Showdown

It has been an unusually quiet week here at Chunky Monkey headquarters as the Monkeys get set to take on their hated rival TE Jammers in CTDB's week three Game of the Week [GOTW].

When the Monkey and Jammers meet, the preceeding week is usually filled with an assortment of trash talk and verbal barbs between the players, coaches, and even the general managers. Recent references to the sexual orientation of Jammer members and to the weight issues inside the Monkey locker room have only heightened the tension between these bitter division rivals. Now that each sit at 1-1 and are both in need of this key victory, the stage is set for the biggest showdown thus far in the young 2004 season.

Monkey GM Shiue was unusually understated Monday, issuing only a short statement proclaiming that "this week is no different than any other" and that he "holds the Jammer organization in high regard." One anonymous CTDB GM, when told of Shiue's public comments, burst out laughing, saying, "That's just Shiue being Shiue and not wanting to give the Jammers and added motivation. Everyone in CTDB and their grandma knows how badly the Monkeys want this win - this is definitely not just any game. When you see them on Sunday, you'll see the real animosity between these two squads. Expect some fireworks."

Jammer GM Lei Pan was unavailable for comment for this story, but a source close to the Jammer team told Sportsline that "yeah, we wanna smash those guys [Chunky Monkeys] in the mouth, beat em up real good. I didn't tell you this, but the rumor in the locker room is that management is offering $50,000 to whoever puts a season ending hit on Peyton." Monkey phenom Ladanian Tomlinson commented on the remarks by saying, "They're a dirty team, so I'm not surprised at all. But me and Shaun will be ready to protect Peyton at all costs, so nobody here is worried. Tell 'em to bring it on, leave the talking to the reporters and come Sunday we'll see who's the best."

Of critical importance to both teams this week is the health of their RBs. Holmes for the Jammers and the Monkeys' Shaun Alexander are both coming off moderate injuries. While both are expected to play, it is unclear how much they will be able to contribute. In what can only be a positive for the Jammers, Alcorn State product Air McNair is reportedly dealing with a mildly sprained ankle. It is widely known that McNair does his best work when hurt - so the Monkey defense will definitely be tested by McNair and the Jammers' all-world WR Marvin Harrison. Look for a high scoring game, likely decided by a late touchdown from either Jerry Porter or Chris Chambers.

It's only Wednesday, folks, so stay tuned - the trash talking will undoubtedly only get worse before Sunday.

Tiki Leaves Town

The last starting member of the Dirty Birds craptastic team from last year has been cut. Yes fanboys and superfans, versatile RB Tiki Barber has been waived from the team that he joined late last season. With his departure from the team, all vestiges of the Dirty Birds dirty season has been cut, save for inconsistent WR Ashley Lelie.

To follow the convoluted path of how the Birds acquired Mr Barber, here is our trade tracker expert, Mel Kiper Sr. "It began with the innocent trade of M Vick, A Green and M Harrison for D Bledsoe, R Williams, J Horn and C Rogers. Soon after that trade, C Rogers was moved for M Bennett. Bennet was moved, along with A Boldin, for T Barber and I Hilliard. And now, Tiki is unceremoniously dumped by the Birds youth minded management."

So how does the "worst trade ever" stack up for the Birds? Almost a full year after the "huge mistake," Bledsoe was cut and Ricky Williams retired. J Horn was moved for young backs S Jackson, W McGahee and WR J McCareins earlier these season. C Rogers turned into M Bennett who turned into Tiki, who just got cut. So, less than two years past a championship core, the Birds have Jackson, McGahee and McCareins instead of Vick, Ahman and Marvin. Sounds fair doesn't it?

Just one week removed from an outstanding WK1 performance, Tiki was understandably upset about his lack of a job heading into WK2. "Last week I ran up and down the field, I broke big runs, I scored a TD, how can they cut me?" Vowing to never set foot in Deion Sanders Stadium ever again, Tiki stormed out from a meeting with GM Jon Yang. "Bastard, see what I do for an opposing team, this move just goes to prove how idiotic management has been for the past year. Retards!"

Asked by reporters why a trade wasn't pursued, GM Yang could only shrug and say, "There was no interest in Tiki, he's kind of washed up you know? And confidence around the league in him is not as high as it once was." This was a business decision, nothing more. We have a stable of young backs and receivers and as much as we needed veteran leadership, we couldn't part with any of our emerging talent. So, we wish Mr Barber the best of luck on his next team."

In other news, Donald Driver was also cut from the Birds roster. Not much uproar was caused. Driver left the building mumbling "They cut me for a defense? What? Who even needs a defense?" When informed that Tiki Barber was cut for a kicker, Driver smiled and said "Oh really? Well, i feel better now!"

In other other news, the Dirty Birds signed Natalie Portman, Kristin Kreuk, Scarlett Johannson and for good measure, Jennifer Connelly and Monica Belluci to be sideline reporters and personal assistants for the team president. "If we can't win a game this year, at least we'll have hot chicks on the field."