Bye Bye Birdie

Fat Jubas sign M. Clayton WR and release S. Alexander RB

That transaction hit the wire and barely a yawn was heard. Internally, the Jubas recognized this as a momentous shift, but wanted to divert the media attention from their former hero. Of course, noted CTDB historian (and rival owner) Jon Yang wouldn't let this by quietly:

"Hahahahahahha! 2005 MVP kicked to the curb!"

Rumors that Shaun Alexander was rewarded at his locker friday with a subscription to Senior Living Today and a loaf of moldy bread to go with his pink slip were completely unsubstantiated.

With the waiving of Alexander the Great, the last and greatest vestige of the Fat Jubas 2005 championship run is now gone. GM Liao has been ruthless this year, cutting non-producers faster than a baby's foreskin.

GM Liao: "We came in with high hopes this year. Marc Bulger, Shaun Alexander, Frank Gore, Lee Evans, and Marques Colston were high on any pundit's talent list. It just didn't work out, and unfortunately, we've had to say goodbye to both Shaun and Marc. Starting off 2-6 is just completely unacceptable. We're gunning for the championship this year."

Lest you dismiss the previous as the wild rantings of a clearly delusional old man, history has shown the Jubas to be a very resilient team. Despite undergoing numerous changes, the Jubas have made it to the Superbowl 4 out of the last 5 years, including improbable runs in 2003 (regular season record 6-7) and 2002 (regular season 5-8). And the team has shown some spark lately, led by waiver wire pickups Brett Favre, Priest Holmes, Justin Fargas, and Dwayne Bowe, capped with a stunner over the Chunky Monkeys last week.

The Jubas are now neck and neck with the Battle Nuggets for the last playoff spot in the SMG division. Have the Jubas' claws come out too late? Will Shaun's ghost come back to haunt them? Stay tuned.

Switching Gears

Shanghai, China

News around the league have indicated that Monkeys' star runningback, has suffered a setback in his foot injury and is now likely out for the season. Johnson's injury has forced a major shift in the Monkeys' lineup - of which depth becomes a major issue. In the first significant lineup change in years, the Monkeys have revealed that the team will temporarily move to a run 'n gun formation utilizing 4 receivers with LT as the lone back in the backfield. According to Monkeys' GM, Evan Shiue, in his weekly update news conference, "We don't know yet if this is a permanent move but we'd like to give Brandon Marshall a shot. We have some flexibility with moving another runningback up to LJ's old position, particularly with Lendale playing well, but we wanted to try a more pass oriented offense against the Jubas this week"

ESPN fantasy football analyst, Mike Karabell, was concerned about the recent developments. "For the past several years, depth and bench players have never been an issue for the players. It was a given that you start Peyton, LT, LJ, TO and Quan. The only question was who would be the 3rd receiver and with the trade for Gates, that was even supposed to be an easy answer. With LJ out, the draft results of 2007 will be put squarely into the public eye. I like what the Monkeys' have done with Brandon Marshall but I'd like to think that White, Norwood and even Watson give the Monkeys pretty decent depth at the runningback position. We'll see. This isn't good news at any rate."

Record Setter!

After suffering a Week 1 beating at the hands of defending champion Chunky Monkeys (93-129), the Dirty Birds came prepared to play in Week 9. Well, actually, rookie sensation Adrian Peterson came to play. While 47 points isn’t our all time individual high, the way Peterson cut up a Charger Defense for a record setting 296 yards and 3 TDs was impressive and unparalleled. He led to a 117-105 win over the Monkeys.

The Birds have experienced quite a resurgence this year as QBs Matt Hasselbeck and Ben Roethlisberger have averaged over 20+ points apiece. Despite the lack of production from RBs Steven Jackson and Rudi Johnson, the Dirty Birds possess possibly the best receiving corps in the league.

Larry Fitzgerald, Plaxico Burress, Braylon Edwards, Wes Welker, and Greg Jennings represent five of the top 20 WRs in the league. Braylon (141), Wes (132), and Plaxico (120) are all in the top six for unadjusted receiving points. Edwards in particular has emerged in his crucial third season in the league.

With six wins in a row – still 60 points back of first place though, to the Monkeys – the Birds are looking to return to championship contender status. If Peterson can find a running mate in Jackson or Johnson, then Jon could truly field an offensive powerhouse. Here’s to records and another championship!

Mid-Season Review: Part 2

Much like the Spunky Misunderstood Geniuses, the bifurcation of the haves and the have-nots are abundantly clear. Two dominant teams, a waffling .500 team that will likely backdoor into the playoffs and two teams that are just not having very good years. It’s the identity of those teams that are surprising. Lets get right to it.

Gang Green (7-1)
Tied for the top record in the league, Gang Green has gotten off to a fantastic start and is almost a known certainty to make the playoffs this year. The team is on a 3 game winning streak and has clearly been helped with newly acquired Randy Moss which was probably the best acquisition in franchise history. The team remains weak in several areas including quarterbacking and running backs but has gotten over the hump mostly with good matchups. In the teams 7 wins this year, the opposing teams have averaged barely 70 pts per contest. In fact, Green only averages just over 90 pts per week and while that is serviceable, we wonder if that is good enough to get over the likes of the storming Fobsters or even any of the higher ranked IDK teams. For now, 7-1 is pretty good.

Fobsters (6-2)
The Skool/Fobsters franchise has been clearly the worst in history. The franchise has never had a winning season and suffered through a record worst 0-13 season last year. With a .364 win percentage since 2001, this has been a franchise that has been unable to turn the corner … until 2007. Led by the incomparable Tom Brady, who was stolen from the Birds with an 8th round (equivalent) pick, and the first ever receiving core to feature two tight ends (Fobsters even have Kellen Winslow on the bench!), the Fobsters are launching themselves into their first playoff visit in many many years. Unorthodox? Yes. Successful? Yes. The team is third highest scoring team in the league behind the Birds and the Monkeys and its hard to argue with their success. This has got to be comeback franchise of the year or of the last 5 years maybe.

Battle Nugget (4-4)
Our resident waffler. The team has suffered from inconsistent scoring which shows in its 80 point scoring average. Outside of the ever consistent McGahee, the Nuggets have suffered from the injury to Andre Johnson, the terrible play of Brees, Steve Smith, Maroney, Julius Jones and Donte Stallworth. While the Nuggets will likely make the playoffs, its inconceivable for us to see them do much in the playoffs unless these players get it together.

Philadelphia Phreaks (2-6)
This proud franchise is suffering through its worst season since the 2-11 2003 season. While Donovan seems to playing better, its clear he has lost a little something as he battles back from injury. McNabb had a great week 3 but that has been surrounded by very mediocre weeks including a 4 point performance in Week 4. Marshawn Lynch looks to be a successful draft pick which will likely turn into a long term keeper selection. Housh has been great but Roy Williams, Thomas Jones and all the other skill players have been very mediocre. The team is only 2 games back but its got a lot of catching up to do even if it is able to make the playoffs.

Fat Jubas (2-6)
Call them the Saints of CTDB. The Jubas were the team in last year’s superbowl with a narrow defeat to the Monkeys. This is a team that has not had a sub .500 season since 2001. What in the Moses is going on? With extremely disappointing performances from their keepers including a now realized oft-injured Frank Gore, a rapidly declining Shaun Alexander, a pogo-stick performer in Colston and the Jekyll and Hyde Lee Evans, the Jubas have had no success at consistent play. Even impressive rookie, Dwayne Bowe, has hit the rookie wall. Probably most importantly, the team is currently starting Brian Griese at QB. We are talking about the lowest scoring team in the league that isn’t scoring 80 points per week. GM Liao has been defiant and imploring his team to get on track … perhaps a gift of the orange box to each of the players will help.

Mid-Season Review: Part 1

The Inscrutable Drama Kings Division has never seen such, well, division. There are three clear cut playoff teams and it’s only week nine. Can Ante Up or Tiiite End Jammers put up a fight in the second half of the season? Time will tell!

Chunky Monkeys (7-1)
While the Monkeys have already suffered their first loss of the season (WK2, to Gang Green), they are well on their way to another regular season championship. Despite a slow start by last year’s MVP, LaDainian Tomlinson, the Monkeys have scored over 100 points in every game but one. They recorded an outrageous 156 points in WK 7 and easily lead the league in points scored. The draft day trade for Antonio Gates has paid dividends as he’s averaging a cool 15.7 points per game. Peyton Manning has proven to be as consistent as expected and now that LDT is starting to find his stride, the Monkeys might have another gear for the second half of the season. Areas of concern include Larry Johnson’s slow start but Terrell Owens and Anquan Boldin (who’s hurt yet again) are picking up the slack. The Monkeys can pretty much start preparing themselves for the playoffs as they could hit cruise control and still manage home field advantage.

DirteeByrdeez (6-2)
After trading away potential MVPs Tom Brady and Randy Moss, the Dirty Birds find themselves doing better than they have in many years. The receiving corps has really stepped up behind sensation Braylon Edwards (19 pt avg), Plaxico Burress (17 avg), and Larry Fitzgerald (11 avg). Add in recent acquisition Wes Welker and the Birds are flying high. Then again, they have to because the two starting running backs, Steven Jackson and Rudi Johnson, have been terrible. Thank god for first round pick Adrian Peterson, who has given the Birds’ offensive an explosive running game. With the steady Matt Hasselbeck at the helm, the Birds are having the best season they’ve had in quite some time. Can they keep it up with SJax and Rudi hobbling and ineffective?

Buffy (4-4)
After opening the season with a three point win over Ante Up and then a 163 point explosion in WK2, Buffy was looking like a world beater. Then reality set in as they failed to score 100 points again until this week’s victory. Buffy is at an even 0.500 and is certainly not bereft of talent but the simple fact of the matter is that Buffy is less explosive than in years past. Torry Holt, Laveranues Coles, and Joey Galloway are all having steady seasons with a few 20+ games. Running backs Travis Henry and Marion Barber have been sharing time in the backfield with some success. Willie Parker has been steady with the yards but has only scored two touchdowns. Aside from one 53 point explosion, QB Carson Palmer has only been average this season. With a balanced team, Buffy should be able to grind it out and lock up a playoff spot this season.

Ante Up (1-7)
After a winning seven games last season, Ante Up will be hard pressed to match their win total from 2006. With just one win so far, the playoffs might already be out of reach for Jae’s team. While Reggie Wayne has stepped up in Marvin Harrison’s absence with 16 points per game, Donald Driver, Santonio Holmes, and Chris Chambers have been very inconsistent. Jae’s hoping that Roddy White can step in for some quality time but the bigger problem maybe at quarterback where Jon Kitna has hit an extreme cold streak after starting off the season on fire. Early on, it looked like Edgerrin James was back to star status but he’s proven to be up and down again during the last five weeks. Only RB Brian Westbrook has been dependable for Jae but he’s also missed two games already. Can Ante Up pull it together for a much needed winning streak?

Tiiite End Jammers (1-7)
After going 7-6 and making the playoffs last season, Lei’s team has hit rock bottom. Aside from the spectacular play of Tony Romo (27 avg) and Joseph Addai (20 pts per), this team is looking thinner than thin. WRs Marvin Harrison and Javon Walker have been injured and ineffective. Their backups Deion Branch, Darrell Jackson, Bobby Engram, and Patrick Crayton are hardly worth playing. There is no passing game here. While Clinton Portis has been grinding it out, he’s been below double-digits four times in the last five weeks. Making things worse is that Lei has faced the toughest schedule by far this season, as every opponent has passed the century mark against them this season. The one time the Jammers scored 101 points, the Monkeys slapped them down with 123 points. Hopefully Lei’s team will face an easier road the second half of the season as Harrison and Walker add something to the aerial attack.