1. Athena Nike (2-11)Despite losing the Toilet Bowl, Athena Nike still assured themselves a prime draft position. And they needed it because their incredible roster heading into 2013 suddenly sprung a lot of leaks during the season. The good news is that Aaron Rodgers and Roddy White are both back healthy, and Montee Ball heads into his sophomore season with a plum starting gig. Ray Rice and C.J. Spiller are both looking for bounce back seasons though.
First round pick Cordarelle Patterson will be pressed into service quickly, and he better give huge returns immediately because he was taken ahead of a lot of good talent. With his status up in the air, Josh Gordon in RD3 was an intriguing gamble, and now he’s out for the season (most likely). That means young WRs Justin Hunter and Markus Wheaton will have to also step up ASAP. Frank might have acquired the most talented running back in Carlos Hyde, but he’s likely a year away. Old retread Steven Jackson could have a few serviceable games here and there but there’s no way he stays healthy all season long. Overall, Frank is positioning for the future, and he took plenty of young talent to rebuild with.
Grade: B+. All upside picks, and no demerit for the big swing-and-miss on Gordon.
2. Fobsters (4-9)
Jimmy had the worst record two seasons ago but only got the #3 overall pick after not making the Toilet Bowl finals. He made up for that disappointment by winning the losers bracket last season and thus had his choice of player for 2014. After getting huge results with rookie RBs last year (Eddie Lacy and Zac Stacy), Jimmy selected rookie Bishop Sankey with the top pick and went after another hyped rookie, receiver Kelvin Benjamin in round two
The two youngsters can take their time growing into their roles because Fobsters are very strong at both RB and WR with Lacy, Stacy, and Dez Bryant and Jordy Nelson. A third receiver will have to emerge from the poo poo platter of Rueben Randle, Mohamed Sanu, and TE Kyle Rudolph but something should work out. Jimmy hedged his bet of keeper Tom Brady by grabbing Matt Ryan in RD3, a curious move. Brady won’t be happy about the competition but if he starts slow this year, Fobsters will have a quality #2 option. Ex-UCLA Bruin Maurice Jones-Drew and rookie Tre Mason will sit the bench on a deep collection of running backs.
Grade: B+. Big fan of the youth movement, now for some wins.
3. LA Buffy (4-9)Even before his suspension, Wes Welker’s season was on a downward slide with his pre-season concussion. That diminishes what could have been a stellar receiving corps of Welker, AJ Green, and Victor Cruz. Roger didn’t make a move to replace Welker until RD4, with old dog Reggie Wayne. Instead, Roger's first three picks were used on Andre Ellington, Matt Stafford, and top-ranked Seahawks defense.
We will say one thing, Roger drafts who he likes and then re-drafts them. Last year’s draft also featured Wayne, Seahawks, Danny Amendola, Stephen Gostkowski, and Jordan Cameron. All those guys return, along with Matt Forte and Forte's injured backfield partner, Arian Foster. Rookie bust Tavon Austin is also around, as is Alex Smith as Stafford’s backup. After reaching two Super Bowls in a row before collapsing last year, Buffy is clearly hoping that it was a one year dip and they’ll return with familiar faces to wipe away the memory of last season’s disappointing campaign.
Grade: C+. We gave Buffy a C last year, and we’ll do that again, with a + for Ellington.
4. Gang Green (6-7)
Greg won 2013’s Toilet Bowl and promptly selected David Wilson. We don’t know if Wilson is the biggest #1 bust in CTDB history but he has to be close. We gave Gang Green an “A-" score for his 2013 draft but it turned out to be a near fail — only Mike Wallace contributed anything. This year’s first round pick is Alfred Morris, who had a bit of a sophomore slump. He could start right away though, as keeper Stevan Ridley has a bit of fumble-itis. The other starting RB spot is secure with Frank Gore, but he's is getting a little long in the tooth. Gore's 49ers teammate, Michael Crabtree will be looking to reclaim his star status after a wasted season last year.
We like the value of Torrey Smith in RD3, and he’ll add a valuable deep threat to keepers Brandon Marshall and Julius Thomas. Maybe Peyton Manning has lost much of his arm strength, but this is fantasy! (Btw, how did a team with the historic Manning season go sub-0.500? We’ll never know.) Andy Dalton will be Manning insurance, while Eric Decker and Mark Ingram will likely play hopscotch on the bench. The upside of Khiry Robinson is still unknown too, although he enters a great offense for his talents.
Grade: A++. For pushing the draft into overdrive and getting us to the finish line, as well as inputting all the rosters. Go Greg! Draft grade: C for nothing exciting.
5. Dirty Birds (7-6)
Some people can’t lay off the curveball, Jon can’t seem to lay off rookie wides. Last year brought the triumph and agony of Tavon Austin, and ths year it’ll be Sammy Watkins up for “next big thing.” With a keeper core featuring the best running back duo in the game, Adrian Peterson and LeSean McCoy, only the receiving game needed an upgrade. Larry Fitzgerald is in slow fantasy decline while Rob Gronkowski is constantly injured. With Watkins possibly a year or two way, Dirty Birds took veterans Pierre Garcon, Julian Edelman, and Marques Colston as plug-ins for Andrew Luck to throw to.
It’s unlikely Chris Johnson and Pierre Thomas will be anything other than bye week fodder, but rookie Terrance West and Jamaal Charles handcuff Knile Davis could both vault in value if they move into starting positions. There were off-season rumors that A.P. was about to be traded, but with no buyers, it looks like the Birds will be going full bore toward a title this year. (Look at this Grantland celebration matrix, so many Falcons at the top!)
Grade: C+. Serviceable, with a ton of veterans stacked into the weak receiving corps.
6. Philadelphia Phreaks (7-6)A solidly respectable franchise now, the Phreaks are looking to make the next move up: yearly contention. Nick Foles was a revelation last year, putting up incredible efficiency numbers. Rookie of the Year Keenan Allen was a fantastic find — the CTDB undrafted Allen outplayed Phreaks 2013 RD1 rookie receiver DeAndre Hopkins by a mile. There’s a pretty good chance that Ping’s first round pick this year might get him back-to-back ROYs as Brandin Cooks is entering a great Saints organization. Allen, DeSean Jackson, and Cooks could be an impressive unit, and maybe throw in sophomore Terrance Williams in there too, who will have every opportunity in Dallas’s high octane high desperation offense. Oh yeah, and let’s not forget Ping’s mandatory Eagles pickup Riley Cooper!
The running game is led by Marshawn Lynch, but Doug Martin had a sad sophomore season and might need to be spelled in the lineup by Rashad Jennings possibly. Bernard Pierce could get a shot at starting if Ray Rice continues to life fail, but we think Ahmad Bradshaw is done. Same thing with Hakeem Nicks, who has been hampered by injuries recently. Should Foles stumble, Russell Wilson is on hand to lend his championship experience as Phreaks pushes hard to garner a Super Bowl appearance.
Grade: B-. Brandin Cooks could be an absolute steal, and could elevate this top heavy draft class.
7. Tiiite End Jammers (8-5)
Finally, a year where Lei didn’t hit the Toilet Bowl! After selecting #2 overall two years straight, Jammers hit jackpot with Le’Veon Bell and that helped push his team to a long awaited post-season appearance. The Jammers are back! With a spectacular one-two punch at receiver with Demaryius Thomas and Antonio Brown, Lei also keepered Percy Harvin, praying for a less injury plagued season.
First round pick Toby Gerhart will play backup to Bell and DeMarco Murray while Lamar Miller looks to find his footing in Miami’s new uptempo offense. If Harvin can’t go, young vets like Jeremy Maclin and Mike Wallace are both #1 receivers for their respective teams. However, the WR we’re most excited about from the draft is sophomore DeAndre Hopkins, who could start to emerge this season and was a nice pickup in RD6. As one of the few quarterback-less teams, Jammers grabbed Robert Griffin III, and then wisely took Jay Cutler to stand in after the inevitable RG3 injury.
Grade: A-. We love this draft for its nice fit of team needs, positional value, and sneaky upside potential.
8. Fat Jubas (9-4)
Long time headaches Chris Johnson and Darren McFadden were booted, to make room for the amazing Alshon Jeffery and promising Emmanuel Sanders. That means our champ from two years ago entered the draft minus any running backs on their keeper roster. (Just like Battle Angels last year actually.) Obviously, the receivers on this team were outstanding, with Jeffery, Jimmy Graham, and Vincent Jackson all going boom together in 2013. Cam Newton is heading into the new season with cracked ribs, but that might just means he runs less, not a terrible thing from a safety standpoint.
So what about those missing running backs? GM Eric had to go heavy on RBs and he did, with Joique Bell, Shane Vereen, Christine Michael, and rookies Devonta Freeman and Jeremy Hill all brought on board. At least one of these guys should prove starter worthy, with Vereen likely the funnest choice as he could turn Jubas into a no-run-all-shoot attack! Eric must have been high on rookie receiver Mike Evans since he took him in RD3 when there was such a glaring need at running back. Colin Kaepernick will have to hash out his mocking of the Superman celebration with Cam before the team chemistry is fixed.
Grade: B. Let’s take every running back we can! Okay!
9. Battle Angel (8-5)A torrid late season saw Battle Angel scorch their way to a Super Bowl last season through deft maneuvering and a lot of Scotch tape. Their gaping hole at running back was semi-filled by Reggie Bush last season and while 2013 keepers Mike Williams and Greg Jennings were huge disappointments, Vu was still almost able to drive his team to an unexpected title game. This year, it’s going to be Brees, Bush, Vernon Davis, and Andre Johnson looking for a repeat. Golden Tate will be given every opportunity to impress as the (unwarranted) fifth keeper.
Ryan Mathews was a big part of last season’s success, and he was brought right back with a first round draft pick. Second rounder T.Y. Hilton still brims with potential but he’s been very erratic so far in his young career. More steady has been Kendall Wright, who catches everything but doesn’t score many touchdowns. Late round selection Rod Streater has talent but is in a very bad Oakland offense. We like Darren Sproles as a pass catching third RB, and rookie Andre Williams could soon find himself in a major role in New York. Overall, Battle Angel doesn’t have the flashy names, but last season’s results speak for themselves.
Grade: C+. Pretty bland, but who knows?
1. Chunky Monkeys (10-3)
I can hear it now, “Monkeys are the best team in CTDB history, blah blah blah.” Well, it’s (maybe) true right? After a fast rebuild, Monkeys are not only back to their winning ways, they’ve kicked the “playoff chocker” label to the curb. While their keeper core isn’t as fearsome as a half decade ago, Evan would much rather have the titles than the “best on paper” appended to his team.
Jamaal Charles was outstanding last year, and Giovanni Bernard showed enough during his rookie season to supplant Trent Richardson on the keeper charts. Not that it was that hard… Monkeys lost Julio Jones and Reggie Cobb to injuries early on last year but plugged in Josh Gordon and Torrey Smith to fantastic results. Both were let go but rest assured, their rings are in the mail. Unlike our dues. Ahem. Calvin “OmegaVoltron" Johnson will have a healthy Jones and Cobb to run routes with, and they’ll add on first round pick Michael Floyd, who is projected for big numbers this year.
We have no idea why anybody still drafts Trent 0.0, especially in RD3, but Evan had to do it I guess. We like Ben Tate much better, and he could be a steal from the second round. It must have hurt Evan to lose both Knile Davis and Jeremy Hill right before he took Robert Turbin, as he ended up with the wrong handcuff for this team. This year’s plug-and-play quarterback duo will be Philip Rivers and Tony Romo, who should serve nicely.
Grade: B. Hard for a high grade at the bottom of the draft, but Floyd and Tate are both wonderful values. Trent is disgusting. Break up with him already Evan!
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