Toilet Bowl X

#10 Philadelphia Phreaks (1-12) def #9 Fat Jubas (3-10), 139.4 - 124.0

Well well, after a litany of cries about the unfairness of having a Toilet Bowl and how difficult it made it for the worst teams in the league to garner a top pick, it looks like all that was just cover for an one-win Phreaks team to take the consolation tournament!

After upsetting Masterminds in RD1 by a narrow margin, Phreaks faced off against old foe Fat Jubas and emerged victorious behind big games from Patrick Mahomes, Miles Sanders, and Anthony Miller. All of that was just enough to fend off Jubas’ Jameis Winston’s 45.3 points. (This was Phreaks’ second Toilet Bowl appearance, with their last one being in 2011.)

So it looks like the worst team in 2019 will get a chance at the top 2020 overall pick. What will this portend for the future of the Toilet Bowl? Will this win change Ping’s mind about the unfairness of it all? Should the top pick have just been handed over to a near winless team? We look forward to the offseason debates but for now, congratulations to Philadelphia Phreaks for finally winning something!

Toilet Bowl VIIII

#4 Fat Jubas (5-8) def #3 Battle Angel (5-8), 134.8 - 97.0
Heading into this year’s Toilet Bowl, we were pretty sure Battle Angels were the favorite, despite being only the third seed. Vu’s team had been throwing up 120+ points routinely since WK7 and was the real people’s favorite to take the Toilet Bowl.

On the other hand, Fat Jubas had started the season off 3-1 but then slipped into a seven game losing streak to bring them to the bottom of the league. Two wins at the end of the regular season gave Jubas some momentum and then they finished it off by toppling Dirty Birds and Battle Angel on their way to their first Toilet Bowl victory — previously they had been there in 2014, but lost. After losing by 0.1 points in the first round of the Toilet Bowl last season, Eric must be overjoyed for this year’s success. Next year: a return to actual postseason glory?

The duo of Jameis Winston and Chris Carson put up 50+ combined while Battle Angel came out flat except for Philip Rivers and Alvin Camera. Nobody else save kicker Adam Vinatieri put up double figures for Angel and with Alshon Jeffery and David Johnson also scoring nice games, Jubas coasted to an easy consolation title. Who will they pick next year?! Nice win for Jubas to save a lost season!

Toilet Bowl VIII

#4 Chunky Monkeys (4-9) def #2 LA Buffy (5-8), 115.3 - 100.5

It seems like every time Chunky Monkeys hit the Toilet Bowl they manage to come out with a victory. Last time Monkeys were out of the playoffs, in 2011, Evan ran the table in the loser's bracket and somehow he managed to do it again, this time while being the second-worst-team in the league to boot! A 4-9 record and a horrific PF sent the vaunted Monkeys franchise to the bottom of the league, before they recovered with three straight wins to end the season and capture next year’s #1 overall pick.

With a roster that boasts, um, Tyreek Hill and sort of Jordan Howard — plus the ghost of Julio Jones, who was traded before the season — Evan’s team is devoid of talent so they’ll really need next year’s top pick to hit. The good news is that last time GM Evan picked so high, he grabbed future Hall of Famer Trent Richardson… Can Trent 3.0 help Evan reclaim his championship dreams?

As for Buffy, a #2 overall pick isn’t bad, especially since Roger escaped a slot or two lower by narrowing beating Fat Jubas last week. A 1-5 start doomed Buffy to almost ran status but this is a nice consolidation prize for a rough 2017. With a veteran heavy team, it could be prime time for Buffy to rescale into a younger version to restore themselves to past glory.

Both Buffy and Chunky Monkeys are three time CTDB winners so this may have been the most honored Toilet Bowl ever, great job guys!

Toilet Bowl VII

#2 Dirty Birds (5-8) def #4 Fobsters (3-10), 103.4 - 75.5
That's two Toilet Bowl wins in three years for Dirty Birds -- with a championship in-between. It can be argued that Jon has been the winningest owner in CTDB ever! Ha, just kidding. It's been a tough year for Dirty Birds, as they crashed hard out of the playoffs, but this win redeems their season. And hey, even Adrian Peterson returned to the field this past weekend!

Led by 30.4 points by LeSean McCoy and 26.2 points from Matt Ryan, the Birds cruised through the two Toilet Bowl rounds with aplomb and will now seek to fill out their roster with yet another #1 overall pick -- even though 2014's Todd Gurley has really lost his shine. Could a return to title contention be around the corner?

As for Fobsters, this is their second Toilet Bowl finals in as many years, and it has to count as a victory as they were the worst team in the league this past season. An upset win over Gang Green in RD1 gave them a top two pick, and they'll have a very high pick in a loaded draft to help get them out of the cellar next season. With both Eddie Lacy and Melvin Gordon out by the end of the year, well see if GM Jimmy will select a new franchise back, or add to their receiving depth of Dez Bryant, Jordy Nelson, and promising rookie Corey Coleman.

Toilet Bowl VI

#1 LA Buffy (6-6-1) def #3 Fobsters (4-9), 110.9 - 89.3
The first time Buffy was in the Toilet Bowl was 2013 (up to then their only showing), they suffered a five point loss to Fobsters in the first round. This time, the two teams met in the Toilet Bowl finals, with Buffy coming off a 0.500 season and poised to win the whole right to 2016’s #1 draft pick.

With Cam Newton benched for the first round of the Toilet Bowl, coach Roger got a stellar 50.0 point performance from Carson Palmer and AJ Green combined, giving them a tight win versus Battle Angel, who threatened an upset behind Drew Brees and TY Hilton.

On the other side of the bracket, Fobsters handled Tiiite End Jammers with ease, ending Lei’s difficult championship defense -- although technically it wasn't a "defense" anymore. Fobsters rode Doug Baldin to the win, and it shouldn’t be overlooked that over the past month, Baldwin has averaged an astounding 23.3 ppg, and has scored ten TDs in the process. That set up a potentially great Toilet Bowl Finals against Buffy, as both teams were pumped for big performances.

However, despite Baldwin’s 18.5 pts, Delanie Walker’s 19.4 pts (!), and Tom Brady’s 25.4 pts, Fobsters didn’t put up much of a fight against Buffy. Roger’s team had Palmer, Matt Forte, Greg Olsen, and James Jones all score in the high teens and then Stephen Gostkowski’s 15 pts helped seal the deal in the easy win. And let’s not overlook that Roger had Cam Newton with 55 pts sitting on the bench. When has a potential NFL MVP been sat for the stretch fantasy run before? Right now, that’s when!

Who will Roger take in next year’s draft? Will it be Ezekiel Elliot? Could it be someone else? Despite an injury plagued season that saw injuries to most of Buffy major’s assets, they fought through and turned their season around with a Toilet Bowl victory, their first. Congratulations!

Toilet Bowl Semis

• #1 LA Buffy (6-6-1) def #4 Battle Angel, 102.4 - 100.2
• #3 Fobsters (4-9) def #2 Tiiite End Jammers (4-8-1), 91.5 - 59.4

Toilet Bowl V

Dirty Birds (6-7) vs Fat Jubas (5-8), 126.0 - 69.5
Jubas ended the regular season on a four game tear, narrowly missing the playoffs. They looked to have an easy path to a Toilet Bowl finals and they started off by dispatching Battle Angels pretty easily last week. In contrast, Dirty Birds finished their regular season on a 1-4 slide, landing them right into the consolation bracket. Once there, they took down Inscrutable Drama Kings division bottom dweller Athena Nike with ease, setting up a Birds versus Jubas Toilet Bowl.

Eric’s team had never hit a Toilet Bowl yet, and actually haven’t missed the post-season since 2009, one year before we started the losers tourney. Instead, they found themselves on the wrong end of an offensive explosion as Jon’s team dominated behind rookie Odell Beckham Jr.’s 36.3 points. Jubas had their own stellar rookie performance, 27.7 points by Jeremy Hill, but Hill rode the bench.

Not that it would have been closer, as Jubas couldn’t get much going aside from Ben Roethlisberger’s 17.8 points. In a season where the running game abandoned them — Adrian Peterson and LeSean McCoy — Dirty Birds took to the air behind Andrew Luck, two Patriot missiles in Rob Gronkowski and Julian Edelan, and two promising receiving rookies, Beckham and Sammy Watkins. This is Birds' first Toilet Bowl victory in three appearances.

Toilet Bowl IV

#3 Fobsters (4-9) vs #4 Athena Nike (2-11)
After both pulling off upsets to get to the Toilet Bowl finals, it was a smack down as old Chinese school foes Jimmy and Frank faced off for the chance at next year’s #1 pick. The game was over within the first few minutes as Fobsters came out of the gate strong and never let up. Tom Brady, Eddie Lacy, Dez Bryant, and Zac Stacy all went for over twenty-plus points on the way to a 140.4 to 65.9 beatdown. If only Fobsters had shown this kind of cohesion earlier on in the season, they would have been dark horse contenders. Instead, they’ll get to select high in next year’s draft — after being #1 last year, and selecting the useless Lamar Miller — and this Toilet Bowl win is their first win of anything in CTDB. We’re hoping this is the turnaround for Jimmy, as his team seems to be well stocked with valuable pieces after a long and arduous season. Congrats!

After last week’s season redeeming win, Athena Nike ran out of gas and played pretty much to the lows they’d experienced all season. Only Philip Rivers eclipsed double digits, and pre-season big guns CJ Spiller, Alfred Morris, Roddy White, Steve Smith, and Cecil Shorts combined for less than twenty points total. Heck, Ray Rice, the franchise RB on the team, wasn’t even on the starting lineup. The good news is that Michael Crabtree had a good game on the bench, and it’s possible he could be a keeper next year. It was a horrific 2013 season for Athena Nike, and they’ll hope to turn their fortunes around next year.

Toilet Bowl III

Gang Green (6-8) vs Tiiite End Jammers (6-8)
The Greenies dusted off Dirty Birds 116.1 - 103.4 in the first round of the Toilet Bowl, with a pyrotechnic display that was out of character for both teams. Lei's Tiiite End Jammers also put up over 110+ points in their easy dismissal of the Fobsters. That set up a potentially very exciting matchup to determine who would win the #1 pick in 2013's draft.

Tony Romo has been on fire recently and he came up big for the Jammers with 29.05 points, and he had a huge running game to support him too, as DeMarco Murray and Knowshown Moreno combined for 36.8 points together. Broncos DEF came up huge too, with 16 points. However, the air attack sputtered as Marques Colston, Demaryius Thomas, and Kenny Britt put up sub par numbers.

That gave Greg's team the opening to seize the day. Despite a crappy day from Stevan Ridley, everyone else on the roster put up over double digits, led by Stevie Johnson and Aaron Hernandez's 20+ points. The receivers for Gang Green really put in work as Brandon Marshall had a nice day too. Throw in Bengals defense's 19 points and it was cruise control for Peyton Manning and the boys, as they dispatched the Jammers 108.5 - 93.85.

Who will be the first pick next year? We don't know but the onus will be on Greg to select right! Congrats!

Toilet Bowl II

Some guys just hate to lose! Even when down and out, after a season that saw them knocked out of the post-season for the first time ever, Evan and his Chunky Monkeys rallied hard to end the season on a high note. They demolished the Tiiite End Jammers on their way to a Toilet Bowl victory by throwing up their highest week of the season. Sure it's not a championship but at least it's something right?

Quarterback Matthew Stafford connected with Calvin Johnson to put up 79.95 points together, and that was more than enough to send Lei's team packing. Heck, Evan even had a ton of guys on his bench -- including an unused 33.2 points from CJ Spiller. The Tiiite End Jammers tried to make a comeback behind Tony Romo's 34.45 points but they just couldn't keep up on the scoreboard despite scoring 101.15 points.

For both teams, the future will be that much brighter with some top picks. Lei's team will need an infusion of new talent, as they're a little light on quality depth. However, with Romo, Maurice Jones-Drew, and Percy Harvin, they are at least better than a year ago. As for Evan, we predict a quick return to contention as they have Ryan Mathews, DeMarco Murray, Felix Jones, CJ Spiller, Antonio Brown, Brandon Marshall, and Julio Jones to select from. Not only that, Jamaal Charles returns next year and a top pick will likely bolster the roster even more. The only real question for them this off-season is which QB to keep: Philip Rivers or Matt Stafford?

Thanks for an entertaining Toilet Bowl II boys, and better luck next year!

Toilet Bowl I: Flip the Bird

And there we have it, our first ever Toilet Bowl Champion. Congratulations are in order for the Battle Angels. After a precipitous fall from the top, the Angel’s redeemed themselves with a timely 88-64 win over Jon’s Dirty Birds to secure the first pick never year.

I guess the final score of 88-64 was fitting for the championship game for the 2010 toilet bowl. It was ugly. We saw 3 donuts (Adrian Peterson, Malcolm Floyd and Terrell Owens) and even a -4 from Jon’s defense (Bucs DST). Even worse, the Birds needed 25 points from Adrian Peterson on Monday night to take the cup but instead, saw Peterson get de-activated just minutes prior to the game. Oh, the ironies of this great game. Despite a bagel and a negative, the Birds found themselves still in position to win. Despite leaving 3 24+ scorers on the bench (Matt Ryan, Austin Collie and Mario Manningham), the Birds were still in it much of the weekend.

However, most importantly, the very same owner that caused a firestorm with Flaccogate (who interestingly enough was the starting quarterback of this game) saw his best player get inactivated on Monday night to complete the most bizarre loss in recent history. GM Jon was, in a word, “Flaccoed” by the fantasy gods. On the flip side, Vu’s Angels was saved by great games from Brees (29 pts) and Benson (21 pts). Despite 0s from Floyd and TO (in game injury), the Angels put up just enough mustard.

Look ahead:
The top pick couldn’t come at a better time. With a floundering line up, Vu’s core keepers are Brees, AJ and Jennings. Floyd is maybe? Maybe Original Steve Smith? Potentially DeAngelo can come back or maybe even Benson? Whatever Vu decides, new blood is needed and the top pick will sure help. As for the Birds, they are set. Peterson, Turner, Larry Fitz, Austin and even Moreno are pretty much locks as keepers. Matt Ryan had a great season and could be in play as well. The rich get richer perhaps? Or perhaps just dirtier.