Toilet Bowl II Preview

#1 Chunky Monkeys (7-6) vs #3 Tiiite End Jammers (5-8)
Lei has been pissed off about not having more success the last, well, half decade or so. His Tiiite End Jammers haven't been in a championship game since before Justin Bieber was born. And now they're in the final game of a Toilet Bowl! The Jammers were so fired up that they pounded out an astonishing 156.95 points last weekend to fend off Gang Green's high scoring effort. Behind forty plus points each from Tony Romo and Maurice Jones-Drew, Lei has assured himself of at least a high draft pick next season. Season ticket sales are already up 5%!

The Chunky Monkeys were much less effusive in their victory last weekend, grimly dispatching Ping's Phreaks by a perfunctory score of 105.95 - 98.6. The score was closer than the game was, as MNF gave Marshawn Lynch a shot at the upset, but he couldn't quite deliver. So now the Monkeys are in a championship, of sorts. Their front office released no season ticket holder news but we saw a lot of angry fans protesting outside, demanding their seat licenses back. It must irk owner Evan to no end that his Monkeys are 5-1 over the past few weeks, yet he's only playing for a consolidation prize.

The Jammers have a little streak of their own, three wins in a row, and they are coming off their best back-to-back scores all season. While Romo and Jones-Drew can hardly be expected to duplicate their efforts, there's the potential here for a nice win if Percy Harvin and Marques Colston (combined 47.9 points WK14) can keep up their great pass catching ways.

On the other side, the Monkeys need to just keep doing what they've been doing all season long, bringing a flurry of boom and bust players off the bench and into the lineup. There could be some tough decisions to be made this weekend, as Philip Rivers and Julio Jones are making the case that maybe they should be starting. We know Ryan Mathews, DeMarco Murray, and Antonio Brown are locks, but the mighty Megatron has been very mortal over the past month. We see a pretty even split for the two teams, but we think it would be nice if the Jammers could win something of value this season.

Playoffs Week 1

Battle Angel (6-7) vs Fobsters (6-7)
These two teams split their regular season matchup and only Battle Angel's superior PF gave them the home field advantage. Both teams lost coming into the playoffs -- and scored less than 90 points each -- so neither really has a momentum advantage. During the last four weeks, the Fobsters have only scored over the century mark one time. Battle Angle has done it twice, and was definitely more consistent the other weeks in-between. Still, this will be a close battle.

Vu's team will be led by Drew Brees and his throwing arm. The bad news is that the receiving corps is a little thin right now. Greg Jennings has been good all season, but Andre Johnson got hurt again and Vernon Davis and Malcolm Floyd are barely capable starters. Also, getting a break out season from RB Fred Jackson was great, but now Jackson is done for the year and an ailing Cedric Benson or recent free agent pickup Mike Tolbert will have to step in. That's not good.

As for the Fobsters, they are similarly constructed with a great QB and a wide open passing game. Tom Brady will lead Steve Smith, Jason Witten, Jordy Nelson, and Dez Bryant into their matchup. That should be enough to give them the edge. The problem is, their prize off-season acquisition, Michael Turner, has been slowed by injury recently and probably won't give them much of a ground game either. Look for this game to come down to which quarterback can submit the bigger game and which receiver will explode to help his team to a win!

Ante Up (8-5) vs Dirty Birds (8-5)
Both times they met this season, Ante Up wiped the floor with Dirty Birds, scoring over 120+ each game and beating the flailing birds by an average of 63.225 points. Ouch. However, those games were all played early in the season, before the Tebow Experience. Since switching to Tebow in WK11, the Birds haven't lost, eaking out wins against opponents that scored 68.1, 72, and 87.85 points. Most of those wins came without Adrian Peterson playing either.

After starting off 1-5, the DBs ended the season on a 6-1 streak, which can be attributed to their run-and-shoot attack that featured Larry Fitzgerald, Roddy White, Dwayne Bowe, and most importantly, Rob Gronkowski. The amazing tight end was the sixth best RB/WR/TE in fantasy this year, and has gone over twenty points in four of his last five games.

All of this is impressive but the magic train could stop here as Jon faces off against Jae, owner of the highest scoring team this year -- by a wide margin. Ante Up hasn't scored less than 100 points since WK7, and in fact, only had two games less than that mark this season. They have routinely shot past the 140+ point mark MVP candidate Aaron Rodgers and an astounding ground game led by LeSean McCoy and Ray Rice. Rodgers is the best QB in the land and McCoy and Rice are the top two backs.

The reason Ante Up didn't win a few more games probably had to do with their underpowered receiving crew, which is headlined by Santonio Holmes and a fading Reggie Wayne. It took a late season surge by Laurent Robinson to give Ante Up some consistent play from the position. Odds are good that Ante Up will mow down the Dirty Birds for a win (especially if Peterson remains on the sidelines), but you never know when Tebow magic is in the house!

Toilet Bowl Seedings

#1 Chunky Monkeys (7-6)
The defending champions were flying high from WK8-12, winning four games out of five, vaulting over the century mark each time, and setting themselves up for a playoff spot. Then disaster struck in WK13 as they got creamed by Fat Jubas, losing by 53 points. And so the streak ends; ten straight years in the playoffs is over. Most seasons, a winning record would have preserved Evan's precious record, but they were ultimately undone by the lose of Jamaal Charles early, the inconsistency of Philip Rivers all around, and emphatic answer to "Is Ryan Mathews the next LDT?"

The good news is, Evan's trade for Calvin Johnson was a fantastic move, he used Matthew Stafford to step in for Rivers, and he unearthed DeMarco Murray, Julio Jones, and Antonio Brown. If they can secure a top pick here, the Monkeys will easily be right back in contention. So enjoy their downfall CTDB, it may not last for long! "Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead!"

#2 Gang Green (5-8)
Another two time champ disgraced. The Greenies lost their last four games to go from penthouse to cellar in record time. They even faced the softest schedule in the division. The wheels came off for Greg this year, as his normally golden touch on the waiver wire was nowhere to be found. In fact, there wasn't one guy he picked up that contributed much of anything. And with the three headed "monster" of Peyton Hillis, Shonn Greene, and Ahmad Bradshaw not giving him much of anything, Greg's season went down the tubes. Eli Manning was also forced into action after Matt Schaub left the building.

The upside is that there are some serviceable receivers here, with Hakeem Nicks, Stevie Johnson, and Brandon Lloyd getting steady double digit points. However, without much of a run game, and no magic elixir from the free agent pool, Greg slid to another losing season, just like last year.

#3 Tiiite End Jammers (5-8)
Lei's team hasn't won in the playoffs since their championship in 2003, and they haven't made the post-season since 2008. This year, they were eliminated from contention early, even as the rest of the league fell into extreme parity. Their five total wins is a bit of a mirage, as they won two games at the end to even up the pace a little. And the Jammers can't blame scheduling either, as they faced the easiest schedule in the league.

What's weird is that there are some good pieces here. The trade for Maurice Jones-Drew turned out wonderfully, and Percy Harvin could be a star. Sure Rashard Mendenhall has had a tough season, but at least Tony Romo has been slinging it. Looking over the roster, there does seem to be a big drop off in talent after the top two or three players. Marques Colston is a borderline starter, Sidney Rice has nothing going on, and while WR Eric Decker and RB Willis McGahee have helped the real life Broncos, they've done next to nothing for the Jammers. As our first two time participant in the Toilet Bowl, the Lei will look to do better than their one point loss in last year's first round. Analysts suggest perhaps a name change, to wash the stink off the franchise's recent exploits.

#4 Philadelphia Phreaks (4-9)
Speaking of name changes, Ping's team could use a re-branding too. After finally making the playoffs last season, after who knows how long, the Phreaks regressed right back to their losing ways. They dropped their last five games, didn't break the century mark after WK5, and often struggled to put up even 80+ points as the lowest scoring team in the league.

As usual, GM Ping went all in with the Eagles and this time it was to disastrous results. Michael Vick was still fantasy good -- until he went down in WK10 -- but Jeremy Maclin and DeSean Jackson both suffered through injuries, suspensions, and just terrible play. Jahvid Best also caught the injury bug and last year's sensation, RB LeGarrette Blount had only four games over double digits. The good news is Marshawn Lynch has put up amazing numbers the past five weeks (20.8, 25.2, 15.9, 19.6, 26.8); the bad news is he's only gotten off the Phreaks bench for the last two. A few victories in the Toilet Bowl would be nice here, as this franchise hasn't gotten a post-regular season win since 2006.

Celebrating the Division Winners

This year, our division winners didn't really emerge until the last weekend. In fact, this entire season was full of ups and downs as eight out of ten teams were in contention heading into the last two weeks. I mean, take a look at the standings prior to our last week of the regular season. At the of the day, it was Buffy who conquered Inscrutable Drama Kings and Fat Jubas who stands alone as the leader of the Spunky Misunderstood Geniuses.

Buffy (9-4)
Starting off 0-3, Roger's team was headed toward a horrible season. Aside from Wes Welker, there was nobody else ready to play after the lockout. Then, Buffy turned it all around and won seven straight, surpassing the century mark each time, and only lost one more game the rest of the way. Yes, a gaudy 9-1 mark to close the regular season out and secure a division championship!

Wes Welker was the unquestioned MVP of this team. He was the best receiver in the game this year, and he slowed down but never faltered. Also, free agent Victor Cruz was somehow the fourth best WR this season, and Roger got a few good games out of that pickup. Then there's A.J. Green, who would be fantasy rookie of the year if not for Cam Newton. Green is going to end up at number ten on the overall WR list. Plus there's Pierre Garcon, intriguing deep threat Torrey Smith, and the still injury ridden Antonio Gates around (still a top TE when healthy). A greying receiving crew with Hines Ward and Ochocinco have been completely replaced by promising talent all around.

Despite starting the year off slow with an injury, RB Arian Foster steamed up the charts after WK3, coinciding with Buffy's winning streak. Foster will end up being the third best RB this season, one slot ahead of Matt Forte, who exploded early but tailed off a little by mid-season. Forte could be gone for most of the playoffs, which could hurt Buffy's running game. Old stalwart Steven Jackson will likely be relegated to the scrap heap after this season, but perhaps he has one shining post-season run left in him.

As for that tricky QB spot, Buffy made do with Matt Ryan most of the year, occasionally turning to Matt Cassell and Jay Cutler when needed. Ryan has actually been a top eight option this year, which bodes well for Roger's title hopes. Andy Dalton is on-board to provide some injury relief. Also, Buffy split time between the Ravens and Steelers Defense, with both ranked in the top five all year long. With two championships under their belt (2001 and 2004), Buffy is in prime position to be the first to get their third trophy.

Fat Jubas (7-6)
Facing the toughest schedule in their division, Eric's team needed to also score the most points to secure a hard fought division title. That's two in a row for the Jubas. Last year's division title was a nice rebound from a poor year in 2009, but after being upset by the Fobsters in the divisional finals, this team wanted another chance to chase the championship.

Eric's team didn't really have a dominant run this season, as they started 2-2, never won more than two games in a row, and more or less alternated wins and losses to become the only team over .500 in their division. Their two best players this season were QB Cam Newton and Jimmy Graham, waiver wire pickups who didn't even arrive on the team until WK2 and WK3 respectively. Graham was the second best TE and would be the fourth best WR/TE in combined charts, so it's obvious he is tremendous.

Killer Cam was the fourth best QB this year, and he saved his best game for the division winning kill by dropping 42.8 points in WK13. There's a good chance that Cam will be the face of this franchise, and not Peyton Manning, who could be unceremoniously dumped after this season. Actually, there's 100% chance Cam is the new face of the franchise and Manning is headed to the re-draft. Did you think anyone would say that six months ago?!

You could say that the entire rest of the Jubas's roster was a disappointment this season. Yes, Vincent Jackson was a top eight receiver, but there were an awful lot of low single digit games on his resume this year. Anquan Boldin had a nice mid-season stretch but barely averaged ten points per game. He played a lot as the third WR for Jubas, but probably because there wasn't much better behind him. Tony Gonzalez was about the same as Boldin, Dallas Clark was a disaster sans Peyton, and Burress caught TDs but was hardly used.

And how about those running backs? Chris Johnson was so bad that there was talk of cutting him. He's picked up his game just in time for the playoffs, but Johnson's post-holdout campaign has to be disappointing. As for Frank Gore, who led a resurgent 49ers team, he's been shackled by injury ever since WK10, and he could sit in favor of the surprising Reggie Bush, who has been a nice surprise this season. Johnson and Gore were supposed to be top five backs, not top fifteenth. In sum, the Jubas perserved through what could have been a tough season, with franchise guys Manning and Johnson practically useless. Instead they hawked the waiver wire, emerged with some new cornerstones, and will be looking to advance to another Super Bowl.

Final Standings 2011