Gangrene

With the recent retirement of Curtis Martin (as the NFL's fourth all-time leading rusher and New York Jets' four-time MVP), Green Team owner Greg has decided that his up-and-down franchise needs a new name. After collapsing with a six game losing streak in 2006, the Greenies needed some serious attitude adjustment. Following in the footsteps of recent successful franchise name changes by the Fat Jubas and the Philadelphia Phreaks, Mr. Ng hopes his team will perform to a new level by re-dubbing themselves "Gang Green."

Heading into the 2007 supplemental draft, the Gang is looking for a field general to throw to newly acquired WR Randy Moss, and Hines Ward and Antonio Gates. The backfield looks to be in good shape with youngsters Ronnie Brown and the human bowling ball, Brandon Jacobs. Here's hoping that a name change won't merely be cosmetic as this team of green ascends to the top of the CTDB standings.

Super Bowl VI

Camarillo, CA

The suspense was almost unbearable, the final score a little too close to call but at the end - the Monkeys franchise secured their first ever championship title. In a close game that didn't end until the final drive, the Monkeys finally mustered enough points to pull out a 101-93 victory over the defending champions, Fat Jubas.

After what was likely the most dominating regular season in CTDB history, the Monkeys stumbled their way into their first Super Bowl victory. During the regular season, the Monkeys averaged 131 points - almost 30 more points per game than Buffy who was second in overall league scoring. 2006 saw the Monkeys break a number of records including:

1) Highest average score per game
2) Most points scored in a game
3) Highest winning percentage
4) Most high week scores
5) Most points scored in a season

Monkey co-captain, LaDainian Tomlinson, had a season for the ages with 31 touchdowns through 16 weeks and finished with an amazing 431 points through 16 weeks. The next closest was teammate, Peyton Manning, at 376 points.

However, this playoffs was a little different. The Monkeys’ final tally of 101 points was their second lowest all season. LT, for the first time in ten weeks, didn’t score at least 28 points. Monkeys’ receivers Owens, Boldin and Johnson combined for only one touchdown (on a broken play no less) and 23 total points. After a season which saw the Monkeys win by an average score of 30 points per game, the Monkeys seemed to back into this win. The Jubas left over 100 points on the bench with Vince Young and Marc Bulger combining for nearly 80 points.

After Laveraneus Coles was shut down on the final drive in the last game of Week 16, the Monkeys finally were able to pull out their championship shirts and caps. In their post game conference, Tomlinson summed up his emotions - "It feels ridiculously awesome. As good as we were all season, this was a much more difficult playoffs battle than any of us ever imagined. We didn't play our best ball, I didn't get in the endzone but guys find a way to pull it out. After 5 years of early exits, this win is the one that I will cherish. Our team deserves this – this is our trophy."

Monkeys GM, Evan Shiue, spoke to reporters after the victory. "Would we have liked to cruise through this game like we did the rest of the season? Sure. But that's why we play the game. The Jubas played a great game. I need to remember to give Eric a call to thank him for playing Brett this week. But I will not take anything away from this franchise. We are without a doubt, one of the most consistent and top performing franchises in CTDB history. All we were missing was that ring and now we have that. Our front office has done a great job in the draft and our current roster proves that. Our season proves it and now, our championship title proves it."

ESPN Analyst, Chris Berman, was clear in his thoughts about the Monkeys' win. "This championship win secures the Monkeys' place in the elite tier of league teams. This team has year after year put together great teams with great players. The current roster is probably arguably the best roster of all time and the cumulative talent assembled here will difficult to match. The records broken this year are incredible in retrospect. The win was fitting. We are finally crowning a team that absolutely dominated the league – 2006 will always be known as the year of the Monkeys."

Chunky Soup?

With an edge at nearly every position, the Monkeys are looking at their best chance to capture that elusive first championship. Last year, these two teams met in the Super Bowl and the Fat Jubas walked away with a 24-point upset victory. The automated matchup on our website predicts a 34-point win for the Monkeys this year but should the Jubas pull off an improbable upset again, it would qualify as the greatest upset of all time. Bigger than Patriots vs Rams, bigger than Pistons vs Lakers, bigger than Douglas vs Tyson...

The Monkeys have lost only one game all season and might have been undefeated but for an (unfortunate) explosion by Buffy mid-season. Everything that the Monkeys have been building up to -- for five years -- has come to this point. This is the best team that time can buy. The best QB in the game, the top two RBs, three quality WRs. There are no holes here. The Monkeys have traditionally failed in the playoffs due to their lack of a solid third receiver and the annual late season blip by Manning and Tomlinson. This year however, the Chargers and the Colts are engaged in a race for AFC homefield advantage, so neither team will sit its stars in this most crucial of weeks.

The defending champion Fat Jubas head into Super Bowl VI with a team that is a bit of a patchwork squad on paper but strong on the field. Make no mistake, the Jubas deserve to be here. They've used savvy trades and waiver wire pickups to build upon last season's success. They managed to win their division -- for the third time -- without the services of last year's MVP, Shaun Alexander, for most of the season. Now Shaun's back and he's ready to find the end zone a few times.

This is the first time that two number one seeds have faced off in the playoffs. This will truly be a battle of the titans -- despite the Monkeys averaging 38 more points per week during the regular season than the Jubas. This prognosticator thinks it'll come down to the quarterbacks. LDT and LJ will get theirs, we expect Gore and Alexander to have good games, and the wide receivers should mostly cancel each other out (although it'll be tough for Coles to match last week's career numbers).

The difference between an easy victory and a tight finish might be Peyton versus whoever ends up starting for the Jubas. Will it be old man Brett Favre? Or will it be Vince "Forever" Young? Even Marc "Big" Bulger has a chance to start. We don't envy the decision Eric will have to make behind this three-headed monster.

Speaking of Peyton Manning, this is his game to win -- or lose. If he can't prove his mettle in this biggest of pressure cookers, then the Manning era may be over in Chunky-land. Nobody represents the face of the Monkeys more than the infamous look Peyton wears after he gets upset (each year) in the playoffs. Can that face be one of victory and delight this winter? We'll see.

So, can Evan finally get the monkey off his back? Can years of regular season success and an enviable roster finally add up to a championship? If they win, we forsee a name change for the Chunkies; but let's not get ahead of ourselves, let's just get ready for what will no doubt be a historic and memorable weekend. Super Bowl VI: The Revenge?

Note: In an effort to curry favor with his fan base, Evan scooped up Chargers Defense again after a one week break. Good karma move.

Ambulances are standing by should the Monkeys lose...

De-Buffed

Chunky Monkeys (128) vs Buffy (70)

There was a palpable sigh of relief from Monkey management Monday night - the team had finally beat long-time divisional rival, Buffy. Despite being the odds on favorite for this matchup after what has largely been considered the greatest regular season of all time, the Monkeys were nervous about the match up.

Entering the playoffs, Buffy was the only team to hang a loss on the Monkeys in the regular season. Despite the Monkeys scoring 149 in week 6, Buffy surmised almost superhuman abilities to run their score to 163 and handed the Monkeys their only (and likely the highest scoring) loss during the regular season. Despite averaging a pedestrian 103 pts per week during the regular season, Buffy had shown the most explosiveness as does the typical run n gun Buffy team does. With scoring outbursts of 163 (6), 149 (10) and 140 (Wild Card game) - Buffy had the weapons to displace the juggernaut also known as the Monkeys.

Even more serious was Buffy's franchise record in the playoffs - this was the FIRST ever playoff loss for the franchise since the inception of the league. Buffy, the only two time league champion, has only made the playoff twice before this year and won both times. As such, the Monkeys' confidence was noticeably more muted this week during practice.

But thats why they play the game. The Monkeys played a typical Monkeys game which featured 3-4 offensive explosions - this time led by team captains, Peyton Manning (39) and Ladainian Tomlinson (32). Manning and Tomlinson are the only two current members on the team that were part of the initial draft class in 2001. Despite unexpected slow games by Larry Johnson and Quan Boldin, the Monkeys almost matched their regular season average of 135 points.

Buffy suffered offensive letdowns from a traditionally strong passing game. While Willie Parker and Ladell Betts (who?) combined for 35, Carson Palmer, Torry Big Game Holt, Terry Glenn and Marty Booker combined for only 25. The team only managed 70 total points.

ESPN's Chris Mortensen - "The Monkeys had Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods on the same team this week. Tomlinson and Manning were ridiculous. With so much talent on the offensive front, this team seems like they had a breakout week. It remains to be seen whether the Monkeys can shake the superbowl ghosts of years past next week at the big game."

Double Down?

Fat Jubas (124) vs Philadelphia Phreaks (66)

The Jubas are already making history. No team has had a better shot of repeating as champions. Eric's team powered its way through the regular season -- avoiding the first to worst curse -- and upended the Phreaks for a chance to go to the Super Bowl and possibly, dare we say it, repeat as CTDB Champions.

Buffy has won two rings already, but not two in a row. Could this lone Spunky Misunderstood Genius do what so many Inscrutable Drama Kings could not? Guess we'll find out.

The Phreaks have been in a state of collapse ever since franchise player Donovan McNabb went down to injury. Is it safe to say that McNabb is unclutch now? I mean, he's fabulous but his injury issues seem to doom the Phreaks each and every year.

Donovan's replacement, Jeff Garcia, put up a respectable 16 points but his primary WR, Donte Stallworth, notched a big fat zero. Nobody else on the team stepped up either. Julius Jones had 2 pts, Roy Williams had 1 pt, and only future star Maurice Jones-Drew rumbled for 20 points. As of Monday Night, TJ Houshmanzilli had yet to play, but it's safe to say that he's not scoring 50+ for the miracle win.

What can the Phreaks do? You can't lose your number one QB (Donovan) and your number one RB (Clinton Portis) and expect to win, can you?

The Jubas rode Frank Gore (25) and Laveranues Coles (26) to an easy semi-final win. They'll likely face Chunky in the Super Bowl and guess who were the primary names in that mid-season trade between Chunky and Jubas -- Gore and Coles. After handing Eric a championship last year with the trade of Shaun Alexander, could Evan beat himself again when Gore and Coles take over the game next weekend?

Oh man, that would be ugly. Even worse if Shaun himself comes back for a huge game next week (along with Gore) to defeat LDT and LJ, denying Evan his first championship. By the way, give it up for Patriots Defense -- four interceptions, four sacks, and one long ass touchdown.

Side Note: Both of these franchises have changed names in the recent past. The Jubas used to be known as the Flaming Shrapnel and the Phreaks used to be TAGHeuer. Just an interesting tidbit.