Jammers Shake Things Up

Even after an impressive 3-0 start, the expansion team Tiiite End Jammers refused to sit tight and be satisfied with past successes. In fact, it has been a busy week of wheeling and dealing for GM Lei Pan. GM Pan first held a press conference on Tuesday to announce a trade with Chunkey Monkeys. The Jammers moved WR Johnnie Morton, WR Keenan McCardell in return for RB Terrell Davis and a player to be named later. As part of the deal, the teams also swapped their kickers, with the Jammers receiving K Martin "Automatica" Gramatica and the Monkeys picking up K Mike "I Jacked It" Vanderjagt. After the trade was announced, Morton remarked, "Sure, I was disappointed to leave a great organization like the Jammers, but I'm a professional and I'll do my job for whichever organization has my services." Morton also quickly added, "I would love to play for the Jammers again at any time; it's a club that's so dedicated to winning, and that's what I'm all about -- winning."

GM Pan commented on the trade, "I have nothing but the utmost respect for Johnnie [Morton] and Keenan [McCardell]; they added value to our club during games, on the practice field, and in the community. But, sometimes you have to make a move to improve the club's prospects for the future without hurting our chances to win in the present. We have the most depth at WR and that made the move right for us. When paired with Ricky [Williams], Terrell [Davis] will give us a strong and dynamic duo in the backfield for years to come." When asked about the swapping of the kickers, GM Pan remarked, “How can you go wrong with a kicker whose nickname is ‘Automatica’?”

In keeping with the theme of no player is untouchable, GM Pan immediately announced on Wednesday that the team has waived "Automatica" to pick up K Jose Cortez off of waivers. As part of its waiver moves, the Jammers also added WR Orande Gadsden, RB Priest Holmes, and QB Doug Flutie. Gadsden will move immediately into the starting lineup, while Holmes and Flutie will bolster the bench. The Jammers also announced that RB Olandis Gary and QB Mark Brunell are regrettably no longer with the club. RB Gary was dumbfounded when told of the news. "What really irks me is that I never even got into any games! I had zero chance to perform on the field before I was released!" Gary exclaimed.

When told of Gary's comments, GM Pan calmly explained, "Olandis [Gary] is ultra-talented. No one is questioning that. However, what makes Priest [Holmes] so valuable to the club is his work ethic. He is the consummate veteran professional. Gary, on the other hand, thought that his talent could carry him through and did not work hard in practice even after sitting out last season with an injury. Instead, he sought to win a starting job through jabbering his mouth all day. We [the Jammers] are committed to winning games, and we will not tolerate such a clubhouse cancer."

When told of GM Pan's explanation, Gary had no comments to add and remembered a pressing appointment he had forgotten about. GM Pan's aggressive managing and brutal honesty might offend some players and observers, but no one can question that GM Pan is committed to winning. When you think of things in the light of his commitment to winning, no one can fault him for his actions and comments.

With new faces on the team, the Jammers face the rest of the season with a continued confidence of past successes and a new optimism with its newly acquired talent. Whether it's on or off the field or in the community, GM Pan and his Jammers are winners all the way.

Power Rankings! (Week 3)

1) Tiiite End Jammers- The only undefeated team and also the only team to eclipse the century mark every time out, the Jammers are making a strong case for being the dominant team of the league. Led by super QB K Warner, the Jammers are showing no signs of slowing down. The only downside here is that they have not faced any serious competition and have walked through a soft schedule with no opponent scoring higher than 90 so far.

2) Buffy- While not as consistent as the Jammers, Buffy has missed the century mark only once (posting a 99) and has put up two 130+ weeks, causing many to argue that this is the premier team of the moment. With a super trio of R Gannon, M Faulk and R Smith, Buffy remains amazingly explosive and currently leads the league in scoring. Look for Buffy to serious challenge the Jammers for the coveted position of top dog. Note that C Dillon and T Holt aren't even the stars on this team!

3) Battle Angels- The Angels sit atop a crowded 2-1 bracket in the Spunky Misunderstood Geniuses division. Despit a fifty point drubbing by Buffy this past week, the Angels are still in a good position to overtake sole control of their division. If nothing else, the Angels are quietly consistent, with B Griese, C Martin and B Schroeder posting double digits every week. If R Moss can put up some points, this team will be that much more explosive.

4) TAGHeuer- With D McNabb pulling the train, TAG moves up to number four on this list despite the lack of production from anyone other than McNabb. Somehow, TAG manages to pull out victories despite the complete lack of a running game. Credit a solid Packers D for shutting down opponents and holding on to wins.

5) Chunky Monkeys- The Monkeys are only 1-2 but brighter days could be ahead as a recent trade has solidified the receiving corps. A team that was decimated by injuries last week (to RBs T Davis and F Taylor) looks a lot more stable with J Morton, J Pathon, J Horn and K McCardell in the mix. Running back is still a problem but LT could make those fears naught if he continues on his AFC leading TD assault. P Manning continues to shine, keeping the ultra-competitive B Favre at bay. The Monkeys have some big holes but at this point of the season, who doesn't?

6) Green Team- As heart wrenching as the Green Team's first three weeks have been, they are still a solid 2-1. With a uplifting 113-101 victory over Shrapnel last week, the Green Team shows that it has some heart, if not a particularly solid roster. A 56 point effort was sandwiched in-between two 100+ performances so despite the Greenies troubles, they are still very competitive. This is certainly a team that one looks at and wonders where all the points are coming from. T Green finally had a good week and J Rice finally broke out but beyond that, this roster hasn't had any consistent threats week to week. Still, 2-1 is 2-1.

7) DiRTyByRDeeZ- At this point down the list, teams are starting to look seriously flawed. The Birds have a solid roster on paper but that's why we play the games on Sunday. The original Dirty Bird is once again out for the season, leaving a gaping hole where his 32 inch thighs used to reside. M Harrison has been dead quiet except for a WK2 outburst and the rest of the team is sneaking along with him. E George has barely put points on the table and the supposedly strong WR corps of D Boston, D Scott and M Westbrook have thus far produced nothing. K J Elam is leading all scorers not named Marvin. Oh, did we mention that this team has no QB?

8) Skool- It's hard to ignore a 2-1 team but Skool has definitely been lucky in the standings. Three weeks, three sub-80 scores...two wins. Hunh? Aside from the talents of D Culpepper, this team has been very slow starting. The WRs are actually quite decent with I Bruce, T Gonzalez and J Jurevicius. The problem is that Skool just lost both it's starting RBs to injury. R Watters and T Barber were both dinged up over the weekend, casting a long shadow over the fate of Skool for the next few weeks.

9) Ante Up- Ante Up asked all comers to bring their best and everyone has come and gone with a winning grin on their face. Stuck with the league's toughest schedule, opponents of Ante Up have combined to score less than 100...never. At the same time Ante Up has slowly slid from a high of 103 pts in WK1 to 62 pts last week. With injuries and under-performcers galore, Ante Up can only hang their hats on the superb efforts of E James and J Garcia. If T Taylor proves that last week's 17 pt effort was no fluke, Ante Up may have a WR worth talking about. Until then, happy hunting.

10) Flaming Shrapnel- Bringing up the rear is Shrapnel. They are 0-3 but could easily have a win or two under their belts. WK1 was a 3 point loss to Skool and other losses have come by 18 and 12 points. On the upside, Flaming finally posted a century game this week and that could be a sign of better days ahead. RB A Green remains steady and T Owens could be on the verge of taking off. The Shrapnel started off the season deep in the whole, with RB J Lewis on IR and top WR E Moulds injured or unproductive so far. The Shrapnel can climb and steal a few wins as it fields a competetive roster.

Craziness!

After two weeks and several big injuries, our league is slowly taking shape. Many top players are underperforming and struggling and that has caused distress to some of our teams. Some good new players may have emerged but it is too early to peg this year's breakout players. Draft night was months ago but dividends from that time are paying off right now...or not in some cases. The only thing that is clear is that the divison to not be in if you want to win is the Inscrutable Drama Kings. Take a quick look at their PF and PA numbers. Every team but one has a PA higher than everyone in Spunky Misunderstood Geniuses.

The Jammers are off to a great start of the season with a 2-0 record and more importantly an injury free roster. QB K Warner has been amazing and WRs M Muhammed and J Morton have proven their skills. (Even with the loss of top WR E McCaffrey the Jammers are alive and kicking). With two solid RBs in J Stewart and R Watters, the Jammers are capitalizing on their weak early schedule quite well.

Buffy stumbled a bit last week in a loss to the DBirds but they still managed to put up almost 100 points. Led by Ram superstars Faulk and Holt, Buffy is looking very pretty with a surrounding cast that boasts the stunning R Smith and sturdy C Dillon. The last WR spot is a bit weak with the struggling Qadry Ismail but Buffy is still a strong contender. They are capable of putting up 134 points (the league high so far in this young season) so be wary.

The Birds are flying high after a three TD performance by M Harrison and consecutive great weeks by J Anderson. Even without a consistent QB and the early season woes of E George the Birds are 1-1. With a deep but inconsistent WR corps, the Birds are a team that needs some more time to gel and to determine if they are the closer to the 83 point team from Wk1 or the 124 point team from Wk2.

The Shrapnel are flaming out. Even with potential all-stars A Green and T Owens on board, the Shrapnel have yet to come close to a win. Much of the reason for that is the early struggles by E Grbac, Cris Carter and E Moulds. T Pinkston was a good pickup but he only had one good week. When your K (D Akers) is outperforming all but one of your WRs, you team may be in trouble. With the devastating season ending injury to J Lewis, C Garner has been moved to starter but management is obviously not confident in his abilities b/c the Shrapnel have five backs on call right now. Look for the Shrapnel to struggle while the team looks for some fuel.

TAGHeuer bet a lot early with D McNabb and so far has been richly rewarded. Even without the emergence of M Bennet, the RBs are okay with E Smith and S Davis. But because both are on weak offensive teams, opposing Ds are shutting them out so far. If this continues the RB situation could be in trouble. TAG pulled out a big win this week with 124 points on the backs of McNabb and J Thrash (both put up 30+). M Robinson cashed in on a good week but TAG has to be concerned about the low number of points put up by his RBs and third WR. If Thrash is not the real deal, this team could be headed for some ups and downs.

Skool has used smoke and mirrors to move his way into a divison leading 2-0 record. Without breaking the 80 point barrier, Skool has two wins and a smile on every member's face. If the magic act can continue, Skool will defy all odds and keep on winning. However, the performance level of this team is not befitting their gaudy record. Outside of D Culpepper (who is struggling a bit) and I Bruce, the rest of the team has been underachieving. R Watters and T Barber have yet to put up a good game between the two of them and K Johnson, J Jurevicius and T Gonzalez have barely pushed into double digits. Skool is coaching his way into some great victories but how long that can last is the question on everyone's mind.

The Monkeys are in trouble. It looks like they are replicating last year's formula of collapsing early and then rising up and winning late. If that holds true, look for Chunky to lose a few more games before things turn around. The problem is, things may not turn around with this roster. Beyond P Manning and his record setting 50 point day, the Monkeys have nothing to show for this season. Superstar RBs F Taylor and T Davis are both hurt. L Tomlinson looks like the real deal but he can't hold it down in the backfield. The three WRs are big question marks too. Outside of J Pathon (a very timely pickup this week) the WRs have proven nothing this season. J Horn and Germane Crowell need to prove their worth or be benched. The Monkeys do have two of the top QBs so far this season but only one can play. That cry for help is coming from the Monkey's bench which was thin to start with and is now depleted by major injuries.

The Green Team's big gambles on draft day are not panning out. Top picks T Green, M Anderson and D Staley have combined for a mere 46 points in two weeks (that’s about 7.5 pts per each week). WR J Smith had a stellar first week, proving his health is not a factor but even with him, this team is in trouble. Troy Brown has proven useful and M Booker and J Rice should make do but the backfield on this team is a mess. W Dunn is doing just as poorly as the top two RBs and there simply isn't enough firepower on this team right now to pick up any wins. Unless draft day gambles pay off soon the Green Team will have to work hard to field a competitive roster.

The Battle Angels are right where they wanted to be when they started the season. Undefeated. With a balanced roster the Angels are proving that they can compete with all comers. B Griese has been simply amazing and with solid talent around the Angels don't need too much. C Martin has been shackled to an extent but has been solid. With A Toomer, Tim Brown, J Stokes and B Schroeder, they have solid pass catchers all around. This isn't even taking into account the mystifying R Moss. While he has undeniably been invisible, his talent will eventaully emerge in a big way. The only question spot on this roster is The Bus who put up only 2 pts in his only appearance thus far. The Angels are gunning hard and hoping to separate themselves from the pack during the upcoming weeks.

Ante Up is an all-star team in the backfield. QB A Brooks put up almost 30 points in Week 1 and he was the backup. J Garcia is the starter and he's been excellent, if somewhat plagued by some dropped balls. E James and L Smith in the backfield make for a crushing running game so why is this team at 0-2? Look over the WRs and the answer emerges. The third WR is T Taylor/ P Warrick, both of whom are young and talented but also unproductive. Top WR D Alexander has been injured and also unproductive. A Freeman has struggled early which all adds up to an almost non-existent WR presence for Ante Up. Until a passing game is found Ante Up will have to be content with having an All-Pro backfield. Despite their problems, it must be noted that Ante Up has eclipsed the century mark once, on the strength of their three superstars.

Rating the Draft

Grades: A (Solid all around) B (A few question marks) C (Some big questions or big holes) D (Big gambles and questionable picks) F (Why you playing man?)

INSCRUTABLE DRAMA KINGS

(Ante Up) Last year’s most up-and-down team returns with a lineup that promises explosive firepower. With Edgerrin James and hard working Lamar Smith, the RB position could be set for years. Travis Henry might also have a chance to contribute in Buffalo and if that’s the case, Ante Up will have no problems with injuries. QB Jeff Garcia was one of the best last year and should continue his meteoric rise. The receivers are an exciting young group (Derrick Alexander, Antonio Freeman, Rod Gardner, Peter Warrick and Travis Taylor) that could easily become the league’s best. Travis Taylor may become a standout WR after an injury plagued rookie year. All this teamed with a great K (Jeff Wilkins) and the best defense (Tampa Bay) means Ante Up could once again be the front runner this season. GRADE= A

(Tiiite End Jammers) As the newest team in the league, the Jammers are this year’s “expansion team.” However, expansion may not accurately describe a roster full of explosive, proven stars. With the last pick of the first round and the subsequent double pick, the Jammers secured Ricky Williams and Kurt Warner. With that duo as a nucleus, the Jammers put together some nice pieces around them. RBs James Stewart and Priest Holmes (a great last pick of the draft) should each be at least 1000 yard rushers and help spell Ricky if he continues to be injury prone. The starting WRs are a tad old but all have been superb in the past few seasons (Ed McCaffrey, Muhsin Mohammed, Keenan McCardell). Backup WR Johnnie Morton could be solid too and with QB Mark Brunell in tow, this team is set at all positions. This isn’t even taking into account one of the best special team combinations in the game, Mike Vanderjagt and Baltimore D. Look for the Jammers to quickly assert itself in its inaguaral fantasy season. GRADE= A

(Buffy) With the first selection in the draft, Buffy had a choice of any player in the league but the obvious choice was Marshall Faulk. With that pick, the RB position immediately became one of strength. With Corey Dillon and Charlie Garner in tow, the backfield will be the cornerstone for what looks to be a very good team. Torry Holt and Rod Smith are two stud receivers and if James McKnight or Freddie Mitchell can get any play, Buffy will be solid at every position. Rich Gannon is a solid if not quite spectacular quarterback (the same could be said of Kerry Collins) who will do just enough to make sure his team wins. The only questionable move on Buffy’s part was reaching for K Sebastian Janikowski in the 6th round. Time will tell if passing on a WR at that point hurt Buffy. GRADE= B+

(DIRTeByRDeeZ) The Birds look to fly this year by drafting 4 WRs in the first five rounds. First round pick Eddie George will solidify the backfield but there is a question mark behind him as Jamal Anderson is coming off of a sub-par year. If the Dirty Bird can hold up, the RB position is thin but serviceable. At QB, Michael Vick could become a stud…in two years. For now, ex-Falcon and current Redskin Jeff George will have to play until Vick is ready. The WRs are the strength of this team by design and the roster is loaded with them. Marvin Harrison, David Boston and Michael Westbrook should all turn in star seasons and having Terry Glenn and Terance Mathis as the 4th and 5th WR provides tremendous depth. The coach has been toying with playing a run-and-shoot attack, mirroring the earlier offensive explosiveness of early 90s Falcon teams. GRADE= B-

(Chunky Monkeys) The reigning world champs will have to overcome an early receiver deficiency if they are to repeat again this year. Joe Horn as a #1 WR won’t strike fear into too many defenses and after him is a bunch of question marks. Derrick Mason emerged as McNair’s number one WR but the Titans don’t throw much so unless that changes, Mason will be hindered by an offense focused on Eddie George. Germane Crowell is the X-factor here as he could return to his star numbers or get lost amidst the new Detroit “West Coast offense.” The Green Lantern (Wayne Chrebet) could be serviceable as a 3rd WR but the hope is that he won’t be needed. The Monkeys do have great QBs in Peyton Manning and Brett Favre though so that isn’t an area of concern. The backfield is full of promise but Chunky gambled a bit by taking Fred Taylor, LaDainian Tomlinson and Terrell Davis. Taylor is a great back but injury prone and LT is a rookie (who should actually be really good). If TD can return to form however, the Monkeys have three franchise backs. If all works out well, the Monkeys have possibly the strongest QBs and RBs in the game, tempered by weak WRs that really need to step up or be upgraded. GRADE= C

SPUNKY MISUNDERSTOOD GENIUSES

(Battle Angels) The Angels built a solid workman-like team around its explosive superstar Randy Moss. RBs Curtis Martin and Jerome Bettis (as well as Tyrone Wheatley) are all grind it out types who will work for every inch. QB Brian Griese may not have the flash and dash of his peers (McNabb, Culpepper) but is probably more consistent than either of them. Griese is a little injury prone so backup QB Steve McNair may have to play some. The rest of the WRs are consistent if not overly spectacular (Tim Brown, Amani Toomer, Bill Schroeder). The Angels are a little long in the tooth after Griese and Moss so that could be an area of concern in the future but for now the team looks solid. GRADE= B

(Flaming Shrapnel) The Shrapnel look to transport its championship success on the hardcourt to the gridiron with a young and talented roster. Running backs Jamal Lewis and Ahman Green (not to mention Shaun Alexander, currently stuck behind Watters) are both slated to be the next generation of RB superstars while backup QB Matt Hasselback has been talked up a lot during the pre-season. Current QB Elvis Grbac has switched teams which might mean a drop from the incredible numbers of last year but he has a great group of receivers in Baltimore if the coach will let him throw. The WRs are led by the fiery Terrell Owens and are a very solid bunch. Eric Moulds and Cris Carter will play well this season and if Sylvester Morris can develop in time for Carter’s retirement, Flaming looks to have a good squad for years to come. GRADE= B

(Skool) In another grab for last year’s young stud QBs, Skool took Viking sensation Daunte Culpepper with the fourth overall pick. With Tim Couch as backup, the QB position for Skool will be solidified for the next decade. The young QBs will have a good core of WRs to throw to in Isaac Bruce, Tony Gonzalez, Darrell Jackson (who should be huge this year) and Kevin Johnson. One area of concern could be the backfield, where aging but still productive Ricky Watters is the star. Tiki Barber is the second back and had a career year last season so the hope is that his success continues. Deuce McAllister will sit behind Ricky Williams for now but could be a great pick for the future. Overall, Skool looks set for a solid season, especially if the backfield can hold up and the two young WRs step up. GRADE= B-

(TAGHeuer) TAG traded down in the draft and still got the man it coveted, QB Donovan McNabb. With its next two picks, TAG grabbed Stephen Davis and Michael Bennett to anchor the running game. If Bennett doesn’t fill the hole left by the retirement of Robert Smith, Emmitt Smith (great pick in the 7th round) will fill in admirably as he chases Payton’s rushing record. The receivers are full of potential but if they play like they did last year, TAG is in trouble. Keyshawn Johnson, Marcus Robinson and Joey Galloway are big names but didn’t even have average seasons last year. This year however, the predictions are for the trio to explode back to star status. Ike Hilliard (TAG’s last pick) really came on late last year and could end up playing if one of the big three underperforms. GRADE= B-

(Green Team) With the most interesting draft in the history of the league, the Green Team shook things up all around. Trading with TAG to move up to the third pick, the Greenies nabbed Trent Green and then took Mike Anderson the next round. Third pick Duce Staley was hurt all last season but if healthy, will be a top back again. Green will be great in KC and Mike Anderson will be worthy of a second rounder if he is the feature back in Denver but this team on paper looks to be full of question marks. Top WR Jimmy Smith may be forced to retire and if not, might be injury plagued this season. Qadry Ismail will be a solid deep threat but may not be able to fill the #1 spot if Smith goes down. Right now, the only other proven WR on the roster is Patriots second banana Troy Brown. The other WRs are all young and unproven, but are loaded with potentiall and opportunity (David Terrell, Koren Robinson). This roster will definitely be the most interesting to watch as the season unfolds to see if the gambles pay off. If it does, the GM will look like a genius, if not….. GRADE= D+

Chunky Monkey Rebuilds

Palo Alto (May 6, 2001)
Another draft, another run at a the league championship.

The Chunky Monkey management emerged from the 2001 draft smiling as they came out with 11 solid picks to form the new look of the 2001 Chunky Monkey team.

With their first pick, the Chunky Monkeys grabbed one of the top young quarterbacks in the country, Peyton Manning. Then proceeded to solidy its ground games by selecting Fred Taylor, Terrell Davis and young star LaDainian Tomlinson. Its receiving core will be anchored by Joe Horn, Germane Crowell, Wayne Chrebet and Derrick Mason.

Chunky Monkey GM Evan Shiue had announced earlier that he had intended to build the franchise around running. Using 3 of the first 5 picks for RBs, management kept its word by selecting Fred Taylor, Terrell Davis and new TCU rookie LaDainian Tomlinson. The organization are reportedly ecstatic with their running back core. Newly hired Director of Player Development, Barry Sanders, former star running back of the Detroit Lions and close friend of Chunky Monkey GM Evan Shiue, said earlier "Fred Taylor is easily one of the steals of the draft. We had Fred projected as one of the top backs of the draft. Freddy is our franchise back and will lead this team for years to come. We project LT to be a Fred Taylor clone. LT is durable and with moves to match. He will no doubt be a cornerstone for our franchise in the future.

As for Terrell Davis, his statistics speak for themselves. Terrell was easily the best back two years ago and after recent workouts, the Chunky Monkey organization are convinced that he willcomeback from his recent injuries to be a domninant running back this season. Even with the previous selections of Mr. Taylor and Mr. Tomlinson, it was impossible to pass up Terrell at the fifth round. With Freddy, LT and TD, we feel that our running back core will easily be one of the dominant groups in the league."

There is still a lot of time before the start of the season, but the Chunky Monkeys are definitely a team to start watching. Earlier tonight, ESPN's Mel Kiper told reporters that "The Chunky Monkey had a terrific draft. Co-captains Peyton Manning and Fred Taylor provide the team with great leadership. Fred Taylor and Terrell Davis were tremendous steals. Taylor is a top 3 back while Davis could be the steal of the draft. The more I look at the receiving core, the more I am impressed. With Joe Horn leading the way, young talent such as Germane Crowell, Derrick Mason and Wayne Chrebet (The Green Lantern) will be a capable group. Grade: A"

Minicamp will start in a few weeks.