In a homecoming befitting a hero, WR Plaxico Burress returns to the Dirty Birds for a third stint. After being traded, waived, re-signed and ultimately traded again, Mr Burress is now looking for a permanent position on the Dirty Birds' roster. During previous disagreements with the talented but mercurial Plexiglass (aka "Not The Real Thing") GM Yang had offered up the rivalry between a Michigan Wolverines man and a Michigan State Spartan as the reason for dissatisfaction with Mr Burress. Rumor has it however, that Plaxico made a pass at one of the Dirty Bird's stunning (male) cheerleaders, leading to his short time spent with the team two seasons ago.
GM Yang had this to say, "I believe in the redemptive powers of a new QB (eli), a new city (nyc), and ultimately, our desperation. I can hardly believe it myself that this player whom we've traded, hated, and lambasted in public, is now our best hope for a successful 2005 playoff campaign. Remember, Mr Burress was an integral part of our last championship season, and historically, this is our year. We welcome back Plaxico with open arms and hope that he can keep his trap shut and continue this year's resurgence."
Team sources would not reveal whether or not the Dirty Birds were working to acquire the other prominent members of that 2002 Championship team -- including stars such as Michael Vick, Ahman Green, Corey Dillon, Marvin Harrison, Chad Johnson, Koren Robinson, and the recently retired Jerry Rice. The only clue to the Bird's so-called "Armageddon" plan was a secret memo leaked to the public with the heading "If We Can Get Jerry Back, the rest will follow....."
The loss of Carnell "Broke Ass Caddy" Williams (via trade to the Fobsters) was no big blow to the Dirty Birds organization. In fact, the brittle Williams was almost shipped out the door for Hines Ward earlier in the season, however, the Chinese ownership of the Birds were hesitant to bring in a Korean, "even if he's only half." The throw-in of ex-Paris Hilton fling Jeremy Shockey was a welcome addition by subtraction. Look for the Birds to make a push for the title, in this, their fated year. Despite trades that have netted little in the way of real productivity (that pre-draft Randy Moss trade isn't looking so hot now), and sub-par RBs like Jamal Lewis and Rudi Johnson, the Birds still have a stout running game, three great receivers, and the best QB in football, Mr Tom Brady (a Wolverine no less).
We totally unbiased and non-partisan members of the media select the Dirty Birds as our favorites for this year's upcoming championships.
How proud mom will be when the Birds hold aloft the trophy, again. Owner J Yang would like to send all of you a special message: "My ring size is an 8, thanks."
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