Draft Review: Inscrutable Drama Kings

Here we go with a look at the Inscrutable Drama Kings division. And don't forget to see the review for Spunky Misunderstood Geniuses.

Dirty Birds (5-8)
Despite winning the Toilet Bowl, GM Jon wasn’t happy to just sit on his prize, swinging four trades pre-draft to restructure his core and move down to the #4 slot in the 2017 draft. With a competitive keeper core of LeSean McCoy, Todd Gurley, Odell Beckham, and new acquisitions TY Hilton and Dez Bryant, Jon was on the hunt to fill out his QB and TE positions. Andrew Luck and Dak Prescott will timeshare as signal callers while Hunter Henry will figure out when he’ll get more looks aside Antonio Gates — there’s also a third TE on the roster, Delanie Walker. With RD1 pick Dalvin Cook likely to be slow to come around, it may have been shortsighted of Jon to only draft one other running back, Ameer Abdullah. But this team will be loaded with receivers, as ODB, Hilton, and Bryant will be joined by Jamison Crowder, Sterling Shepard, Will Fuller, Laquon Treadwell, and Tyler Lockett. Can the Birds fly high and challenge for a postseason appearance? Or will their post-2015 title slump continue? Draft: B-

Athena Nike (6-7)
With Ezekiel Elliot out for seven weeks, Athena Nike shifted gears and opted to play future forward by dealing up from #4 for the 2017 #1 overall draft pick: Leonard Fournette. That gives Frank two of the most coveted rookie running backs in back-to-back years behind Elliot and Fournette. Having sacrificed a big portion of his 2017 draft — in order to cash in big next year — Frank mostly moved for rookies with OJ Howard, ArDarius Stewart, D’Onta Foreman, speedster John Ross, and Jamaal Williams. Fobsters aren’t the only franchise to go mostly rookie this year! Even if only one of these guys hits, it’ll be a win for Frank’s draft. Old hands Danny Woodhead, Martellus Bennett, Mike Williams, and Giovani Bernard (a possible steal at RD7) will be around to prop up the starting lineup but Nike is all about upside this season. With a young core of Elliot, Amari Cooper, DeAndre Hopkins, and Michael Thomas, that seems like an excellent strategy. Will Aaron Rodgers be happy punting a year though? Or should he be moved to a contender… Grade: B

Chunky Monkeys (7-6)
We’re not entirely sure how this team made the playoffs last year behind a keeper core of Jamaal Charles, Latavius “Don’t call me Lamond” Murray, Randall “Not Reggie” Cobb, and John "Boring" Brown. The only leftover was Julio Jones, who was shipped off pre-draft to complete an entirely new keeper core. The Monkeys should be younger, if not necessarily better, because 7-6 isn’t awful. New keepers Jordan Howard, Ty Montgomery, Terrelle Pryor, and Tyreek Hill all exhibited great talent but the chances of all four working out are slim. At least TE Greg Olsen will be a mainstay here, as he’ll bring exactly average tight end numbers to the table. We are fans of Spencer Ware here as Evan’s RD1 pick, and having the combo of Marcus Mariota and Philip Rivers to pilot through the rebuild should work out just fine. Evan’s overall strategy seemed to grab youngish veterans who haven’t fully proven themselves — Stefon Diggs, Theo Riddick, Kenny Britt, Robby Anderson, DeAndre Washington — and some old vets for competitive play this season via Pierre Garcon, Kyle Rudolph, and Jacquizz Rodgers (he’s still playing?). Grade: C+, but A+ for making that awesome draft spreadsheet.

LA Buffy (8-5)
Roger probably wishes he had just kept last year’s #1 pick, Ezekiel Elliot, but is making do with the lone holdover from that trade: Rob Gronkoski. Easy Rob’s value has never been higher as the best tight end in the land, if he can stay healthy. He’ll be joined by RD1 pick Jordan Reed, who is oft-injured himself, but if he can get on the field, Buffy could play a nice double TE lineup. From there, it’s a cast of veterans and semi cast-offs. Darren McFadden, Larry Fitzgerald, LeGarrette Blount, Andrian Peterson, Jeremy Maclin, and Matt Forte have all seen better days. Even the quarterbacks here are a little outdated, with Andy Dalton and Joe Flacco being serviceable but nothing exciting. I guess the draft matches the keeper core, as Roger had Julian Edelman, Doug Ballin, newly acquired Mark Ingram, and AJ Green as his keepers. RB Mike Gillislee is the youngest player on this team, but it’s hard to argue he represents upside. On the positive side, Buffy could have just acquired a lot of undervalued veteran talent, and he could find himself right back in the postseason. Grade: C

Tiiite End Jammers (10-3)
Our 2014 Super Bowl winner and last year’s runner-up has assembled an outrageous team. The trade for Julio Jones gives this team a Jones / Antonio Brown / Demaryius Thomas receiving corps to go along with LeVeon Bell and DeMarco Murray. That’s easily the best keeper core around. Add in my personal favorite underrated WR, Golden Tate, in RD1, and this is quite the lineup. Injury prone Tyler Eifert will man the TE position for a team named after tight ends — with Julius Thomas around just in case — while basically everyone else on this roster will be backups if all goes well (Bilal Powell, CJ Anderson, Mike Wallace, Doug Martin, Donte Moncrief, Jamaal Charles). The quarterbacking duties will fall to Jameis Winston (looking for a true break out year) and old hand Ben Roethlisberger. While there was nothing exciting about this draft, Lei clearly set up additional safe depth and if things can just stay even, he’ll find himself challenging for a title yet again. Grade: B