Calling Mr. Jones

The news for the Phreaks just went from bad to worse. RB Brian Westbrook, originally diagnosed with a bruised rib, is reported to instead have a broken rib and is now expected to miss up to two weeks. With stud RB Jamal Lewis in the middle of a two-game suspension, the injury leaves the Phreaks paper-thin at RB heading into this week’s game against the Chunky Monkeys. Injury-plagued rookie Kevin Jones and 37 year-old Dorsey Levens, just signed to a 7-day contract, are the only two healthy RBs on the roster. It’s safe to say that neither Jones nor Levens, whomever ends up starting on Sunday, will keep defensive coordinators up at night.

“I’m sorry to see Brian get hurt,” said Phreaks GM Ping Shen, “He’ll be back quickly for us, but in the meantime we are a little bit short at RB since Jamal is still out one more game. Dorsey is our veteran security blanket, but we’re going to give Kevin a long, hard look in practice this week to see if he’s ready to crack the starting lineup.”

“B-West was an engine for our team,” said Phreaks captain and resident superstar Donovan McNabb, “But we have some other weapons here who can get the job done in his absence. None of us can lose heart or lose focus right now. We’re too good a team for that. We know we have a job to do and we’re going to go out there and do it. If I have to suck it up and log 15 carries on Sunday I will.”

One CTDB scout summed up the Phreaks options for this coming Sunday like this, “Let’s just say that choosing between a guy who’s nearly eligible for the AARP and a rookie who looks like he’s forgotten how to run at times isn’t going to be fun for the Phreaks. The Monkeys have been somewhat susceptible to the run in past weeks, but heck, I could probably tackle Dorsey Levens. The Phreaks really, really need Portis to step up with a monster game this week.”

One league GM, when asked for comment, replied, “You know what? It might be time to start talking about the Phreak Curse again – you know, guys like Marcus Robinson (season ending), Michael Bennett, DeShaun Foster (season ending), Jerry Porter (season ending), Deion Branch (season ending?), David Boston (season ending) – all these guys having serious or season ending injuries anywhere from a day to a week after being drafted by the Phreaks. Let’s not even talk about their basketball franchise. Something’s up with that.”

Carriage House Rules!

Two of the hottest teams in the league right now both hail from the same apartment in Michigan. Now we know what you're thinking... shenanigans! But no. This duo was just holed up together for no other reason than to study football and play Madden -- and they're sticking with that story. Now, five years after they parted, they are together again, atop the Catch The Damn Ball League standings.

The Green Team proved that it was for real this week, beating the favored Chunky Monkey and dropping them to second behind the Dirty Birds. The Birds returned the favor by beating early season favorite Battle Angels, moving the Green Team up to first.

Both the Green and the Bird's defenses were instrumental in their victories. The Bird's stifled the Curtis Martin / Randy Moss attack (8 combined points) that had been so potent this year. The Baltimore D of the Green Team had 25 points, setting the tone for the rest of the Green Team. These two teams may not be filled with bonafide stars but they're winning with balance. Each week, almost every player is getting 10+ points for these two owneres and Ws have been rolling in.

The Birds are on a season high 4 game winning streak and there looks to be no end in sight, as their young players get better and better. No comments lamenting the loss of Tiki will be said here, since he is too old to be bothered with (but we'll take him back if you want to return him Lei, who has my ENTIRE team from last year). The Green Team has been hurt by the lackluster season turned in by Kevan Barlow, Santana Moss and Chad Pennington but they continue to win behind Brett Favre, Thomas Jones and new find Ruben Droughns.

Critics and jealous team owners are quick to point to the Birds and the Green Men's weak schedules as the reasons for their success. But owners Yang and Ng laugh it off as they swig the bubbly and enjoy the leggy fruits of their labor. "When you're at the top of the world, everyone hates you, but we know we're a good team(s), it's not because our opponents suck. And even if that were true, that would mean that YOU guys suck, since you guys are the opponents and the haters! Woo hoo! Off to Chuck E Cheese!"

The Birds and the Green Team are slated to meet in WK10, and the winner of that game will be crowned "King of the World."

In other Michigan related news, Skool defeated Ante Up this past weekend, extending their winning streak to three. While Green and the Dirties sit atop the football pyramid, Skool and Ante are hanging around at the bottom. But it looks like they're making moves, as Skool is just two games out of first in a very competitive division and Ante Up has a great roster on paper. Ante Up has been hit with a brutal schedule, with opponents averaging over 110 a game against them, but things have to get better, right?

Go Blue!

The CTDB Curse

After another stunning loss for the Jammers. GM Lei can only ask himself, "why me? why me?" This always seems to happen in CTDB. The year after you win a championship, you are destined to be one of the bottom teams the following year, regardless of how great your team is on paper.

With a team that has fantasy superstars Priest Holmes, Ahman Green, Michael Vick, Marvin Harrison, and the ever reliable Plaxico Burress, any fantasy GM would LOVE to have such a great core to build around. But unfortunately, the Jammers 1-5 slide continues. Will they even win another game this year? Or will they do the unthinkable and be worse than last year's Phreaks team? Only time will tell.

It might be too early, but perhaps it is time to rebuild. The Jammers have plenty of assets and could easily turn them into younger stars and draft picks. When asked if any changes would be made, GM Pan replied, "we're just hitting our stride. We're looking to win out and repeat as champions." An unnamed GM responded to this by saying, "doesn't he know about the curse? DAMN THAT CURSE!!!"

Parity in this league does exist, and what could be the greatest team one year, is just another bottom dweller the next. With the various salary cap restraints and what not, it is difficult to keep so many superstars. However great GM Pan's team is on paper, in the end, this game is played on the field.

Spunky Division

Might it be? A changing of the guard? A shift in the balance of power in the league? The last three seasons have produced an Inscrutable Drama Kings' champion. Can one of the Spunky Misunderstood Geniuses finally break the streak and win the big one? So far so good, with three of the Spunky Geniuses sporting gaudy 3-1 records.

Battle Angels (3-1)
It's the Curtis Martin show! Now acknowledged as "the most underrated back ever," Martin recently passed Thurman Thomas for 10th on the all time rushing list. Curtis who? Curtis of the combined 500 yards and 5 TDs, that's who. The Angels are flying high in the early going, with a stellar trio of Tom Brady, Randy Moss and Curtis Martin. The Angels have never experienced an early season surge like this (with three century games and one loss by only ten points) and they are hoping it doesn't stop. Even the early season injuries to Steve Smith and Julius Jones couldn't stop the Angels from jumping out to a division lead, as Warrick Dunn and Rod Smith have picked up the slack. With Warrick dinged up, could the Angels be crashing back to Earth soon? Let's hope not because team owner Vu Dinh is already reserving his Super Bowl tickets.

Philadelphia Phreaks (3-1)
Oh what a difference a year makes. Last year the Phreaks managed two wins, despite the prescence of superstar RBs Clinton Portis and Jamal Lewis. This year? The Phreaks already have three wins in a row and are chopping at the bit for more. While some of the wins haven't been pretty (both coming with the Phreaks scoring sub-80 for the week), a win is a win is a win. The early season success for the Phreaks can be attributed to one man, super QB Donovan McNabb, who has outscored the Phreaks second and third most productive players combined. While Portis and Lewis have been slow to get on the gravy train, third back Brian Westbrook has been a yardage sensation -- now if only he could get a few TDs. Young backs Tatum Bell and Kevin Jones have so far been non-factors, but they both have boatloads of promise. Now if only the same could be said of the receiving unit. The WR core has always been weak but at least Javon Walker has flashes of promise. With a re-surgent Terry Glenn and the flashy Deion Branch in tow, the Phreaks are 100% better on the edges than they were last year. The Phreak nation finally has something to cheer for: a winning record.

Green Team (3-1)
A team perpetually on the rise, is this finally Green Team's year? A 3-1 record might indicate that this team is finally learning how to win together, after a roster that has experienced little to no upheaval. The Jet connection of Chad Pennington and Santana Moss have been a little slow to catch on so the heavy lifting has been left up to new dual threat RB, Thomas Jones. Installed in the perfect offense for him, Jones looks like he's ready to be a top back this year. And the Green Team will need him because Travis Henry has been a bust so far, and Kevan Barlow hasn't quite become "the Bay Area's LT." In fact, the only player playing to his potential right now (outside of Jones) is Hines Ward, who is quietly going about another stellar season. TE Tony Gonzalez is having a decent season, even as the Chiefs' offense sputters. The continued success of this team will be dependent on Kevan Barlow or Travis Henry rounding out to mid-season form, otherwise the Green Team's early season success could dribble away.

Flaming Shrapnel (2-2)
Every year, one team suffers from having a horrific schedule, stumbling to an uneven season despite putting up all kinds of points. It looks like this might be the Shrapnel's lucky season. With 429 points scored (fourth best in the league), and never a game below 90, the Shrap should be winning a few games. Instead they have faced a schedule that has presented four straight 100+ opponents. But never fear, because GM Liao is positioning his team for a late season surge. Or he better be, since his entire bench is hurt (M Bennett, D Davis, A Boldin, B Lloyd). The Shrapnel have a good team on paper, blending a productive veteran WR corps (T Owens, E Moulds) with up and coming RB stars (C Brown, D Davis). But the dropoff after these four guys (and QB Marc Bulger) is huge. Do the names J Morton, T Carter or T Wheatley scare you? Didn't think so. It looks like the Flaming will just have to wait to ignite later in the season when stars like M Bennett and A Boldin can return to the field.

Skool (0-4)
When you have the hottest QB in the league, Daunte Culpepper, is there any reason you aren't winning games? Oh yeah, football is a team game. And Skool doesn't have much of a team right now. Stephen Davis, hurt. Deuce McAllister, hurt. Charlie Garner, out for the season. Skool's big name WRs haven't done much this season either, as Chad Johnson, Koren Robinson, Keyshawn Johnson and Peerless Price have combined for a whopping 88 pts on the season. That's 20 pts a week from the WR unit, not gonna cut it. Waiver wire addition Duce Staley will have to keep up his yardage numbers to give Daunte some support. However, this team is in big trouble unless star RBs Davis and Deuce can return to form very quickly.