Phreaks Deal McNair

At 1-9, it's house-cleaning season at Phreak headquarters. "We reached a deal with Flaming where we could help them fill a need while bringing in a valuable draft pick that will help us build towards a successful 2004-2005 season. Steve McNair has been a consummate professional during his tenure as a Phreak, and we thank him for the hard work he gave this organization. However I think we all know that the future of this franchise is in Donovan's hands, and at 1-9 there was just no need for a backup as valuable as Steve. Hopefully we will turn the 3rd round pick into a valuable addition to our team, not like Jerry Porter, Jeremy Shockey, TJ Duckett, or any of our other draft picks from this year," said Shen from Phreak headquarters. Several league sources said that the Phreaks were actively shopping a host of players to playoff-contenders, including their entire receiver squad, and possibly stud-RB Jamal Lewis.

"We are delighted to be able to bring in a player of Steve's caliber this late in the season. When the Phreaks came calling, we knew we had a deal right away. Tommy has worked hard, but he just hasn't been able to perform consistently enough - and we need more than that heading into the playoffs. By bringing in a top-3 quarterback, we feel really good about our chances in the post-season," said Shrapnel GM Eric Liao. The team has indicated that it expects McNair to start this coming Sunday. Look for big numbers from the Alcorn State product.

This trade seems to herald the start of the off-season for the Phreaks, who are extremely disappointed with the distaster that has become their 2003-2004 season. A nine-game losing streak and the league's toughest schedule conspired to keep the Phreaks from the playoffs for the first time in franchise history.

Superstar signal-caller Donovan McNabb quoted the legendary Jim Brown when asked about the Phreaks' tailspin, "Tough times go away, tough people do not. I know the character of this team, and I know we'll be back better than ever next year."

Big Pay = Big Game

Prior to the games this weekend, Torry Holt was dubbed the "Franchise Player" and signed a 4-year contract extension. GM Cheng said, "It is uncommon to have contract talks during the season, but we felt that Torry is the reason we have been successful and hope that he can take team Buffy to the next level." Terms of the agreement were not disclosed per team policy, but regardless to what was on the paper, Holt delivered this weekend with 11 catches for 161 yards and two TDs. When asked about his extension, Holt replied, "It ain't about the money baby! I love this game, I come out every weekend and leave it on the field, no doubt about it."

In a not-so-surprising move, GM Cheng benched reigning MVP Rich Gannon in favor of Aaron Brooks. "We felt a change was long overdue, Our team is getting a bit older and in order to compete for the SuperBowl again, we need to become younger and more athletic," said Cheng when asked about the move. The Buffy GM went on to say, "We're also looking to make some trades as well, we have great veterans who would be an asset to any locker room, but we also have to think about the future of this organization, and I think it is time to shake things up a bit."

Even though the focus this weekend was on Torry Holt and his contract extension, the rest of the team also stepped up in fears of being released or traded. Rod Smith had another stellar performance and the Buffy defense came through with a safety and an INT return for a touchdown. During the postgame interview, Aeneas Williams said, "It was definitely time to step it up, I know I'm one of the leaders out there, and I told the guys that we just need to come out and play our game, and I think we did." Team Buffy certainly hopes that this will continue in the coming weeks as they currently sit out of contention. GM Cheng exclaimed, "We shall overcome, we shall, and we will win!"

The world will definitely be watching team Buffy...a team on the rise or a team that will continue to fall...only time will tell.

Greatest Day Ever

Shanghai, China –
“Greatest day ever.” Those were the first words from Phreaks GM Ping Shen when asked to describe Clinton Portis’ mind-numbing 218 yards (9.9 per), 5TD, 57 fantasy point outburst this past Sunday. Turns out, Shen was right on the money – a history check indicates that Portis’ monster day was in fact the greatest fantasy day in the history of football – surpassing Jerry Rice’s and Shaun Alexander’s one-day totals.

Portis’ opponent in the game was Priest Holmes, who some consider to be the best back in the NFL. Holmes had a good game - 90 yards and 2 TDs, but that looked downright pathetic compared to Portis’ beastly output. CP, for his part, wasted little time in declaring himself the best back in the NFL. After rushing for 488 yards and 7 TDs over the past 2 games, who can argue with him? ``I always admired Priest Holmes. I thought he was the best back in the NFL,'' Portis said. ``I felt like if I go out and outperform Priest Holmes in head-to-head competition, well I can't help but feel like I am the best back in the NFL.''

“I think the Phreaks finally wised up and realized that they have the best back in the NFL in their backfield, and if they want to win, they should just keep feeding him the ball. Three weeks ago, they only gave him the ball 14 times – and he ran for 160 yards! But they stopped giving him the ball in the second half even though they were still very much in the game, and they ended up losing. How can you go away from a guy averaging over 10 yards per carry? But they figured it out, and have given him 56 carries the past two weeks, and, well we all know what’s happened,” said ESPN’s Chris Berman. “Portis is averaging 5.8 yards per carry this season. That’s just nuts. Nobody else even comes close.”

One anonymous league GM commented to ESPN, “The Phreaks have Portis who scored 57 fantasy points in one game, Jamal Lewis who leads the NFL in rushing and is on pace for 2,000 yards, and they only won two games this year? How does that happen?” That’s a question that the Phreaks must be asking themselves. The primary culprit appears to be the league’s toughest schedule by far – facing an opponent who scores over 100 points each week will test even the best of teams. A CTDB owner said, “If the Phreaks get any, and I mean ANY receiving help next year, the rest of the league might as well just concede that they are playing for second place.

Barring an injury, nobody, and I mean NOBODY can stop Portis and Lewis. Those two are just ridiculous. Ahman and Priest are decent, sure, but who can compete with one guy who sets the single game rushing record, and another who sets the single game fantasy points record? And Priest is on the wrong side of 30 – you know he won’t be around much longer. Portis and Lewis are what, 24? Those guys are going to be good for a long long time. And they’re still getting better! I don't think we've even seen all of Portis' potential. By the time he's done in this league, we might not be talking about the greatest day ever, we just might be talking about the greatest ever. And that’s unfortunate for everyone else in the league.”

Battle at Buffy

With Week 4 being wrought with divisional drama and rivalries, here at CTDB we've chosen to focus on the downtrodden. Battle Angels against Buffy. A game featuring two teams with a combined record of 1-5 and a combined point total this year only 30 points higher than the Jammers. A game where CBS is sending its intern announcers and where where media coverage is limited to JVC home video recordings. However, of all the matchups this week including the highly anticipated matchup between the Jammers and the Monkeys or the undefeated Shrapnel team against the rumbling Green Team, the Angels versus Buffy game is perhaps the most interesting, the most fabled.

While regarded as this year's doormat, many forget the glory days of yesteryear. Let's refresh our memories shall we? It's November of 2001. CTDB is a fresh young league. Young fans are going nuts as the playoffs loom. Atop the standings are two juggernauts, two offensive giants that simply could not be stopped - two teams that were simply larger than life. Team Buffy led by rookie GM Roger and the Battle Angels and their D&D-Master GM, Vu. The two were roommates in college. Good friends in life and arch-rivals on the field. This was child's play for the two.

Buffy was led by Rich Gannon, Marshall Faulk, Rod Smith, David Boston, and Torry Holt while the Angels were equally equipped with veteran talent with the likes of Steve McNair, Curtis Martin, Jerome Bettis, Randy Moss, and Amani Toomer. The two teams led the league in scoring with a 118 ppg and 97 ppg average respectively. The CTDB Championship Game was epic. Battle lines were drawn, blood was spilled and an era was to be established. It was the match up that every kid dreamed of. The dominant passing game of Buffy against the unstoppable running attack of the Angels. Even dreams didn't get better than this.

Eventually, the Angels defense succumbed to the fabled Air-Buffy offense but that didn't really matter. What mattered was the glory, the fanatic Angels fans with cheesy neon halos on their heads (this is all before the stupid rally monkeys and the fake angels fans down south last year) and the rowdy Buffy legions storming the field after their beloved team's final victory. What mattered was the legends that were being written. The generations of fans that were being born. A year of glory that will never be forgotten.

So as the two teams take the field this Sunday, despite their poor records and their nano-miniscule odds of making the playoffs, there will be a few of the older fans mixed in the booing crowds who know better. These two teams are part of the league's legends. These two teams help make CTDB what it is today and let's not forget that. Play ball!

Run Ricky Run!

The stars have moved across the sky and with the passing of Mars, new planets are emerging into sight. Lei Pan, apparently unhappy with what was under Ricky William's armour, traded the stud running back for a trio of stars. How do Michael Vick, Marvin Harrison and Ahman Green stack up as a holy triumverate? Pretty well thank you very much. But their moving papers were signed today and a blockbuster was consummated. Negotiations were hot and heavy for many minutes but in the end the chips fell like this: The Birds moved Michael Vick, Marvin Harrison and Ahman Green for Ricky Williams, Joe Horn, Charles Rogers and Drew Bledsoe.

Hours after an astonishing low scoring win over Buffy, the Dirty Birds felt it was time for a reshuffle. Ick. "We thought that we could no longer defend our championship with our veterans. And with Michael Vick out we had to do something. We are sorry to part with the next Michael Jordan of sport but it was something we had to do. While we are named the "Dirty Birds" for a reason, sometimes you just gotta pull the trigger." Michael Vick, unconsolable after hearing the news, was heard mumbling "fuck management, i wanted to be a Dirty Bird for life, i had been practicing a new version of the dance for unveiling in a few weeks and now i have to train to clench my butt as well as rehab my leg. fuck the Birds, fuck biggie, fuck everyone. my four four make sure all your kids don't grow!"

The Jammers had alot to say in the wake of Ricky's passing. "Quite honestly, we loved Ricky's production but that nappy hair was just too much for us. Our initial foray into the Jamaican market was a failure when they figured out that Ricky was not Jamaican. And quite frankly, his large muscles intimidated our kicker. We wanted to move some guys in here who could juice us up a bit, add a little speed and style and panache. Turqooise and orange are so out. With Vick, Marvin and Ahman i feel like we got a little more GQ, a little more svelt and little better. We were sorry to part with Joey, Charles and Drew but quite frankly they were no good to us either. Our 3-0 record may indicate otherwise but the truth is, Priest is our bedrock and he will remain so. But with this influx of big names, we are hoping to do ala the Lakers and go all star all the way. After we gave Ricky forty two carries last week we decided he was done. Little do the Birds know that he's lost 40 pounds and is now only a third down change of pace back. The last laugh will come when Ricky goes down in the divisional championship game and the Birds lose because of it." *insert evil maniacal laugh*

With this trade, the last of the original Birds have flown the nest. Marvin and Vick were original draft choices and they were finally let go. Ricky Williams was also the Jammers original franchise pick and now he's gone and the only player left on the Jammers with first season ties is the indomitable Priest. Does this imply that movement will create winners? This could be true. What could be also true is that more deals are in the works as the league reacts to this seismic trade among two top tier teams.

note that because of Ricky's bye week, the Birds will have one more go with Ahman before he switches teams with Ricky.