The Road to the Superbowl

Jammer CEO, Lei, rarely steps onto the field during practice but given that its SuperBowl week, the young executive couldn't resist. Pan was seen on the sideline going through the final playbook with his star runningbacks, Priest Holmes and Ahman Green. Holmes and Green are expected to be the feature weapons in this weekend's game against the Flaming Shrapnel. "Oh yeah, stakes are high. Our team has been awesome the past three years but this is still our first time to the big dance. AG and I, we've been doing drills and working on some new plays ... there will be some surprises this weekend and they ain't stupid sh*t like cell phone celebrations. Even the main man, LP (Pan), has come down from his office a couple times this week to watch us practice. He told me that if we're to win it all, we're winning it as a team...." said Holmes.

In anticipation of this week's game, we've gathered some of our thoughts as we preview this weekend's big game:

Quarterback: Word out of the Jammer camp is that Vick is questionable with a strained buttock. Inside sources indicate that Marc Bulger will be the likely starter this weekend and the fact that Bulger has taken the large majority of snaps with the first team offense this week during practice all but ensures his starter status. However, the news of the week here is the health of Shrapnel QB, Steve McNair. Team doctors are pessimistic and sources close to the team concede that it is highly unlikely that McNair will be able to play. If McNair sits out, the Shrapnel starter would then be Jake Delhomme. No offense to Jake, but he kinda sucks.
Advantage: Jammers

Runningback: Priest and AG. They're the first and third rated runningbacks this season. Its no secret that the key to the Jammer offense belongs in the hands of these two runners. According to ESPN's Chris Berman, "This team lives and dies by the running attack. If a defense is one day able to figure out a way to nullify these guys, then maybe ... maybe ... the Jammers can be stopped. But I doubt it. The only back better in the league is the Monkeys' LaDainian Tomlinson, aka SuperStud." The Shrapnels on the otherhand will be featuring Domanick Davis aka "Double D" and Thomas Jones aka "Bust". If it were Davis and Jones against Green, maybe that'd be fair but against both AG AND Priest? I doubt it.
Advantage: Jammers

Receivers: Well, this is the staple offense for the Shrapnels. Their offensive attack is run primarily through the hands of their star-studded receiver lineup which includes Terrell Owens, Quan Boldin the super rook, and J-Smitty. For the Jammers, the passing crew is handled by Marvelous Harrison and scrubs. M-Rob and Kevin Johnson combined are about as talented as Reche Caldwell. Future Hall-of-Fame receiver, Jerry Rice, in his pre-game interview was high on the Jammer receiving core though. "Its all about Marvin. He's the best receiver in the game today outside of a guy named Moss. I mean I like TO but he's a nut case. Quan is just a super long flash in the pan and it won't be long before the IRS discovers that J-Smitty is committing a felony by also collecting social security every month. Like I said, its all about Starvin' Marvin."
Advantage: Jammers

Special Teams: The Jammers didn't have the best record this season for nothing.
Advantage: Jammers

So who do we think will win the game? I mean we know the matchups but there are other factors including weather conditions, turf conditions, coin toss, ball boy capabilities, playbook depth that will all figure heavily into the final decision of this match and this is where the Shrapnel truly shines. The Shrapnel management team have done an excellent job in exploiting all the league loopholes, capitalizing on other teams' weaknesses, and scrutinizing matchups deficiencies. So given that, we say ....Shrapnel by 5.

Notes:
This year's game figures to be a big one. Pan will be flying his team of statisticians on a private jet for their entertainment and plans of a post-victory celebration have already begun. According to Pan, "Oh this won't be close. We'll dominate them. Our guys are just stronger, faster, and definitely smarter than their guys. Get ready to place your bets."

"Damn, some of the best backs in the league outside of LT and SA are gonna be here. Everyone will be watching." - Barry Sanders.

"Hell yeah, this is better than that Paris Hilton show or video or whatever." - Jon Yang, GM of the Dirty Birds.

"Well, the Heat and Pacers game will be on but I'll definitely Tivo this thing." - Evan Shiue, GM of the Monkeys.

"We don't get reception here in Shanghai but I fully exect Donovan to give me live updates via satellite phone." - Ping Shen, GM of the Phreaks.