Power Rankings! (Week 7)

From here on out, there will be a weekly rankings to determine which team truly has the hottest coach, the baddest mascot, the biggest stick...

1. Buffy (4-3) Despite having the second best record, Buffy is the team to beat. A team with the Marshall, Rod, Boston, Holt and Garner...no surprise that Buffy dominated FS this past week. First overall in the power standings, dominant team, strong coaching...enough said!

2. Tiiite End Jammers (5-2) With lone possession of first place, rankings alone demand that the Jammers be placed among the elite. Despite a recent two game slide, Kurt Warner and Ricky Williams will make a fierce 1-2 punch for years to come. Did you know: Jammers won its first 5 games while scoring over 105 pts a game.

3. Chunky Monkeys (4-3) Despite starting the season 0-2, the Monkeys have gone 4-1 the last 5 games while averaging a stunning 110 points per game. Its hard to argue for a hotter team in the league. Consistency is the key as the Monkeys have struggled stabilize its starting lineup.

4. DIRTeByRDeeZ (4-3)Da Birds have surged the past 3 weeks while posting 307 points, good for 102 points per game. After being shell shocked in Weeks 3 and 4 by the likes of the Monkeys and Ante Up, the Birds have rebounded nicely. Recent front office moves with the acquisition of Ahman Green and Corey Dillon have paid off handsomely.

5. Ante Up (3-4) The team defined by streaks. I'm going to stick my head out and put a sub .500 team in the top 5. Despite a mediocre performance in Week 7, Ante Up has been the second hottest team behind the Monkeys while posting nearly 107 points per game the past three games. Considering that superstars Edge and J. Garcia have been relatively quiet, the team certainly has upside.

6. Battle Angels (4-3) A solid record reflects a solid team. Led by a stout running core of the Bus and C-Mart, the Angels have been going strong all season. However, the Angels have been victims of inconsistency. Poor play by a key players usually lead to disappointing losses. However, with Randy Moss yet to come around, its hard to imagine what the Angels will do if the man actually tries!

7. Flaming Shrapnel (2-5) How does a team with the worst record not end up dead last in this poll you ask? If you look at the numbers, Shrapnel has been a victim of bad luck. Starting poorly in the first two games, Shrapnel has averaged a startling 97 pts/game in the past 5 games -- only behind the Monkeys and Buffy! Devastated by injuries, the team is relying on Coach Liao to create some magic with his rosters. The league should expect another contender to emerge, namely the Shrapnel team.

8. Green Team (3-4) After realizing that his early picks of Trent Green (rumor has it that Trent was picked for his namesake and not for talent) and Mike Anderson have more or less been busts, the Green Team has been busy on the deal front shoring up his needs. Pulling a blockbuster deal with the Monkeys, the acquisition of star QB Brett Favre has helped tremendously. Coming up with a win after a 3 game slide, the Green Team is certainly looking to get on the right track again.

9. TAGHeuer (3-4) With a lineup in disarray, runningbacks that can't find the endzone to save their lives, and a talented but still inexperienced quarterback, Tag has yet to find his rhythm. Averaging barely 70 pts in the past three games, the TAG team will be counting heavily on his youngsters and hoping that they mature a lot faster than earlier anticipated.

10. Skool (3-4) The ugly-ass team award goes to Skool. How a team that has managed 3 wins yet has never eclisped the century mark in ponts scored is beyond me. Slowed mostly by the disappointing play of Daunte Culpepper, Skool has sported a patch-work lineup which fell to a low point last week when both Giants runningbacks, Ron Dayne and Tiki Barber were announced as starters. On most teams, neither would normally start but normality is not the case with team Skool. The team is talented however with the likes of Culpepper, Bruce, and Tony Gonzalez bolstering the front lines. Playing 3 of the next 4 games against sub .500 teams, might Skool be on the rise?

Rising this Week: Inscrutable Drama Kings. With 80% of the teams over .500, this is shaping up to be the tougher division.

Falling this Week: Spunky Misunderstood Geniuses. With 80% of the teams under .500, teams in the Inscrutable Drama Kings are wishing the Gods had been with them when divisions were set.

Fearless Prediction: Skool will break 100 points at least once in the next 3 games.

Eddie George: Traded!

In a grand gesture, Flaming Shrapnel and the DirtyByrdeeZ have traded star running backs after a weekend spent punishing each other on the field. The Birds emerged with a late victory on the strength of M Harrison's two acrobatic TDs but both teams hugged after the game. The general manager of the Birds was quoted as saying that he "wanted to support the spirit of gamesmanship in this time of need and tragedy."

That statement was followed by a blockbuster deal earlier tonight. Franchise RB E George has started off slow and that has led to him being jettisoned for emerging RB A Green and the soon to be retired C Carter. The team hopes Cris can provide some leadership in his last go-around in the NFL. With two trades in a matter of days, the Birds are aggresively looking to get out of the divisional basement. With a young backfield anchored by C Dillon and A Green, the Birds hope to finally find a QB capable of lofting some deep balls to old pros M Harrison, C Carter, J Morton and D Scott. Time will tell if all this change is enough to take the Birds to the top.

GAME OF THE WEEK- In what has been by far the most exciting week of the season, three games were decided by nine points or less. The Jammers edged out Buffy in a highly anticipated matchup, 87-78 (mostly due to M Faulk's knee injury) while Skool bested the Battle Angels by a mere six points. The Birds also won by a tight four point margin but the game of the week goes to the high flying pyrotechnics produced by the matchup between Ante Up and Chunky Monkeys.

The Monkey's scored 117 and still lost by 15. With a previous solid effort by Keenan McCardell (12 bye pts), the Monkeys were well on their way to posting some big numbers. P Manning and G Crowell both had big days but it was S Alexander who broke out and recorded 28 points. Rookie of the year candidate LT was held to only 13 points, perhaps costing the Monkeys a victory. J Horn finally got close to double digits but has yet to record a TD this season.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the ball, Ante Up was using A Freeman's big day (23 pts) to keep pace with the Monkeys. Running backs Edge and Lamar combined for 31 pts to keep the defense honest, allowing QB J Garcia to post a whopping 46 pts!!! With three passing TDs and one rushing TD, Garcia was simply unstoppable. Well, at least for a half. After the break, Garcia led a furious offensive onslaught that eventually crushed the Monkey's defenses and morale. This was probably the game of the year as far as break out games for a number of players.

Monkeys Acquire Jimmy Smith

A few hours after beating a seemingly dominant Buffy team, Monkey's GM Evan Shiue along with team management issued a press release announcing a three player trade which brought over star receiver Jimmy Smith for quarterback Brett Favre and young wide receiver Jerome Pathon.

Management spoke to media late last night, "We are very pleased to have Jimmy Smith on board. Jimmy is obviously an established receiver and we expect him to take a leadership position on this club. We wish the best for Brett and Jerome. Brett has been inspiring but with Peyton Manning at the helm, it was difficult for our coaches to find playing time for Brett. Jerome had been terrific for our club and his work ethic was phenomenal. Jerome has a bright future and should fit in well with the young Green Team. Both players along with this trade in general was made possible only with the spectacular scouting ability of this team. While Brett was a steal at the ninth round of the Draft, Jerome was signed just a few days ago. A fabulous job all around."

Things are looking significantly brighter for the Monkey organization as they posted their second straight win. Incresasing their point total in each week, a win over Buffy shows the Monkeys' ability to not only beat up on the league's weaker teams (Birds) but also its ability seriously challenge the stronger teams on top.

After the game, quarterback Peyton Manning spoke to reporters about the game. "We played fabulously. The people that needed to step up, stepped up. Shaun and LT, those guys are going to carry the team -- no question. With Fred Taylor itching to get back on the field, I have no question that running will be the forte of this team. I look forward to teaming up with Jimmy in the future. Sure the unit is young, but these guys have immense talent."

Scouting Report --
Management has reportedly been ecstatic with the development of young runningback Shaun Alexander. However, with the imminent return of superstar Fred Taylor, the Monkey management will have an over-abundance of talent. With Tomlinson having solidified his starting position, who will start alongside Tomlinson? Sources close to management indicate that Taylor will start despite the dominating performance last week by Alexander.

Jammers Shake Things Up

Even after an impressive 3-0 start, the expansion team Tiiite End Jammers refused to sit tight and be satisfied with past successes. In fact, it has been a busy week of wheeling and dealing for GM Lei Pan. GM Pan first held a press conference on Tuesday to announce a trade with Chunkey Monkeys. The Jammers moved WR Johnnie Morton, WR Keenan McCardell in return for RB Terrell Davis and a player to be named later. As part of the deal, the teams also swapped their kickers, with the Jammers receiving K Martin "Automatica" Gramatica and the Monkeys picking up K Mike "I Jacked It" Vanderjagt. After the trade was announced, Morton remarked, "Sure, I was disappointed to leave a great organization like the Jammers, but I'm a professional and I'll do my job for whichever organization has my services." Morton also quickly added, "I would love to play for the Jammers again at any time; it's a club that's so dedicated to winning, and that's what I'm all about -- winning."

GM Pan commented on the trade, "I have nothing but the utmost respect for Johnnie [Morton] and Keenan [McCardell]; they added value to our club during games, on the practice field, and in the community. But, sometimes you have to make a move to improve the club's prospects for the future without hurting our chances to win in the present. We have the most depth at WR and that made the move right for us. When paired with Ricky [Williams], Terrell [Davis] will give us a strong and dynamic duo in the backfield for years to come." When asked about the swapping of the kickers, GM Pan remarked, “How can you go wrong with a kicker whose nickname is ‘Automatica’?”

In keeping with the theme of no player is untouchable, GM Pan immediately announced on Wednesday that the team has waived "Automatica" to pick up K Jose Cortez off of waivers. As part of its waiver moves, the Jammers also added WR Orande Gadsden, RB Priest Holmes, and QB Doug Flutie. Gadsden will move immediately into the starting lineup, while Holmes and Flutie will bolster the bench. The Jammers also announced that RB Olandis Gary and QB Mark Brunell are regrettably no longer with the club. RB Gary was dumbfounded when told of the news. "What really irks me is that I never even got into any games! I had zero chance to perform on the field before I was released!" Gary exclaimed.

When told of Gary's comments, GM Pan calmly explained, "Olandis [Gary] is ultra-talented. No one is questioning that. However, what makes Priest [Holmes] so valuable to the club is his work ethic. He is the consummate veteran professional. Gary, on the other hand, thought that his talent could carry him through and did not work hard in practice even after sitting out last season with an injury. Instead, he sought to win a starting job through jabbering his mouth all day. We [the Jammers] are committed to winning games, and we will not tolerate such a clubhouse cancer."

When told of GM Pan's explanation, Gary had no comments to add and remembered a pressing appointment he had forgotten about. GM Pan's aggressive managing and brutal honesty might offend some players and observers, but no one can question that GM Pan is committed to winning. When you think of things in the light of his commitment to winning, no one can fault him for his actions and comments.

With new faces on the team, the Jammers face the rest of the season with a continued confidence of past successes and a new optimism with its newly acquired talent. Whether it's on or off the field or in the community, GM Pan and his Jammers are winners all the way.

Power Rankings! (Week 3)

1) Tiiite End Jammers- The only undefeated team and also the only team to eclipse the century mark every time out, the Jammers are making a strong case for being the dominant team of the league. Led by super QB K Warner, the Jammers are showing no signs of slowing down. The only downside here is that they have not faced any serious competition and have walked through a soft schedule with no opponent scoring higher than 90 so far.

2) Buffy- While not as consistent as the Jammers, Buffy has missed the century mark only once (posting a 99) and has put up two 130+ weeks, causing many to argue that this is the premier team of the moment. With a super trio of R Gannon, M Faulk and R Smith, Buffy remains amazingly explosive and currently leads the league in scoring. Look for Buffy to serious challenge the Jammers for the coveted position of top dog. Note that C Dillon and T Holt aren't even the stars on this team!

3) Battle Angels- The Angels sit atop a crowded 2-1 bracket in the Spunky Misunderstood Geniuses division. Despit a fifty point drubbing by Buffy this past week, the Angels are still in a good position to overtake sole control of their division. If nothing else, the Angels are quietly consistent, with B Griese, C Martin and B Schroeder posting double digits every week. If R Moss can put up some points, this team will be that much more explosive.

4) TAGHeuer- With D McNabb pulling the train, TAG moves up to number four on this list despite the lack of production from anyone other than McNabb. Somehow, TAG manages to pull out victories despite the complete lack of a running game. Credit a solid Packers D for shutting down opponents and holding on to wins.

5) Chunky Monkeys- The Monkeys are only 1-2 but brighter days could be ahead as a recent trade has solidified the receiving corps. A team that was decimated by injuries last week (to RBs T Davis and F Taylor) looks a lot more stable with J Morton, J Pathon, J Horn and K McCardell in the mix. Running back is still a problem but LT could make those fears naught if he continues on his AFC leading TD assault. P Manning continues to shine, keeping the ultra-competitive B Favre at bay. The Monkeys have some big holes but at this point of the season, who doesn't?

6) Green Team- As heart wrenching as the Green Team's first three weeks have been, they are still a solid 2-1. With a uplifting 113-101 victory over Shrapnel last week, the Green Team shows that it has some heart, if not a particularly solid roster. A 56 point effort was sandwiched in-between two 100+ performances so despite the Greenies troubles, they are still very competitive. This is certainly a team that one looks at and wonders where all the points are coming from. T Green finally had a good week and J Rice finally broke out but beyond that, this roster hasn't had any consistent threats week to week. Still, 2-1 is 2-1.

7) DiRTyByRDeeZ- At this point down the list, teams are starting to look seriously flawed. The Birds have a solid roster on paper but that's why we play the games on Sunday. The original Dirty Bird is once again out for the season, leaving a gaping hole where his 32 inch thighs used to reside. M Harrison has been dead quiet except for a WK2 outburst and the rest of the team is sneaking along with him. E George has barely put points on the table and the supposedly strong WR corps of D Boston, D Scott and M Westbrook have thus far produced nothing. K J Elam is leading all scorers not named Marvin. Oh, did we mention that this team has no QB?

8) Skool- It's hard to ignore a 2-1 team but Skool has definitely been lucky in the standings. Three weeks, three sub-80 scores...two wins. Hunh? Aside from the talents of D Culpepper, this team has been very slow starting. The WRs are actually quite decent with I Bruce, T Gonzalez and J Jurevicius. The problem is that Skool just lost both it's starting RBs to injury. R Watters and T Barber were both dinged up over the weekend, casting a long shadow over the fate of Skool for the next few weeks.

9) Ante Up- Ante Up asked all comers to bring their best and everyone has come and gone with a winning grin on their face. Stuck with the league's toughest schedule, opponents of Ante Up have combined to score less than 100...never. At the same time Ante Up has slowly slid from a high of 103 pts in WK1 to 62 pts last week. With injuries and under-performcers galore, Ante Up can only hang their hats on the superb efforts of E James and J Garcia. If T Taylor proves that last week's 17 pt effort was no fluke, Ante Up may have a WR worth talking about. Until then, happy hunting.

10) Flaming Shrapnel- Bringing up the rear is Shrapnel. They are 0-3 but could easily have a win or two under their belts. WK1 was a 3 point loss to Skool and other losses have come by 18 and 12 points. On the upside, Flaming finally posted a century game this week and that could be a sign of better days ahead. RB A Green remains steady and T Owens could be on the verge of taking off. The Shrapnel started off the season deep in the whole, with RB J Lewis on IR and top WR E Moulds injured or unproductive so far. The Shrapnel can climb and steal a few wins as it fields a competetive roster.