Mid-Season Review: Part 1

The Inscrutable Drama Kings Division has never seen such, well, division. There are three clear cut playoff teams and it’s only week nine. Can Ante Up or Tiiite End Jammers put up a fight in the second half of the season? Time will tell!

Chunky Monkeys (7-1)
While the Monkeys have already suffered their first loss of the season (WK2, to Gang Green), they are well on their way to another regular season championship. Despite a slow start by last year’s MVP, LaDainian Tomlinson, the Monkeys have scored over 100 points in every game but one. They recorded an outrageous 156 points in WK 7 and easily lead the league in points scored. The draft day trade for Antonio Gates has paid dividends as he’s averaging a cool 15.7 points per game. Peyton Manning has proven to be as consistent as expected and now that LDT is starting to find his stride, the Monkeys might have another gear for the second half of the season. Areas of concern include Larry Johnson’s slow start but Terrell Owens and Anquan Boldin (who’s hurt yet again) are picking up the slack. The Monkeys can pretty much start preparing themselves for the playoffs as they could hit cruise control and still manage home field advantage.

DirteeByrdeez (6-2)
After trading away potential MVPs Tom Brady and Randy Moss, the Dirty Birds find themselves doing better than they have in many years. The receiving corps has really stepped up behind sensation Braylon Edwards (19 pt avg), Plaxico Burress (17 avg), and Larry Fitzgerald (11 avg). Add in recent acquisition Wes Welker and the Birds are flying high. Then again, they have to because the two starting running backs, Steven Jackson and Rudi Johnson, have been terrible. Thank god for first round pick Adrian Peterson, who has given the Birds’ offensive an explosive running game. With the steady Matt Hasselbeck at the helm, the Birds are having the best season they’ve had in quite some time. Can they keep it up with SJax and Rudi hobbling and ineffective?

Buffy (4-4)
After opening the season with a three point win over Ante Up and then a 163 point explosion in WK2, Buffy was looking like a world beater. Then reality set in as they failed to score 100 points again until this week’s victory. Buffy is at an even 0.500 and is certainly not bereft of talent but the simple fact of the matter is that Buffy is less explosive than in years past. Torry Holt, Laveranues Coles, and Joey Galloway are all having steady seasons with a few 20+ games. Running backs Travis Henry and Marion Barber have been sharing time in the backfield with some success. Willie Parker has been steady with the yards but has only scored two touchdowns. Aside from one 53 point explosion, QB Carson Palmer has only been average this season. With a balanced team, Buffy should be able to grind it out and lock up a playoff spot this season.

Ante Up (1-7)
After a winning seven games last season, Ante Up will be hard pressed to match their win total from 2006. With just one win so far, the playoffs might already be out of reach for Jae’s team. While Reggie Wayne has stepped up in Marvin Harrison’s absence with 16 points per game, Donald Driver, Santonio Holmes, and Chris Chambers have been very inconsistent. Jae’s hoping that Roddy White can step in for some quality time but the bigger problem maybe at quarterback where Jon Kitna has hit an extreme cold streak after starting off the season on fire. Early on, it looked like Edgerrin James was back to star status but he’s proven to be up and down again during the last five weeks. Only RB Brian Westbrook has been dependable for Jae but he’s also missed two games already. Can Ante Up pull it together for a much needed winning streak?

Tiiite End Jammers (1-7)
After going 7-6 and making the playoffs last season, Lei’s team has hit rock bottom. Aside from the spectacular play of Tony Romo (27 avg) and Joseph Addai (20 pts per), this team is looking thinner than thin. WRs Marvin Harrison and Javon Walker have been injured and ineffective. Their backups Deion Branch, Darrell Jackson, Bobby Engram, and Patrick Crayton are hardly worth playing. There is no passing game here. While Clinton Portis has been grinding it out, he’s been below double-digits four times in the last five weeks. Making things worse is that Lei has faced the toughest schedule by far this season, as every opponent has passed the century mark against them this season. The one time the Jammers scored 101 points, the Monkeys slapped them down with 123 points. Hopefully Lei’s team will face an easier road the second half of the season as Harrison and Walker add something to the aerial attack.

Such Great Heights

Can it be? A winning record for the Fobsters? After nearly being booted by the powers that be, the mighty Fobsters have finally assimilated into our culture by matching their win total for the last two years -- and it's only Week 3. That's right, after a 2006 season spent going 0-13 and a 2005 season at 2-10-1, Jimmy's finally got a winning record and a team that can do something!

Hell, the Fobsters are leading their division in scoring and are sitting at a lofty second place. What in the name of Thor's hammer is going on here? I guess having two consecutive #1 picks will lead your team to something right? Even after a less than stellar supplemental draft, the Fobsters were heading into the season with new hope because a true QB was on the roster, Mr. Tom Brady, acquired for the cheapo price of a mid-round draft pick. While the two Saints running backs, Reggie Bush and Deuce McAllister have yet to pick up their game, Carnell Williams is surging forward with more TDs this year than he had all of last year.

And in even better news, Chad Johnson is again a top tier receiver as his 71 points are a close second to Randy Moss. The other WRs on this roster aren't too shabby either. Ronald Curry had a breakout first week before cooling off...just in time for Vincent Jackson to finally get a serviceable performance. On top of all that, rookie Calvin Johnson hasn't been too bad himself -- despite a recent injury.

It looks like the Fobsters are finally able to pick up a few wins, put up a few points (115 and 129 the past two weeks), and join the big boys. During this week's champage soaked parade through Chinatown, team owner Jimmy was quoted as saying "Wo ai U-S-A!"

Game of the Week

Los Angeles, CA --

After opening the season with two road games, Buffy will host 2006 CTDB Champions Chunky Monkeys in the Game of the Week. Buffy is living up to the bill of being CTDB's version of the Patriots, while the Monkeys are looking more like the Chargers than the Colts. Oh, the irony.

When asked about the game after practice Tuesday morning, GM Roger Cheng said, "we're focused on this weekend. It's our home opener, the guys are glad to be back. It's never easy opening the season with two road games, but we came out 2-0, and focusing on the Monkeys." Buffy was able to squeeze out a nail biter in week 1, and laid the classic Buffy smackdown on the Jammers in week 2.

ESPN's Chris Mortensen is reporting some feuding in the Monkeys' braintrust. Apparently some in the organization feel that GM Evan Shiue has been making some wrong moves prior to the season in making trades and drafting. When asked about this, Shiue calmly replied, "we're staying the course. We're the champions, and until we fail to repeat, we're still the champions. I stand by my personel decisions, not only is our team better this year, I have ensured that we'll continue to be better in the future as well."

During a subsequent call to Shanghai, GM Shiue did not sound very pleased when asked about the game this week against Buffy. "Look, we're the g*****m champions, I don't give a s*** if they've won it twice, we're gonna f****** win it this year, okay ? F***!!!" You can expect the Monkeys GM to be fined for his tirade, but things like this happen when you're a short Chinese guy.

When reached for comment about Shiue's outburst, Buffy GM Cheng had to offer, "I know they'd like to be me, but they can't be me, i'm bigger, I'm stronger, I'm faster...that might not directly mean wins, but who cares ? We have two rings, that means BLING BLING, they (Monkeys) just have BLING.

Without taking the time to analyze individual players, Monkeys by 12, despite home-dome advantage for Buffy.

MonkeyCameraGate II

Shanghai, China --

As NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell, deliberated on the surfacing reports of what is now known as CameraGate, relating to the illegal spy activities supposedly conducted by the Patriots, media reports began surfacing this evening that the investigation has uncovered another team. According to unnamed sources in the CTDB league offices, investigators are looking into mysterious spy cameras that were found planted along the DirtyBirds sidelines during their Week 1 loss to the defending Monkeys.

Reports indicate that league officials have interviewed Monkey coaches as well as players. During the game, there were a number of times where it seemed the Monkey defense knew what players like Larry Fitzgerald and Rudi Johnson were going to run even before the ball was snapped.

A Monkey player, who asked not to be identified, told ESPN that "... those cameras were ours. But we didn't use them to spy on their defense playcalling or anything. I can't tell you what those cameras were used for but in any case, even if we didn't try to steal play calling signals, to be honest, there wasn't much to steal. In regards, to the allegations that we were tapping into their wireless signal ... that is just ludicrous. Coach Yang and his staff still communicate with their quarterback through that system where they use the cups and the strings. How do you tap into that?"

Monkey officials were understandably upset at the admission. "Those statements are just incorrect. We completely deny those allegations regarding the illegal camera placement. Those were not ours. For all we know, those could've belonged to the Birds except that they placed them on the wrong sideline for all we know." Coincidentally, team kicker, Josh Scobee was unceremoniously released earlier this morning.

A Rolling Moss Gathers TDs

What a week the Dirty Birds had! Tom Brady went out and tallied four touchdowns for 33 points. Randy Moss caught a whole bunch of those passes for 183 yards and a highlight reel bomb into the end zone. One of Randy's former teammates, the talented Ronald Curry, ripped up his Sunday for 133 yards and a touchdown. Add it all up and the Birds lose 93-129 versus the defending champion Chunky Monkeys. What gives?!

Oh right, none of these awesome performances were done under the banner of Bird. Brady and Moss were traded away for a third and fourth rounder respectively before the season started. Curry was drafted but then unceremoniously dumped (the injured Greg Jennings was kept instead) to the Fobsters. So basically, the Dirty Birds management made another egregious error by retaining the wrong keepers. In good news, Plaxico Burress had an eyebrow raising 37 points -- but wait, his quarterback is out for a month.

Rival GMs are lining up to trade with the Birds in hopes that one man's trash is another man's treasure. What can Coach Yang do when his other keeper receivers (L.Fitzgerald and B.Edwards) total 6 points combined? Ouch. Oh well, it looks like nobody wants to play hard for a bottom dweller. A change of scenery seems to have done Brady, Moss, and Curry some good.

In related news, the entire scouting staff from the Dirty Birds has been fired in favor of a Magic 8-Ball.