeys could play Matt Hasselbeck at the wide receiver position. Swami Sez: Monkeys by 15."

Flaming Shrapnel at Green Team
The fantasy gods smile once again upon the Shrapnel team. Despite a sloppy regular season, the Shrapnel team somehow stumbled their way into the playoffs with a sub .500 record. However, all is not ugly for GM Liao and his rag tag team. A sneaky trade for McNair, the discovery of super rook back, Domanick Davis and the rise of super senior citizen, Jimmy Smith have proved to be genius.

Green Team, on the other hand, have rumbled into the second slot after going 6-1 in its last 7 games. Featuring a young backfield of Kevan Barlow and Travis Henry, the Green Team is looking to go to its first divisional championship game ever. Berman was less sure about this matchup. "The one true weakness on the Green Team is its lack of depth. Tony G is solid as solid gets but they have no warm bodies on the bench with Rogers out for the season. The team will be relying on Henry and Barlow to carry a huge part of the offensive load. On the other side of the field, the Shrapnel team will be looking to throw and will throw it often. TO, J Smitty and Quan are probably one of the best receiving cores outside of Ante. With McNair at the helm, this is one dangerous team. Defenses must also now scheme for super rookie back, Double D, and we ain't talking about women. Davis has been rock solid this year and is easily considered a favorite to win the ROY award. The offense is underrated and if it puts it together on the field, watch out. This matchup will be very interesting and a upset could be in the making. Swami Sez: Shrapnel by 5."

Nuts and Bolts
The Phreaks finally won its second game of the season after losing 11 straight losses. Phreaks GM, Ping Shen, told reporters Tuesday, after its victory over Skool, "Well, this isn't what our organization expected but I feel that that we're gonna have a pretty good core going into next year. We've been able to secure a few extra picks in next year's draft and hopefully, that'll help us turn things around. There will be changes to this rosters and I promise the Phreaks fans that things are gonna get better and the future will definitely be brighter."

CTDB has agreed to sponsor a consolation game between the Angels and Buffy. While having no impact on their seasonal standings, the two teams, in conjunction with the league office, agreed to scrimmage match for charity. The game will be officiated by local celebrities including Michael Jackson, Madonna, and GM Roger's favorite, Sarah Michelle Gellar. Tickets, for some strange reason, are selling at record low levels.

Phreaks Deal McNair

At 1-9, it's house-cleaning season at Phreak headquarters. "We reached a deal with Flaming where we could help them fill a need while bringing in a valuable draft pick that will help us build towards a successful 2004-2005 season. Steve McNair has been a consummate professional during his tenure as a Phreak, and we thank him for the hard work he gave this organization. However I think we all know that the future of this franchise is in Donovan's hands, and at 1-9 there was just no need for a backup as valuable as Steve. Hopefully we will turn the 3rd round pick into a valuable addition to our team, not like Jerry Porter, Jeremy Shockey, TJ Duckett, or any of our other draft picks from this year," said Shen from Phreak headquarters. Several league sources said that the Phreaks were actively shopping a host of players to playoff-contenders, including their entire receiver squad, and possibly stud-RB Jamal Lewis.

"We are delighted to be able to bring in a player of Steve's caliber this late in the season. When the Phreaks came calling, we knew we had a deal right away. Tommy has worked hard, but he just hasn't been able to perform consistently enough - and we need more than that heading into the playoffs. By bringing in a top-3 quarterback, we feel really good about our chances in the post-season," said Shrapnel GM Eric Liao. The team has indicated that it expects McNair to start this coming Sunday. Look for big numbers from the Alcorn State product.

This trade seems to herald the start of the off-season for the Phreaks, who are extremely disappointed with the distaster that has become their 2003-2004 season. A nine-game losing streak and the league's toughest schedule conspired to keep the Phreaks from the playoffs for the first time in franchise history.

Superstar signal-caller Donovan McNabb quoted the legendary Jim Brown when asked about the Phreaks' tailspin, "Tough times go away, tough people do not. I know the character of this team, and I know we'll be back better than ever next year."

Big Pay = Big Game

Prior to the games this weekend, Torry Holt was dubbed the "Franchise Player" and signed a 4-year contract extension. GM Cheng said, "It is uncommon to have contract talks during the season, but we felt that Torry is the reason we have been successful and hope that he can take team Buffy to the next level." Terms of the agreement were not disclosed per team policy, but regardless to what was on the paper, Holt delivered this weekend with 11 catches for 161 yards and two TDs. When asked about his extension, Holt replied, "It ain't about the money baby! I love this game, I come out every weekend and leave it on the field, no doubt about it."

In a not-so-surprising move, GM Cheng benched reigning MVP Rich Gannon in favor of Aaron Brooks. "We felt a change was long overdue, Our team is getting a bit older and in order to compete for the SuperBowl again, we need to become younger and more athletic," said Cheng when asked about the move. The Buffy GM went on to say, "We're also looking to make some trades as well, we have great veterans who would be an asset to any locker room, but we also have to think about the future of this organization, and I think it is time to shake things up a bit."

Even though the focus this weekend was on Torry Holt and his contract extension, the rest of the team also stepped up in fears of being released or traded. Rod Smith had another stellar performance and the Buffy defense came through with a safety and an INT return for a touchdown. During the postgame interview, Aeneas Williams said, "It was definitely time to step it up, I know I'm one of the leaders out there, and I told the guys that we just need to come out and play our game, and I think we did." Team Buffy certainly hopes that this will continue in the coming weeks as they currently sit out of contention. GM Cheng exclaimed, "We shall overcome, we shall, and we will win!"

The world will definitely be watching team Buffy...a team on the rise or a team that will continue to fall...only time will tell.

Greatest Day Ever

Shanghai, China –
“Greatest day ever.” Those were the first words from Phreaks GM Ping Shen when asked to describe Clinton Portis’ mind-numbing 218 yards (9.9 per), 5TD, 57 fantasy point outburst this past Sunday. Turns out, Shen was right on the money – a history check indicates that Portis’ monster day was in fact the greatest fantasy day in the history of football – surpassing Jerry Rice’s and Shaun Alexander’s one-day totals.

Portis’ opponent in the game was Priest Holmes, who some consider to be the best back in the NFL. Holmes had a good game - 90 yards and 2 TDs, but that looked downright pathetic compared to Portis’ beastly output. CP, for his part, wasted little time in declaring himself the best back in the NFL. After rushing for 488 yards and 7 TDs over the past 2 games, who can argue with him? ``I always admired Priest Holmes. I thought he was the best back in the NFL,'' Portis said. ``I felt like if I go out and outperform Priest Holmes in head-to-head competition, well I can't help but feel like I am the best back in the NFL.''

“I think the Phreaks finally wised up and realized that they have the best back in the NFL in their backfield, and if they want to win, they should just keep feeding him the ball. Three weeks ago, they only gave him the ball 14 times – and he ran for 160 yards! But they stopped giving him the ball in the second half even though they were still very much in the game, and they ended up losing. How can you go away from a guy averaging over 10 yards per carry? But they figured it out, and have given him 56 carries the past two weeks, and, well we all know what’s happened,” said ESPN’s Chris Berman. “Portis is averaging 5.8 yards per carry this season. That’s just nuts. Nobody else even comes close.”

One anonymous league GM commented to ESPN, “The Phreaks have Portis who scored 57 fantasy points in one game, Jamal Lewis who leads the NFL in rushing and is on pace for 2,000 yards, and they only won two games this year? How does that happen?” That’s a question that the Phreaks must be asking themselves. The primary culprit appears to be the league’s toughest schedule by far – facing an opponent who scores over 100 points each week will test even the best of teams. A CTDB owner said, “If the Phreaks get any, and I mean ANY receiving help next year, the rest of the league might as well just concede that they are playing for second place.

Barring an injury, nobody, and I mean NOBODY can stop Portis and Lewis. Those two are just ridiculous. Ahman and Priest are decent, sure, but who can compete with one guy who sets the single game rushing record, and another who sets the single game fantasy points record? And Priest is on the wrong side of 30 – you know he won’t be around much longer. Portis and Lewis are what, 24? Those guys are going to be good for a long long time. And they’re still getting better! I don't think we've even seen all of Portis' potential. By the time he's done in this league, we might not be talking about the greatest day ever, we just might be talking about the greatest ever. And that’s unfortunate for everyone else in the league.”

Battle at Buffy

With Week 4 being wrought with divisional drama and rivalries, here at CTDB we've chosen to focus on the downtrodden. Battle Angels against Buffy. A game featuring two teams with a combined record of 1-5 and a combined point total this year only 30 points higher than the Jammers. A game where CBS is sending its intern announcers and where where media coverage is limited to JVC home video recordings. However, of all the matchups this week including the highly anticipated matchup between the Jammers and the Monkeys or the undefeated Shrapnel team against the rumbling Green Team, the Angels versus Buffy game is perhaps the most interesting, the most fabled.

While regarded as this year's doormat, many forget the glory days of yesteryear. Let's refresh our memories shall we? It's November of 2001. CTDB is a fresh young league. Young fans are going nuts as the playoffs loom. Atop the standings are two juggernauts, two offensive giants that simply could not be stopped - two teams that were simply larger than life. Team Buffy led by rookie GM Roger and the Battle Angels and their D&D-Master GM, Vu. The two were roommates in college. Good friends in life and arch-rivals on the field. This was child's play for the two.

Buffy was led by Rich Gannon, Marshall Faulk, Rod Smith, David Boston, and Torry Holt while the Angels were equally equipped with veteran talent with the likes of Steve McNair, Curtis Martin, Jerome Bettis, Randy Moss, and Amani Toomer. The two teams led the league in scoring with a 118 ppg and 97 ppg average respectively. The CTDB Championship Game was epic. Battle lines were drawn, blood was spilled and an era was to be established. It was the match up that every kid dreamed of. The dominant passing game of Buffy against the unstoppable running attack of the Angels. Even dreams didn't get better than this.

Eventually, the Angels defense succumbed to the fabled Air-Buffy offense but that didn't really matter. What mattered was the glory, the fanatic Angels fans with cheesy neon halos on their heads (this is all before the stupid rally monkeys and the fake angels fans down south last year) and the rowdy Buffy legions storming the field after their beloved team's final victory. What mattered was the legends that were being written. The generations of fans that were being born. A year of glory that will never be forgotten.

So as the two teams take the field this Sunday, despite their poor records and their nano-miniscule odds of making the playoffs, there will be a few of the older fans mixed in the booing crowds who know better. These two teams are part of the league's legends. These two teams help make CTDB what it is today and let's not forget that. Play ball!

Run Ricky Run!

The stars have moved across the sky and with the passing of Mars, new planets are emerging into sight. Lei Pan, apparently unhappy with what was under Ricky William's armour, traded the stud running back for a trio of stars. How do Michael Vick, Marvin Harrison and Ahman Green stack up as a holy triumverate? Pretty well thank you very much. But their moving papers were signed today and a blockbuster was consummated. Negotiations were hot and heavy for many minutes but in the end the chips fell like this: The Birds moved Michael Vick, Marvin Harrison and Ahman Green for Ricky Williams, Joe Horn, Charles Rogers and Drew Bledsoe.

Hours after an astonishing low scoring win over Buffy, the Dirty Birds felt it was time for a reshuffle. Ick. "We thought that we could no longer defend our championship with our veterans. And with Michael Vick out we had to do something. We are sorry to part with the next Michael Jordan of sport but it was something we had to do. While we are named the "Dirty Birds" for a reason, sometimes you just gotta pull the trigger." Michael Vick, unconsolable after hearing the news, was heard mumbling "fuck management, i wanted to be a Dirty Bird for life, i had been practicing a new version of the dance for unveiling in a few weeks and now i have to train to clench my butt as well as rehab my leg. fuck the Birds, fuck biggie, fuck everyone. my four four make sure all your kids don't grow!"

The Jammers had alot to say in the wake of Ricky's passing. "Quite honestly, we loved Ricky's production but that nappy hair was just too much for us. Our initial foray into the Jamaican market was a failure when they figured out that Ricky was not Jamaican. And quite frankly, his large muscles intimidated our kicker. We wanted to move some guys in here who could juice us up a bit, add a little speed and style and panache. Turqooise and orange are so out. With Vick, Marvin and Ahman i feel like we got a little more GQ, a little more svelt and little better. We were sorry to part with Joey, Charles and Drew but quite frankly they were no good to us either. Our 3-0 record may indicate otherwise but the truth is, Priest is our bedrock and he will remain so. But with this influx of big names, we are hoping to do ala the Lakers and go all star all the way. After we gave Ricky forty two carries last week we decided he was done. Little do the Birds know that he's lost 40 pounds and is now only a third down change of pace back. The last laugh will come when Ricky goes down in the divisional championship game and the Birds lose because of it." *insert evil maniacal laugh*

With this trade, the last of the original Birds have flown the nest. Marvin and Vick were original draft choices and they were finally let go. Ricky Williams was also the Jammers original franchise pick and now he's gone and the only player left on the Jammers with first season ties is the indomitable Priest. Does this imply that movement will create winners? This could be true. What could be also true is that more deals are in the works as the league reacts to this seismic trade among two top tier teams.

note that because of Ricky's bye week, the Birds will have one more go with Ahman before he switches teams with Ricky.

Power Rankings!

1. Tiiite End Jammers (2-0): Oh my, Priest is back. What else needs to be said? The offseason dumping of Boston and acquisition of Horn has been genius while Toomer has outplayed his unathletic self. Once Jerry Rice understands the playbook, this team will be down right scary. Oh yeah, they also have some dude in dreadlocks who calls himself Ricky. NBA Team: Lakers. They got them oldies but goodies. This is the year that the Jammers are looking to take it all.

2. Ante Up (1-1): If it weren't for a random benching of Koren Robinson, Ante would've had a chance to take over the top dawg spot. A passing game of Coles, K-Rob, and Mason is deep and talented. Edgerrin looks like his 2000 self while Fraud Taylor has been solid - averaging 12 fpts a game this year. Until either Garcia or Taylor gets wrecked (we think another week or so), Ante has no weakness. A young and unassuming bench coupled with a couple injury-prone veterans might be the team's biggest concern. NBA Team: Kings.

3. Philadelphia Phreaks (1-1): What the heck is goin on with Donovan? What the heck is goin on with Jamal Lewis?! Right behind the Jammer backfield, the Phreaks stable of young backs in Portis and Lewis is currently ranked #2 in our book. 295 yards and 2 tds is beyond ridiculous. This ridiculousness of course is only rivaled by Donovan's 7 pt average between week 1 through 3. But Donovan is Donovan, the man will pick himself up -- and when he does -- watch out. Chambers and Ike have been decent. Shockey has been lucky to say the least and the team definitely misses the talented Jerry Porter. The team will need to find its passing game before it'll have a real shot at upsetting one of the IDK teams. NBA Team: Nets

4. Skool (1-1): Another by-product of CTDB's "Master P-arity Plan". When Skool management realized that Chad Johnson was still on the table during this season's supplemental draft, there was no question who they wanted. Backed by a fast rising running game in Loose Deuce and Stevie Davis, the Skool passing game is quickly becoming one of the best in the league. With the recent decline of McNabb and Manning, coupled with Vick's injury, Culpepper is the league's best QB at this point. The receiving core, led by Johnson, Stallworth and Price is the youngest and most talented in the league. When these young guys figure out the opposing defenses, there will be little this offensive juggernaut cannot do. NBA Team: Pistons.

5. Flaming Shrapnel (2-0): The record looks good but here at the CTDB fantasy league office, we think a lot of it is luck. Maddox has been ridiculous but the smorgasboard backfield of William Green, Eddie George, Tiki Barber, Warrick Dunn, Onterrio Smith hasn't been exactly turned the league upside down. The Shrapnel's victories were against the floundering Monkeys and the Battle "Bye Week" Angels. However, Jimmy Smith will be returning in 2 weeks and will make the Shrapnel receiving core extremely formidable. If GM Liao can find two solid backs out of his five, this can turn out to be a pretty solid team. NBA Team: Pacers

6. Dirty Birds (1-1): Oh how the champion stumbles. Its CTDB Law. While no one has missed Buffy's fantastic crash, the current defending champion, DirteByrdeez, are quietly sloshing their way through the season as well. The Vick-less team has suffered through some early struggles in the passing game. Despite losing 2 of their best young receivers in the offseason, Marvin, Plax, and MeShawn have posted respectable numbers -- however, most of it due to Plax. But not enough. Collins is steady but not flashy. Ahman and Dillon have shown glimpses of their former selves. Consistency will be key. If the Birds can hold their place in the standings until the great Mike Vick returns, they will have a good shot at making their second straight run at the trophy. NBA Team: Celtics

7. Chunky Monkeys (1-1): Thanks to Buffy aka "Bye Week II", the Monkeys finally tacked on their first win despite injuries to their top two receivers, Boston and Driver. LT2 and SA have been a solid tandem while DJax and Andre the Rookie have been pleasant surprises. Travis remains talented but incredibly inconsistent. It will be impossible to gauge this team until the team gets healthy but until then, we can't see the Monkey's winning more than half of its schedule. At least the Monkey fans still chant "Duce! Duce! Duce!" Its currently the best chant in the league that we can think of. NBA Team: Mavericks

8. Green Team (1-1): So Hearst is old, Booker is only as good as Kordell, and Gardner is hurt by Coles but the Green Team is still averaging 95 pts per week. How the? Thats our question. I guess Travis along with his 1.05 ypc average last week and Hines Ward are still great if not spectacular. Favre is Favre. Our guess is that Booker will only get better while Hearst will only get worse. Thats a wash in our book. The G Team will need to pick it up in terms of scoring if it wants to move past the other high scoring teams of the SMG division. NBA Team: Suns

9. Buffy (0-2): The parity of the league runs rampant. The once dominant team of the west has since been rendered the divisional doormat below the division's powerhouses. Averaging 72 pts per week, Buffy will have no chance to make the playoffs if it cannot revitalize its once feared passing attack. While Holt has improved noticeably, Gannon has started slowly, Rod Smith has done nothing, and Tim Brown has done even less. Coach Cheng loathes the pro set formation and often opts to go with the run and shoot but the lack of production and depth at receivers has forced management to go back to the more traditional 2-back set. While Garner and Faulk are respectable, there is little doubt that their age is catching up. Faulk doesn't get nearly enough touches and Garner is well ... Garner ... the ultimate scatback...thats it. With Gannon, Rod, Tim, Garner, and Faulk, Buffy is clearly the oldest team in the league. Social Security hates this team. While Brooks, Troy Brown, and Quincy Morgan represents a younger and more talented bench than most in the league, it probably won't be enough. The IDK division is just too ridiculous. NBA Team: Grizzlies.

10. Angels (0-2): Despite winning the first overall pick in this year's supplemental draft, the Battle Angels have lost to their worst foe - the injury bug. James Stewart and Chad Pennington were lost to injuries even before the season began. Curtis Martin isn't even a shadow of his former self. Galloway is flash gordon that flashes every 3 weeks. Tai Streets is serviceable at best. Leaving Randy Moss, the leader, the speaker, the healer. However, it ain't nearly enough. Trung just sucks. Moe, in 2 weeks, should not be on a fantasy roster. The Angels average under 60 points a game (Compare and Contrast: The Jammers backfield usually score more than that each week). There will be a lot of personnel changes this year. Trainers will be fired. Heads will roll. What will GM Dinh do? NBA Team: (CBA) Rockford Lightning.

Draft Review 2003

Battle Angels: Devoted their draft to solidify their starting lineup. With an aging starting lineup, the Angels drafted Trung Canidate, Curtis Conway, Tai Streets, JJ Stokes, and Chad Pennington with an expectation that 3 of the 5 could make it into the starting lineup. Unfortunately, Pennington suffered a season-ending injury and Conway was simultaneously rendered ineffective. The word on the street is that Canidate was also extremely over-valued as the first pick overall. However, we are high on Tai Streets and view that as a solid pick in the 4th round.
Draft Grade: C (due largely to bad luck)

Skool: Skool already fields a deep starting lineup so management went for depth and talent searching. Chad Johnson and Josh Reed are both extremely talented pass receivers and will have excellent opportunities to start alongside Peerless Price and Donte Stallworth. This could be one of the youngest and most talented receiving corps in the league with an opportunity to explode this year. Anthony Thomas and Stacey Mack are merely depth and bench fodder behind veteran stars Deuce McAllister and Stephen Davis. Baltimore should be a solid defense too. Draft Grade: A-

Flaming Shrapnel: Already loaded in the backfield with 3 running backs, Shrapnel GM continued stockpiling its backfield talent by adding rookie Onterrio Smith and veteran back, Warrick Dunn. It will be interesting to see how the team will divide its playing time among 5 backs. Jimmy Smith was supposed to be the team’s third receiver until he was slammed with a 4-game suspension by CTDB for drug violation. Break-out-player-of-the-year candidate, Reggie Wayne, will be thrown into the fire. Veteran QB, Tommy Maddox, will have to prove that he was not a one year wonder. We’re open to taking bets though.
Draft Grade: B

Green Team: Entering the draft with question marks in their backfield, the team did little to upgrade that position as the team spent its second pick on perennial slug, Antowain Smith (who was unimaginably drafted by the Monkeys in Round 1 last year). Young RB, Kevan Barlow, has a world of talent but will be hard pressed to find enough carries this year to contribute significantly. The team did pick up Rod Gardner, Marc Boerigter and Kelly Holcomb to solidify its passing attack. Rod Gardner should be a solid contributer while MB is becoming a solid sleeper this year. The Bucs D should also be back to their old ways – more likely to find the endzone than Keyshawn. Draft Grade: B

Philadelphia Phreaks: Management agonized over its receiving team this summer and finally decided to release veteran motor-mouth Keyshawn Johnson in the offseason. Led by the sure-handed Ike Bruce and a talented but yet to capitalize Chris Chambers, the Phreaks wanted to add additional receivers through this years draft. The team managed to land a coveted pass receiver in Jerry Porter who is a physical beast in his own right. The team also drafted Jeremy Shockey, the league’s best tight end, to replace both Keyshawn’s receptions and his mouth. DeWayne Bates was also added for additional depth on the roster. The teams starting backfield will be backed up by TJ Duckett.
Draft Grade: B+

Ante Up: After a disappointing 5-8 season, Ante Up is looking to rebound in a big way. Already concerns are on the horizon for Ante Up. QB Jeff Garcia is dinged up and while he is one of the toughest Latino players in the league, there is only so much one little man can take. If Garcia goes down, Ante Up may lose it's most consistent player. The drafting of explosive Trent Green as backup will help if Garcia has a subpar season. RB Fred Taylor is also injured and while he looks to be starting the season, doubts remain about his overall durability. The other keeper back, Edgerrin James, should be lined up to have a great year, two years removed from an ACL injury. If Edge can return to elite status, Ante Up could have quite a year.

The receiving corps looks very solid, especially with first round draft pick Koren Robinson joining Laveranues Coles and Derrick Mason. All three should be primary receivers for their respective teams and that could give Ante Up a powerful aerial attack. With promising backup RBs in Troy Hambrick and Amos Zereoue, Ante Up should be ok if Fred Taylor has an injury plagued year but potential doesn't always pay the bills. This will mark the first time in league history that Ante Up hasn't had the dominating Buccaneer defense and time will tell if that could be the difference for this team. Maybe by switching to another superior defense, Miami, Ante Up can find some more chemistry between offense and defense. Ante Up has tasted success in the past and with a reloaded roster they are looking to return to glory this season.
Draft Grade: A-/B+

Buffy: It was a tough year last season for Buffy. Coming off a high and a championship season, Buffy slipped down the gutter and ended up in the division cellar with a 5-8 record. From first to last and back again? It's possible. There is still a lot of talent on Buffy's roster but now much of it is plagued with question marks. That's the way the ball bounces isn't it? It helps that Rich Gannon and Charlie Garner are still a dynamic and underappreciated duo. Both are pushing their age limit but are still durable and productive. Torry Holt had a "down" year but that was not an indication of his personal failure. The Rams' poor season and QB problems led to a bit of a slip for Holt, but look for him to return to elite status this season. Rod Smith however, is clearly slowing down. Age or injuries have caught up with him and while he is still a great player, he is no longer a dominant performer.

The draft provided Buffy with some good pieces to put around his keeper core. Aaron Brooks is the young QB that Buffy needs next year, as Gannon's career winds down. Quincy Morgan, Troy Brown and Todd Pinkston should be good backups and possible replacements. Tony Gonzalez was a semi steal if he can become a dominant TE again. The question on this team though is, where are the running backs? Marshall Faulk is still an explosive player but he's got some injury issues. If he goes down for half the season again, Buffy could find itself with a gaping hole in the running game. If Marshall can stay healthy however, look for Buffy to return to respectability and possibly dominance. Buffy has been a run and shoot explosive team from day one and it looks like they're looking to recreate the magic again this season. And let's not forget Janikowski, the biggest leg on the planet. If Janikowski gets his act together and starts bombing, watch out!
Draft Grade: B

Chunky Monkeys: The Monkeys have always been a strong team and things should be no different this year. Boasting a young stud backfield of LaDainian Tomlinson and Shaun Alexander, Chunky can run through people. While LT has emerged as a dominant back, Shaun Alexander's inconsistency last year really hurt the Monkeys. The young back had great overall numbers but there were many games where he simply disappeared. With the drafting of Matt Hasselbeck and Darrell Jackson, Chunky is pinning his hopes on a great offensive season from the Seahawks. Chunky has the old school QB consistency of Peyton Manning to make up for many mistakes but his WR core is slightly suspect this year. Donald Driver should be the number one receiver and he should have another fine season but questions remain with the rest of the wideouts. David Boston has been traded and injured and is one strike away from a league suspension. Marty Schottenheimer has never had a 1,000 yard receiver and while Boston certainly has the talent, he may not have the coach or the opportunity to duplicate his breakout season two years ago.

Andre Johnson and Travis Taylor are both young WRs but Taylor has never exhibited the dominance expected of him while Johnson, a talented player no doubt, may be on too weak of a team to shine. The trading away of last year's premier receiver, Joe Horn, could really hurt this team if Boston cannot step and produce. A sneaky fourth round gamble on Duce Staley has panned out as he has rejoined the Eagles and will serve as capable backup RB. The Monkeys have Peyton, LT and Alexander but if the receivers can't come through, the Monkeys could wind up short once again.
Draft Grade: B-

DirTeByrDeeZ: The dominant performance by last year's Dirty squad may soon be a fast fading memory. Even before the season starts, superstar QB Michael Vick has already been injured and sidelined for at least six weeks. This puts a tremendous amount of pressure on the rest of the team. Running backs Corey Dillon and Ahman Green help to shoulder the load but Corey is inconsistent and Ahman is slightly injury prone. They are top backs but hardly franchise backs. The franchise on this team is clearly WR Marvin Harrison, who simply had one of the greatest receiving seasons in NFL history. If he can come anywhere close to those numbers again, he will lead a group of distinguished and capable wides.

Plaxico Burress emerged as a potential stud late last season and the first round draft pick of Keyshawn Johnson adds a stable (if not overly explosive) third option. Young WR Ashley Lelie has a chance to break out this year if given a bigger role in the Broncos offense but he could also be a year away. The backup RB situation isn't bad with Correll Buckhalter but if he doesn't pan out or if Duce starts taking his carries away, Correll could be a wasted pick. Much of the depth of this championship team has been stripped and if more players start to succumb to injury, the Birds could do a first to last flip in a blinding instant. New starting QB Kerry Collins is a steady veteran and has the ability to put up big numbers but he is hardly Michael Vick. The Birds may have to just get by until Vick returns, when they hope to be able to make a push for a repeat championship.
Draft Grade: B-

Tiiite End Jammers: The Jammers could easily have won a championship last year. Ricky Williams had a career year, Priest Holmes was the best player in all the fantasy land. But an unfortunate hip injury took Holmes out of some crucial playoff games and the Jammers ended up a little short. But this season the Jammers are reloaded and ready to wreck some havoc. With Williams and Holmes looking good, the Jammers have little to worry about in the backfield (outside of some backup depth). Kurt Warner seems poised to return to his super marksman status and he could easily carry this team to win after win based on the strength of his arm and accuracy.

The WRs that the Jammers have on roster all have proven track records and while they may be a bit on the older side, production is what counts. With Amani Toomer, Muhsin Muhammed, Ed McCaffrey and the venerable Jerry Rice, the Jammers have a strong corps to work with. Add in lead receiver Joe Horn (an off season trade addition) and promising rookie Charles Rogers and the Jammers have the look of championship contenders. Even if Warner doesn't return to elite status, backup QB Drew Bledsoe will put up good numbers and let the running backs dominate and lead the Jammers to what will hopefully be a first championship. Unless the aging receivers completely collapse or a long injury prevents Williams/Holmes from playing, the Jammers could have the most explosive and deepest team to start off this third fantasy season.
Draft Grade: B+

First Blockbuster of the Year

Las Vegas, NV --

Monkey's GM Evan Shiue arrived late Thursday night at the Venetian Hotel for a last minute meeting with Jammer brass, including team president, Lei Pan to wrap up what has been a week long series of negotiatios. Lasting late into the night, the two finalized the first blockbuster of the 2003 season, swapping receivers Joe Horn and David Boston. The deal also involves conditional picks. Details of the draft selections have not yet been disclosed.

Pan, along with his team of negotiators and statisticians, spoke briefly with the press. "I am extremely pleased with the deal. Joe (Horn) is a premier receiver in the league and will be a great addition to our team. With Joe on board, there will be no more excuses for this team. We have two of the top ten receivers, the two best running backs in the game, and a plethora of talented Caucasian quarterbacks. I've spoken to Priest (Holmes) and Ricky (Williams) and they are both ecstatic with this move."

Following the stunning performance of flanker, Amani Toomer, last season, the Jammers have apparently retooledtheir passing game for the coming season. ESPN analyst, John Clayton, broke down the trade. "This is a great addition for both teams. Though, on the surface, it seems that the teams are just swapping receivers, there are intangibles here that will be vital to the success of both teams. Horn's experience and leadership in the clubhouse is consistent with the atmosphere Pan has been looking to build with veterans including Kurt Warner, Priest Holmes, and Ricky Williams.

The addition of Horn gives Pan now another weapon to mix into his already-full arsenal. For the Chunky Monkeys, Boston represents a true top flight receiver who can really take over the game. Monkey runner, LaDainian Tomlinson, averaged 23 carries a game and rushed for 1,683 yards last season. Including his 79 receptions, Tomlinson touched the ball 28 times a game. Naturally, defenses are going to commit an extra safety close to the line of scrimmage to contain and hit Tomlinson. Enter Boston. Once that eighth defender approaches the line, Manning can make a quick audible and send Boston downfield for a big play. It's no wonder Manning was the first to greet Boston on Friday when he arrived in San Francisco."