Turner to GMs: "Not Again!"

For the third time in a little over eighteen months, Falcons running back Michael Turner is on the move. "Shit, I'm not buying no more. Just renting. No, subletting probably. My family is hurting man, we're hurting!" After a bounce back season in 2010, in which Turner churned up 1300+ yards and 12 TDs, Dirty Birds management has decided to swap him for WR Calvin Johnson, the finale in a long rumored deal. In fact, this exact deal may have been attempted last year before the playoffs, but the trade deadline nixed that plan.

The Fobsters' Calvin Johnson feels similarly slighted. After contributing heavily to the franchise's first Super Bowl appearance last post-season, the homegrown receiver thought a big raise was in order. However, management felt differently after Johnson scored only seven points in the championship game. "We thought as an evil Transformer, Megatron would have given us more than four receptions and fifty yards. We were disappointed in his performance," said GM Jimmy.

The number one overall draft pick in 2007, Calvin Johnson has emerged as an elite threat despite working with inferior quarterbacks throughout his career. (That same draft was the one that netted Dirty Birds RB Adrian Peterson, one pick after Johnson) After looking over his roster, GM Jimmy decided that the lack of a ground game was too glaring a hole on his roster. Armed with young guns Santonio Holmes, Mike Williams, and Dez Bryant on the roster, Johnson was deemed a luxury. Turner will be tasked with giving the Fobsters a presence on the ground after their lackluster backfield by committee last season.

As for the team Megatron arrives to, they'll now be a high flying squad. With Larry Fitzgerald, Miles Austin, and Johnson aboard, the Dirty Birds have decided to take to the air. While they still boast consensus number one running back Adrian Peterson, GM Jon felt that a shakeup was in order. The new second RB will be Knowshon Moreno, who has flashed some promise but has yet to achieve the productivity Turner has. Rumors are that other deals are in the works, as the Dirty Birds work to acquire a Falcon for their roster. With this blockbuster, the 2011 season is officially off to a fast start!