Phreaks Deal McNair

At 1-9, it's house-cleaning season at Phreak headquarters. "We reached a deal with Flaming where we could help them fill a need while bringing in a valuable draft pick that will help us build towards a successful 2004-2005 season. Steve McNair has been a consummate professional during his tenure as a Phreak, and we thank him for the hard work he gave this organization. However I think we all know that the future of this franchise is in Donovan's hands, and at 1-9 there was just no need for a backup as valuable as Steve. Hopefully we will turn the 3rd round pick into a valuable addition to our team, not like Jerry Porter, Jeremy Shockey, TJ Duckett, or any of our other draft picks from this year," said Shen from Phreak headquarters. Several league sources said that the Phreaks were actively shopping a host of players to playoff-contenders, including their entire receiver squad, and possibly stud-RB Jamal Lewis.

"We are delighted to be able to bring in a player of Steve's caliber this late in the season. When the Phreaks came calling, we knew we had a deal right away. Tommy has worked hard, but he just hasn't been able to perform consistently enough - and we need more than that heading into the playoffs. By bringing in a top-3 quarterback, we feel really good about our chances in the post-season," said Shrapnel GM Eric Liao. The team has indicated that it expects McNair to start this coming Sunday. Look for big numbers from the Alcorn State product.

This trade seems to herald the start of the off-season for the Phreaks, who are extremely disappointed with the distaster that has become their 2003-2004 season. A nine-game losing streak and the league's toughest schedule conspired to keep the Phreaks from the playoffs for the first time in franchise history.

Superstar signal-caller Donovan McNabb quoted the legendary Jim Brown when asked about the Phreaks' tailspin, "Tough times go away, tough people do not. I know the character of this team, and I know we'll be back better than ever next year."

Big Pay = Big Game

Prior to the games this weekend, Torry Holt was dubbed the "Franchise Player" and signed a 4-year contract extension. GM Cheng said, "It is uncommon to have contract talks during the season, but we felt that Torry is the reason we have been successful and hope that he can take team Buffy to the next level." Terms of the agreement were not disclosed per team policy, but regardless to what was on the paper, Holt delivered this weekend with 11 catches for 161 yards and two TDs. When asked about his extension, Holt replied, "It ain't about the money baby! I love this game, I come out every weekend and leave it on the field, no doubt about it."

In a not-so-surprising move, GM Cheng benched reigning MVP Rich Gannon in favor of Aaron Brooks. "We felt a change was long overdue, Our team is getting a bit older and in order to compete for the SuperBowl again, we need to become younger and more athletic," said Cheng when asked about the move. The Buffy GM went on to say, "We're also looking to make some trades as well, we have great veterans who would be an asset to any locker room, but we also have to think about the future of this organization, and I think it is time to shake things up a bit."

Even though the focus this weekend was on Torry Holt and his contract extension, the rest of the team also stepped up in fears of being released or traded. Rod Smith had another stellar performance and the Buffy defense came through with a safety and an INT return for a touchdown. During the postgame interview, Aeneas Williams said, "It was definitely time to step it up, I know I'm one of the leaders out there, and I told the guys that we just need to come out and play our game, and I think we did." Team Buffy certainly hopes that this will continue in the coming weeks as they currently sit out of contention. GM Cheng exclaimed, "We shall overcome, we shall, and we will win!"

The world will definitely be watching team Buffy...a team on the rise or a team that will continue to fall...only time will tell.

Greatest Day Ever

Shanghai, China –
“Greatest day ever.” Those were the first words from Phreaks GM Ping Shen when asked to describe Clinton Portis’ mind-numbing 218 yards (9.9 per), 5TD, 57 fantasy point outburst this past Sunday. Turns out, Shen was right on the money – a history check indicates that Portis’ monster day was in fact the greatest fantasy day in the history of football – surpassing Jerry Rice’s and Shaun Alexander’s one-day totals.

Portis’ opponent in the game was Priest Holmes, who some consider to be the best back in the NFL. Holmes had a good game - 90 yards and 2 TDs, but that looked downright pathetic compared to Portis’ beastly output. CP, for his part, wasted little time in declaring himself the best back in the NFL. After rushing for 488 yards and 7 TDs over the past 2 games, who can argue with him? ``I always admired Priest Holmes. I thought he was the best back in the NFL,'' Portis said. ``I felt like if I go out and outperform Priest Holmes in head-to-head competition, well I can't help but feel like I am the best back in the NFL.''

“I think the Phreaks finally wised up and realized that they have the best back in the NFL in their backfield, and if they want to win, they should just keep feeding him the ball. Three weeks ago, they only gave him the ball 14 times – and he ran for 160 yards! But they stopped giving him the ball in the second half even though they were still very much in the game, and they ended up losing. How can you go away from a guy averaging over 10 yards per carry? But they figured it out, and have given him 56 carries the past two weeks, and, well we all know what’s happened,” said ESPN’s Chris Berman. “Portis is averaging 5.8 yards per carry this season. That’s just nuts. Nobody else even comes close.”

One anonymous league GM commented to ESPN, “The Phreaks have Portis who scored 57 fantasy points in one game, Jamal Lewis who leads the NFL in rushing and is on pace for 2,000 yards, and they only won two games this year? How does that happen?” That’s a question that the Phreaks must be asking themselves. The primary culprit appears to be the league’s toughest schedule by far – facing an opponent who scores over 100 points each week will test even the best of teams. A CTDB owner said, “If the Phreaks get any, and I mean ANY receiving help next year, the rest of the league might as well just concede that they are playing for second place.

Barring an injury, nobody, and I mean NOBODY can stop Portis and Lewis. Those two are just ridiculous. Ahman and Priest are decent, sure, but who can compete with one guy who sets the single game rushing record, and another who sets the single game fantasy points record? And Priest is on the wrong side of 30 – you know he won’t be around much longer. Portis and Lewis are what, 24? Those guys are going to be good for a long long time. And they’re still getting better! I don't think we've even seen all of Portis' potential. By the time he's done in this league, we might not be talking about the greatest day ever, we just might be talking about the greatest ever. And that’s unfortunate for everyone else in the league.”