Note: Gang Green make the post-season due to tie-breakers.
Late Season Look: Inscrutable Drama Kings
It's nine weeks into the season, with only four more to go. Let's take a look at the potential playoff picture and how our teams are doing so far this season yeah?
Tiiite End Jammers (9-0)
Lei’s team is undefeated, leading CTDB with a per week average of 136.2 points, and they are facing the softest schedule so far — opponents only score 82.1 points against them. Oh yeah, Jammers have eclipsed 160+ points once and 170+ twice. Their closest call was a 99.8 - 95.5 WK2 matchup versus Fat Jubas, but since then it’s been smooth sailing. Are we looking at the future champs? It's been a loooong time since this franchise was relevant, perhaps stretching all the way back to their 2003 championship. We're excited to see what they can do, over a decade later.
They have two top five RBs in DeMarco Murray and LeVeon Bell, plus the top three WRs in Antonio Brown, Demaryius Thomas, and Jeremy Maclin. (Has that ever happened before? Top three position players all on the same team?!) Mike Wallace, Keenan Allen, DeAndre Hopkins, and Percey Harvin can barely get off the bench. And oh yeah, despite the loss of Robert Griffin early on, Russell Wilson has stepped in more than admirably. This could be the most dominant CTDB team in awhile, and Jammers aren’t only the strongest contenders around, they could challenge for an undefeated season with only four weeks left to go.
LA Buffy (7-2)
In most seasons, Roger’s 7-2 record would be enough to have him leading Inscrutable Drama Kings. Still, it’s been a great bounce back season after going 4-9 last year. He’s got the second highest scoring team in the league at 108.0 points, is riding a six game win streak, and Buffy's WK12 matchup with Lei could be all that stands between the rest of CTDB and Jammer’s undefeated season. Roger is on fire recently, having put up 156.9 and 121.5 points the past two weeks. Great time to get hot!
It hasn’t been easy either, as GM Roger has to juggle his lineups quite frequently. Yes, Matt Forte has been a rock, but Arian Foster is on-and-off injured, AJ Green has been plagued by missed games, and of course there was the loss of Victor Cruz. Not to mention the lost season from Wes Welker. The likes of Reggie Wayne, Matt Asiata, Brandon LaFell, and Delanie Walker have really had to step up. The good news is that Andre Ellington is going to get to show his stuff while Foster potentially sits. It looks like Matthew Stafford, and a dash of Joe Flacco, will be leading this team into the playoffs. How far can coach Roger push them?
Dirty Birds (5-4)
If this team were in Spunky Misunderstood Division, they would be sitting atop those standings, as they’ve got more PF than anyone on that side of the ledger. Instead, while Dirty Birds are averaging 100.7 points, third in the league, Jon’s team has been pounded to a 1-4 intra-division record. With only four games left, they have the upper hand on a post-season spot, but that could slip away quickly.
All of this middling success has happened without the suspended Adrian Peterson, and LeSean McCoy hasn’t really performed up to last year’s standard. With a thin running game, Dirty Birds has turned to the air, unleashing Andrew Luck to the league leading tune of 34.8 ppg. Rob Gronkowski has found his dominant form again too, so it’s mostly been a Luck and Gronk show. Pierre Garcon, Julian Edelman, and Larry Fitzgerald have been around to fill out the receiving corps but it’s rising star Sammy Watkins who has Birds’ fans excited — even though he’s only put up 26.1 points for the team so far. If a running game can be found, the Birds could find themselves with another wild card playoff appearance.
Chunky Monkeys (4-5)
It’s been a tough year for last year’s champion. A title defense is never easy, but there’s no way Evan could have anticipated do a decline to below 0.500. The Monkeys are coming off three straight losses and now a post-season perth is in serious jeopardy. I mean, last week’s 27.6 - 133.3 pounding by Tiiite End Jammers was quite the insult. Yes, it was during a particularly harsh bye week, but two zeros, two negative scores, and a 0.7? Ouch!
The good news is that Monkeys are only one game back and have Philip Rivers leading them — stellar this season excepting last week’s -0.8 outing. Rivers has Julio Jones and Randall Cobb as an excellent one-two receiving punch, and somehow Torrey Smith has been steadier than either Calvin Johnson or Michael Floyd. I mean, Megatron has just been, well, injured. The running game is theoretically in good hands with Jamaal Charles and Giovani Bernard, although Bernard’s recent injury is coming at a bad time. This team is still a contender on paper, but the champs gotta get into the playoffs before they can even dream about repeating.
Athena Nike (3-6)
Well, Frank’s second season isn’t exactly going better than his first. Technically Athena Nike have one more win that last season already, and they aren’t the worst team in the league by record, but Nike is averaging a pathetic 72.9 points per game, by far the lowest in the league — the next lowest is 90.9 ppg. It looks like this team is headed straight to the Toilet Bowl, where it’ll face an uphill battle to get a top pick.
The good news is that Aaron Rodgers has returned to top form, re-establishing his franchise quarterback status. Young receiver Allen Robinson has been a nice free agent find too. And um, that’s it for the good news. C.J. Spiller is on injured reserve, Montee Ball hasn’t played since WK5, Ray Rice is suspended (and dropped), Josh Gordon also sitting idle. First rounder Cordarrelle Patterson, the second overall pick in 2015, peaked in the first week of the season. Basically it’s been a mess this year and Frank will have to scrap everything and rebuild. Maybe Markus Wheaton will be a keeper next year, he’s on a two week double digit streak! Okay, that's not exactly exciting...
Tiiite End Jammers (9-0)Lei’s team is undefeated, leading CTDB with a per week average of 136.2 points, and they are facing the softest schedule so far — opponents only score 82.1 points against them. Oh yeah, Jammers have eclipsed 160+ points once and 170+ twice. Their closest call was a 99.8 - 95.5 WK2 matchup versus Fat Jubas, but since then it’s been smooth sailing. Are we looking at the future champs? It's been a loooong time since this franchise was relevant, perhaps stretching all the way back to their 2003 championship. We're excited to see what they can do, over a decade later.
They have two top five RBs in DeMarco Murray and LeVeon Bell, plus the top three WRs in Antonio Brown, Demaryius Thomas, and Jeremy Maclin. (Has that ever happened before? Top three position players all on the same team?!) Mike Wallace, Keenan Allen, DeAndre Hopkins, and Percey Harvin can barely get off the bench. And oh yeah, despite the loss of Robert Griffin early on, Russell Wilson has stepped in more than admirably. This could be the most dominant CTDB team in awhile, and Jammers aren’t only the strongest contenders around, they could challenge for an undefeated season with only four weeks left to go.
LA Buffy (7-2)
In most seasons, Roger’s 7-2 record would be enough to have him leading Inscrutable Drama Kings. Still, it’s been a great bounce back season after going 4-9 last year. He’s got the second highest scoring team in the league at 108.0 points, is riding a six game win streak, and Buffy's WK12 matchup with Lei could be all that stands between the rest of CTDB and Jammer’s undefeated season. Roger is on fire recently, having put up 156.9 and 121.5 points the past two weeks. Great time to get hot!
It hasn’t been easy either, as GM Roger has to juggle his lineups quite frequently. Yes, Matt Forte has been a rock, but Arian Foster is on-and-off injured, AJ Green has been plagued by missed games, and of course there was the loss of Victor Cruz. Not to mention the lost season from Wes Welker. The likes of Reggie Wayne, Matt Asiata, Brandon LaFell, and Delanie Walker have really had to step up. The good news is that Andre Ellington is going to get to show his stuff while Foster potentially sits. It looks like Matthew Stafford, and a dash of Joe Flacco, will be leading this team into the playoffs. How far can coach Roger push them?
Dirty Birds (5-4)If this team were in Spunky Misunderstood Division, they would be sitting atop those standings, as they’ve got more PF than anyone on that side of the ledger. Instead, while Dirty Birds are averaging 100.7 points, third in the league, Jon’s team has been pounded to a 1-4 intra-division record. With only four games left, they have the upper hand on a post-season spot, but that could slip away quickly.
All of this middling success has happened without the suspended Adrian Peterson, and LeSean McCoy hasn’t really performed up to last year’s standard. With a thin running game, Dirty Birds has turned to the air, unleashing Andrew Luck to the league leading tune of 34.8 ppg. Rob Gronkowski has found his dominant form again too, so it’s mostly been a Luck and Gronk show. Pierre Garcon, Julian Edelman, and Larry Fitzgerald have been around to fill out the receiving corps but it’s rising star Sammy Watkins who has Birds’ fans excited — even though he’s only put up 26.1 points for the team so far. If a running game can be found, the Birds could find themselves with another wild card playoff appearance.
Chunky Monkeys (4-5)
It’s been a tough year for last year’s champion. A title defense is never easy, but there’s no way Evan could have anticipated do a decline to below 0.500. The Monkeys are coming off three straight losses and now a post-season perth is in serious jeopardy. I mean, last week’s 27.6 - 133.3 pounding by Tiiite End Jammers was quite the insult. Yes, it was during a particularly harsh bye week, but two zeros, two negative scores, and a 0.7? Ouch!
The good news is that Monkeys are only one game back and have Philip Rivers leading them — stellar this season excepting last week’s -0.8 outing. Rivers has Julio Jones and Randall Cobb as an excellent one-two receiving punch, and somehow Torrey Smith has been steadier than either Calvin Johnson or Michael Floyd. I mean, Megatron has just been, well, injured. The running game is theoretically in good hands with Jamaal Charles and Giovani Bernard, although Bernard’s recent injury is coming at a bad time. This team is still a contender on paper, but the champs gotta get into the playoffs before they can even dream about repeating.
Athena Nike (3-6)Well, Frank’s second season isn’t exactly going better than his first. Technically Athena Nike have one more win that last season already, and they aren’t the worst team in the league by record, but Nike is averaging a pathetic 72.9 points per game, by far the lowest in the league — the next lowest is 90.9 ppg. It looks like this team is headed straight to the Toilet Bowl, where it’ll face an uphill battle to get a top pick.
The good news is that Aaron Rodgers has returned to top form, re-establishing his franchise quarterback status. Young receiver Allen Robinson has been a nice free agent find too. And um, that’s it for the good news. C.J. Spiller is on injured reserve, Montee Ball hasn’t played since WK5, Ray Rice is suspended (and dropped), Josh Gordon also sitting idle. First rounder Cordarrelle Patterson, the second overall pick in 2015, peaked in the first week of the season. Basically it’s been a mess this year and Frank will have to scrap everything and rebuild. Maybe Markus Wheaton will be a keeper next year, he’s on a two week double digit streak! Okay, that's not exactly exciting...
Late Season Look: Spunky Misunderstood Geniuses
Battle Angel (5-4)For a winning team, Vu sure hates playing at home. Battle Angels are 1-3 at home and 1-4 on the road. After a trip to last year’s Super Bowl, Vu was likely hoping for another shot at a championship. Technically, they are in great position as leaders of Spunky Misunderstood Geniuses, but the advanced stats tell us that they could just as easily fall out of the playoff picture. They aren’t notably better than any of the other four teams in the division — according to PF — but could be reigning simply due to facing the softest schedule so far.
Drew Brees has fallen a notch behind the top quarterbacks, but he’s still one of the better QB fantasy options. The real lifesaver this year has been Golden Tate, who has stepped in for Calvin Johnson in Detroit admirably, and has found himself putting up 85% of what Megatron averaged. T.Y. Hilton has also been spectacular, with some huge numbers recently. Both have clearly supplanted Andre Johnson as the most effective receiver Angel. What this team is lacking is a running game. Ryan Mathews is injured, Reggie Bush was cut, Shane Vereen was picked up off the scrap heap, and it’s been Darren Sproles “leading” the way. Sproles has been an occasional special teams delight but he hasn’t put up double digit points since WK2. At least that’s better than Vernon Davis, who has all but disappeared since WK1. Still, maybe Brees and Tate is enough to give Angels another division title?
Gang Green (4-5)
The Greenies was feeling great after two big wins to start the season, until a five game losing streak brought them back to reality. However, a two game winning streak was enough to bring them right back into the playoff hunt. Gang Green is scoring just as much as Battle Angel, 98.4 ppg, but they’ve just had the misfortune of playing the second toughest schedule in the league so far at 106.4 points against. Interesting note: Outside of Battle Angel, every team in Spunky Misunderstood has a higher PA than PF.
Peyton Manning has been a one man army for Greg’s team. He’s the one averaging 33.0 ppg, he’s the one tossing the ball to Julius Thomas, and he’s basically carrying this “gang.” Alfred Morris has been erratic, as has Brandon Marshall, and they’re the #3 and #4 point scorers on this team so far. Mohamed Sanu has been coming on of late, and he could give this team another good target for Peyton to throw to. The recent return of Mark Ingram has been promising too, as Ingram has come out of nowhere to become a fantasy force when healthy. Overall, this team is going where Peyton goes, and if just a few players can step up, Green’s first post-season berth since 2009 could be in the cards. Four years! Has it really been so long Greg?!
Philadelphia Phreaks (4-5)The lowest scoring team in Spunky Misunderstood hasn’t been the worst, as coach Ping has managed to scrap together a decent record despite a lack of firepower. Phreaks haven’t cratered during any week this season, which is good, but they also have only had a few weeks of timid explosiveness. That’s okay though, as slow and steady can take them into the playoffs in this division. A big WK10 matchup with Gang Green could go a long way toward determining if Ping will make the post-season for the third time in a row. Once there, anything can happen!
Of course, losing starting quarterback Nick Foles to a broken collarbone could really hurt the Phreaks. Then again, while Foles was leading this team in scoring, there are literally three free agent QBs out there right now who have averaged more points than him this season. So, losing Foles could actually lead to an upgrade! The running game is in good hands, as Marshawn Lynch and Ahmad Bradshaw are both top seven RBs. Denard Robinson has even been coming on recently for a potential three-back attack. What this team desperately needs is someone to pair with DeSean Jackson on the outside. Jackson has been dynamite as advertised, but Keenan Allen has regressed this season, and Brandin Cooks is proving to be only an every other week option. Also, RIP for Doug Martin, his days of fantasy relevance are officially over. Despite all this, we predict coach Ping will ride his strong stable of running backs and a long ball passing game into the post-season.
Fobsters (3-6)
The Fobs stumbled out of the gates with three straight losses but have managed to go 0.500 since. They are only one game out of a playoff spot and have the chance to face all four of their division foes over the last month of the regular season. They might have to win three of those matchups though, which could be a tall order. The good news is they had a five week run where they consistently scored 94+ ppg, with three century games. The Fobs can do this…
After a difficult start, Tom Brady is back to being terrific. It looks like he’s gearing up to talk down all his critics and he’s got Jordy Nelson and Dez Bryant ready to help him. Heck, even fat Eddie Lacy is rounding into shape finally, and rookie Kelvin Benjamin has taken over Steve Smith Sr.’s early season starting position. That’s five quality players, enough to make a strong push. It would be nice if Zac Stacy wasn’t undergoing a sophomore slump/collapse, but GM Jimmy had the foresight to grab Tre Mason. Of course, this was supposed to be the time when 2015 first overall pick Bishop Sankey should step in. But Sankey hasn’t even hit the field for the Fobsters, which has to make him one of the least productive #1 picks we’ve ever had. Still, angry Brady has enough weapons to push for a post-season appearance, or he’ll be tasked with giving Fobsters back-to-back Toilet Bowl wins.
Wow, two years ago this team was our champions, after coming off repeat Super Bowl appearances, and four straight Division Finals showings. Have Fat Jubas ever suffered through a season this bad? They’re on a five game losing streak, their lone win was a 85.0 - 83.4 WK4 victory over Battle Angels, and they have the worst record in the league. Digging a little deeper though, it just seems like this is a cursed season for Jubas. They haven’t been awful at scoring, but they’ve lost by margins of 3.4, 4.3, and 1.1. That’s just bad luck. Still, Jubas should prepare for their first Toilet Bowl apperance, as they haven’t missed the playoffs since 2009, a year before the Toilet Bowl was instituted. Exciting!
Most one win teams can point the finger at injuries or underperforming stars. That hasn’t really been the case as Jimmy Graham, Vincent Jackson, and Alshon Jeffery have mostly maintained their status. All three haven’t been as good as last season, but no abrupt drop offs happened. Eric didn’t have any keeper running backs and early rounders Joique Bell and Shane Vereen haven’t exactly worked out. The latter was cut early and now it’s down to seventh rounder Jeremy Hill to fit the one back offense. Cam Newton and Colin Kaepernick have mostly split QB duties, with neither getting the starting edge, despite Kaep outscoring Newton two-to-one so far. The undisputed gold lining in this lost season has been Emmanuel Sanders, who not only leads Fat Jubas in scoring — only two other teams have a non-QB lead scorer, the other is Fobsters — but justified his keeper status and then some.
Draft Review 2014
Welcome to the slightly delayed draft review! Somehow there were no bad grades given out because apparently we've all learned to draft with foresight and aplomb. [2013 Draft Review]
1. Athena Nike (2-11)
Despite losing the Toilet Bowl, Athena Nike still assured themselves a prime draft position. And they needed it because their incredible roster heading into 2013 suddenly sprung a lot of leaks during the season. The good news is that Aaron Rodgers and Roddy White are both back healthy, and Montee Ball heads into his sophomore season with a plum starting gig. Ray Rice and C.J. Spiller are both looking for bounce back seasons though.
First round pick Cordarelle Patterson will be pressed into service quickly, and he better give huge returns immediately because he was taken ahead of a lot of good talent. With his status up in the air, Josh Gordon in RD3 was an intriguing gamble, and now he’s out for the season (most likely). That means young WRs Justin Hunter and Markus Wheaton will have to also step up ASAP. Frank might have acquired the most talented running back in Carlos Hyde, but he’s likely a year away. Old retread Steven Jackson could have a few serviceable games here and there but there’s no way he stays healthy all season long. Overall, Frank is positioning for the future, and he took plenty of young talent to rebuild with.
Grade: B+. All upside picks, and no demerit for the big swing-and-miss on Gordon.
2. Fobsters (4-9)
Jimmy had the worst record two seasons ago but only got the #3 overall pick after not making the Toilet Bowl finals. He made up for that disappointment by winning the losers bracket last season and thus had his choice of player for 2014. After getting huge results with rookie RBs last year (Eddie Lacy and Zac Stacy), Jimmy selected rookie Bishop Sankey with the top pick and went after another hyped rookie, receiver Kelvin Benjamin in round two
The two youngsters can take their time growing into their roles because Fobsters are very strong at both RB and WR with Lacy, Stacy, and Dez Bryant and Jordy Nelson. A third receiver will have to emerge from the poo poo platter of Rueben Randle, Mohamed Sanu, and TE Kyle Rudolph but something should work out. Jimmy hedged his bet of keeper Tom Brady by grabbing Matt Ryan in RD3, a curious move. Brady won’t be happy about the competition but if he starts slow this year, Fobsters will have a quality #2 option. Ex-UCLA Bruin Maurice Jones-Drew and rookie Tre Mason will sit the bench on a deep collection of running backs.
Grade: B+. Big fan of the youth movement, now for some wins.
3. LA Buffy (4-9)
Even before his suspension, Wes Welker’s season was on a downward slide with his pre-season concussion. That diminishes what could have been a stellar receiving corps of Welker, AJ Green, and Victor Cruz. Roger didn’t make a move to replace Welker until RD4, with old dog Reggie Wayne. Instead, Roger's first three picks were used on Andre Ellington, Matt Stafford, and top-ranked Seahawks defense.
We will say one thing, Roger drafts who he likes and then re-drafts them. Last year’s draft also featured Wayne, Seahawks, Danny Amendola, Stephen Gostkowski, and Jordan Cameron. All those guys return, along with Matt Forte and Forte's injured backfield partner, Arian Foster. Rookie bust Tavon Austin is also around, as is Alex Smith as Stafford’s backup. After reaching two Super Bowls in a row before collapsing last year, Buffy is clearly hoping that it was a one year dip and they’ll return with familiar faces to wipe away the memory of last season’s disappointing campaign.
Grade: C+. We gave Buffy a C last year, and we’ll do that again, with a + for Ellington.
4. Gang Green (6-7)
Greg won 2013’s Toilet Bowl and promptly selected David Wilson. We don’t know if Wilson is the biggest #1 bust in CTDB history but he has to be close. We gave Gang Green an “A-" score for his 2013 draft but it turned out to be a near fail — only Mike Wallace contributed anything. This year’s first round pick is Alfred Morris, who had a bit of a sophomore slump. He could start right away though, as keeper Stevan Ridley has a bit of fumble-itis. The other starting RB spot is secure with Frank Gore, but he's is getting a little long in the tooth. Gore's 49ers teammate, Michael Crabtree will be looking to reclaim his star status after a wasted season last year.
We like the value of Torrey Smith in RD3, and he’ll add a valuable deep threat to keepers Brandon Marshall and Julius Thomas. Maybe Peyton Manning has lost much of his arm strength, but this is fantasy! (Btw, how did a team with the historic Manning season go sub-0.500? We’ll never know.) Andy Dalton will be Manning insurance, while Eric Decker and Mark Ingram will likely play hopscotch on the bench. The upside of Khiry Robinson is still unknown too, although he enters a great offense for his talents.
Grade: A++. For pushing the draft into overdrive and getting us to the finish line, as well as inputting all the rosters. Go Greg! Draft grade: C for nothing exciting.
5. Dirty Birds (7-6)
Some people can’t lay off the curveball, Jon can’t seem to lay off rookie wides. Last year brought the triumph and agony of Tavon Austin, and ths year it’ll be Sammy Watkins up for “next big thing.” With a keeper core featuring the best running back duo in the game, Adrian Peterson and LeSean McCoy, only the receiving game needed an upgrade. Larry Fitzgerald is in slow fantasy decline while Rob Gronkowski is constantly injured. With Watkins possibly a year or two way, Dirty Birds took veterans Pierre Garcon, Julian Edelman, and Marques Colston as plug-ins for Andrew Luck to throw to.
It’s unlikely Chris Johnson and Pierre Thomas will be anything other than bye week fodder, but rookie Terrance West and Jamaal Charles handcuff Knile Davis could both vault in value if they move into starting positions. There were off-season rumors that A.P. was about to be traded, but with no buyers, it looks like the Birds will be going full bore toward a title this year. (Look at this Grantland celebration matrix, so many Falcons at the top!)
Grade: C+. Serviceable, with a ton of veterans stacked into the weak receiving corps.
6. Philadelphia Phreaks (7-6)
A solidly respectable franchise now, the Phreaks are looking to make the next move up: yearly contention. Nick Foles was a revelation last year, putting up incredible efficiency numbers. Rookie of the Year Keenan Allen was a fantastic find — the CTDB undrafted Allen outplayed Phreaks 2013 RD1 rookie receiver DeAndre Hopkins by a mile. There’s a pretty good chance that Ping’s first round pick this year might get him back-to-back ROYs as Brandin Cooks is entering a great Saints organization. Allen, DeSean Jackson, and Cooks could be an impressive unit, and maybe throw in sophomore Terrance Williams in there too, who will have every opportunity in Dallas’s high octane high desperation offense. Oh yeah, and let’s not forget Ping’s mandatory Eagles pickup Riley Cooper!
The running game is led by Marshawn Lynch, but Doug Martin had a sad sophomore season and might need to be spelled in the lineup by Rashad Jennings possibly. Bernard Pierce could get a shot at starting if Ray Rice continues to life fail, but we think Ahmad Bradshaw is done. Same thing with Hakeem Nicks, who has been hampered by injuries recently. Should Foles stumble, Russell Wilson is on hand to lend his championship experience as Phreaks pushes hard to garner a Super Bowl appearance.
Grade: B-. Brandin Cooks could be an absolute steal, and could elevate this top heavy draft class.
7. Tiiite End Jammers (8-5)
Finally, a year where Lei didn’t hit the Toilet Bowl! After selecting #2 overall two years straight, Jammers hit jackpot with Le’Veon Bell and that helped push his team to a long awaited post-season appearance. The Jammers are back! With a spectacular one-two punch at receiver with Demaryius Thomas and Antonio Brown, Lei also keepered Percy Harvin, praying for a less injury plagued season.
First round pick Toby Gerhart will play backup to Bell and DeMarco Murray while Lamar Miller looks to find his footing in Miami’s new uptempo offense. If Harvin can’t go, young vets like Jeremy Maclin and Mike Wallace are both #1 receivers for their respective teams. However, the WR we’re most excited about from the draft is sophomore DeAndre Hopkins, who could start to emerge this season and was a nice pickup in RD6. As one of the few quarterback-less teams, Jammers grabbed Robert Griffin III, and then wisely took Jay Cutler to stand in after the inevitable RG3 injury.
Grade: A-. We love this draft for its nice fit of team needs, positional value, and sneaky upside potential.
8. Fat Jubas (9-4)
Long time headaches Chris Johnson and Darren McFadden were booted, to make room for the amazing Alshon Jeffery and promising Emmanuel Sanders. That means our champ from two years ago entered the draft minus any running backs on their keeper roster. (Just like Battle Angels last year actually.) Obviously, the receivers on this team were outstanding, with Jeffery, Jimmy Graham, and Vincent Jackson all going boom together in 2013. Cam Newton is heading into the new season with cracked ribs, but that might just means he runs less, not a terrible thing from a safety standpoint.
So what about those missing running backs? GM Eric had to go heavy on RBs and he did, with Joique Bell, Shane Vereen, Christine Michael, and rookies Devonta Freeman and Jeremy Hill all brought on board. At least one of these guys should prove starter worthy, with Vereen likely the funnest choice as he could turn Jubas into a no-run-all-shoot attack! Eric must have been high on rookie receiver Mike Evans since he took him in RD3 when there was such a glaring need at running back. Colin Kaepernick will have to hash out his mocking of the Superman celebration with Cam before the team chemistry is fixed.
Grade: B. Let’s take every running back we can! Okay!
9. Battle Angel (8-5)
A torrid late season saw Battle Angel scorch their way to a Super Bowl last season through deft maneuvering and a lot of Scotch tape. Their gaping hole at running back was semi-filled by Reggie Bush last season and while 2013 keepers Mike Williams and Greg Jennings were huge disappointments, Vu was still almost able to drive his team to an unexpected title game. This year, it’s going to be Brees, Bush, Vernon Davis, and Andre Johnson looking for a repeat. Golden Tate will be given every opportunity to impress as the (unwarranted) fifth keeper.
Ryan Mathews was a big part of last season’s success, and he was brought right back with a first round draft pick. Second rounder T.Y. Hilton still brims with potential but he’s been very erratic so far in his young career. More steady has been Kendall Wright, who catches everything but doesn’t score many touchdowns. Late round selection Rod Streater has talent but is in a very bad Oakland offense. We like Darren Sproles as a pass catching third RB, and rookie Andre Williams could soon find himself in a major role in New York. Overall, Battle Angel doesn’t have the flashy names, but last season’s results speak for themselves.
Grade: C+. Pretty bland, but who knows?
1. Chunky Monkeys (10-3)
I can hear it now, “Monkeys are the best team in CTDB history, blah blah blah.” Well, it’s (maybe) true right? After a fast rebuild, Monkeys are not only back to their winning ways, they’ve kicked the “playoff chocker” label to the curb. While their keeper core isn’t as fearsome as a half decade ago, Evan would much rather have the titles than the “best on paper” appended to his team.
Jamaal Charles was outstanding last year, and Giovanni Bernard showed enough during his rookie season to supplant Trent Richardson on the keeper charts. Not that it was that hard… Monkeys lost Julio Jones and Reggie Cobb to injuries early on last year but plugged in Josh Gordon and Torrey Smith to fantastic results. Both were let go but rest assured, their rings are in the mail. Unlike our dues. Ahem. Calvin “OmegaVoltron" Johnson will have a healthy Jones and Cobb to run routes with, and they’ll add on first round pick Michael Floyd, who is projected for big numbers this year.
We have no idea why anybody still drafts Trent 0.0, especially in RD3, but Evan had to do it I guess. We like Ben Tate much better, and he could be a steal from the second round. It must have hurt Evan to lose both Knile Davis and Jeremy Hill right before he took Robert Turbin, as he ended up with the wrong handcuff for this team. This year’s plug-and-play quarterback duo will be Philip Rivers and Tony Romo, who should serve nicely.
Grade: B. Hard for a high grade at the bottom of the draft, but Floyd and Tate are both wonderful values. Trent is disgusting. Break up with him already Evan!
1. Athena Nike (2-11)Despite losing the Toilet Bowl, Athena Nike still assured themselves a prime draft position. And they needed it because their incredible roster heading into 2013 suddenly sprung a lot of leaks during the season. The good news is that Aaron Rodgers and Roddy White are both back healthy, and Montee Ball heads into his sophomore season with a plum starting gig. Ray Rice and C.J. Spiller are both looking for bounce back seasons though.
First round pick Cordarelle Patterson will be pressed into service quickly, and he better give huge returns immediately because he was taken ahead of a lot of good talent. With his status up in the air, Josh Gordon in RD3 was an intriguing gamble, and now he’s out for the season (most likely). That means young WRs Justin Hunter and Markus Wheaton will have to also step up ASAP. Frank might have acquired the most talented running back in Carlos Hyde, but he’s likely a year away. Old retread Steven Jackson could have a few serviceable games here and there but there’s no way he stays healthy all season long. Overall, Frank is positioning for the future, and he took plenty of young talent to rebuild with.
Grade: B+. All upside picks, and no demerit for the big swing-and-miss on Gordon.
2. Fobsters (4-9)
Jimmy had the worst record two seasons ago but only got the #3 overall pick after not making the Toilet Bowl finals. He made up for that disappointment by winning the losers bracket last season and thus had his choice of player for 2014. After getting huge results with rookie RBs last year (Eddie Lacy and Zac Stacy), Jimmy selected rookie Bishop Sankey with the top pick and went after another hyped rookie, receiver Kelvin Benjamin in round two
The two youngsters can take their time growing into their roles because Fobsters are very strong at both RB and WR with Lacy, Stacy, and Dez Bryant and Jordy Nelson. A third receiver will have to emerge from the poo poo platter of Rueben Randle, Mohamed Sanu, and TE Kyle Rudolph but something should work out. Jimmy hedged his bet of keeper Tom Brady by grabbing Matt Ryan in RD3, a curious move. Brady won’t be happy about the competition but if he starts slow this year, Fobsters will have a quality #2 option. Ex-UCLA Bruin Maurice Jones-Drew and rookie Tre Mason will sit the bench on a deep collection of running backs.
Grade: B+. Big fan of the youth movement, now for some wins.
3. LA Buffy (4-9)Even before his suspension, Wes Welker’s season was on a downward slide with his pre-season concussion. That diminishes what could have been a stellar receiving corps of Welker, AJ Green, and Victor Cruz. Roger didn’t make a move to replace Welker until RD4, with old dog Reggie Wayne. Instead, Roger's first three picks were used on Andre Ellington, Matt Stafford, and top-ranked Seahawks defense.
We will say one thing, Roger drafts who he likes and then re-drafts them. Last year’s draft also featured Wayne, Seahawks, Danny Amendola, Stephen Gostkowski, and Jordan Cameron. All those guys return, along with Matt Forte and Forte's injured backfield partner, Arian Foster. Rookie bust Tavon Austin is also around, as is Alex Smith as Stafford’s backup. After reaching two Super Bowls in a row before collapsing last year, Buffy is clearly hoping that it was a one year dip and they’ll return with familiar faces to wipe away the memory of last season’s disappointing campaign.
Grade: C+. We gave Buffy a C last year, and we’ll do that again, with a + for Ellington.
4. Gang Green (6-7)
Greg won 2013’s Toilet Bowl and promptly selected David Wilson. We don’t know if Wilson is the biggest #1 bust in CTDB history but he has to be close. We gave Gang Green an “A-" score for his 2013 draft but it turned out to be a near fail — only Mike Wallace contributed anything. This year’s first round pick is Alfred Morris, who had a bit of a sophomore slump. He could start right away though, as keeper Stevan Ridley has a bit of fumble-itis. The other starting RB spot is secure with Frank Gore, but he's is getting a little long in the tooth. Gore's 49ers teammate, Michael Crabtree will be looking to reclaim his star status after a wasted season last year.
We like the value of Torrey Smith in RD3, and he’ll add a valuable deep threat to keepers Brandon Marshall and Julius Thomas. Maybe Peyton Manning has lost much of his arm strength, but this is fantasy! (Btw, how did a team with the historic Manning season go sub-0.500? We’ll never know.) Andy Dalton will be Manning insurance, while Eric Decker and Mark Ingram will likely play hopscotch on the bench. The upside of Khiry Robinson is still unknown too, although he enters a great offense for his talents.
Grade: A++. For pushing the draft into overdrive and getting us to the finish line, as well as inputting all the rosters. Go Greg! Draft grade: C for nothing exciting.
5. Dirty Birds (7-6)
Some people can’t lay off the curveball, Jon can’t seem to lay off rookie wides. Last year brought the triumph and agony of Tavon Austin, and ths year it’ll be Sammy Watkins up for “next big thing.” With a keeper core featuring the best running back duo in the game, Adrian Peterson and LeSean McCoy, only the receiving game needed an upgrade. Larry Fitzgerald is in slow fantasy decline while Rob Gronkowski is constantly injured. With Watkins possibly a year or two way, Dirty Birds took veterans Pierre Garcon, Julian Edelman, and Marques Colston as plug-ins for Andrew Luck to throw to.
It’s unlikely Chris Johnson and Pierre Thomas will be anything other than bye week fodder, but rookie Terrance West and Jamaal Charles handcuff Knile Davis could both vault in value if they move into starting positions. There were off-season rumors that A.P. was about to be traded, but with no buyers, it looks like the Birds will be going full bore toward a title this year. (Look at this Grantland celebration matrix, so many Falcons at the top!)
Grade: C+. Serviceable, with a ton of veterans stacked into the weak receiving corps.
6. Philadelphia Phreaks (7-6)A solidly respectable franchise now, the Phreaks are looking to make the next move up: yearly contention. Nick Foles was a revelation last year, putting up incredible efficiency numbers. Rookie of the Year Keenan Allen was a fantastic find — the CTDB undrafted Allen outplayed Phreaks 2013 RD1 rookie receiver DeAndre Hopkins by a mile. There’s a pretty good chance that Ping’s first round pick this year might get him back-to-back ROYs as Brandin Cooks is entering a great Saints organization. Allen, DeSean Jackson, and Cooks could be an impressive unit, and maybe throw in sophomore Terrance Williams in there too, who will have every opportunity in Dallas’s high octane high desperation offense. Oh yeah, and let’s not forget Ping’s mandatory Eagles pickup Riley Cooper!
The running game is led by Marshawn Lynch, but Doug Martin had a sad sophomore season and might need to be spelled in the lineup by Rashad Jennings possibly. Bernard Pierce could get a shot at starting if Ray Rice continues to life fail, but we think Ahmad Bradshaw is done. Same thing with Hakeem Nicks, who has been hampered by injuries recently. Should Foles stumble, Russell Wilson is on hand to lend his championship experience as Phreaks pushes hard to garner a Super Bowl appearance.
Grade: B-. Brandin Cooks could be an absolute steal, and could elevate this top heavy draft class.
7. Tiiite End Jammers (8-5)
Finally, a year where Lei didn’t hit the Toilet Bowl! After selecting #2 overall two years straight, Jammers hit jackpot with Le’Veon Bell and that helped push his team to a long awaited post-season appearance. The Jammers are back! With a spectacular one-two punch at receiver with Demaryius Thomas and Antonio Brown, Lei also keepered Percy Harvin, praying for a less injury plagued season.
First round pick Toby Gerhart will play backup to Bell and DeMarco Murray while Lamar Miller looks to find his footing in Miami’s new uptempo offense. If Harvin can’t go, young vets like Jeremy Maclin and Mike Wallace are both #1 receivers for their respective teams. However, the WR we’re most excited about from the draft is sophomore DeAndre Hopkins, who could start to emerge this season and was a nice pickup in RD6. As one of the few quarterback-less teams, Jammers grabbed Robert Griffin III, and then wisely took Jay Cutler to stand in after the inevitable RG3 injury.
Grade: A-. We love this draft for its nice fit of team needs, positional value, and sneaky upside potential.
8. Fat Jubas (9-4)
Long time headaches Chris Johnson and Darren McFadden were booted, to make room for the amazing Alshon Jeffery and promising Emmanuel Sanders. That means our champ from two years ago entered the draft minus any running backs on their keeper roster. (Just like Battle Angels last year actually.) Obviously, the receivers on this team were outstanding, with Jeffery, Jimmy Graham, and Vincent Jackson all going boom together in 2013. Cam Newton is heading into the new season with cracked ribs, but that might just means he runs less, not a terrible thing from a safety standpoint.
So what about those missing running backs? GM Eric had to go heavy on RBs and he did, with Joique Bell, Shane Vereen, Christine Michael, and rookies Devonta Freeman and Jeremy Hill all brought on board. At least one of these guys should prove starter worthy, with Vereen likely the funnest choice as he could turn Jubas into a no-run-all-shoot attack! Eric must have been high on rookie receiver Mike Evans since he took him in RD3 when there was such a glaring need at running back. Colin Kaepernick will have to hash out his mocking of the Superman celebration with Cam before the team chemistry is fixed.
Grade: B. Let’s take every running back we can! Okay!
9. Battle Angel (8-5)A torrid late season saw Battle Angel scorch their way to a Super Bowl last season through deft maneuvering and a lot of Scotch tape. Their gaping hole at running back was semi-filled by Reggie Bush last season and while 2013 keepers Mike Williams and Greg Jennings were huge disappointments, Vu was still almost able to drive his team to an unexpected title game. This year, it’s going to be Brees, Bush, Vernon Davis, and Andre Johnson looking for a repeat. Golden Tate will be given every opportunity to impress as the (unwarranted) fifth keeper.
Ryan Mathews was a big part of last season’s success, and he was brought right back with a first round draft pick. Second rounder T.Y. Hilton still brims with potential but he’s been very erratic so far in his young career. More steady has been Kendall Wright, who catches everything but doesn’t score many touchdowns. Late round selection Rod Streater has talent but is in a very bad Oakland offense. We like Darren Sproles as a pass catching third RB, and rookie Andre Williams could soon find himself in a major role in New York. Overall, Battle Angel doesn’t have the flashy names, but last season’s results speak for themselves.
Grade: C+. Pretty bland, but who knows?
1. Chunky Monkeys (10-3)
I can hear it now, “Monkeys are the best team in CTDB history, blah blah blah.” Well, it’s (maybe) true right? After a fast rebuild, Monkeys are not only back to their winning ways, they’ve kicked the “playoff chocker” label to the curb. While their keeper core isn’t as fearsome as a half decade ago, Evan would much rather have the titles than the “best on paper” appended to his team.
Jamaal Charles was outstanding last year, and Giovanni Bernard showed enough during his rookie season to supplant Trent Richardson on the keeper charts. Not that it was that hard… Monkeys lost Julio Jones and Reggie Cobb to injuries early on last year but plugged in Josh Gordon and Torrey Smith to fantastic results. Both were let go but rest assured, their rings are in the mail. Unlike our dues. Ahem. Calvin “OmegaVoltron" Johnson will have a healthy Jones and Cobb to run routes with, and they’ll add on first round pick Michael Floyd, who is projected for big numbers this year.
We have no idea why anybody still drafts Trent 0.0, especially in RD3, but Evan had to do it I guess. We like Ben Tate much better, and he could be a steal from the second round. It must have hurt Evan to lose both Knile Davis and Jeremy Hill right before he took Robert Turbin, as he ended up with the wrong handcuff for this team. This year’s plug-and-play quarterback duo will be Philip Rivers and Tony Romo, who should serve nicely.
Grade: B. Hard for a high grade at the bottom of the draft, but Floyd and Tate are both wonderful values. Trent is disgusting. Break up with him already Evan!
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