🚨 CTDB Trade Alert: Hurts Reunited with the Phreaks 🚨

 

In a blockbuster move that has stunned the league, the Jail Yard Boyz (7-1, 1st place) traded QB Jalen Hurts and WR Quentin Johnston to the Philadelphia Phreaks (4-4, 5th place) in exchange for QB Brock Purdy and WR Brian Thomas Jr.

Trade at a Glance

• Jail Yard Boyz receive:

  • QB Brock Purdy (SF)

  • WR Brian Thomas Jr. (JAX)

• Philadelphia Phreaks receive:

  • QB Jalen Hurts (PHI)

  • WR Quentin Johnston (LAC)

Context

Jail Yard Boyz (7-1, 1st place)

The Boyz shocked the league by moving on from Hurts — but with Justin Herbert already rostered, the writing was on the wall. Herbert immediately steps into the starting QB role, softening the blow of losing a fantasy MVP candidate.

So why take Purdy? Likely as insurance. With San Francisco’s offense banged up and whispers of a QB controversy, Purdy is a volatile stash — but he provides depth in case Herbert goes down.

The real prize for the Boyz is Brian Thomas Jr.. With rookie Malik Nabers out for the year and Bucky Irving banged up, they needed WR upside. Thomas has disappointed so far, but his elite usage profile suggests a breakout could be coming just when the Boyz need it most.

Philadelphia Phreaks (4-4, 5th place)

For the Phreaks, this trade is about star power and familiarity. GM Ping Shen made it clear Hurts wasn’t just a target, he was a homecoming:

“The Phreaks extend their thanks to Brock and Brian for their efforts, and we welcome Jalen back to the team with open arms. The Phreaks simply aren’t the Phreaks without Jalen Hurts.”

Paired with Saquon Barkley, Jahmyr Gibbs, and Justin Jefferson, Hurts gives the Phreaks a lethal top-four. Adding Quentin Johnston on top — who’s emerged as Herbert’s WR1 in L.A. — makes this roster arguably the scariest in the playoff chase.

Player Outlooks

• Hurts (to Phreaks): A locked-in top-3 QB who boosts both floor and ceiling.

• Quentin Johnston (to Phreaks): Emerging as a true WR1 with Herbert, adds immediate and long-term juice.

• Brian Thomas Jr. (to Boyz): A high-upside, buy-low gamble who could be peaking come playoff time.

• Brock Purdy (to Boyz): A depth add. Useful if healthy, but Herbert is the starter.

Keeper Implications

• Boyz: Herbert is the clear QB keeper moving forward. If Thomas Jr. hits, this deal could age well.

• Phreaks: Reunite with Hurts as their long-term franchise QB. Johnston could be a WR2 keeper alongside Jefferson and Gibbs.

Trade Grades

• Jail Yard Boyz: B-
  They sold a Ferrari but had another one in the garage (Herbert). The trade hinges entirely on whether Brian Thomas Jr. rebounds.

• Philadelphia Phreaks: A
  They land the best player (Hurts) and the hottest breakout WR (Johnston). This is the kind of deal that flips playoff odds.

Bottom Line

The Boyz are betting depth and breakout potential over star power, trusting Herbert to carry the QB torch.

The Phreaks, meanwhile, just reloaded in a massive way. With Hurts reunited and Johnston added to Jefferson, Barkley, and Gibbs, they might have just assembled the most dangerous roster in CTDB.

🚨 CTDB Breaking Trade: Henderson to the Monkeys 🚨

Two franchises heading in opposite directions made a bold swap this week as the Battle Angels (1-5, 9th place) shipped rookie RB Treyveon Henderson (#5 pick) to the Chunky Monkeys (6-0, 2nd place) in exchange for WR George Pickens (#22 pick) and rookie RB Bayshul Tuten (#32 pick).

Trade at a Glance

• Chunky Monkeys receive:

  • RB Treyveon Henderson (NE, rookie, #5 overall)

• Battle Angels receive:

  • WR George Pickens (DAL, #22 overall)

  • RB Bayshul Tuten (JAX, rookie, #32 overall)
    
    

Team Context

Chunky Monkeys (6-0, 2nd place, +40 point differential)

• Despite their spotless record, this roster was RB-thin, leaning on a struggling Chase Brown and newly promoted RB1, Trey Benson, as weekly starters.

• Built around rookie QB Jayden Daniel, TE phenom (albeit currently injured) Brock Bowers, and a surprisingly strong receiver room with JSN, Rome Odunze, and Rashee Rice, the Monkeys had everything but a long-term RB1.

• Adding Henderson instantly gives them that potential cornerstone back, even if 2025 production is more committee than workhorse.

Strategic Lens:
This is a rare rebuilder that also finds themselves in contention. Sitting at 6-0 buys them time to let Henderson develop while they still lean on WR and TE production - though sources tell us that Henderson will be relied on as a weekly flex. Henderson could become the lead back they've lacked since shipping Barkley away a year and a half ago.

Battle Angels (1-5, 9th place, -77 point differential)

• A team desperate for points today, the Angels can’t afford to wait on Henderson’s role to grow.

• Their roster is built around Patrick Mahomes, Kyren Williams, and Chris Olave, but lack of WR depth and inconsistent RB production has doomed them to the basement.

• By adding Pickens, the Angels get a ready-made starter who slots in immediately as their WR2 while CeeDee Lamb is out in Dallas. Tuten, meanwhile, is a stash with Etienne insurance and is seeing increased touches with Bigsby out of town.

Strategic Lens:
For a team that needs Ws to even sniff playoffs, turning a speculative rookie RB into a usable WR2 is a pragmatic pivot. Pickens’ age (24) keeps keeper value alive, making this not just a rental.

Keeper Implications

• Monkeys: Keeper options are now surpringly deep with Daniels, Bowers, Odunze, JSN, Henderson and Rashee as a young nucleus to choose from. If Henderson hits, this core suddenly looks like a dynasty.

• Angels: Pickens may prove a long-term WR2 keeper alongside Olave, while Tuten’s upside may become even clearer as the season progresses. Henderson could haunt them if he breaks out, but they may not have survived long enough to see it.
  
  

Trade Grades

• Chunky Monkeys: A-
  They overpaid in pure draft capital terms (#5 pick for #22 + #32), but Henderson’s upside as a home-run RB prospect outweighs the risk. Exactly the type of gamble a franchise in search of a core should make.

• Battle Angels: B+
  They sold low on Henderson’s ceiling, but desperate times call for tradeable talent. Pickens gives them an immediate WR2 and a long-term WR2 keeper candidate.
  
  

Bottom Line

This deal is the definition of win-now vs future upside.

• The Monkeys secure a potential long-term franchise RB to go with their stacked young roster, betting Henderson’s role will grow.

• The Angels cash in patience for production, giving Mahomes another weapon in a season that’s already slipping away.

In three years, we’ll look back and ask: Did the Monkeys just buy their next Saquon… or did the Angels steal a young WR and RB combo that also turned around their 2025 season?

Draft Review: Marvel

Last year we had a brisk ninety-minute draft and this year went just two hours on the dot. Not bad! Once again, we all were present and we get another year of eighteen man rosters, ready to compete. [2017 Inscrutable Drama Kings draft review]

Chunky Monkeys (4-9)
After winning the Toilet Bowl and getting ranked as the worst keeper core in CTDB, Monkeys went a long way toward rebuilding after selecting consensus beast Saquon Barkley with the first overall pick. And then it got weird… Michael Crabtree and Mark Ingram were first out of the gate and its safe to say both players have seen better days. Sleeper tight end Trey Burton was a nice get in RD4 and Evan should hit on one of his young guys like Marquise Goodwin, Christ Thompson, Kenny Stills, or Chris Godwin. Kirk Cousins will lead this team out of the cellar — or Matt Stafford — and well, that’s about it. Still, for all his work behind-the-scenes, and for that incredible draft spreadsheet, we can’t give Monkeys anything less than a stellar score.
Grade: A++

LA Buffy (5-8)
It’s been a long drought for Roger, our three-time champs who has gone a long six years (and counting) between titles. It was time for new blood — Buffy had the oldest team in 2017 — after last year’s debacle and our second place Toilet Bowl finisher loaded up on Royce Freeman at 1.2, Ronald Jones at 2.2, and another rookie runner, Jordan Wilkins at 9.2. With the pre-draft addition of Jerick McKinnon, Buffy should have a backfield full of excitement. The receiving corps is a bunch of semi-old to straight up old guys, save the always underperforming Sammy Watkins. AJ Green, Larry Fitz, and Doug Baldwin will be joined by Julian Edelman, Randall Cobb, and Donte Moncrief. The duo of Russell Wilson and Andrew Luck will be solid, and when you go kicker in RD6, you are declaring your intentions for some wins. Who gets to four titles first: Chunky or Buffy? Shout out to Roger for throwing out potential new division names, and giving us our favorites, “Marvel vs Capcom.”
Grade: B

Tiiite End Jammers (6-7)
The Jammers are loaded, with their keeper core being ranked number one overall by analysts. Our champ from 2014 couldn’t resist the best quarterback in the land coming to them at 1.4 and now this keeper core is by far the best around. If Rodgers can stay on the field, watch out! Rookies Sony Michel and Kerryon Johnson compete for a starting gig while a strange backup receiver core of Jordy Nelson, Dez Bryant (still unsigned), and Kelvin Benjamin will likely not even see the field, especially with 5.1 Emmanual Sanders in front of them. We like the combo of Delanie Walker and Tyler Eifert at tight end, but to be real, it’s going to be a gigantic year of Jammers to use Rodgers and his all-world potential to take pole position for the 2018 season.
Grade: A-

Athena Nike (8-5)
Despite sort-of trying to tank last year, Athena went 8-5 and almost won the division! The core five are fantastic and with three extra picks in RD2 and RD3, Frank got to work mining for more gems. Armed with 2.7, 2.8, and 2.10, Nike drafted Mike Williams, Michael Gallup, and Donta Foreman (who will start the season on the PUP list). Back-to-back picks at 3.7 and 3.8 brought in yet another rookie receiver, Courtland Sutton, and the shocking selection of Adrian Peterson, who wasn’t even on Evan’s big board. But when you got lots of picks you can afford to take big swings. Packers sophomore running back Jamaal Williams is the guy to have in Green Bay, and then Derrius Guice, the likely number-two rookie before his injury, will be an auto-IR candidate for a draft-and-stash. Whew! Add in Josh Doctson, Jordan Reed, more rookies in Kalen Balalge, Matt Breida, and Christian Kirk, and our favorite last round pick: Lamar Jackson, and this team might not even miss Aaron Rodgers. Speaking of Rodgers, the new starting quarterback, Cam Newton (1.8) was the result of some controversy as Frank came to the draft late and was given Newton by a certain someone — thus missing out on his pre-season 1.8 target: Calvin Ridley. Still, Nike is the presumptive 2019 favorite, even while being a true contender with that talented core in 2018.
Grade: B+, but probably A- without the tardiness

Dirty Birds (8-5)
Our reigning champs -- and four-time winners -- might have snaked Calvin Ridley away at 1.10, but the next great Falcon probably won’t grade out as more than a WR4 this season. So with that in mind, Jon took four other receivers, all young but mostly flashes in the pan: Nelson Agholor, Rishard Matthews, Jamison Crowder, Martavis Bryant, and over-the-hill Pierre Garcon. However, getting a top DEF (5.10 - Rams) and K (10.10 - Justin Tucker) means Dirty Birds are here for business, and with Drew Brees leading the way, they’ll look to get the first repeat in CTDB history. Oh yeah, OJ Howard and Cameron Brats are the tight ends here, so that’s like, whatever. Let's go Birds!
Draft: C-

Pre-Draft Trades: 2017

Sure we complained about a lack of movement before, but this off-season exploded with eight big trades before keepers declaration! Sure, there was a huge confusing mix-up, one make-up trade, and general confusion all around, but we do have the largest (by volume) trade in the books for CTDB, and let's hope this leads to more trades during the season. Or dare we say it, the draft?!

There were so many trades we're just going to throw up an image and then analyze by team:

Chunky Monkeys - Trade ID#14, 16
Evan started things off by shopping Julio "Not 25 years old" Jones around and had quite a few nibbles before he decided to turn Jones and a 2018 RD5 into Jordan Howard, Tyreek Hill, and a 2018 RD4. With a weak (very weak) keeper roster, the 7-6 Monkeys made the playoffs last season but weren't really a threat. Now it's rebuild time! Of course, most rebuilds don't include trading Mark Ingram to Buffy for a Greg Olsen, a thirty-one year old tight end, but Evan has his mysterious ways. Anyway, let's see if our three time champs can win another title soon -- if Monkeys don't win this year or the next, they're facing their longest title drought since 2006.

Fat Jubas - #17, 19
Our defending champs, and also three-time title winners, are hoping to become the first repeat champs in league history. Eric moved his 2017 RD1, 2017 RD2, and 2018 RD2 to hoover up Jordy Nelson and Isaiah Crowell. Those two will team up with David Johnson and Mike Evans to power Jubas to the title game yet again, maybe.

Battle Angels - #15, 20
Vu's team lost the conference finals to eventual champs Jubas by only 0.4 points last year. Despite that devastating setback, the 2008 champs feel it's time again for another title chase. Completing the rebuild he started last year off the heels of the 2016 draft, Vu grabbed Travis Kelce as his new TE, picked up a 2017 RD2 to recoup value from last season's trade, and then got a compensatory RD2 pick as well for a commish confusion/error (see below). Win, win, win!

Athena Nike - #18
With a huge three way trade, Frank moves into the #1 overall draft pick two years in a row. Last year, Ezekiel Elliot worked out great for him, and Frank is hoping this year's top selection will do the same. Let's just say that we already know who that pick will be, as part of the trade involves Athena Nike selecting a specific player. Frank moves from 2017 1.4 to 1.1 for the cost of Jimmy Graham, Kevin White, both of his 2017 RD2 picks (2.3, 2.4), and his 2017 RD4 (4.4). Sounds like a lot doesn't it? But then next year Nike will receive a 2018 RD2 from Dirty Birds, plus 2018 RD2 and 2018 RD3 from Fobsters. With franchise star Elliot sitting six weeks on a suspension, Athena Nike is clearly already playing for next year.

Fobsters - #18, 20
Upset with his aging keeper core, Jimmy was ready to blow things up in a big way. In the end, he'll move from 2017's 1.2 slot to 1.4, receive Sammy Watkins and Kevin White for his youth movement, and then get five of the first fourteen picks in the 2017 draft -- 1.4, 1.10, 2.1, 2.3, and 2.4. That is a monster rebuild strategy, the likes that CTDB has never seen before! Of course, Jimmy had to send out Dez Bryant and Jordy Nelson -- along with 2018 RD2 and RD3 -- but if Fobsters can draft well, this trade will set him up for a glorious future.

Dirty Birds - #15, 17, 20, 21
Mostly content with his roster a week ago, Jon moved into major trade motion after losing out in the Julio Jones sweepstakes. First, he picked up TY Hilton for the price of Travis Kelce and a 2017 RD2 -- and another 2017 RD2, which will be explained later. He also got a 2017 RD3 back from Battle Angels. He also shipped out Isaiah Crowell for a RD2 -- which will be conveyed to Battle Angels due to the previously mentioned error.

And then there was the big three way trade, which ultimately moved Birds down one slot from 1.1 to 1.2, and then netted them Dez Bryant and Jimmy Graham -- later shipped out for a weak RD6 to Gang Green. Overall, Dirty Birds moved the 2017 1.1 pick, Travis Kelce, Sammy Watkins, Isaiah Crowell, two 2017 RD2's, and a 2017 RD13 to move down one slot in the draft, grab a 2017 RD3, Dez Bryant, and a 2017 RD6. Um, sounds like a win?

What was the controversy?!
Due to a combination of miscommunication and clerical error, and ESPN's stupid non-snaking settings, trade #15 between Battle Angels and Dirty Birds was reported incorrectly. The 2.6 pick from last year that was going from Battle Angels to Athena Nike was mistakenly reported as the 2.3 pick, which was subsequently traded to Fobsters in the three way. #mistake

What this meant was that the three way -- and all trades afterwards -- were faced with being overturned, and while many opinions and options were offered, ultimately it was up to the affected parties to work it out. Long story short: Fobsters demanded reparations for his move down from 2.3 to 2.6, threatening many laughable things, while Battle Angels (whose trade was legit, and would have stood) decided to be the bigger man and stay at 2.6 -- and take a 2017 RD2.10 from Jon as compensation.

While there was no admission of sole guilt by any party, especially Jon, despite him paying the iron price, we can assign a bit of fault here. So, let's go:

• ESPN: For not having the ability to set up a non-snaking keeper draft. Thus leading to the confusion.
• The commissioners: For not catching the mistakes until too late, and not informing the wider CTDB league about the ESPN non-snaking issue.
• Battle Angels: Forgetting about their 2016 trade that had a 2017 RD2 already gone, and then getting confused about the numbering due to ESPN's wacky ways.
• Dirty Birds: Not reporting the trade correctly, and not clarifying that the 2.3 should really have been a 2.6. And for creating chaos.
• Fobsters: For demanding a 2018 RD1 and Todd Gurley from Dirty Birds as compensation for moving down three slots...
• Athena Nike: Trying to find logic in an illogical (Trump)world. And for also demanding compensation for time wasted negotiating a three way trade that might be verified.
• Chunky Monkeys: For giving Jammers Antonio Brown and Julio Jones duo to go along with the rest of Lei's amazing roster. RIP 2017 title hopes for anyone else!
• Jimmy: For the poop he / his son left on my carpet. And for being a d!ck.

See you all at the draft!

The New Number One!

We haven't had a three way trade since 2010's mega doozy, and we haven't had a trade for the #1 overall pick in a draft since, maybe forever? Well, GM Frank of Athena Nike had been talking about Ezekiel Elliot since the beginning of the summer -- and technically tried to draft him last year -- and we were pretty sure he was just Danny Ainge-ing us, with no actual trade in sight. Well, lo and behold, with the clock ticking, Frank pulled off a stunner that may have shifted the CTDB landscape!

Let's take a look at how this deal shakes out for each team, and try to divine where they stand heading into the 2016 draft.

Trade ID#12: 

• Athena Nike receive Buffy 2016 RD1 and 2016 RD3, and Battle Angel 2017 RD2
• Buffy receives Rob Gronkowski, Thomas Rawls, Athena Nike 2016 RD1 and RD2, and Battle Angel 2016 RD1
• Battle Angels receive Kelvin Benjamin, Jarvis Landry, Athena Nike 2016 RD4, Buffy 2016 RD5

Battle Angels: For giving up the #3 overall in this year's draft, along with next year's RD2, last season's 2-11 (worst place) team receives Kelvin Benjamin and Jarvis Landry to bolster their keeper core. Both should be an improvement on alternate keeper selections Golden Tate or Josh Reed. Heading into Drew Brees' last few years, Battle Angel needs to bolster their passing attack quickly to return to playoff contention. Angels also add additional RD4 and RD5 picks in this year's draft, but those feel like more of a toss in to complete draft selections.

Buffy: What a haul for the #1 overall pick! Roger wasn't thinking about dealing away a surefire top running back in Elliot but the offer on the table was just too big to refuse. It was easy for the fan base to go from "Oh man, we're losing Ezekiel!?!" to "Let Gronk Gronk!" By trading down, Buffy picks up the #3 and #7 selections overall, plus an extra RD2 (#17 overall) -- albeit giving up a RD3 in the process. In addition, Buffy bolsters their keeper core by receiving Rob Gronkowski and Thomas Rawls, Marshawn Lynch's heir apparent in Seattle. Getting Gronk alone could make up the difference between #1 and #3 overall, as Gronkowski was a top ten WR/TE last season. After last year's 6-6-1 campaign and a Toilet Bowl win, Roger is fully restocked and ready to head back to the real Bowl this season.

Athena Nike: What does it take to get the rookie running back of your dreams? A hell of a lot apparently! Three picks and four keeper-worthy players later, Frank emerges with 2016's #1 overall pick, Ezekiel Elliot. Was it worth it? Well, we won't be able to tell until Elliot hits the field, but from what all the pundits say, Elliot is the perfect rookie in the perfect situation. We need to step back and look at the bigger picture here, as Frank had an excess of young receivers that he couldn't keep. With roster locks DeAndre Hopkins and Amari Cooper joining Aaron Rodgers, there was only room for two of Rob Gronkowski, Jarvis Landry, Kelvin Benjamin, DeVante Parker, and Kevin White. Well, we know what happened next as Gronk, Landry, and Benjamin were dealt, with Parker and White's potential joining Nike's new lineup.

Time will tell who "wins" this trade, but we're pretty certain CTDB already won just for having another mega-three way deal go down. Thanks for the fireworks gentleman, and good luck in the upcoming season!

The Kitchen Sink

We've had some blockbuster trades in our history, but has there ever been in four-for-one?! Fueled by missing the playoffs, Dirty Birds' GM Jon moved quickly to blow up his team. After firing off multiple emails, he found a willing trade partner: Ante Up. Searching for another franchise caliber player, Jon and Jae quickly agreed on a trade. LeSean McCoy for Roddy White, C.J. Spiller, Alfred Morris, and Cecil Shorts.

Immediately a firestorm of controversy arose as the commissioners were called in to evaluate the fairness of such a transaction. On paper, it definitely seemed lopsided, as McCoy was not only currently injured, but engaged in a somewhat subpar season. In fact, both Spiller and Morris, at the time of this writing, were ranked higher than McCoy on the running back charts -- numbers six and tenth respectively. In addition, Roddy White has been a top ten receiver all season, while Shorts has been a free agent revelation, especially as he's been heating up with four straight games of 15+ points.

Digging a little deeper though, it was revealed that the trade was an ideal win-win for both sides. Ante Up needed to flank Aaron Rodgers and Ray Rice for a deep playoff run, something that having four new productive players will help with. The mega-trade immediately makes Jae a dark horse contender for the championship.

Meanwhile the Dirty Birds had a lot of extra talent on their roster, despite suffering from inconsistency and pathetic showings all season. Moving four players for one was no problem, as long as that returning player was someone like McCoy. An opposing GM, who wasn't against the trade, summed it up thusly: "McCoy's twenty four, he's the centerpiece of a franchise, and I have been trying to pry him away from Ante Up for years." The move will allow the Dirty Birds to pair McCoy with Adrian Peterson, potentially formed the best backfield tandem in the league.

The opposing view on the trade noted that C.J. Spiller is up-and-coming himself, so a trade with perhaps just him and Roddy would have sufficed. "Not even draft picks? Why couldn't the trade be consumated over the off-season? This upsets competitive balance for the playoffs! Conspiracy theorists could point fingers at the owners who now fear Ante Up, or perhaps at Dirty Bird's management, who has griped privately about "doing everything in our power to insure that Buffy and Chunky Monkeys don't win another title!"

Time will tell if this trade was indeed lopsided, but until then, we here at CTDB TV will be on the lookout for more blockbusters. Rumors are that this will be a wild off-season!

The Eagle Has Landed

In a move that was largely seen as inevitable, Michael Vick 2.0 is now a Philadelphia Phreak. The Tiiite End Jammers boasted two top QBs, with Vick and Tony Romo on board, but that was one too many. After an injury plagued season from Romo last year, the Jammers knew that Vick had more trade value.

After a round of whirlwind discussions, it was agreed that Ping would send RB Maurice Jones-Drew and a 2011 RD5 pick for Michael Vick and an accompanying RD5 pick. With Vick now in the fold, the Philly Phreaks boast the entire Eagles' aerial attack, as WRs DeSean Jackson and Jeremy Maclin are also keepers. The lone running back will be sophomore speedster Jahvid Best, which means the Phreaks are in the market for more durable options entering the draft.

As for the Tiiite End Jammers, they now have Tony Romo back at the helm. With three solid running backs behind him -- Jones-Drew, Rashard Mendenhall, Ryan Grant -- Romo should have a balanced attack. The official Jammers' press release about the trade was a bit harsh on Vick, but the PR department quickly stepped in to say nice things about the ex-dog killer afterwards. The original statement was this: "After using up all of Vick's mojo last season, the Jammers have kicked Vick to the curb and made it Romo's team once again!"

Analysts love the trade for both sides. Having two top QBs in a ten team league was useless for Lei, so getting a franchise running back was a great return. As for the Phreaks, if Vick can stay even seventy five percent healthy, he's got the potential to be the best fantasy player in the land. As part of the Phreaks' recent resurgence, we really like this move.

Mega-Roddy!

Well, that sure didn't take long. A few hours after newly minted Dirty Bird receiver, Calvin Johnson, passed his physical, word came that a deal had been struck which would send Johnson to the Monkeys for Roddy White.

The deal was officially struck this afternoon as the commissioner's office received the final details of the trade. Calvin Johnson plus the Dirty Bird's 2nd pick in the 2011 draft for Roddy White and the Monkey's 3rd pick in the 2011 draft.

Strangely enough, this was the first trade between the two storied franchises. "As active as both Jon (GM of the Dirty Birds) and I have been, for some reason, we never found a deal that we both liked. This deal was one we both liked," said GM Evan of the Chunky Monkeys.

According to the Monkey GM, "We've always loved Calvin Johnson and his big play ability. Roddy was a terrific contributor to our Super Bowl team last year and I thank him for all his hard work for us last year. However, getting Megatron was a unique opportunity to get a little younger, taller and in our opinion, better. We spoke with Philip Rivers prior to getting the deal done and he is very excited about working with Calvin. We think this could be a great pair for years."

According to ESPN Senior Analyst, Adam Shefter, "Great deal all around that just works for both teams. Roddy White gets to play for the home town Dirty Birds and the Monkeys continue to re-tool as they prepare to defend their title. Both are Tier 1A receivers so it was simply a matter of the two teams finding a better fit in the other receiver. The 2nd pick for the Monkeys could be significant as well as they continue to stock pile picks. Good move for both teams."

Turner to GMs: "Not Again!"

For the third time in a little over eighteen months, Falcons running back Michael Turner is on the move. "Shit, I'm not buying no more. Just renting. No, subletting probably. My family is hurting man, we're hurting!" After a bounce back season in 2010, in which Turner churned up 1300+ yards and 12 TDs, Dirty Birds management has decided to swap him for WR Calvin Johnson, the finale in a long rumored deal. In fact, this exact deal may have been attempted last year before the playoffs, but the trade deadline nixed that plan.

The Fobsters' Calvin Johnson feels similarly slighted. After contributing heavily to the franchise's first Super Bowl appearance last post-season, the homegrown receiver thought a big raise was in order. However, management felt differently after Johnson scored only seven points in the championship game. "We thought as an evil Transformer, Megatron would have given us more than four receptions and fifty yards. We were disappointed in his performance," said GM Jimmy.

The number one overall draft pick in 2007, Calvin Johnson has emerged as an elite threat despite working with inferior quarterbacks throughout his career. (That same draft was the one that netted Dirty Birds RB Adrian Peterson, one pick after Johnson) After looking over his roster, GM Jimmy decided that the lack of a ground game was too glaring a hole on his roster. Armed with young guns Santonio Holmes, Mike Williams, and Dez Bryant on the roster, Johnson was deemed a luxury. Turner will be tasked with giving the Fobsters a presence on the ground after their lackluster backfield by committee last season.

As for the team Megatron arrives to, they'll now be a high flying squad. With Larry Fitzgerald, Miles Austin, and Johnson aboard, the Dirty Birds have decided to take to the air. While they still boast consensus number one running back Adrian Peterson, GM Jon felt that a shakeup was in order. The new second RB will be Knowshon Moreno, who has flashed some promise but has yet to achieve the productivity Turner has. Rumors are that other deals are in the works, as the Dirty Birds work to acquire a Falcon for their roster. With this blockbuster, the 2011 season is officially off to a fast start!

CJ2K Traded!

Minutes before the deadline for the Juba’s second overall pick in the 2010 draft, the third blockbuster of the summer was reached. In an offseason where we saw the likes of Peyton Manning, Michael Turner, Roddy White, Philip Rivers, Steven Jackson, Wes Welker change uniforms …. It was only fitting that there was one last big move before the start of the season – which included the top player in the fantasy universe. At 11:20 AM PT, Jubas GM agreed to a proposed deal that would net the Jubas team the undisputed best player in the fantasy universe – Chris Johnson.

The price, however, was steep. In exchange for Johnson, GM Eric agreed to send the rights to rookie Ryan Mathews, Brandon Marshall, the second pick in the 2010 draft and the second pick in the 2011 draft to the Monkeys. In addition to Chris Johnson, Eric received a 2nd and 4th rounder this year and a 4th rounder in 2011.

The trade effectively pairs together two former Monkey running backs in Chris Johnson and Frank Gore for the Fat Jubas. The tandem is expected to be the best backfield in CTDB this year. On the flip side, the Monkeys found themselves deep with talent and for the first time in franchise history, stocked with receiver talent. In the first season where carry-overs no longer exist, Monkey management made sure to go deep for their bench. Likely starters, Ryan Mathews and Jamaal Charles, will be backed up by veteran Pierre Thomas. New receivers, Roddy White and Brandon Marshall, will lead a new aerial attack anchored by veteran Anquan Boldin. Dwayne Bowe is also expected to see a fair amount of playing time this year as well.

ESPN Analyst, John Clayton, was skeptical of the move for the Monkeys. “It was a great move for the Jubas. Any time you get an opportunity to get Chris Johnson, you do what you can do get a player of that caliber. I wouldn’t be surprised to see CJ2K achieve 2,500 rushing yards this year. For the Monkeys, I sense rebuilding. After years of Peyton and LT, management wanted to start fresh and they got it. I think Ryan Mathews and Jamaal Charles will have good years but they both have plenty to prove before this trade starts to make sense However, QB Rivers will have a pretty impressive receiver set to throw to. The trio of Boldin, Roddy White and now Brandon Marshall is likely the best receiver line up this franchise has seen. Dwayne Bowe is no slouch either.”

In his announcement to the press, Monkey GM Evan, had this to say about the trade. “It was EXTREMELY difficult to trade CJ but let me be clear – we are very very happy that Ryan Mathews is a Chunky Monkey. We anticipate that he will be a very good running back for this franchise. We certainly wish Chris the best with the Jubas. He had an amazing year last year and we appreciate his contributions to our franchise. However, the opportunity to trade for Ryan and Brandon Marshall and it was move we felt that we, as an organization, had to make. As for Brandon Marshall, Brandon is an extremely talented receiver and we expect that he, Anquan and Roddy will form the best passing attack this franchise has ever seen. This was the year for us to remake our team and I think we’ve undoubtedly achieved that. There will be many first time Monkeys and it’ll be up to our coaching staff to make sure our team plays cohesively. I believe we can do that quite effectively. See everyone in the playoffs.”

Another Blockbuster

As the new fantasy football season approaches, owners are getting fired up and trying to decide what their keepers will look like in our new CTDB environment. While rule changes are still being ironed out, one thing that won't change is the number of keepers per roster. While we already had a blockbuster trade earlier this offseason, ESPN has gotten news that another monster has just been signed off on. Division foes Buffy and Dirty Birds have agreed to exchange RB Michael Turner for RB Steven Jackson and WR Wes Welker.

Yes, the same Michael Turner that Buffy acquired six months ago has just been traded away again, after not notching a single game for their new owner. Oh wait, what is this? Digging deep into the archives, it has been revealed that Turner was actually Buffy's late round pick in the 2007 draft. This was before his trade to the Falcons and as LaDainian Tomlinson's backup, he was actually tabbed Buffy's "worst pick of that year." Little did we know that Turner would then explode onto the scene in 2008 and become a fantasy superstar -- albeit for just one season. Heading into the 2010-11 season, Turner is highly ranked but only rushed for 800+ yards last year (in eleven games). Without much receiving ability, it will be a tough act to follow up on his 1,700 rushing and 17 TD performance from 2008.

The running back Buffy gets in return for Turner has no questions about his consistency. Even with back issues last year, Steven Jackson finished second in the league in rushing and has never rushed for less than 1000+ yards since 2004. He also typically adds 40 or so receptions and another 300 receiving yards. The only downside with Jackson is his lowish touchdown numbers, due to being the only cog in the Rams' offense.

Shockingly, Jackson is actually a few months younger than Turner, even though it seems like Turner only exploded on the scene recently. All those years sitting behind LDT might have kept Turner fresh but he and Jackson are from the same NFL draft class. Some experts even have Jackson ranked ahead of Turner in this year's rankings so this trade could have been pretty even just one on one. However, the savvy owner that GM Roger is, he also acquired Wes Welker in the deal.

Seemingly short on receiving talent now that WR Roddy White was traded away, Buffy needed to find another pass catcher. A healthy Wes Welker could help fill that void. Mr. Consistency has put up three 100+ reception seasons in a row and piled up about 1200+ yards each of those seasons. Welker's touchdown numbers are low but he's a guaranteed double digit player each time out. Early thinking had Welker out until November after a horrific knee injury in the final regular season game last year but he seems to be recovering quickly. When healthy, Welker is easily a top fifteen receiver, and Buffy got him basically for free.

The real impetus behind this massive trade was to give the Dirty Birds and Buffy their respective favorite franchises' players. Jon is obviously a Falcons fan and he hasn't had a premier one since the heyday of Michael Vick. Roger used to boast both Marshall Faulk and Torry Holt in their primes but Faulk has long retired and Holt was cut by Buffy last year (and then redrafted as a Jaguar before being viciously cut again). By securing excellent players from their favorite NFL teams, both Jon and Roger hope to recover their championship magic from Super Bowls I and II.

With this move, Buffy continues a roster overhaul and it's possible that their 2009 keepers of Marion Barber, Philip Rivers, Roddy White, Antonio Gates, and Willie Parker could all be different after just one season. Currently they boast Steven Jackson, Matt Forte, Wes Welker, and probably some combination of Marion Jones, TJ Houshmandzadeh, Antonio Gates, and Donald Driver. As for the Birds, they needed some shaking up and had an extra keeper to spare with Adrian Peterson, Larry Fitzgerald, Miles Austin, and Knowshon Moreno all possible keepers alongside Jackson and Welker. After years of having the best running back duo on paper with Peterson and Jackson but only one co-championship to their name, GM Jon was looking for a chemistry changes.

Last year Buffy and Dirty Birds fought it out for a playoff spot and it seems like they're destined to clash again, this time with each other's players.

Mega Deal!

It didn't take long. After a stunning upset by a fearless Gang Green team, Monkey's GM Evan knew it was time to make a change. Within days of the Super Bowl loss, the final details of a blockbuster deal began to emerge. While the final strokes didn't occur until NFL Super Bowl week (Buffy GM Roger wanted to wait until the Colts lost to the Saints), Monkeys management had been stoking the talks for several weeks.

There was good reason for the time needed for negotiations as this isn't any regular deal. This is a deal that involves three CTDB teams and potentially 3 first rounders and 2 second or third rounders. This will represent massive change for the league in several ways. First, lets get to the deal.

The Monkeys have acquired Philip Rivers (QB) and Roddy White (WR) while Buffy acquires the rights to Matt Forte (RB) and Michael Turner (RB) and Fat Jubas receiving Peyton Manning (QB). No triggers, no escalators, no draft picks - this is just a straight up player for player (for player) trade.

Some thoughts on implications for each team:

Chunky Monkeys. This year has been coming for awhile. The dynamic duo of LT and Peyton Manning had been incomparable for years. The two represented the only starting duo from the original 2001 class and has been the cornerstone for the Monkeys franchise. While LT had a down year despite 12 touchdowns, Peyton Manning was still the undisputed top quarterback in the league. However, despite the dominant decade of wins, streaks and records ... the Monkeys only had one Super Bowl ring to show for it. With LT likely to be released this year, Monkeys brass decided the right deal was in front of them. While Philip Rivers is not quite Peyton Manning, the Monkeys had an opportunity to draft a budding Charger legend along with a top-tier receiver in Roddy White. It was a chance to get younger, solidify a receiving core that has been lacking stability for years and most importantly and symbolically - begin change for the new decade.

Buffy. Wow. This was a huge deal for Buffy as they arguably got the two highest rated (fantasy) players in the draft. While Forte had a down year, both Turner and Forte are first round picks. Unquestionably. There just aren't that many starting running backs and Mike Martz certainly won't hurt. Through this move, the Buffy franchise has also signified a major change in the team's offensive philosophy. Gone are the days of the run n' gun with 4 receiver sets - the formations that made Air-Buffy so famous back in the early 2000s. Forte and Turner are bruising running backs. Buffy will be looking to run.

Fat Jubas. With Frank Gore and Ryan Grant already in the stables, the Jubas had a spare back and they knew it. When the Monkeys came calling with a three way deal with Peyton Manning on the table, it was too good to pass up. Peyton Manning still likely has 3-5 years of elite talent left and will fit in well in the Jubas offensive scheme. Jubas GM Eric-L loves veteran QBs (Warner was the latest but don't forget, this was the team that started Tommy Maddox!). With Manning leading the team, the team got an upgrade in QB. That's hard to do when you had Kurt Warner.

The media fallout was immediate. ESPN analyst, John Clayton, was heard on SportsCenter earlier describing the transaction. "Its too early to declare winners or losers but really this was a trade to validate change. Arguably, the Buffy franchise got the two best current players. However, any time you pick up a franchise quarterback like Peyton Manning, you can't really be called a loser. For the Monkeys, it was a sorely needed shift. Rivers is a great quarter back and Roddy White should give them some much needed stability at the receiver slot."

Chunky Monkey's GM, Evan, told the media: "Before I go into the details and rationale of why we did this deal as an organization, I wanted to spend some time on Peyton Manning. Peyton, as you all know, was the first overall pick for our franchise in 2001 and he will always be recognized as one of the best player in our franchise's history. I could go through all of the stats but you all know his body of work is as impressive as there is in this league. Stastically, there is no one better and more consistent. He brought home a superbowl ring in 2006 and has been the unquestioned co-captain of this team for the last 10 years alongside LaDainian Tomlinson. I want to thank Peyton for giving his all to the Monkey franchise franchise. He embodied the true spirit of what it means to be a Chunky Monkey. Serving as the leader of our franchise for the last 10 years, I have nothing but the deepest respect and admiration for Peyton. Trading Manning was probably the hardest roster decision we've had to make in the last 10 years.

However, today is also an incredibly exciting day for us here in Monkey HQ as we are welcoming two guys who we think will be the elite quarterback of the next decade and a top-flight wide receiver for years to come in Roddy White. Both Philip and Roddy are high-character guys with enormous potential. We saw this trade as an opportunity to acquire elite talent. Our coaching staff here loves Philip Rivers. In fact, we are confident that Philip will be the next face of the Monkeys for the next 15 years - hopefully, he'll be the next Peyton Manning. The acquisition for Roddy White was also very important for us. We've been searching for that go-to #1 wide receiver for awhile now and our coaching staff believe Roddy may be that guy. He's going to be a leader in this club house and certainly will be a high-priority target for Philip."

Ocho Oucho?

It's not often you find two top ten players so readily available. In the days leading up to the draft, both WR Chad Johnson and RB Larry Johnson were being shopped around by the Fobsters and the Chunky Monkeys respectively. Reports say that Chad was almost shipped off to Buffy or Dirty Birds but in the end, it was a Johnson-Johnson trade as Jimmy and Evan agreed to swap problem children. Who's the winner in this exchange?

Well, it depends. WR Chad Johnson has been a malcontent all summer, has some injury problems, and might not even be the most productive receiver on his team. RB Larry Johnson tore the league up two years ago but now faces doubts about his continued success as well as an offensive line that is steadily in decline. Which one of these guys can step it up? Is Chad still a top ten WR? Is Larry Johnson going to rebound and start going Priest Holmes again?

What's interesting in all of this is that the trade creates huge holes for both teams' rosters. The Monkeys no longer have two dominant RBs to their name. It's LaDainian Tomlinson and um, well, yeah. This is after years of having Shaun Alexander, followed by Larry Johnson, and even having Frank Gore on tap for a quick second. Who will be the Monkey's second back this year? Then again, might it be better to have a stellar receiving corps (Terrell Owens, Chad Johnson, Anquan Boldin) in this age of explosive passing and inconsistent running backs? This might be the biggest change in Chunky Monkeys' history and shows a philosophy shift by management.

As for the Fobsters, they certainly had a weakness in the run game but was Reggie Bush and Earnest Graham really that bad? The number one receiver on their roster is now second year pro Calvin Johnson, who will really have to emerge this year to even become a solid second WR fantasy option. Who will franchise QB Tom Brady throw to if Calvin can't cut it?

The good news is that this blockbuster trade has kept the positive momentum going for both fan bases. The Monkeys and Fobsters went deep into the playoffs last year and these moves show that ownership isn't going to remain stagnant, not for an instant.

Again?

Despite being a part of two Super Bowls with the Dirty Birds, WR Plaxico Burress once again finds himself being set out to pasture. The Birds moved him to Gang Green for the low price of a fourth round draft pick -- the exact pick the Birds exchanged last year with them last year that resulted in Randy Moss -- and didn't even give him a chance to celebrate opening day with his championship mates. However, a locker stall will always be kept open for Burress, according to a Dirty Bird team janitor, mainly because Burress seems to always find himself back on the roster somehow.

Asked about this shocking trade, Burress was quick to reply, "I'll be back bitches. Me and Randy Moss will return to tear those Dirty Birds up! I gave them a championship! I caught the game winning (tying) touchdown! Screw you all!" In response, the Birds have installed security cameras at all of their off-season facilities in order to prevent a massive Plaxico revenge plot. When it was revealed that WR Wes Welker had been also on the chopping block but management had decided to move him, Burress said "$@#! white #@#*&!"

Here's to a great season.

A Rolling Moss Gathers TDs

What a week the Dirty Birds had! Tom Brady went out and tallied four touchdowns for 33 points. Randy Moss caught a whole bunch of those passes for 183 yards and a highlight reel bomb into the end zone. One of Randy's former teammates, the talented Ronald Curry, ripped up his Sunday for 133 yards and a touchdown. Add it all up and the Birds lose 93-129 versus the defending champion Chunky Monkeys. What gives?!

Oh right, none of these awesome performances were done under the banner of Bird. Brady and Moss were traded away for a third and fourth rounder respectively before the season started. Curry was drafted but then unceremoniously dumped (the injured Greg Jennings was kept instead) to the Fobsters. So basically, the Dirty Birds management made another egregious error by retaining the wrong keepers. In good news, Plaxico Burress had an eyebrow raising 37 points -- but wait, his quarterback is out for a month.

Rival GMs are lining up to trade with the Birds in hopes that one man's trash is another man's treasure. What can Coach Yang do when his other keeper receivers (L.Fitzgerald and B.Edwards) total 6 points combined? Ouch. Oh well, it looks like nobody wants to play hard for a bottom dweller. A change of scenery seems to have done Brady, Moss, and Curry some good.

In related news, the entire scouting staff from the Dirty Birds has been fired in favor of a Magic 8-Ball.

Frank the First

Despite what appears to be a meaningless matchup between divisional leaders the Chunky Monkeys and the Fat Jubas (besides bragging rights), there is one interesting stat at stake.

In one of the last clauses from this year's blockbuster trade involving Gore and Boldin, the trade stipulated that if Gore was to finish in the top five of all running backs during the regular season, the Monkeys would then have the rights to the Jubas' first round pick instead of their second round pick.

Entering this week, Gore was only one point behind Willie Parker. So if Gore simply outperforms Parker, the Monkeys will move up another round.

According to GM Shiue, "Look, we are going to try our best to beat the Jubas' brains out. That should not be a question. They are the best team in the other division and we may potentially see them later on. I want our team to literally break their spirits going into the playoffs. But as an objective fan of the league, Franky G is a great back and was a great teammate when he was here with us. I will of course be rooting for him. That first round pick would also help too but thats for another year."

Gored!

The Chunky Monkeys and the Fat Jubas announced a trade earlier this afternoon that sends running back, Frank Gore, and wide receiver, Laveraneus Coles to the Fat Jubas for flankers, Anquan Boldin and Troy Williamson. The Jubas have also agreed to send a conditional draft pick to the Monkeys based on a series of clauses. If the Fat Jubas designates Gore as a franchise keeper player at season's end, the Jubas will send their second round draft pick in the 2007 supplemental draft in exchange for the Monkeys fifth round pick in that draft. Should Frank Gore finish the season as a top five runningback, the Jubas will then send their first round pick in the 2007 supplemental draft in exchange for the Monkey's fourth round pick. This clause, if effected, supercedes and would replace the former clause.

In what was a long anticipated move for the Monkeys, GM Evan Shiue was finally able to acquire the long coveted star receiver he's been looking for. Despite being an unquestionably talented young running back, Frank Gore had little chance to play with the presence of Ladainian Tomlinson and Larry Johnson. The Monkeys also had veteran running back Chester Taylor in the wings as well.

"Quan (Boldin) and Troy (Williamson) will help legitimize our lineup. Quan is an explosive receiver with outstanding hands and is clearly entering the prime of his young career. We believe he can be one of the top five receivers for a long time. Troy will be an excellent backup player for us. He has excellent speed and will have the opportunity to compete with Michael Clayton for playing time this season."

For the Jubas, Gore represents a young talented back with unlimited potential. Gore was an underrated runningback entering this season and is finally living up to the hype. Gore, through the first two weeks of the season, has been the second highest scoring runningback behind Tomlinson. According to Shiue, "We were sad to see Frank go. Frank is an excellent player who is a leader in the clubhouse." Coles is expected to be a starter as well with his team - he's currently the second highest scoring receiver behind Donte Stallworth.

According to ESPN Fantasy Analyst, Eric Karabell, the deal should help both teams immediately. "Gore is a tremendous talent and will make an immediate impact for the Jubas. Despite the fact that Boldin has established himself as one of the best young receivers in the NFL, Gore has the potential to be the best player in this trade. Coles will be a solid receiver this year and will be a solid contributor this year. I do like the Monkey's acquisition of Williamson. As they say, you can't teach speed and Williamson has a lot of it."

Donte's a Phreak!

The Philadelphia Phreaks announced today that they have completed the first trade of the 2006-2007 CTDB season by sending RB Mike Bell plus a 2007 fourth round draft pick to Fat Jubas for WR Donte' Stallworth and a 2007 third round pick. Stallworth joins a remade Phreak receiver core that features, in Roy Williams, just one receiver that was with the team last season. Stallworth is expected to step into a starting role as soon as week one, and will likely bump Nate Burleson to the bench. Stallworth and his 4.2 speed were simply too much for the Phreaks to pass on. Despite the obvious potential of Mike Bell, the Phreaks have the luxury of depth at RB.

"We wish Mike the best with the Jubas. He performed well for us in camp and is a hard worker and talented player. However we saw the opportunity to go and get, what I feel, is a premier playmaker in Donte'. I've always been committed to surrounding Donovan with as many top-flight weapons as I can, and this is another manifestation of that. I look forward to the Donovan-Donte' connection lighting up scoreboards and opposing secondaries for many many years," said Phreak GM Ping Shen from his team's Shanghai headquarters. McNabb and Stallworth have already shown a good connection during camp, but it remains to be seen how well the DonDon pairing will function when the lights go on this Sunday.

Blockbuster!

CTDB Newswire - Santa Clara, September 12, 2005 --

In a short press release issued by the CTDB league wire, the Monkeys and the Jubas have announced that they have agreed to a deal that will see Shaun Alexander (RB) go to the Jubas in exchange for Terrell Owens (WR). The deal also includes a trade for picks in next year supplemental draft whereby the Jubas will surrender their second round draft selection in return for the Monkey's fifth round pick.

While the departure of Owens leaves a big hole in the Juba's receiver core, GM Eric finally has the franchise back he has been coveting for the past several years. "We will obviously miss TO and his leadership in the lockerroom but we believe that Shaun will give us that final piece of the puzzle for a championship run this year." Alexander had nearly 1700 yards along with 20 TDs last year -- unquestionably one of the top 2 runningbacks in the league.

For the Monkeys, the trade marks the first change to the Monkey's "triplets" of Manning, LT, and SA who have been together since the inaugural 2001 CTDB season. Tomlinson, a Monkey veteran who was a rookie back in the 2001 season, was visibly upset when notified of the trade. "Shaun has been here since year 1 and has been an integral part of our success. He's been a great teammate and I've learned a lot from him." Owens has also been part of the former Flaming Shrapnel franchise since the 2001 season and was not available for comment after being notified of the trade.

According to ESPN's John Clayton, "This trade really makes sense for both teams. Alexander is a legitimate #1 back for the Jubas and will give them a feature back for years to come. While Owens will leave a pretty big void, I believe that GM Liao has a couple options up his sleeve. I doubt that the Jubas are done in terms of trades. For the Monkeys, sources indicate that it was Evan that called up the Jubas exploring a possible trade after learning that Javon Walker would be out for the season. Shaun is a terrific talent but the one area that the Monkeys are deep at is the runningback position. With the emergence of Willie Parker and Larry Johnson, along with Kevan Barlow on the roster, the Monkeys should have sufficient talent to move forward this season. Owens is a top flight receiver and will help tremendously."

Return of the King

In a homecoming befitting a hero, WR Plaxico Burress returns to the Dirty Birds for a third stint. After being traded, waived, re-signed and ultimately traded again, Mr Burress is now looking for a permanent position on the Dirty Birds' roster.

During previous disagreements with the talented but mercurial Plexiglass (aka "Not The Real Thing") GM Yang had offered up the rivalry between a Michigan Wolverines man and a Michigan State Spartan as the reason for dissatisfaction with Mr Burress. Rumor has it however, that Plaxico made a pass at one of the Dirty Bird's stunning (male) cheerleaders, leading to his short time spent with the team two seasons ago.

GM Yang had this to say, "I believe in the redemptive powers of a new QB (eli), a new city (nyc), and ultimately, our desperation. I can hardly believe it myself that this player whom we've traded, hated, and lambasted in public, is now our best hope for a successful 2005 playoff campaign. Remember, Mr Burress was an integral part of our last championship season, and historically, this is our year. We welcome back Plaxico with open arms and hope that he can keep his trap shut and continue this year's resurgence."

Team sources would not reveal whether or not the Dirty Birds were working to acquire the other prominent members of that 2002 Championship team -- including stars such as Michael Vick, Ahman Green, Corey Dillon, Marvin Harrison, Chad Johnson, Koren Robinson, and the recently retired Jerry Rice. The only clue to the Bird's so-called "Armageddon" plan was a secret memo leaked to the public with the heading "If We Can Get Jerry Back, the rest will follow....."

The loss of Carnell "Broke Ass Caddy" Williams (via trade to the Fobsters) was no big blow to the Dirty Birds organization. In fact, the brittle Williams was almost shipped out the door for Hines Ward earlier in the season, however, the Chinese ownership of the Birds were hesitant to bring in a Korean, "even if he's only half." The throw-in of ex-Paris Hilton fling Jeremy Shockey was a welcome addition by subtraction.

Look for the Birds to make a push for the title, in this, their fated year. Despite trades that have netted little in the way of real productivity (that pre-draft Randy Moss trade isn't looking so hot now), and sub-par RBs like Jamal Lewis and Rudi Johnson, the Birds still have a stout running game, three great receivers, and the best QB in football, Mr Tom Brady (a Wolverine no less).

We totally unbiased and non-partisan members of the media select the Dirty Birds as our favorites for this year's upcoming championships.

How proud mom will be when the Birds hold aloft the trophy, again. Owner J Yang would like to send all of you a special message: "My ring size is an 8, thanks."