Early Season Look: Inscrutable Drama Kings

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Chunky Monkeys (4-1)
It's no surprise that the Monkeys are atop the league in wins and Points For. With a roster that boasts premium players at every position, Evan's team is once again a juggernaut. Last year's 8-5 finish seems like the low end for this year. Jamaal Charles has been the best running back in the league and even though Trent Richardson has been tragic, it hasn't exactly hurt the run game. (Coach Evan has put Richardson on the bench for WK6.) The passing game has been stellar as Calvin Johnson, Julio Jones, and Randall Cobb serve as an awesome unit. Semi-backup Torrey Smith has stepped up his game too, providing double digit games every week for the first time in his career. At quarterback,  Michael Vick has gotten the bulk of the starts -- spelled by a touch of Russell Wilson -- and when Vick's played, he's been stellar.

All this and up-and-comer rookie Giovani Bernard is on the bench, biding his time. Plus Evan has Josh Gordon, who could transform into a top tier option soon too. The Monkeys have scored at least 110+ points each week, and their one loss was when Buffy went for 127.4 points in WK1. This is our early season favorite guys, as usual. UPDATE: Looks like Julio Jones is possibly out for the year! That'll hurt, especially with Megatron on the mend, but Gordon should be able to approximate some of Jones' numbers. Losing a top tier player may not hurt the Monkeys all that much, much to the chagrin of the rest of the league.

Dirty Birds (4-1)
The Birds won five games all of last season and barring a historic setback, they will match that total shortly. After dumping 152.0 points in WK1, the Birds have been over the century mark in three of their next four weeks, and a win in WK by 0.6 points gave them the confidence to start thinking about the post-season. All this despite facing the second toughest schedule so far. The Birds have been land bound this year, paced by the awesome running attack of Adrian Peterson and LeSean McCoy, who combine to average 39.9 points per game, and are #2 and #3 on the RB rankings. With Matt Ryan providing steady leadership, and keeping his starting edge on Andrew Luck, the Birds have righted a ship that went far off course last season.

And even though Larry Fitzgerald hasn't exactly bounced back as expected, the almost all tight end receiving corps of the Birds have given Matt Ryan enough quality targets to keep defenses respectable. Jordan Cameron, drafted by Buffy but inexplicable cut -- perhaps after being mocked in the draft review -- has turned out to be a savior for Dirty Birds as he's filled in the gap left by Rob Gronkowski. Rookie Tavon Austin has been slow to start, to put it mildly, but with the strongest running game in the league, the Birds are poised to challenge for the division lead. Finally.

Tiiite End Jammers (2-3)
Like the Birds, the Jammers were 5-8 last year, and were at the back end of the division. They were pounded by the harshest schedule last year so this year's decent schedule is a respite. They've gone over the century mark three times -- two wins plus a loss by 0.7 points -- but have really bad the other two weeks. This team is still a bit in flux. When everything is going right, it's big games by from the receivers -- Demaryius Thomas, Antonio Brown, Marques Colston, Pierre Garcon -- and a revitalized Fred Jackson and DeMarco Murray. The latter two are the #5 and #6 RBs in the league right now, which has to be an early season surprise. They've stepped into the breach to fill in for a disappointing Maurice Jones-Drew. And should one of them falter, rookie Le'Veon Bell is on hand to pound in some touchdowns.

Add it all up and the Jammers have two top six RBs and three top thirteen WRs. So why all the instability? Well, all fingers point to Colin Kaepernick, who has been averaging 17.2 points per game, but after a 40.8 point WK1 explosion, he's been pretty wretched. Backup Andy Dalton is still on the roster, but he can hardly be trusted to step in and do much better. For now, the Jammers will rely on their boom-bust offense and hope Kaepernick returns to his late 2012 form. All in all, the Jammers are in the mix and much better off than last season.

LA Buffy (2-3)
Ouch. After two straight Super Bowl appearances -- with one win -- Buffy probably hasn't seen a losing record in some time. They lost two games all of last season but are already at three this year. Are they in a tailspin? Are the fans losing hope? Short answer: Hardly. Four of their five opponents have gone over the century mark this season and Buffy still boasts an above average PF. They've hit some rough patches when they don't go over 100+ points but are consistently high scoring. Buffy has been a contender for too long to fall off so quickly. Sure, Arian Foster and A.J. Green are off to slow starts -- and Danny Amendola has been injured -- but Wes Welker and Victor Cruz are picking up the slack as the #5 and #6 WR/TEs. And Matt Forte is averaging 17.8 points on his way to becoming a top four running back.

We're pretty sure there are better options than the somewhat flailing Eli Manning out there right now, but Roger never worries about that position and heck, Sam Bradford -- one of three QBs on Buffy's roster -- has been putting up top ten QB points. No seriously. he's #8 with 24.5 points per game. We are wondering why Jared Cook and Matt Schaub are on this roster though. And how much does Roger regret cutting Jordan Cameron to pick up Ben Roethlisberger back in WK1?!?

Athena Nike (1-4)
Well, this is no good. Our new owner, who came into the season with talent everywhere, has stumbled to a 1-4 record and is on a four game losing streak. Ante Up lost five games all of last season. What gives?  Well, before we look at Frank's roster, we cant overlook scheduling, which has dealt Athena Nike opponents who have averaged 128.54 points per game. At 642.7 PA, Nike has over 20 ppg more than his next closest PA competitor. Nobody can consistently win versus that -- we've seen it before. Still, it's safe to say that Athena Nike hasn't exactly been putting up their best efforts. In fact, they are the lowest scoring team in the league so far, by a small margin. Just about every player on the team has been slow to start or a disappointment. Aaron Rodgers started the season off with 34.0 and 47. points but then went on bye and returned with only 37.1 points total in two games. Good, but only top five good, not best player in fantasy good.

The only receiver of note has been Cecil Shorts, who is barely a top twenty option. Roddy White has been a mess -- no double digit games yet -- and Steve Smith and Emmanuel Sanders aren't the answers. But heading into the season, this team was hoping to ride a stellar running game anyway. How'd that work out? Well, Ray Rice has bookended two nice games with three injured ones. That's not good. Alfred Morris has been outscored by Pierre Thomas, Bilal Powell, Danny Woodhead, and the list could go on. And let's not get started about C.J. Spiller, who hasn't been anywhere close to the gamebreaker from last season. Spiller has 41 points on the season, for an average of 8.2 points. Ouchies. The good news is first round draftee Montee Ball has been stellar… Oh wait. The good news is that backup QB Philip Rivers has found his fantasy relevance again -- he's outscored Rodgers so far -- but that doesn't help since he's not going to play except during the bye week or a Rodgers injury. The punishing schedule has to let up, but is Frank out of the playoffs already?

Grading the 2013 Draft

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Wonderful draft everyone! Efficient and speedy. We have a new owner, after many years of no changes. We welcome Frank and might have given him a good grade just to make him happy.

1. Fobsters
With no returning running backs on the roster, Jimmy was in desperate need of people to hand the ball off to. Selecting third overall, he might have found a solid option in Lamar Miller. He'll have to hope that rookie Eddie Lacy and Rams' time share Zac Stacy emerge quickly, otherwise the Fobsters are going run-and-shoot behind Tom Brady, Dez Bryant, Dwayne Bowe, and Jordy Nelson. We're not sure why he kept Antonio Gates here, but maybe that's the type of decision making that led to their three win season last year. After opening with three RBs, the Fobsters swung for the WR fences by going for Cordarelle Patterson, Malcolm Floyd, and Kenbrell Thompkins. All of them will given plenty of time to develop behind a strong receiver core. It's all about looking forward for the Fobsters this season as they try to dig out of the gutter. Again.
Grade: C+. We like Miller but everyone else needs time to show their stuff.

2. Dirty Birds
GM Jon decided to let Matt Ryan walk this off-season and tied his fortunes to Andrew Luck moving forward. However, Ryan is back on board after being selected in RD2. He and Luck will have a new target, with electrifying rookie Tavon Austin picked at 1.04. Austin will be a nice complement to a (hopefully) resurgent Larry Fitzgerald and a (hopefully) returning Rob Gronkowski. With Adrian Peterson and LeSean McCoy already manning the backfield, Jon still went for young RBs Chris Ivory and Johnathan Franklin early -- plus McCoy handcuff Bryce Brown was selected late. Having taken care of the run game, the Dirty Birds brought on Tony Gonzalez and Jason Witten, perhaps to showcase in an eye opening three TE set. Greg Little will play talented long shot behind everybody.
Grade: B+. Getting Austin is a coup, the TEs will hold the fort, and all the young RBs will have time to develop.

3. Gang Green
With Peyton Manning and Brandon Marshall now his biggest stars, Greg's team had a huge transition year last season. Frank Gore and Stevan Ridley are fine contributors, but Hakeem Nicks is always dinged up. After winning the Toilet Bowl, in comes first overall pick David Wilson, another Giant. Wilson was taken ahead of all the rookie RBs, and his promise could be greater too. He'll have plenty of opportunities to have a breakout year. Greg went heavy on the the receivers, with James Jones, Mike Wallace, Denarius Moore, and Sidney Rice on board. That should be enough to upgrade his receiving corps plenty. We don't see Mark Ingram contributing much but Joe Flacco could step into the void if Manning gets hit hard and goes down…forever.
Grade: A-. If Wilson is as good as advertised, this is a good draft. We think Jones and Wallace will help a lot.

4. Tiiite End Jammers
Another bridesmaid year for Lei, as he gets to select #2 again, after successive losses in the Toilet Bowl. Last year's pick yielded DeMarco Murray -- who can kindly be labeled a disappointment even if he's been kept for 2013. This year Lei took rookie Le'Veon Bell, who is positioned to become the Steelers' battering ram. Bell's Lisfranc injury could prevent him from getting off to a fast start, but he was a solid choice. Bell and last round pick Ronnie Hillman could overtake Murray for RB#2 duties. The Jammers have a star in Demaryius Thomas, and Antonio Brown should get as many receptions as he can handle out of the slot. Marques Colston was a keeper and Lei added Pierre Garcon, Miles Austin, Kenny Britt, and 2012 keeper Percy Harvin to the roster. All four have injury issues, but that should be okay with the receiving depth on this team. Lei started the true QB run in RD4 with Colin Kaepernick, hitching his wagon to last season's rising star. Even if Kaep stutters this year, there are plenty of waiver wire options available at quarterback, and the Jammers will enter the season with just the tattooed man at the helm.
Grade: C+. Dinged for all the injury risks, although we think Bell was the right rookie running back to invest in.

5. Battle Angels
Vu's team has lacked a running game for awhile and they finally threw in the towel and just kept Drew Brees and four receivers: Andre Johnson, Mike Williams, Greg Jennings, and Vernon Davis. Youngsters Josh Gordon and Golden Tate shouldn't have a problem breaking into the rotation if things go right. The question is who will run the ball. The answer: Reggie Bush, Ryan Mathews, Daryl Richardson, and BenJarvus Green-Ellis. That's a cobbled together stable of RBs if we ever saw one. We don't believe in Mathews, semi-like Richardson, and know there's not much upside for Bush and Green-Ellis. The hunt continues for a franchise back, the last of which was arguably DeAngelo Williams. That 2008 Super Bowl win seems like a long time ago for this franchise…
Grade: B-. No risks, no reward, unless Daryl Richardson comes through.

6. Philadelphia Phreaks
The Phreaks are officially out of the gutter, with two winning records in the last three seasons. Just one year ago, their keeper core was Michael Vick, Marshawn Lynch, Mike Wallace, DeSean Jackson, and Jeremy Maclin. Last year's draft brought Robert Griffin III on-board, along with Doug Martin. What an upgrade!  Steven Jackson as a Falcon was rightfully deemed a keeper too. With a solid running back threesome, Ping turned his attention to his receivers, drafting rookie DeAndre Hopkins, rising T.Y. Hilton, old vet Anquan Boldin, and young'uns Chris Givens and Justin Blackmon to shore up the receiving group. Injury prone Ahmad Bradshaw was worth the six round pick, but he'll likely not have to be pressed into duty. Grabbing Matt Stafford to back up RG3 was also a nice move, as Stafford could be a top QB again, and we know how fragile Griffin might be. Solid!
Grade: B. Nothing fancy, just useful pieces and an eye toward the future.

7. Athena Nike
With Jae's Ante Up out the door, Frank is back in the league after more than a decade hiatus. Saddle up the pony, Athena Nike rides again! (They went 4-9 in 2000.) Last season's late season trade netted Ante Up too many keepers, so Frank had to choose between C.J. Spiller, Alfred Morris, Roddy White, David Wilson, Danny Amendola, and Cecil Shorts to keep along with franchise stalwarts Aaron Rodgers and Ray Rice. Ultimately he went with Spiller, Morris, and White. Due to time constraints, Athena Nike was unable to turn the other assets into draft picks. With running back more than set, Frank still couldn't resist taking Broncos rookie Montee Ball with his first draft pick. After that, it was all receivers, as Rodgers will need multiple targets to throw to. Shorts is back, Steve Smith is here, and either Vincent Brown, Robert Woods, or Emmanuel Sanders could emerge as starter worthy. Last rounder Bernard Pierce was a necessary Rice handcuff. Here's to Frank returning to Catch the Damn Ball! Why'd you leave us last time? Hunh?! $$
Grade: A-. Ball could start, and Shorts and Smith should be high level plug-ins.

8. Chunky Monkeys
With a fearsome keeper core of Jamaal Charles, Troy Richardson, Calvin Johnson, Julio Jones, and Reggie Cobb, you'd think this team didn't need anyone to lead it. Evan had the choice of keeping Matthew Stafford or Colin Kaepernick and ultimately decided to dump both. Good move, QBs are way too deep. As it turned out, the Monkeys will ride into 2013 with Russell Wilson at the helm -- with Michael Vick in the wings if necessary. Kaepernick and Stafford went a few picks before Wilson, and we're wondering if Evan might regret passing on Tony Romo. With the rest of his draft, Evan went for potential. Rookie Giovanni Bernard in the first round, Shane Vereen in the second, perpetual breakout candidate Torrey Smith in the third, and intriguing Michael Floyd in the fifth. We love the selection of Ben Tate, stealing Buffy's handcuff for Arian Foster.
Grade: B+. Is it hard to draft when your team is super loaded? It can't be, right?

9. Buffy
After two Super Bowl appearances in a row, Roger kept the same core for two years running -- something only he and Fat Jubas did this off-season. Arian Foster, Matt Forte, A.J. Green, Victor Cruz, and Wes Welker will be around for another ride. Adding Danny Amendola and Reggie Wayne gives this team fantastic depth at the receiver position. We're actually a bit angry that Amendola dropped to Buffy. With this RD3 and RD4, Roger shocked the crowd by going Seahawks defense and Stephen Gostkowski before finding a quarterback. Some analysts were stunned but really, with a QB crop this deep, why bother getting one unless you already have a franchise level type on-board. We don't see a problem going DEF/K before QB this year. What we are curious about is why select Matt Schaub over say, Joe Flacco or Josh Freeman? Luckily, Roger got an awesome deal for Eli Manning in RD8 and we think he'll end up being the eventual starter. Danny Woodhead can play some third downs, but we had to Google TE Jordan Cameron to figure out who he was. Does he have an outside shot at being an Antonio Gates for Norv Turner in Cleveland? Maybe Roger know something. Also, drafting two defenses? Now you're just trolling us Buffy!
Grade: C. Zigged when everyone zagged. Genius or crazy?

10. Fat Jubas
As we said up above, the Jubas was one of two teams to carry over all their keepers from 2012. This doesn't mean they're the best team on paper though, even if they are the defending champions and have gone to the last two Super Bowls. They are good, to be sure. Cam Newton is a beast, Vincent Jackson returned to form, and Jimmy Graham is a great tight end -- but not more than a number two receiver. However, it's hard to put Chris Johnson or Darren McFadden as top tier running backs anymore, so the Jubas could be in for an interesting defense of their title, even as they try to find eventual replacements. Eric's grabbed Darren Sproles and Eric Decker with his first picks, and both could become starters right away. Decker, especially, will be a nice addition. Receiver Stevie Johnson was horrible last year but could have value if he can bounce back. We don't think much of Rashard Mendenhall's chances in Arizona, but he could be an okay option if needed. Andre Brown is a similar type of back, a short yardage pounder, and he'll likely ride the pine. Looks like this season's repeat chances are in Cam's hands!
Grade: B. Picking late and getting quality contributors such as Sproles and Decker. We like it.

2013 Keepers

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Historical Data (2001-2012)

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League Records and Head-to-Head All Time Records

2013 Draft Order

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  1. Fobsters (3-10)
  2. Dirty Birds (5-8)
  3. Gang Green (5-8)
  4. Tiiite End Jammers (5-8)
  5. Battle Angel (6-7)
  6. Philadelphia Phreaks (7-6)
  7. Ante Up (8-5)
  8. Chunky Monkeys (8-5)
  9. Buffy (11-2) *Runner Up
  10. Fat Jubas (7-6) *Champion
Toilet Bowl Winner: Gang Green
Toilet Bowl Runner Up: Tiiite End Jammers

Tie-breaks:
Gang Green vs Tiiite End Jammers vs Dirty Birds (5-8) Combined H2H: Jammers win 2-1
Gang Green vs Dirty Birds (5-8) H2H: Gang Green beat Birds in WK13, 1-0
Chunky Monkeys vs Ante Up (8-5) H2H: Ante Up beat Monkeys in both in-season match ups