1. Battle Angel (2-11)For the second consecutive year, Battle Angel had the first slot in the draft order. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean they selected first overall, due to their inability to succeed in the Toilet Bowl. That means without a shot at Ezekiel Elliot, Vu was still in the market for running backs, as last year’s draft yielded a lot of options, but virtually all of them underperformed (Joseph Randle, Ameer Abdullah, CJ Spiller, Chris Johnson). The only keeper ended up being rookie Abdullah, who was kept more for his upside potential than actual production.
The good news is that a mega pre-draft trade yielded Kelvin Benjamin and Jarvis Landry, who are both capable of being top receivers. So along with TY Hilton, Battle Angel will once again lead with Drew Brees and an air attack. Without a first round pick, Vu decided to open up in RD2 with Jeremy Hill, and followed that up with rookie Devontae Booker in RD3 and then Jay Ajayi in RD5. That’s not a top flight backfield but it has promise. And Vu built upon a strength by getting Stefon Diggs, Travis Benjamin, rookie Laquon Treadwell, and Will Fuller to further bolster the passing game. And with an extra fourth rounder, Vu might be spelling out Brees’ last days as an Angel by taking Marcus Mariota.
Grade: B. Hill is a nice RD2 get, and we don’t see many better options that Battle Angel could have taken at pick 1.3 so the trade down was nice. We do think this has the potential to be a stellar receiving corps though!
2. Fobsters (4-9)
One year after going 5-8 yet hitting the Super Bowl, Jimmy’s team lost a win and ended up in the bottom of the league, but still came up second best in the Toilet Bowl. So what now? Well, the four game Tom Brady suspension is about to kick off and that’s a bummer. But stand-in, and las round draft pick, Tyrod Taylor should be able to hold the fort for a month.
The receiving corps should be back to above average with Dez Bryant, Nelson’s return, and new additions Eric Decker, rookie Corey Coleman, Torrey Smith, and Malcolm Mitchell. We especially love Coleman, who may take awhile to develop but could be sensational when he does. Plus, Jimmy added two upside running backs in Carlos Hyde and Melvin Gordon to go along with Eddie Lacy and TJ Yeldon. While Hyde, Gordon, and Yeldon are mostly unproven, at least they’re big swings for fences.
Grade: B+. I gave Jimmy a B+ but an opposing owner gave Fobsters a sterling “A+" grade due to “high value, high productivity, and likely productivity on the majority of his picks!” I don’t know if Fobsters hired a PR team or something but that’s the kind of reviews every fan base loves!
I guess there’s a reason no team has gone back-to-back hunh? Lei’s team crushed 2015 with an incredible season but then slid all the way to a losing record and way out of playoff contention. What the hell happened? Entropy I guess? LeVeon Bell was suspended and then lost for the rest season due to injury. Plus, DeMarco Murray underwhelmed in Philly. But Russell Wilson was still the number three ranked quarterback, while Antonio Brown, Demaryius Thomas, and Jeremy Maclin were all pretty good — with Brown being the top ranked receiver overall. I guess all that still wasn’t enough to even sniff a repeat.
For this year’s keeper core, Wilson has been ditched (for Maclin), and Lei nabbed Andrew Luck with his first round pick, #4 overall. With another suspension for Bell, one of Matt Jones, Jonathan Stewart, or DeAngelo Williams could be called up for early action. And if Jammers want to run-and-shoot early, they could slot in new additions Tavon Austin, DeSean Jackson, Sammie Coates, or Kamar Aiken. That sounds like quality depth to me.
Honestly, Jammers still has the roster to take a title, and perhaps with Luck leading the way and a bounce back year from the running backs, this could be a two out of three championship run for Lei?
Grade: B. We love the Luck for Wilson trade-off, and while we’re not sold on the ex-Carolina running duo, we do like the deep threats Jammers added.
4. Buffy (6-6-1)
Last year, Roger kept Seattle defense as a keeper. How’d that work out? Just about average I guess. Seattle defense ranked fifth overall and put up 7.4 ppg, but that’s only 1.6 more than the tenth ranked defense. Maybe that just speaks to how weak Buffy’s keeper core was heading into 2015.
Well, weak keepers no more as our Toilet Bowl VI winner pulled off a huge trade pre-draft and moved down from the number one overall spot to nab a handful of new keepers plus tons of extra picks. Out the door is everyone from 2015’s keeper list, except for AJ Green. Welcome Cam Newton, Rob Gronkowski, Julian Edelman, and Thomas Rawls. The keeper demise of Matt Forte and Arian Foster finally happened — although Roger scooped Forte and Foster right back up in the first and sixth rounds, respectively.
So what did the trade down net Roger in the draft? With 1.3 and 1.7, he selected Russell Wilson and Doug Baldwin. With his extra second-rounder, hernabbed Jordan Reed. While those three, plus Gronkowski and Rawls, is quite a haul for Ezekiel Elliot, we’re not sold on the Wilson pick. I mean, Buffy already had Killer Cam, the top ranked quarterback last season. Why go and grab Wilson too? And this, coming from an owner who has long eschewed keeping a QB at all. Curious decision.
The rest of Roger’s draft produced Seattle defense in RD3, Frank Gore, and Greg Olsen — another redraft from last season.
Grade: C-. We love the mega trade for keeper and quantity value, but we hate the Wilson pick up. Especially in light of how many quality quarterbacks were left near the end of the draft.
2015’s division winners won an extra game last season but couldn’t repeat as the Spunky Misunderstood Geniuses champ. Still, it was a good year as Phreaks was the highest scoring team in SMG and also unearthed some quality new talent. With the sudden retirement of Marshawn Lynch, Ping needed the nice seasons from Devonta Freeman and Doug Martin, who are the new backfield for the franchise.
The return of receiver Keenan Allen could be huge too, and he’ll pair with breakthrough talent Allen Robinson to form a dynamic duo. Plus Brandin Cooks looks set to emerge as a star too. All this and not one Eagle in sight! Well, on the keeper roster at least. Ping did grab Ryan Mathews, Sam Bradford, Zach Ertz, and Eagles DST to keep it Eagle-y during the draft.
The sad news is that first round running back Dion Lewis is already on the PUP list and out of action. But Mathews and the newly promoted Spencer Ware should be solid backups, if not starters soon. And nobody has a bad word to say about Danny Woodhead, that pass catching wonderback who’s always useful in a pinch. Also, the Giants connection of Eli Manning and rookie Sterling Shepard could outperform all the Eagles, which would be a crisis for Ping’s NFC East team, but good for his fantasy squad.
Grade: A-. We can’t take points off for Lewis’ injury since it happened after he was draft, and we like the production upside of everyone drafted.
6. Gang Green (9-4)
Back-to-back playoff seasons and a shiny SMG division title after four straight seasons in the Toilet Bowl means these Greenies are back on top! It’s been a long time since Greg’s 2009 Super Bowl showing but it looks like his squad if finally trending back up.
Sure, Peyton Manning retired, but Manning was awful last season anyway. New keeper Blake Bortles was the fourth ranked quarterback last season, and Lamar Miller and Mark Ingram were stellar throughout. While neither are flashy names, Miller was the fifth ranked running back last season, and Ingram would have been top ten had not missed the tail end of the season. Add in Brandon Marshall and the venerable Larry Fitzgerald, and we have another pair of top ten talents. This whole team is suddenly stocked with talent!
The draft added rookie Derrick Henry, a monster in the backfield, and also Rashad Jennings, who’s still halfway riding last year’s hype train. And receiver Allen Hurns seems like a steal in the second round, after flashing double digit touchdowns last season. It’s likely later round picks Davante Adams and Delanie Walker won’t even see the field with this much receiving talent ahead of them. Plus there’s also the May-December Oakland connection of Derek Carr and Michael Crabtree that could pay dividends too.
Grade: A. Speaking totally unbiased, we like this draft a lot. We foresee another playoff appearance.
7. Athena Nike (9-4)After going 5-8 and advertising his “building for the future” mentality, Frank had the tables flipped on him as his rebuilding team was the second highest scoring unit in the league last year and chased Chunky Monkeys till the finish line for the Inscrutable Drama Kings title. Despite getting upended in the first round, 2015 still has to count as a huge win for Athena Nike.
And 2015’s pre-draft trades turned up all aces for GM Frank as well, with DeAndre Hopkins and Rob Gronkowski getting acquired of the low prices of a RD2 and RD3 respectively. They ended up being the fourth and tenth best ranked WR/TE. I’d say those were great trades. And then, heading into the 2016 draft, Frank made another huge move, going all-in for Ezekiel Elliot. That move shores up Nike’s biggest hole, as they suffered through a combination of running backs last year that provided little to no consistency.
But oh what a receiving corps for Aaron Rodgers to throw to! Aside from Hopkins and Gronk, Jarvis Landry turned out to be a quality find, and rookie Amari Cooper is destined to be a true franchise receiver. Add in the superb last month by fellow rookie DeVante Parker and Nike was chockfull of young receiver talent, enabling them to sell extra keepers — farewell Gronk, Landry, and Kelvin Benjamin — for 2016’s number one overall pick. Did we mention that Frank also sat on Kevin White all year, and then kept him in what now seems to be a prescient move?
The actual 2016 draft itself was almost an afterthought after the pre-draft fireworks. Nike added Jeremy Langford, Tevin Coleman, and Chris Ivory as possible running mates for Elliot, but it’s more likely Frank goes run-and-shoot with Hopkins, Cooper, White and new pickups Michael Thomas or Brashad Perriman.
Grade: A++. That’s not for the draft, which was middling at best. But going from 1.7 to 1.1 to grab the highest touted running back rookie in years? That’s fantasy gold. Also, an extra “+" for shaking up the league on the trading front.
8. Chunky Monkeys (10-3)
After long being a dominant force in CTDB, has Monkeys’ time to dominant finally passed? Jamaal Charles isn’t starting in WK1 due to injury, and there’s no real timetable for his return. Calvin Johnson retired. Randall Cobb is returning from season ending injury. Last year’s trade of a RD3 for keeper Justin Forsett netted Evan one month of good games until Forsett went down to season ending injury.
The running game is in bad shape here, which isn’t normal for this team. Latavius Murray is a grinder and he’ll be the lead back this season, unless Giovani Bernard, Charles Sims, or Isaiah Crowell have something to say about it. Bernard still flashes potential but has lost his shine as a possible franchise back.
At least the receiving corps is still good, with all-world Julio Jones, emergent John Brown, and Cobb on the mend. Add-ins Donte Moncrief, Marvin Jones, and Terrelle Pryor should add plenty of quality targets of Philip Rivers to once again throw to.
And let’s not forget the big picture, as the last five years have yielded two titles, two additional division championship showings, and still outscored everyone by a wide margin last season on the way to the best record in the league. So maybe we’re just hoping this is the decline of the Monkey?
Grade: C. Smells like a bunch of retreads to us, unless Marvin Jones emerges as the new Megatron, this draft doesn’t have much upside.
9. Fat Jubas (5-8)Better luck than good, amiright? Our 2012 champs hit the Toilet Bowl in 2014 before sneaking into the playoffs last year with a losing record. But then they tore through the playoffs before losing to another upstart team in the title match. A lot of that late season success can be attributed to rookie David Johnson, who had a wild last month of the season, punctuated by 42.9 points in the division title game. Johnson is the lone new keeper on this team, joining holdovers CJ Anderson, Alshon Jeffery, Mike Evans, and Emmanuel Sanders.
Anderson was a huge disappointment in his sophomore campaign, but he’ll get another crack at proving his worth. And if Jeffery can return to health, this will still be an effective receiving corps. Eric took an upside gamble on Josh Gordon in RD3, and also added Michael Floyd and Devin Funchess early — plus rookie Tajae Sharpe late.
If Anderson can’t find his 2014 form, he’ll be replaced by Duke Johnson or LeGarrette Blount, neither of whom are bellcow backs but useful in spot situations. The most important part of the backfield is David Johnson though, and Jubas is hoping he’s not this year’s version of CJ Anderson… At quarterback, Eric went late and took Carson Palmer and Jimmy Garopollo in the seventh and ninth rounds, respectively, which is once again a gamble on health, meaning Palmer.
Draft: B-. We like the re-roll on Duke Johnson, plus the new receivers who all look interesting.
10. Dirty Birds (7-6)
Trading away Rob Gronkowski and cutting Larry Fitzgerald pre-2015’s draft was a disaster for GM Jon but with the addition of last year’s top overall pick Todd Gurley, the season still ended in a Super Bowl title — despite starting off 1-5. And now the Birds are back for a shot at a repeat, and a record-breaking fourth title. But to do that, they’ll need everything to go right again.
Gurley and Adrian Peterson are the best running back duo in the league, and McCoy is more than serviceable as a third back or injury replacement. The Birds didn’t even look at another running back in the draft, showing supreme confidence in his trio. Could this hurt them when the season gets underway?
Instead, Jon focused his draft on all receivers, going Golden Tate, Jordan Matthews, Tyler Lockett, rookie Josh Doctson, and Willie Snead from RD1-5. Waiting until the sixth round for a quarterback yielded Andy Dalton, who had a blistering fantasy regular season last year before falling to injury. Sophomore Jameis Winston was also added, and then Kirk Cousins, last year’s Super Bowl (and playoffs) hero, was drafted with the last overall pick when Jon realized he was just dangling out there.
Draft: C. Rolling the dice on all receivers, and then three quarterbacks seems to fit team need, but isn’t exactly thrilling.
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