Phreakin Curse Lives

One meaningless preseason game is all it took to confirm - for those still wondering - that the curse of the Philadelphia Phreaks is alive and well. As Clinton Portis, the Phreaks' projected #1 RB, made a tackle following an interception he suffered a partial dislocation of his left shoulder. Phreak officials were tight-lipped about Portis' prognosis and status for opening day, but reports of owner Ping Shen trying frantically to track down JJ Arrington's phone number cannot be a positive sign.

Portis, picked by many prognosticators as a top 5 back this season, figures to be replaced in the starting lineup by Julius Jones if he is indeed unable to go in week one. While Jones has shown flashes of brilliance in the past nagging injuries have prevented him from becoming the back that the Phreaks believe he can be. With regular (and healthy) playing time, however, it is possible that Jones could quickly mature into a top-flight back.

The good news for the Phreaks? Well, Donovan McNabb appears to be fully recovered from his sports hernia injury that hindered him last season and is set to 'rewrite some record books' according to newly hired Phreaks offensive consultant Randall Cunningham.

The Bush Sweepstakes

The 2006 Draft promises to be, well, promising. Here is our draft order:

2006 DRAFT ORDER
1. Jimmy (2-10-1)
2. Lei (3-10)
3. Vu (5-8)
4. Ping (5-8)
5. Roger (7-6)
6. Jon (7-6)
7. Greg (9-4)
8. Jae (10-3)
9. Evan (8-4-1)
10. Eric (8-5)

With a quick recap of the keepers, here is our intrepid reporter Peter King Jr Jr.

Fobsters (Jimmy) -
With three RBs (C Williams, T Barber, D McAllister) and potentially Reggie Bush on the way, the Fobsters will have to give some aerial support to the excellent QB-WR combo of M Hasselbeck and C Johnson. It's hard to believe that a team with additional names like T Gonzalez, J Shockey, L Coles and D Culpepper finished so poorly last season, but they did and now the Fobsters will have to rebuild with a not-too-bad keeper core.

Tiiite End Jammers (Lei) -
The champion team of three seasons ago is left with only M Vick and M Harrison. Harrison is still near the top of this game but there are some questions as to how good M Vick will ever be -- is he a better keeper than T Bell or J Horn for example? With an empty backfield, only the oft-injured D Foster is on-board. Lei will have to find a ground game to go with his potentially explosive air attack (Harrison, J Walker, D Jackson).

Battle Angels (Vu) - C Mart almost made it onto this keeper roster until management decided to cut his old ass. In comes D Brees and his gaggle of WRs; S Smith is the best in the business and his old teammate M Muhammad might still have some swagger left. It's time for A Bryant to shine, this time in a 49ers uniform -- otherwise his career is over. RB W McGahee had a wonderful first half of the season but went into a deep funk for the second half. The Angels might need an infusion of fresh talent for a winning season.

Phreaks (Ping) - Team captain D McNabb returns from a terrible season and he hopes that his young teammates will have career years. RB C Portis had a record-breaking year last season but his backfield mates J Jones and K Jones were huge disappointments. And talented Ro Williams, can he finally dominate with new offensive coordinator/offensive genius Mike Martz as his offensive coordinator? The Phreaks did make the playoffs last year but with a losing record, this year they'll try to get in there by winning more games than they lose.

Buffy (Roger) - Keeping the champion to (big) loser streak alive, Buffy failed to make the playoffs after a championship season in 2004. Still, Buffy has two titles under their belt and with C Palmer and T Holt, they still have some big stars on the roster. However, J Lewis and W Parker are both backs with some big questions heading into the season (admittedly, they do both have huge upside). Maybe WR D Bennett can re-create some magic with new Titans starting QB Billy Volek, or maybe Vince Young will take over and run the ball himself.

Dirty Birds (Jon) - It all sounds good on paper: Young and productive R Johnson and S Jackson in the backfield; L Fitzgerald, R Moss, and P Burress as pass catchers. However, this team was full of under-achievers last season and what looks good on paper rarely translates to wins. That's why they play the game. This group will need a steady QB (and a return to form by Moss) to helm their potentially potent lineup.

Green Team (Greg) -
By turning his team around with savvy waiver wire pickups, the Green Team have managed to stay near the top year after year. This upcoming season is no different with versatile L Jordan and potential superstar R Brown sharing the rock. H Ward was a Super Bowl MVP and A Gates is the best TE in football. S Moss? A great season last year but can he keep it up? Budding fantasy star E Manning was left off the team, does this mean Greg doesn't believe he's the answer?

Ante Up (Jae) - With a very solid and underrated core of players, Ante Up went a very solid 10-5 last year, winning the regular season. Steady QB T Green manages the clock well with RBs E James and B Westbrook providing a versatile running/receiving attack. Young WRs C Chambers and R Wayne are both up-and-coming and ready for breakout years. Ante Up should be able to maintain their "edge" as long as James is still his dominant self in Arizona.

Chunky Monkeys (Evan) - Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. But man, what a fine looking bridesmaid. I don't even have enough superlatives for this team. P Manning, L Johnson, L Tomlinson, T Owens. That's an All-Pro team. That's four top ten players on one team. Wow. Sure MVP S Alexander was traded last year (and helped Fat Jubas to a championship win over the Monkeys) but Evan is poised for another contending year. Super bust WR A Johnson -- talent-wise, a young TO -- is also back to redeem himself.

Fat Jubas (Eric) -
Your new champion, Fat Jubas, will be running hard behind S Alexander -- who cannot suffer a Madden cursed season if the Jubas hope to do what no champion has done before: make the playoffs the season after winning. While M Bulger and A Boldin are top talents, they are somewhat injury prone. And heck, so's secondary RB D Davis, who is already dinged up in pre-season. Ancient Rod Smith is still doing it, but he should be the second banana to Javon Walker this year. Was cutting productive RB W Dunn the right move? Are the Jubas ready to defend their crown? Never count out the champs. Well, except in our league, where you can pretty much dismiss the champs from the get-go. Nothing personal Eric, we've all (the past champions) suffered the same fate.

Here we go, Draft '06 and the excitement that accompanies it!

Super Bowl V

Here it is, another exciting season for Catch the Damn Ball league -- amazing, our SIXTH. We usher in a new champion, Eric of the Fat Jubas (formerly Flaming Shrapnel), who rose to the challenge and rode Shaun Alexander to a title. Eric becomes the first champion from the Spunky Misunderstood Geniuses division (after four straight wins by members of the Inscrutable Drama Kings). Also new to us this year is team owner Jimmy Wu, who has found some success on the basketball side of things, but is entering his first full season as a football coach. Welcome to the party Fobsters. And we give it up for Jon Chen, of the departed Skool franchise, for his many years of fine effort and participation.

Earlier this year, in a cosmic coincidence and a sign of things to come, team owners Jon, Evan, Eric, and Ping gathered in the Bay Area for a quick impromptu face-to-face greet-and-meet as well as...ahem...a Magic the Gathering tournament. During this time, it was established that we all suck at Magic but at least we know our football.

Moving right along, let's look at how last year's playoffs shook out:

Week 14
Eric defeated Ping (97-93)
Evan defeated Jon (94-74)
Jae and Greg on Byes

Week 15
Eric defeated Greg (94-84)
Evan defeated Jae (103-89)

Week 16
Eric defeated Evan (121-97)

Who will win it all next year? Who will be the underdog team that surprises us all? Stay tuned for the next episode of "So You Think You Can Play (Fantasy) Football?!?"

Article written August 10, 2006

Blockbuster!

CTDB Newswire - Santa Clara, September 12, 2005 --

In a short press release issued by the CTDB league wire, the Monkeys and the Jubas have announced that they have agreed to a deal that will see Shaun Alexander (RB) go to the Jubas in exchange for Terrell Owens (WR). The deal also includes a trade for picks in next year supplemental draft whereby the Jubas will surrender their second round draft selection in return for the Monkey's fifth round pick.

While the departure of Owens leaves a big hole in the Juba's receiver core, GM Eric finally has the franchise back he has been coveting for the past several years. "We will obviously miss TO and his leadership in the lockerroom but we believe that Shaun will give us that final piece of the puzzle for a championship run this year." Alexander had nearly 1700 yards along with 20 TDs last year -- unquestionably one of the top 2 runningbacks in the league.

For the Monkeys, the trade marks the first change to the Monkey's "triplets" of Manning, LT, and SA who have been together since the inaugural 2001 CTDB season. Tomlinson, a Monkey veteran who was a rookie back in the 2001 season, was visibly upset when notified of the trade. "Shaun has been here since year 1 and has been an integral part of our success. He's been a great teammate and I've learned a lot from him." Owens has also been part of the former Flaming Shrapnel franchise since the 2001 season and was not available for comment after being notified of the trade.

According to ESPN's John Clayton, "This trade really makes sense for both teams. Alexander is a legitimate #1 back for the Jubas and will give them a feature back for years to come. While Owens will leave a pretty big void, I believe that GM Liao has a couple options up his sleeve. I doubt that the Jubas are done in terms of trades. For the Monkeys, sources indicate that it was Evan that called up the Jubas exploring a possible trade after learning that Javon Walker would be out for the season. Shaun is a terrific talent but the one area that the Monkeys are deep at is the runningback position. With the emergence of Willie Parker and Larry Johnson, along with Kevan Barlow on the roster, the Monkeys should have sufficient talent to move forward this season. Owens is a top flight receiver and will help tremendously."

Return of the King

In a homecoming befitting a hero, WR Plaxico Burress returns to the Dirty Birds for a third stint. After being traded, waived, re-signed and ultimately traded again, Mr Burress is now looking for a permanent position on the Dirty Birds' roster.

During previous disagreements with the talented but mercurial Plexiglass (aka "Not The Real Thing") GM Yang had offered up the rivalry between a Michigan Wolverines man and a Michigan State Spartan as the reason for dissatisfaction with Mr Burress. Rumor has it however, that Plaxico made a pass at one of the Dirty Bird's stunning (male) cheerleaders, leading to his short time spent with the team two seasons ago.

GM Yang had this to say, "I believe in the redemptive powers of a new QB (eli), a new city (nyc), and ultimately, our desperation. I can hardly believe it myself that this player whom we've traded, hated, and lambasted in public, is now our best hope for a successful 2005 playoff campaign. Remember, Mr Burress was an integral part of our last championship season, and historically, this is our year. We welcome back Plaxico with open arms and hope that he can keep his trap shut and continue this year's resurgence."

Team sources would not reveal whether or not the Dirty Birds were working to acquire the other prominent members of that 2002 Championship team -- including stars such as Michael Vick, Ahman Green, Corey Dillon, Marvin Harrison, Chad Johnson, Koren Robinson, and the recently retired Jerry Rice. The only clue to the Bird's so-called "Armageddon" plan was a secret memo leaked to the public with the heading "If We Can Get Jerry Back, the rest will follow....."

The loss of Carnell "Broke Ass Caddy" Williams (via trade to the Fobsters) was no big blow to the Dirty Birds organization. In fact, the brittle Williams was almost shipped out the door for Hines Ward earlier in the season, however, the Chinese ownership of the Birds were hesitant to bring in a Korean, "even if he's only half." The throw-in of ex-Paris Hilton fling Jeremy Shockey was a welcome addition by subtraction.

Look for the Birds to make a push for the title, in this, their fated year. Despite trades that have netted little in the way of real productivity (that pre-draft Randy Moss trade isn't looking so hot now), and sub-par RBs like Jamal Lewis and Rudi Johnson, the Birds still have a stout running game, three great receivers, and the best QB in football, Mr Tom Brady (a Wolverine no less).

We totally unbiased and non-partisan members of the media select the Dirty Birds as our favorites for this year's upcoming championships.

How proud mom will be when the Birds hold aloft the trophy, again. Owner J Yang would like to send all of you a special message: "My ring size is an 8, thanks."