Greatest Day Ever

Shanghai, China –
“Greatest day ever.” Those were the first words from Phreaks GM Ping Shen when asked to describe Clinton Portis’ mind-numbing 218 yards (9.9 per), 5TD, 57 fantasy point outburst this past Sunday. Turns out, Shen was right on the money – a history check indicates that Portis’ monster day was in fact the greatest fantasy day in the history of football – surpassing Jerry Rice’s and Shaun Alexander’s one-day totals.

Portis’ opponent in the game was Priest Holmes, who some consider to be the best back in the NFL. Holmes had a good game - 90 yards and 2 TDs, but that looked downright pathetic compared to Portis’ beastly output. CP, for his part, wasted little time in declaring himself the best back in the NFL. After rushing for 488 yards and 7 TDs over the past 2 games, who can argue with him? ``I always admired Priest Holmes. I thought he was the best back in the NFL,'' Portis said. ``I felt like if I go out and outperform Priest Holmes in head-to-head competition, well I can't help but feel like I am the best back in the NFL.''

“I think the Phreaks finally wised up and realized that they have the best back in the NFL in their backfield, and if they want to win, they should just keep feeding him the ball. Three weeks ago, they only gave him the ball 14 times – and he ran for 160 yards! But they stopped giving him the ball in the second half even though they were still very much in the game, and they ended up losing. How can you go away from a guy averaging over 10 yards per carry? But they figured it out, and have given him 56 carries the past two weeks, and, well we all know what’s happened,” said ESPN’s Chris Berman. “Portis is averaging 5.8 yards per carry this season. That’s just nuts. Nobody else even comes close.”

One anonymous league GM commented to ESPN, “The Phreaks have Portis who scored 57 fantasy points in one game, Jamal Lewis who leads the NFL in rushing and is on pace for 2,000 yards, and they only won two games this year? How does that happen?” That’s a question that the Phreaks must be asking themselves. The primary culprit appears to be the league’s toughest schedule by far – facing an opponent who scores over 100 points each week will test even the best of teams. A CTDB owner said, “If the Phreaks get any, and I mean ANY receiving help next year, the rest of the league might as well just concede that they are playing for second place.

Barring an injury, nobody, and I mean NOBODY can stop Portis and Lewis. Those two are just ridiculous. Ahman and Priest are decent, sure, but who can compete with one guy who sets the single game rushing record, and another who sets the single game fantasy points record? And Priest is on the wrong side of 30 – you know he won’t be around much longer. Portis and Lewis are what, 24? Those guys are going to be good for a long long time. And they’re still getting better! I don't think we've even seen all of Portis' potential. By the time he's done in this league, we might not be talking about the greatest day ever, we just might be talking about the greatest ever. And that’s unfortunate for everyone else in the league.”